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Liang's Journal
I dun know whether I will use this or not, but for the time being, I'll be using the Multiply site for blogging... XD
http://sxiion.multiply.com/
So, anyway, go to that to see... XD If you want, no pressure... XD
I might come back to this down the line, see first lah... but for now, go to that!! XD
CiaoZ!!
Hi bloggie!! :P Well.... nothing much to say..... :P
Just finished my grade 8 piano practical!!! Hopefully I passed... *Kowtow*
What else leh..........
Going to watch Batman Begins tomorrow...... :P I know, it sounds kinda stupid, but it's worth giving a shot....
:P
Anyway, guess I'll update more often next time.... :P
I'm back.... :P
Current mood:
cheerful.Current music: Guang Liang- Tong Hua.
Wanna blog, but then just played Evil genius, and my computer time is sorta up, so gotta go, next timelah... ^^"
Ja"!
Current mood:
cheerful.Current music: The Apprentice Theme Song... haha....
Well, just to post to let people know I'm still here. Just been very busy with exams and stuff.... ^^"
Everyone seems to be having exams now eh? ^^"
But anyway, I will blog properly after my exams, which end in about a week or so. ^^"
Miss everyone in form 5 very badly though. It's very hard to get everyone together againlah. Very frusturating.
Well, till next time.
Current mood:
busy.Current music: Daijoubu-Boys Be.
So... when did I last update? ^^"
Been kinda busy for the past few weeks. So guess I'll recap the few days that should be relevant. ^^"
Er... well, I guess 28th August is relevant. After numerous discussions (With who ah? With myself right? Ah what the heck...) I decided to cancel every stupid plan that I had earlier. (Example: Steamboat, Amigos or such...) And in the end, just have a gathering at my house. 2 factors came into play here.
1.) I was lazy to go down to Amigos. Far you know! ^^"
2.) The guys (Better not say who...) wanted to watch the Manchester United match. ^^" (Which MU drew. It would've been very funny if they lost... I think they were about a few minutes away from losing... ^^")
On that day, my parents and brother went to KL. (If I went, I could've saw the WCG! A.k.a. World Cyber Games!) I stayed home loh. ^^" Afternoon went to play futsal. Wasn't that fun, but okaylah. Evening, koci came first with the drinks. (Thanks Koh! ^^") And then most people who said they want to come, came loh. ^^" It was nice to see everyone again. ^^" So, sit down, talk, eat (Ordered pizza), listen to the guys groan about MU, watched Happy Tree Friends (Violent sial!), took some pictures and then everyone left one by one loh. ^^" At 3AM I think, I was finally left alone in my house again. Watched F1 before going to sleep. ^^"
In the end, didn't turn out as disasterous as I thought it might get. So, I'm happy and relieved loh... :P
Thanks to everyone who came on that day! It was nice to see ya! ^^"
And although, had a gathering already, I'm still not happy with the planning. After all, after a month or so of planning, still never went out anywhere! Stupid sial! So, anyway, thought I might have another shot at it, depending on whether I got time or not.
Following days, went out with the guys a few times, can't remember how many times though. ^^"
30th August skipped school. Cause I lazy to go, and the night before went out till very late. And turns out it was a good choice, cause only 15 people went to school. ^^"
Wednesday, Thursday and Friday went to school. Nothing much there. Just the sameloh, study, learn and all that crap. And just to note, I am very quiet there. Happy now? ^^"
Saturday, went for the charity movie by MHS. 10AM is no laughing matter okay? So tiring to wake up so early. >_< But then the show not badlah. After the show, went for lunch. And on that night, went for steamboat with Khai Lip, Nara and Tai Soon.
So, that's basically it for the past two weeks. ^^"
Andrew, Qing Ci, Yvonne and Joanne: Thanks for the hair gel and stuff. Trying to tell me something is it? ^^"
Khai Lip: Thanks for the shirt. But I'm not that small sized you know... ^^"
Everyone else who knows me: Er... thanks for knowing me! ^^"
Just a short thing to say. Someone commented about how I was very quiet in my new school. And that I don't seem to be making many friends. I do agree with that statement, but what can I say? I ain't those that can see eye to eye with everyone I meet. And the language is a problem too. So, basically I'll be willing my time away everytime I go to school. Cause I don't have much to look forward there. And besides, in the short term, I only have 9 more weeks of school before a month+ holiday, (Sans the extra classes) so, I just have to while my time till then. Albeit, with studying involved. In the long term, a year++ of school remains. And actually, I do have a small group of friends I always hang out with in school. So, I don't think I'm that sad. ^^"
Envy those people who went to different school than me though, they seem to have fit well there. Dunno whether I should've chosen to go there or not. But guess what's done is done.
Sounds like a rehash of the last time I regretted somethings...
Current mood:
thoughtful.Current music: Kuon-Eternity Of Memory Lightwaves.
*Wheez....*, *Coff*. *Ahem..*, *Coff*...
Yes, I think I'm sick... >_< But still got time to come online. :P
Just a lowdown on how my test went.
Chem: Wasn't that bad, could still do. Not extraordinary, but still, not as bad as I feared.
PA: While doing the test, I remembered why I hated it so much... because it's confusing!
Maths T (Paper 1 and 2): 4 out of 6 and 3 out of 5 I can do. So 8 out of 11loh. But then I'm dissapointed in myself.
MUET: I was sick and my nose was running all over the place... I could hardly concentrate. >_< And I think there are numerous mistakes. Equally dissapointed.
Physics: Still sick and I think my noce got ten times worse compared to MUET time. Not only that, the test was damn freaking hard. Try doing a test that you wouldn't know how to do when you are healthy in a sick mode. I was so disorientated, I missed a few questions that I had skipped earlier.
Never get sick when you are doing a test! >_<
So now, at home. resting. (Online or whateverlah.) Doctor Octopus is fighting Spiderman behind me. ^^" Too bad haven't got the DVD yet...
So, now, gotta figure out who's going for Garfield. And have to finalize the steamboat thingy. Why steamboat? I also dunno. But I guess it's a fun thing to do. ^^"
School got interesting though, I begining to like it, well, at least a bit more than usual. ^^" I just realized that out of the 20+ girls, about all of them know my mom. ^^" Since they went to NDC. ^^" And in retrospect, most of them seem to know me. ^^" But then I never talk to many of them. ^^" Quiet me... I think I reverted into my Primary school self... :P
Well, headaches.... bye bye!
Current mood:
sick.Current music: Spidey!.
A.) Exam's tomorrow and you still don't know what bonds hold together a molecule.
B.) A+B=C, you don't know how to find A, B or C.
C.) What the MRR does.
D.) You're still online updating your blog.
E.) "The Matrix:Revolutions"is playing at a high volume behind you.
F.) You are planning to go and watch a movie later.
G.) You are planning to go and rent a few animes.
H.) You are planning to watch a few animes.
And yeah, that's about it...
"I-Robot" is nice. ^^" Nothing much to say about "King Arthy"... "Mean Girls" and "The Cinderella Story" is touching, buy rather, same kind of style of movie. You know, "Chick Flick".
Oh yeah... "Underworld" is also cool! Objectively, I think it's a mediorce movie, but when I watched it, it just seemed so nice. ^^"
So life goes on...
And now, I need to get back to bonds... (Oh wait, it's the machine invasion! I need to watch this! Screw the bonding crap....)
*Rushes off to watch "M:Revolutions".*
Current mood:
devious.Current music: Matrix?.
I just typed an E-mail journal and sent it to everyone. Basically skimmed through my life so far. I did say I missed them a lot, but didn't go into it intensely. Why? Don't know, I just don't want to mess up people's life or their minds. Anyway, why let them worry about something that is solely my problem?
Straightforwardness... definately not a strong point of mine.
Sometimes I just want to tell people what I'm thinking about but I hold myself back. Always afraid to let others worry, always afraid to bother them. But why should I be? Purely theorising here, I think I'm scared of being pushed out, being ignored, being stripped of my right to hang out with them. One reason why I go to a lot of trouble to make things happen. And in the process, getting scolded for it.
I do miss everyone a lot. Going to school now is different from what I'm used to, going to school now is akin to torture for me day after day. That's why I try to focus on the positives. Daily, I look at school as an obstacle, an annoying obstacle that leers at me with it's unfamiliar territory and hostile inhabitants. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, it ain't that unfamiliar, and not everyone is hostile. But it does seem that way sometimes when someone comes up to my place and directs a question I can answer to the person next to me. Also when someone calls me "the person beside you". It makes me feel so...insignificant.
There has been tiny pinpricks of gratitude within that excursion. I got to know an exellent person, one whom I call a very good friend. (He has a nice GF too, just thought should mention that...) I believe he helped me a lot to stay in that school, without him, I doubt I could've lasted there. And there ARE people who are willing to talk if I do talk to them, and there ARE people who will come to me to talk too. That area is populated with a lot of stores I'm interested in (READ:ANIME) too bad I'm short of cash and resources.
Even with that though, I still feel left out as there is a rather wide gap between interests for me and most or all of them. ALL of them are chinese educated, and I suck at that subject! Remember the "E"? So they can go on and on about the show they watched yesterday while I stay mute and stupid. Imagine, I'm dying to talk about the shows I watched only to have no one to be able to talk to. Very demoralising.
Another mental hit is that fact that my former schoolmates are having a lot of fun whereever they are. Take for example those that are doing the same thing as me, but they are happily teasing each other, joining a school where they are happy, being together and enjoying themselves. On the contary, it wouldn't have hurt that much if I didn't have that option. But I did, and I didn't take it, I didn't freaking take it.
But hey, this is life isn't it? Cultural shocks and all that stuff. All that stuff people use as an excuse to cover up their mis-givings, their mistakes. That's what I'm using now, excuses. I can complain on and on about how I screwed my life over, more than once in fact, and still, there is nothing I can do about it. Truth be told, there are numerous ways for me to change the situation, it's just the initiative I'm lacking, the support I need that's lacking.
Contary to what some people might think, I'm not a friendly person. I don't mix well, I don't communicate well. Throw me in with people who like the same things, the same interests, the same habits, the same problems, and I'll be the black sheep, the one who would be ignored. I can't do it alone, I cannot socialize. A problem I've always had, and one I'm trying desperately to correct.
I didn't have to go to that school, but I did. The other freaking thing is the other thing I've been regretting ever since I was exempted. I'll never forget it cause that to me was a point in life where I should've opened my mind and realized that it was an opportunity for me to face all the things I was scared of. Everything, it was the perfect package, improving socializing skills, attaining a healthier body and learning so many things. I shunned it away , because my own "flesh and blood" thought I had the perfect alibi. "I could get away with murder!", "Don't you think you're so lucky!", "Imagine, if you went you'll be doing that now." Sometimes I wish I could've done whatever is was they were doing, rather than sitting in front of the idoit box and watching them do it. My past did catch up to me, in ways I never thought it would. One would mention the past as in the "good old days", but ever think that they were too good? Even an minor illness, could get me down the untrodded path, the path where everything is my fault cause I didn't take the initiative. I didn't jump the gun, I didn't speak my mind, I just followed, and the circumstances are laughable now to the innocent observer, but are torturing me intensely by the repercussions.
The worst imaginings of my mind have now been vindicated.
Iron out my sheets and you'll find a torn section, one hardly noticable to the eye, but is keeping my feet cold every night. Put that in context of my mind and you'll see that this issue is and has been haunting me ever since forever. I always laugh and scorn at my peers for fussing about it, for gossiping about it. I approach it with a neutral attitude in the front, but on the inside I'm screaming about it. I want to have it, but the same issues emerge, the scared and shy attitude. It has always been a problem, even when not face to face, I don't have the guts to tell what I really feel and what I really want. Oh excuses are numerous, but none of it can subsitute what I want to tell, what I've been wanting to tell ever since we met. I want to be with you, every day, every night, but I can never say it out aloud, cause I'm terrified of the answer, positive or negative. Even though years have passed, but I think about it every night before hitting the hay. Although I can accept my cowardiance now, it still stings when I know what I know, and can do almost nothing about it, even if I change my attitude about it.
We crave what we want the most. Targets change when a more opportune one appears, but my reticle is always fixed on one, never faltering, never shaking, steady and ready. What's to stop raising another reticle and aiming it? I can alway take my eye off the first reticle and leave the target where it is, always targeted, never fired upon. Always thought about, but given away.
Why dwell on the past? After all, they say the future brings many challenges, many good, many bad. That's what I need to face, the future. I've had an excellant past, I should stop being bitter and move along. I shouldn't feel mad at others for having moved into a new world where they enjoy themselves just as much or more than the past. I shouldn't dwell on missed chances and opportunities. And I should take action where I need to, acheive what I want, what I need.
Remember my mantra? "Have fun!" Maybe I should do that.
And as for the target, It'll always be in my sight, but it's either I go for it, or lower the reticle, one or the other, this is a decision that will be another turning point in my life.
Notes: Hey, I like this post! ^^" Granted, I'm exaggerating in some parts and adding in pieces where are vague. But it's kinda interesting. The truthfulness of it is up to you to decide, I'm not telling you to accept it as 100% true, and I ain't discrediting you for thinking of it as crap. But I did have, moderate, fun while typing it. And "target" isn't a very good word for what I want to say, but then, shouldn't matter much anyway, who's gonna care. ^^" And yes, I think I will take some time to think about it.... life that is.... ^^"
Current mood:
calm.Current music: Cosmo Canyon midi!.
Well... nothing much happening...
Trying out a few contests...
Spiderman 2 was fun... albeit certain inequities that I don't want to spoil my mood about. The show was great and all that, it was the situation that I didn't like...
And anyone reading this, if you haven't watched King Arthur by next week, and is planning on watching it the other week, give me a call if you wanna come to Melaka and watch. ^^"
And that's a about it. I'm broke this month! >_< No money left whatsoever! >_< AHHHH..... and I want to borrow Naruto... >_<
The list of Anime I have and haven't watched is growing! I can't catch up! My only hope is the August holidays! (Which I'm religiously counting towards like a mad man! School really makes ya look forward to the holidays!) And then even I don't think I can catch up. The Prince Of Tennis alone, can devour a sizable chunk of my time! >_< And Naruto, another time hungry anime.Not to mention the Anime I'm planning to buy somemore... Ahhh.... why didn't I buy them when I had loads and loads of holidays.... >_<
Regret seems a big part of my life now... I'm regretting and hell lot of things right now. And I mean right now at this very moment.... I call myself stupid. And so should you.
Current mood: Empty.
Current music: Ana Johnson-We Are.
You know Prince Of Tennis? Yes that show where Phang keeps raving about? It's giving me a headache. You know why? I haven't gotten down to watching it also. It' because of the insane burning I've been doing! And look at the things I have to burn somemore! 6 more Q, 1 Yu-gi-oh, 1 Conan, 10 Prince of Tennis.... >_< WAHHH!!
Anyway.... with so much Anime to watch, and hardly any time to watch, I wonder why I burn at all in the first place... >_<
Well, gotta go and call a few people about this Saturday's plan... don't know whether can do it properly or not... >_<
Well.... tired, chatting with Infalna! I miss her! ^^" Gotta go... wanna go my grandma's house to watch Gilmore Girls... ^^"
Current mood:
cheerful.Current music: BoA-Earth Song.