| welp... |
[05 Apr 2004|09:33pm] |
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mood |
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 lazy |
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music |
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wine stained lips: catch 22 |
] |
.spring break is awesome.
.i love it.
for those of you who don't know... i'm moving out of state. i know, it's sad.. don't remind me.
i switched to live, so stop by and comment!.. even if i don't know you
www.livejournal.com/users/_itsmyparty_
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| just a little more vodka... |
[28 Mar 2004|01:01pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
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music |
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yesterday: the beatles |
] |
we just pushed eachother away, like we were forced there. opposite directions. and he never ran after me.
and we looked at eachother.. and he gave me this smile and i just stared.. we watched eachother walk by.. and i don't know why but those 3 or 4 seconds are stuck in my head. him smiling and me feeling so worthless.. and just.. glaring at him. that was the last time i saw him. and i keep thinking. he'll call me, or oh we'll be okay.. it'll all work out. but then.. i think about those times i was alone... and no one came to save me, not even him. and i then i realize... it's not going to work, it's over. and i've lost him.
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| paint on my jeans. |
[26 Mar 2004|05:57pm] |
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mood |
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 envious |
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music |
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mrs. brown you've got a lovely daugher: hermans hermits |
] |
it's friday.. and i'm hopefully going to st. francis to see battle of the bands. ahh, i need a car. i hope steve knurek is there tonight.. i miss us being close. i'm feeling alone.. and fat. it's a great feeling. i've been sooo busy with this whole columbia thing. but it's completely worth it. for five weeks away from here... anything. plus.. chicago? wow.. it's going to be absolutely amazing. my sister told me josiah has a girlfriend now. thats somewhat depressing.. but i wasn't really all that upset when i heard. i knew it'd happen eventually.. it's not like he was going to be alone forever. but it just.. it sucks. sucks that he has someone to care about.. and a part of me still cares about him. there are no boys in my little world right now. hopefully soon. it'd just be nice to know that there was mutual feelings between me and someone. too bad most guys don't like chunkers. anitas wedding is tomorrow. the only good part about that is that i'm persis' date! i really don't want to see jearmy, amber, or andy. i don't know what his problem is lately.. he's been acting like such a weirdo. as are many of my other guy-friends. i don't know whats going on with him. i can't wait till i'm older and married.. and throw formal dinner parties once a month. it seems so glamorous. well, i've got to find conees number. love you all.
xoxo
havi
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| how uuuu doin'? |
[08 Mar 2004|10:22pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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my girl: weezer |
] |
its only monday and i have my whole week and weekend planned... its exciting i tell you!! i got fabric for my skirt this afternoon.. it's black and white polka dot.. its adorable. my outfit is going to be amazing! too bad i'm a chunker.. and i won't look half as good as the outfit does.. ey.. it happens. i'm getting my hair cut, straightened, razored, and hopefully colored tomorrow at 3.. yay! i'm soo happy about that one. Sunday i'm going to fostoria... and meeting some people out there.. so i'm happy about that. i've been meeting a lot of people from outside of toledo lately.. and i love it. its great to be able to escape somewhere for a weekend.. even if its only an hour or so away. welp, nice talking to ya...
xoxo havi
by the way.. i'm .d.o.n.e. with lonely feelings and what not.
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| why can't i numb this |
[03 Mar 2004|01:18am] |
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mood |
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hopeless |
] |
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music |
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running: no doubt |
] |
i'm vulnerable now..and i hate you for it.
.i'm tired of c.r.y.i.n.g.
.i'm tired of f.e.e.l.i.n.g.
.i'm tired of p.r.e.t.e.n.d.i.n.g.
.i'm tired of i.g.n.o.r.i.n.g.
.i give up... i want it to be .o.v.e.r.
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| sleeping awake |
[28 Feb 2004|01:01am] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
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music |
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i believe in a thing called love |
] |
ahh.. i have to wake up early tomorrow... fun fun. i'm gonna see if caite has time to help me with my pictures. other than that.. i have nothing more to say. my brain is dead.
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| i'm such a dork... |
[24 Feb 2004|04:53pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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music |
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this is my united states of whatever |
] |
i just got two adorable pairs of earings! i'm so excited!
pictures are coming soon.. promise promise.
well i have to find something to wear... i see andy tonight.
:)
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| long midnight showers rock |
[23 Feb 2004|11:58pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
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my immortal |
] |
i see andy tomorrow night.... yay!
even though...
.i'm dead inside because of him.
hmm. i'm freezing. and hungy.
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| alone...again |
[21 Feb 2004|11:23pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
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music |
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i get a kick out of you: frank sinatra |
] |
i'm so tired of being .l.o.n.e.l.y.
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| oooooooooo |
[20 Feb 2004|04:03pm] |
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mood |
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 dorky |
] |
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music |
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fall back down: rancid |
] |
welp. me and tyler aren't going to cominghome. which is awesome. we were supposed to hang out together instead but he oh-so-convieniently forgot to give me his cell phone number. uh, it happens.
well.. friday night. and nothing to do. i love being a nerd.
i'm supposed to go shopping with my marmy. and since i have no life i'll take pics of my clothes for you! blah blah. i wanna hang out with caite. but i always forget that she has a life.. and a c.u.t.e boy! hey listen to
is it good? by the go.
good song.
erright.. caite is making my journal purrrty. love havi
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| this is fing pathetic.... |
[19 Feb 2004|11:21pm] |
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mood |
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 irritated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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art is hard |
] |
people suck.
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| i'm giving up... |
[06 Feb 2004|02:43am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
] |
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music |
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running- no doubt |
] |
i'm going to fall soon.. fall harder then ever. and i'm dreading it. i want someone to save me but how do you ask?
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| i want .Y.O.U. |
[26 Jan 2004|01:01am] |
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mood |
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awake |
] |
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music |
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and then he kissed me |
] |
i'm somewhat bored.. sitting here at 1:09 when i really should be sleeping.
i love andy... and it hurts, and is driving me crazy.
i miss dreaming about perfection. and staying young forever.
whats gonna happen when i have to pay for all of my food... uh, that sucks.
i'm buying checkered high-heeled shoes... i just need to find some.
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| i love you. youre perfect. now C H A N G E. |
[18 Jan 2004|10:50pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
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jack johnson |
] |
these words came unexpectedly.
never knew i could express myself like that. times for once are good. no harsh words replay in my head, and my bed is no longer my haven. it's walls no longer posess the comfort they once granted. my mind is so clesar and it is no longer searching for those words to make others hurt. theres no need to remind myself of the bad times, it's not worth the pain of remembering to simply realize how happy i am. I don't look at this bottle anymore, or long for the relief of it's effects. I'm okay now. it's good to know that the next day can be bearable... will be bearable.
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| will i always feel like this |
[02 Jan 2004|02:26am] |
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mood |
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 angry |
] |
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music |
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12 stones |
] |
alone we sit together. knowing theres more to say. more words that will lead us back to where we are. so anger is revealed in silence and it's piercing to the ear. but it mostly hurts, because i know that you won't come near to knowing me and everything i believe. but i forget.. what i feel doesn't matter "under this roof".
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| will.i.pay.for.this? |
[31 Dec 2003|03:02am] |
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mood |
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 distressed |
] |
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music |
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mix tape- brand new |
] |
it feels like you're the only thing keeping me alive...
but you keep pushing me away from you.
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| i'm so lonely i could cry |
[28 Dec 2003|10:24pm] |
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mood |
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empty |
] |
| [ |
music |
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jude law and a semester abroad |
] |
empty bottle.
broken glass.
bleeding wrist.
teary eyes.
there is no more comfort. it was washed away along with your words. the words that were supposed to make me happy. but i find myself sitting here with your voice running through my head. and the still frame of us young and stupid. my heart is torn and it feels so broken. it's in peices on the floor and as you walk away you step on the pieces that i g a v e to you. and with every time our eyes meet, another piece falls to the ground. i am left to follow you, and gather my heart from the bottom of your shoe. so as i lay here bleeding to death turn your back and pretend like you cant see it. pretend like you cant hear it, or feel it, or remember it. because that's what you do best. just remember you will always own the center of my heart. even if it be a grain of sand, it cannot function without every last piece. i will always l o v e you and the b e a u t y you have shown me.
xoxo havi
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| anger is beautiful |
[27 Dec 2003|09:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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still frame.trapt |
] |
whats the point of trying to understand the problems...
will i ever
.pete is an artist.
she looks through the teary eyes
into the face she once knew so well.
those eyes used to say everything
now they won't, won't even tell the things she used to understand
when did it become so complicated?
how did she ever get to this point.the point of not knowing herself?
she REMEMBERS seeing b e a u t y.
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| jessemarryme |
[26 Dec 2003|12:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bitchy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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you screaming |
] |
tie this around your neck
and hang yourself...
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| oooo oooo oooo |
[23 Dec 2003|07:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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thankful |
] |
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music |
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judy's turn to cry |
] |
winter break is amazing
i sleep past noon...
every day
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