| Last one I promise |
[19 Nov 2003|04:02pm] |
Okay the last one is being changed to my second to last one. This will be my last one, I provide closure. I am ending this due to me and Anne ending. I dont know why, but it seems I dont have anything to say to anyone.
One thing I like right now, is that I know I assume the position of the better person in our Year and 9 month or so relationship. Im nor sure about everything, but that I am sure of. I didnt cheat. She cheated on me twice. That was the only thing that we could say in our relationship, and she fucked it up. That is the most important thing in a relationship, faith and trust. She broke both, therefore she didnt qualify for a relationship let alone loving me. She told me she loved me. Well I think some people need to look up the definition of love. Including her. I hope you read this so you can know what NOT to do to guys in your "New Future". Appearently I was supposed to be some small minute part of her future, aside from her fucking siamese twin of a friend. This is all dandy right? NO! Im beginning to realise that she didnt only lie to me when she was telling me she didnt cheat on me. She was lying every time she said she loved me, and wanted more than anything to spend the rest of her life with me. I know this for the following reasons. She couldnt have loved me... because she cheated on me twice and I forgave her for it. She lied to me as much as someone possibly could about not cheating on me. And I forgave her... then, I do something not even really wrong (the only thing thats wrong about it is I didnt tell her) and suddenly I cant be in her life anymore and she wont even listen to the thing it was. She dosent know what happened that night, but she assumes. And thats good enough for her. I hope you dont plan on getting into college with that thinking, or that sat score for that matter. Because they're wrong. No Anne not everything you presume is correct. You said all you wanted was for me to consider you, and I did it that night and you dont understand that because YOU ARE TOO FUCKING IMPATIENT AND EMOTIONAL TO ASK. When you love someone, you dont just leave them and not listen to what they have to say. THAT IS NOT LOVE, I dont care who you ask. If you think what you had for me is love Anne, get a webster, look it up. Read some books and shit about it, and then think again. You dont treat people that you love like that. You know I fucked up too some in our relationship. Yes, I did. I liked some, you cheated and lied alot. Not to mention one of the times you fucked the guy, and the other time you were too drunk to tell your friend (who told me about it) what really happened... Love is not one minuted being with them and the next minute fucking some guy named Daniel that you met at debate camp after 2 weeks. Its not done. So one of these is false, either you do love me and you didnt cheat on me (which you have admitted to), or you dont love me and you have... I think we know how it is. And now for how I know i love her. She cheated on me, fucked some guy.... had... sex... with... another... guy... and lied about it to no earthly end. And still, not but maybe 4 days after I found out, she asked me out and I said yes. I wanted so much to spend the rest of my life with that girl that I overlooked the feelings I had from her sleeping with another guy, swallowed my pride and went out with her.
In this relationship... I have begged, groveled, cried, bled, pleaded, crawled, and all around tried my ass off. I couldnt have possibly given more in our relationship. I did nothing to deserve wha was done to me, I am totally wronged in this instance. I think.. some people need to see counselors about perhaps learning a bit of common sence and mercy. When someone does something extroidinarily nice to you in forgiving you, you remember that and say "You know what he forgave me when i fucked another guy, I'll forgive this small thing"... but some people just dont understand that.
She told me that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, and have a family with me... BULLSHIT. As much as I would like to believe that, it was bullshit. I dont know why you told me that... and the "I dont know what I would do without you in my life".. your kicking me out of your life for me not telling you about something. And if you read this, that night I gave you the thing that you've been asking from me for our entire relationship.. to consider you. I considered you. I dont care what you thought happened that night... its WHAT YOU THINK. It is in no way the truth. You are not all knowing, your certainly not a fucking goddess. Through this I have learned a few things, they go as follows: Never fall in love.. most likely if you're falling in love, the other person isnt. They might tell you that they are but they are liars, and if they say they love you, call them liars. (Applying my own personal experiance). Another thing I have learned is that they cheat, they always fuck up. Not everyone is as merciful as you are. You can do it.. and they cant. Thats another thing. People are hypocrites, including certain x girlfriends of mine.
But in the end this is all that matters, I love you. With all my heart and soul, typing this alone is bringing me to tears... You are the total love of my life and I will always and forever have open arms for you. If ever you need someone to hold you when you are down, or loving arms to run into, mine will always be here for you. No matter how much I cry sometimes and how bad I feel Im always going to be hopelessly attached to you and your presence. You've made me feel better than I have ever felt. Its funny, a single person can make you the happiest person to walk the earth, and 4 hours later can take you to the ground. I Love you Anne, until the day that I die that will be true. I am always going to want to be a part of your life and hope that someday, let it be soon or not, you will find me and lift me off the ground. I will forever be nothing without you. You're all I want, you're all I need, and you are my everything... forever.
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