| Ahhh! |
[16 Jun 2003|09:30am] |
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mood |
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 okay |
] |
I hope you kids haven't forgotten about me yet!!
I'm taking my last two finals tomorrow, then a half-day and then the summer! Woo. I can't stop thinking about how great it will be and how there are things to look forward to, so I'm having a lot of trouble concentrating on physics and math (yuck).
It's too bad the whole meeting Matt thing already went down the drain, but it wasn't meant to. :/ Ah, well, there are other things in life to do, anyway, and I'm sure he will somehow get over it. Heh.
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| no one doubted he pulled the trigger |
[08 Jun 2003|11:23am] |
So, I guess I should update, or something. My livejournal doesn't feel like home at all. This weekend has been okay, so far. I bought tic-tacs and a homeless guy told me my smile is pretty. Meh. Also, I saw "The Piano Teacher". It was very strange and with subtitles. Basically, a very strict, masochist piano teacher sexually frustrates one of her students who loves her. It's hard to tell whether she ever loves him, but she sure wants him to tie her up and beat her.. then she vomits when the have oral sex.. ACK. She makes out with her psychotic, overbearing mother in one scene. Finally, the movie ends with the piano teacher stabbing herself in the shoulder with a knife. :/
Oh, I also went on a date, today. It was very neat, except for the constant rain and wetness. He kept refusing the umbrella, though. Meep. It was dark and more or less late when I got home, and as I ran through the dark streets in my little skirt, some boy opened a window and screamed, "Run! Run! RUN!"
Some people are just too much.
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| am I even home? |
[25 May 2003|01:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 good |
] |
| [ |
music |
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lou reed |
] |
I'll be using my new livejournal for a while, so if any of you kids have livejournals, I'll be happy to add you. I'll still update this, eventually, so don't worry, heh.
Byee.
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| If I should stop to breathe just to get over it |
[13 May 2003|07:53am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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sondre lerche - rosebud |
] |
So, I'll update since I am putting off homework, anyway. I really like this PEZ lip balm because it tastes like strawberries. It really bothers me when lipgloss smells sweet and everything, but tastes like vaseline. It just seems like such false advertising. Kinda like people wearing stuffed pants to make their butts look larger..!
It's sort of weird, but even though I don't have a digital camera or a scanner, I've been planning in my mind what kinds of photos I'd take. It's funny, because some of the things I have in the photos aren't really mine. One of them is a poster of the smiths that was in a CD store, but I hadn't heard their music then and never bought it. Heh. Also, I thought about holding up deodorant for one of the photos that I'll probably never take. Weird.
Oh, I actually got up the courage to call Martina today. It was reallyreally fantastic, and I was not nearly as neurotic as expected for the most part, which is good. Matt almost scared me out of it because he said that we both have very high opinions of each other, and those impressions will be wrecked if we talk because they're not realistic, but I don't believe that's true!! I was really happy with EVERYTHING, and not disappointed at all. Hopefully, I wasn't too disappointing. Heh.
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| step inside |
[10 May 2003|10:29am] |
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mood |
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not bad |
] |
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music |
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joy division |
] |
These things are pretty annoying. Sorry. I am just up to posting this. This isn't a very interesting update. Sorry, again.
Pick a band and answer only using that band's song titles: The Smiths.
Are you male or female?: Girl afraid.
Describe yourself: Half a person.
How do some people feel about you?: Unloveable.
How do you feel about yourself?: Still ill.
Where would you rather be?: London.
Describe what you want to be: Sweet and tender hooligan.
Describe how you live: Asleep.
Describe how you love: Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.
Share a few words of wisdom: You just haven't earned it yet, baby.
Then, I took it again, using Placebo.
Are you male or female?: Lady of the flowers.
Describe yourself: Black-eyed.
How do some people feel about you?: Slackerbitch
How do you feel about yourself?: Teenage angst.
Where would you rather be?: The bitter end.
Describe what you want to be: I'll be yours.
Describe how you live: Sleeping with ghosts.
Describe how you love: Without you I'm nothing.
Share a few words of wisdom: Come home.
Yeah, that was not done too well. You kids could probably have done better.
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| 'cause each time I feel it slipping away.. |
[08 May 2003|10:33am] |
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mood |
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okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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What's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding? |
] |
I am mostly updating because it seems necessary. Things are going all right, for the most part. Well, some are only okay. I can think of at least two people online who are angry at me. Scary. I really wish they weren't. The seniors have their school over in two weeks. It is sort of upsetting, because there was one nice senior I talked to, but he probably didn't enjoy speaking to me, because I was speaking too quietly at the point, and he kept saying, "Hm? What did you say?" EEK. I don't even know if I'm dating the boy I might be dating? No one ever tells me stuff. Grr. But this is all trivial stuff, and I'll forget about it, tomorrow.
Possible Reading List, Except I Might Ignore It:
Girl, Interrupted
October Sky
Naked Lunch
Prozac Nation
The Fountainhead
Uh, any other suggestions?
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| this is kind of bad. |
[05 May 2003|12:14am] |
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music |
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sondre lerche - you know so well |
] |
So, I took the personality disorder test for the 9999999999th time. The results seem to get worse with every try.
Yeah.
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| meep |
[04 May 2003|08:01am] |
"The seeds of love have taken hold
and if we won't burn together,
I'll burn alone."
- The Rules of Attraction
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[01 May 2003|11:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 discontent |
] |
| [ |
music |
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no |
] |
Today was May Day, and of course no one did anything for it. Goodness, we should be celebrating and dancing around a pole. Not in the stripper sense, of course.
This weekend really needs to just cooome, or I will lose it. This week has been GRAY. Every week has been, for almost a month now. I really don't know what to do. Also, I might be dating. Maybe. I'm not really sure. People NEVER inform me of ANYTHING, even my own business. God. I want to stop being so negative, but it's difficult. I might try to meet kids online. I dunno if that's the right thing to do, at this point.
Will the summer evereverever come?!
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| yes, it's just the second night, but I would break backsides for you |
[27 Apr 2003|10:08pm] |
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mood |
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 weird |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Placebo! |
] |
So, do any of you kids want to give me herpes?
They are really neat.
Pretty please?!
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| I dunno |
[26 Apr 2003|12:50am] |
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mood |
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 moody |
] |
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music |
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lou reed - I'm so free |
] |
Do you
love me
like you used to?
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| when they are here: faces down |
[24 Apr 2003|10:58pm] |
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mood |
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okay |
] |
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music |
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sondre lerche - modern nature |
] |
Yesterday was not so bad. I saw Zehra, and we walked around a bit and talked. She has changed a lot since the last time I saw her, and we barely recognized each other. She has a boyfriend, now. She's taken up smoking. She got high, once. She got drunk, once. I feel sort of like I am being cheated out of all these experiences by being a stay-at-home girl, but I guess they're not the sort of experiences that are good. My parents aren't paying thousands of dollars for braces so that I can make my teeth yellow with smoking.
I also saw someone who looked familiar, but wasn't.
Today, I bought a salad and read The Virgin Suicides. This evening, my grandmother tried to set me up with an older boy, but I refused to be set up. He is probably some sort of bastard. Everything's okay.
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| your youth may be gone, but you're still a young man |
[23 Apr 2003|01:06am] |
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mood |
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 giggly |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Smiths - a rush and a push and the land is ours |
] |
I just wanted to say that I absolutely adore how Morrissey sings "rush" in this song.
Rrrrrrrush.
God, it's so throaty and just.. great.
I don't know.
RRRRRUSH.
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| good grief |
[19 Apr 2003|10:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 nauseated |
] |
I tried deleting AIM again, today. I wonder how long that will last. Not that most of you talked to me anyway. I hope that doesn't sound like I'm trying to guilt-trip anyone. Also, trashed my yahoo account. Sorry, Chris, if I don't write back.
Oh, and I've been messing around with some journal on crazylife. Blah. I say plenty of stupid things, there. Don't take it seriously.
Okay, bye.
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[11 Apr 2003|12:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
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empty |
] |
| [ |
music |
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lou reed |
] |
I really need to get my mind off suicide. It's not a healthy way to think, and I would never kill myself, but it still comes to my mind. What articles of my death would sound like, how pathetic they would be, etc. shudder. It's a lousy thought-pattern.
New screen name, by the way, kids.
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[05 Apr 2003|01:30pm] |
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Pay attention to me.
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[03 Apr 2003|06:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sorta lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Dire Straits - Romeo and Juliet |
] |
Ack, I don't know.
I need friends.
Or a date.
Or a hobby that isn't online and isn't an obsession.
:/
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| meh |
[02 Apr 2003|03:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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mellow |
] |
I think spring is just lovely.
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| yellow is the colour of my true love's hair in the morning when we rise |
[31 Mar 2003|09:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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okay |
] |
And all I do is miss you, and the way we used to be.
All I do is keep the beat the bad company.
All I do is kiss you through the bars of Orion.
Pretty, huh? I think those lines are.
I've passed by the psychologists' office at my school several times in the past few weeks, but I don't want to go in there. Hmm. Maybe someday? Maybe. Probably not soon. Shrug. It would be really good for me to go.
I want to find someone who seems pretty nice and leave little gifts and cards for them every day, anonymously, just to make them happy. I'm not very sneaky, though, so I'd probably get caught... Ack. But it's something that would be enjoyable to do, unless they get paranoid and creeped out about such things. Maybe I should not be biased about picking the person and just do it to someone completely random, but it would be sort of annoying if they turned out to be a complete jerk. I don't know. That's about it.
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| I don't mind you talking in your sleep |
[30 Mar 2003|01:55am] |
This entry was irritating, so I deleted it. TOUGH.
Also.. um.. I think that's all? Okay.
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