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April 24 So it's been about 6 months since I've last written. I'm going back home on June 10th, and from there I don't know. It's weird, since I've been here, I haven't written much. I thought I was going to have to write, get my emotions and feelings down to deal with the whole thing better. But that didn't happen.
From an outsider's point of view, I haven't really changed, or grown, but I know I have. Not my personality, but my confidence, and my view of the world. I knew that being here for a year or so would change me, but not in this way. I feel like I can do anything I want now, and even though I'm still scared of trying new things every once in a while, I know I can do it.
It's going to be weird going home. Hard too. I'm going to miss my sister, and pinguino, and just everything. It's my home now. peace.
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Oct 17 Bye Bye Blurty.
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Oct 16 I just typed out a whole entry, ahh.
So I want to use my sister's digital camera to take some pictures. Maybe I'll do that later. Last night Carina, Jaime and I went to a bar to watch the soccer... actually, futbol game. Before Jaime got there, Carina and I played Spanish hangman. Sacapuntas was one of the only words I could think of. It wasn't a fair game in my opinion.
I decorated my room yesterday morning. It's more homely I guess, but not home at all. I wonder how long it will take to get used to this whole thing.
Kathryn? Are you not talking to me or something?
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Oct 15 So, I'm here, finally. The trip was alright. Didn't die. So that's good.
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Oct 10 On Halloween of 2002, I went trick or treating with Kathryn, dressed up as Martha Stewart in legal trouble, and she made fun of my organized candy. I vaguely remember dying her hair and watching Degrassi quite a lot. I think it was a marathon of sorts. For some reason I was just thinking about that.
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Oct 09 I hate being cold at night. I always end up having horrible nightmares.
I went to best buy, and bought Lisa Marie Presley's new cd (no idea), among other things of course. Cause, lets face it, who's really going to go to best buy just to buy Lisa Marie Presley's new cd? So you know music that just sounds perfect for the end of a movie, like when the credits are rolling? Uh huh.
I adore her, but ugh. Whatever, she seemed somewhat promising on Oprah. But then again, Oprah can make grape nut's and plain yogurt seem more desirable than an ice cream sundae.
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Oct 08 So yea, I'm going to be 17.
My birthday is in 10 days. Celebrating in another county, without the friends and family that I have been with for so long, ah. It's going to be different to say the least. I can remember my last birthday so well. The beginning of the end… And who can forget my mother making me get my nose pierced. Overall, I think it's been a good year, one that has taught me quite a lot.
Why do so many of my entries have this faint desperate longing for the past thing going on? I'm going to talk about something else...
I went out with Amelya and Sydney, then Em split so Sydney and I just hung out. I'm going to miss that boy. Ok, so this isn't being real chipper is it? Oh, I went through all my clothes, and gave a bunch to good will that I just barely could part with. I had so many sentimental pieces that nothing was really special anymore.
There can be too much of a good thing.
I let the sun wake me up this morning. And this entire day I've just had my windows open so I could listen to the rain.
It's the simple things in like that make us happy, right?
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Oct 07 I wish my parents knew how much I love and appreciate them. I have a hard time with telling people things like that anyway, but it seems to be a hundred times harder with my family.
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Oct 06 So I wrote out a huge entry, but you know how it goes... blurty fucked. Anyway, I came across my old journal that I always seem to forget about. http://blurty.com/users/jaxon45It's funny, somethings about it are soo monica, but I hardly recognize myself. A part of me misses those days, when everything flowed so easily. I didn't have as much freedom as I do now, and looking back, that might have been a good thing. I also like how I didn't know how certain overrides. Here's to Kathryn, my only blurty buddy : ) Why doesn't anyone else i know have a blurty?
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Oct 04 For the next couple days I'm going to be living off of apple cinnamon toasted oats and odwalla berries go-mega bars. And not intentionally mind you. No one is real anymore. It's too much sometimes. You're good enough, ok? You don't need to pretend. My sister sent me this picture of cookie & the cat. It's cute. ( And here it is... )
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Oct 04 Official date I'm leaving: Thursday October 13. Thank god. I wish I knew when I came back from Nova Scotia, I could have done some things.
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Oct 03 After I get settled, I'm going to write everyone a letter telling them... I don't know... how much I value them as a friend. I'm finding that too many friendships that used to mean so much are slipping away.
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Oct 03 Kelly Clarkson > Hilary Duff.
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Oct 01 So I was supposed to be on my way to Spain right now, but my mother is delaying my move till the 6th I think. I don't even know when I'm leaving...
But I don't have much to say. I'm not really using this blurty anymore.
I also have a crush on Peter Sarsgaard.
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Sept 06 I really like Philadelphia.
Well, not the shady parts, but whatever, it's nice.
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Aug 24 Brandon Boyd is so cute in that Gap commercial.
He likes Elvis Costello : )
So today must have been one of the dullest days I've ever experienced. I've been insanely tired. And it's not like I exerted any physical energy either, all I've been doing is laying, breathing, and occasionally eating cottage cheese. I was too lazy to look for the remote so I could turn up the volume on the television. Now I have no idea what Oprah and Jerry O'Connell were gossiping about.
Oh god. I'll start living again tomorrow, I swear.
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Aug 23 I laid in bed last night for 2 hours trying to fall sleep. I finally gave up and ended up watching all the Collateral dvd special features.
Pure entertainment, I tell ya.
Today was good. Went to the gym, then rode around with Ryan for a bit. I unpacked most of my shit from camp finally, which was kind of sad. But not sad enough to get any real mention in this thing.
And for anyone that’s in some sort of state of confusion, Bethesda equals Hell.
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Aug 22 I was just thinking about the state of... things, to be vague and general.
Things like my life, my relationships, my attitude.
I don't like feeling like so useless, but sometimes you have to let yourself feel like shit to appreciate the moments when you feel like your worth it.
Worth people's time, their energy. And to feel as if you have the right to get rid of people who aren't worth yours. I have always been one to look more at the logical side of things. To think through my emotions to a point where they don‘t mean anything. To a point where they are just ideas.
Things that I could feel.
P.S. Kathryn always seems to end up in grisly situations whenever she has to use the “bathroom”, which usually equals not calling me back. So, good luck Kathryn, with all the danger you must face.
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