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kirs

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[22 Nov 2003|02:24pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]
[ music | "A Red so Deep" - Cursive ]

hey all- i have such a headache. last night was so much fun, went over to krauklis's place to watch all the guys *try* to play poker ;) hmm kacz taught me how to play drums..i think i need a little practice, but i'll be in a band someday..haw haw haw. hmm after krauklis's was a fuckin bitch, i don't even wanna talk about it. but yeea, got some sleep finally last nite. i'm feeling okay for now, dont really know what's goin on tonite- yesterday i went with kris to get a tattoo! it was so awesome, she's such a trooper :) heh cant wait to get mine. k well thats pretty much all i wanna talk about right now, ill be on later tonight prolly.

love always~ kirs

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[20 Nov 2003|05:19pm]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | "Anthem of our Dying Day" - Story of the Year ]

ewww i put this lotion on after i went to the bathroom today- its the most disgusting smell ive ever smelled before- after washing my hands 8 times, it still wont come off. maybe it takes 9--
k so haven't updated in a couple days, but not too much has happened. me and durl are okay again i guess. dont really talk to him that much at school, but ok.
tomorrow is gonna be fun- me and the girls and rob and ed are gonna do a lil ****** ******, then go see cat in the hat. hahaha this will be hilarious.
soooo glad its the end of the week. not payday -yet- not like i need money anyway :-P but fridays always put me in great moods. i think im in better moods on fridays than saturdays...but yea im wasting your brainpower by discussing this, so i'll stop.
not sure what's goin on this weekend, don't really ever know till the last minute. its okay tho, cos i won't be doing anything spectacular.
k. later.
love always~ kirs

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[18 Nov 2003|05:23pm]
[ mood | no words ]
[ music | silence. ]

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
FOR MAKING MY LIFE MISERABLE.

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[15 Nov 2003|11:56pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | "Last Call" - mae ]

sooo tired. just got back from ed's show w/ durl. rhapsody went fairly well- not too much drama, but of course there was just a little. mmm cookies and milk has GOT to be the best combination since me and adam lazzara....damn i wish.
anywho--everyone was drinking tonite, i just didnt feel like being in that atmosphere, so we went to the ramada inn and watched a few bands play- it rocked. hardcore. saw andy there, what a cutie :) hmmm durl dislocated or separated his shoulder, and yea i kept jumping on him i feel kinda bad. i was just really pumped tonight.
not too much goin on tomorrow......ummmm i have a co-op report to construct, and an english formal paper due sometime this week, and a dream analysis for psych...heh talk about procrasta-fucking-nation. i rule :) got the gauges for my ears today at HT...i tried puting them in and damn did they hurt likkea bitch. i prolly should have gotten a 14 gauge to start out with instead of goin to the 12. oh well. they look good. yea so im real tired, i guess i better get headin to bed. tomorrow is the lassst day i can sleep in for a while. damn. k. i'll write more later.
love always~
kirs

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[11 Nov 2003|05:47pm]
[ mood | nerdy ]
[ music | "Embers and Envelopes" - mae ]

k so im not fighting with ANYONE anymore. [hopefuly...] cant wait till friday: its rhapsody week! :) woooh only 18 more days till MAE&SC w/ duuuuuuurl. lotta stuff goin on, lotta stuff. i am so tired, and i have no idea why...i slept until 7:10 this morning which means that i only had 10 minutes to get ready for work lol. it sucked, but i managed. hmmm dont know the plans for tonite- im tired, dont really feel like doing much but i know i will. sooooooo i guess i'll ttyl.
peace
love always~ kirs

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[09 Nov 2003|11:13am]
[ mood | good ]
[ music | "Ambulance Chaser" - Vendetta Red ]

you know what ive realized? in the past week ive experienced more drama than i ever have in my whole life. im sick of it-sick of all the shit people talk, rumors, gossip, stupid little shits that whine when they dont get their way...ok life sucks, alright? it sucks for everyone at some point in time. its been sucking for me for 4 goddamn years, so suck it up and take a fucking walk. nobody cares that you cant get the person youve wanted for so long-ive learned it the hard way many many times, you just have to deal with it. another thing ive realized...you cant always be the person someone else wants you to be. if they cant like you for who you are...tell them to get a fucking life-one that doesnt include you. if theres anything ive learned that will get me anywhere in life is that love is fake-its all fake. boo hoo, sorry to burst your fuckin bubble...but it's true. it might have existed a lonnng time ago, but you cant tell me that you think you love somebody-then go out and fuck somebody else. no, if that's your definition of love-heaven forbid, you need some help.
i know i havent written in a while..ive had so much shit goin on, the last entry was kind of weird-yea, weird. i just dont think im going to get involved with people anymore. whenever i do, it seems like i get way too worried about how they feel, or what they want, or what they dont want-rather than looking at myself and thinking about how i feel, what i want and dont want. whatever tho-everything seems like it's over, so i'm not worried anymore. ******* can do whatever the fuck he wants, im not putting up with another broken heart. it's just not gonna happen this time. scary thing happened to me last nite...kris, me and dane were drivin around-she took a left onto ashman, and some car was goin like 50 or 60 down ashman straight towards us, almost got into the messiest car accident i would have ever seen, but the driver (wont mention any names) finally fuckin put his foot on the break-i kind of wish we would have gotten hit.
well it's almost 12...i guess i better get goin home-havent been there in a while. i'll write more later.
love always~ kirs

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[04 Nov 2003|08:42pm]
[ mood | numb ]
[ music | words cant even describe it ]

my life is a joke. a complete fucking joke. i dont even know why i find myself surprised when someone so close pushes themself away from me. there should be a fucking warning label on me, "dont get too close to me, ill fuck up your life." damn damn damn. i wish i wasnt so confusing. i wish i didnt confuse myself. its been raining since saturday, ive been crying since last nite. please just give my life to someone else, i dont deserve it.
love always~ kirs

P.S: IM SORRY TO YOU, DARRELL. IM SORRY FOR EVERYTHING. IM SORRY YOU FEEL LIKE IM A DIFFERENT PERSON EVERYDAY, IM NOT, IM JUST ME. AND IF YOU CHOOSE TO LIKE ME, PLEASE KNOW THAT I LIKE YOU, AND ONLY YOU, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE NOTHING I DO HELPS YOU OUT.

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man that is so dumb [02 Nov 2003|04:25pm]
[ mood | sick ]
[ music | "Sounds like the End of the World" - Poison the Well ]

drinking...nuh-uh, not for me anymore. last night was an experience i'll never forget (if i even remember any of it)...enough for me to quit. or at least take it easy from now on. i cant believe it, i need to rest really bad. im out.
love always~ kirs

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wont you kill me-so i die happy [01 Nov 2003|02:00pm]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | "On My Own" - The Used ]

*sigh*...havent updated in a while. been pretty busy..i guess. ummm let's see- havent talked to andy in a while [obviously]...umm i donno. ive just been down in the dumps lately, i need to chill out. i wanna go home, but i wanna stay here...i want winter to come, yet again i just want it to be summer. im confusing, as i told durl...but yunnow what- it's just me. i'm in a point in my life right now when i dont know what i want, where i want to be, who i want to be with, and who i want in my life. i havent turned in one application for college. i want to go, but not as bad as i want to go home and start over there. i know, i know it will cost a lot of money, and that could be a problem- but im just so fucked right now, i dont really care. i need to go take a drive or something..i donno. wherever i end up is where i'll be.
love always~ kirs

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wreckless [27 Oct 2003|03:48pm]
[ mood | cold ]
[ music | "Play Crack the Sky" - Brand New ]

andy: hey. how have you been?
me: not too bad. yourself?
andy: pretty good. i met somebody.
me: ohh..that's cool. who is she?
andy: she's 20. a bartender. she's really cool. really pretty.
me: ohh..well that's good. i'm..happy for you.
andy: yea she's really sweet. i've been seeing her for a couple weeks.
me: ...oh, well i'm glad. hope things work out for you both.
andy: i still can't forget you though. i still love you, and i'm always gonna love you.
me: yea...same here...i guess.

now: chainsaw through the mother fucking heart. i'm going insane. i don't know what i want anymore, or what wants me. all i know is that the strings that hold us in place are more fragile than we can ever understand.
i'm done.

<3 always~ kirs

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[25 Oct 2003|06:28pm]
hahaha...somehow i'm not surprised

My inner child is one year old today

My inner child is one year old!


Everything is new to me. I like watching the world
go by around me, and I don't sweat the small
stuff--or the large stuff, either. Just so long
as I stay warm and safe and dry, life's pretty
good.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

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so tired [25 Oct 2003|06:17pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | "Bandages" - Hot Hot Heat ]

so what a weekend. friday, 23-20, saturday, 16-0...i wanted to play so bad. no fucking fair, i hate my wrist. i am so tireddddd, but thats obviously nothing new. buncha people are goin to steves tonite i guess, so i'll be there. i think im getting really sick, cos im losing my voice, headache, stomach ache, and soar throat. maybe cos i stood outside in the pouring rain for like 2 hours last nite. it was fuggin sweet tho. k well im gonna go. durll's comin in liiiike a little bit. ttyl peace
love always~ kirs

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[22 Oct 2003|06:54pm]
[ mood | nerdy ]
[ music | "Seventy Times 7" - Brand New ]

k, so its final. im coming home. :) yay. dad told me last nite that he doesnt care what i do when i get out of high school, basically that he wants me long gone, so that's where i'll be. long gone from here~fuck this town, im off to better things. and if my dad doesnt want me around, theres no way in hell i'm staying.
so anyway..busy busy week, havent updated in a while. sorry... :-P im so mad i convinced myself that this friday was pay day...but to my surprise its not till nexxxxt fridayyyyy ahh. i dont have too much in my account, and my plane ticket has to be paid off by the end of the month. and yea, the parentals are not contributing to my "getting the hell away from here" fund, so i'll just have to make some more money. um let's see...i failed my psychology test today (not a surprise) so mom is trying to tell me i cant go to the concert with durrl which isnt until nov. 29th anyway. i told her to kiss my ass cos im going no matter what. ive just been in one of those moods where i just dont give a fuck anymore. ever happen to you? thought so.
k well, hmm not much else to write..the big dow game is 2 days away...last football game EVER wooh. but then we have playoffs and blah blah blah...but i dont have to preform anymore, so im happy. well, except for rhapsody, but thats in november, so its ok. i think im gonna go listen to some music, its been a while since ive been able to, i think the longest ive been home all week is approximatley 4 hours (not including when im asleep) but i dont get much sleep anyway, so there isnt much added to it. k. good mood. im gonna go before i get pissed for some reason. ill be on tomorrow (i hope). i have big brothers/big sisters tomorrow so yea we'll see. later tho
love always~ kirs

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[19 Oct 2003|10:10pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | "Goodnight, Starlight" - The Juliana Theory ]

Close your eyes, you're beautiful when you're sleeping
Tonight may all your dreams come true.
It's so nice to hold you while you're sleeping
When I'm sleeping next to you

And what we got is something special,
And what we are is a perfect match,
And three-thousand miles can never come between us
No matter what we do it's always you and me
And it's always me and you.

I know sometimes it's lonely while you're sleeping,
Well it's lonely for me too.
It's alright just know that while I'm sleeping
That I'm dreaming of you

And what we've got is something special
And what we are is a perfect match
And three-thousand miles can never come between us
We always have the stars to wish upon from where I'm at,
And where you are.

Goodnight
Goodnight
Goodnight, love
Goodnight

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[19 Oct 2003|02:11pm]
i found this quite intriguing...
my quiz:


jonathans quiz!:
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[19 Oct 2003|01:39pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | "There Only Is" - Vendetta Red ]

i didnt know it would take me over 3 hours to clean my room. and im still. not. done. please save me now. im so tired---up till 3 talkin to jonnah again heh.
didnt do too much last nite...saw the school play of anne frank with durrl (heh) um then just came back to my place to watch saving silverman. i didnt feel like doing a whole lot last night, i dont know why. tried piercing my labret after durrl left...hurt like a bitch. lol. oh well i'll get it done someday.
dont really have much to talk about, im really bored-dont plan on doing anything today either. but yea i'm gonna take off cos i'm hungry.
peace
love always~ kirs

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*another sunny day in californ-i-a* [18 Oct 2003|12:12pm]
[ mood | determined ]
[ music | "Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis" - Brand New ]

i. am. freezing. and tired. i stayed up until 2:30 talking to jon last nite, but it was unquestionably worth it. i cant wait to go back home, im counting the days.
hah hah hah....happy sweetest day....hah hah hah...fuckin hallmark and their stupid fucking "holidays". its only for people who have "sweethearts", which i lack, therefore no celebration in these 24 hours. maybe next year...or 10 years from now. im not really worried about it for the time being. all i know is that in less than a year...i'll be driving in my nice ford taurus all the way back to where i got it from. sure it might take me a couple days, but road trips are fuggin sweet...not really when your by yourself tho. maybe i'll buy a blow up doll and sit him in the front seat so i wont feel so alone. i dont know, im just ready to get out of here. im witnessing a lack of enthusiasm from my parents about my decision, but its mine and i dont give a shit. im not their little girl anymore--this summer i'll be 18 years old, i'll be fine without them. they want to move back anyway, so im just doing them a favor. as a matter of fact, after my sister finishes up school at CMU, she is moving to arizona too so i guess its not a big surprise that i wanna go back. i think dad wants go to florida, fuck that shat. too humid. 'zona is nice and dry. just the way i like it.
i kind of wish kris didnt call me this morning just so i could see how long i would have slept in. i know i'd be sleeping right now. just dont know for how much longer. but my bed sounds real nice to me right about now. think im gonna grab a salad then crawl in bed and listen to thursday. yea, that sounds like a hellacious saturday afternoon.
love always~ kirs

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*Second Stage Turbine Blade* [16 Oct 2003|04:15pm]
[ mood | pleased ]
[ music | "Everything Evil" - Coheed and Cambria ]

so..hmm. not too much is new. i had a nice day of rest and relaxation after work....not including the 50 million times chris pounced on me in bed. lol jk i love ya, dude :) hmm yea so no school...woooooh party onnnn. hah i made the mistake of staying up late, on account of having no school, but later realizing that wait a minute...i still have work at 6 in the morning...yea fucking.dumbass. oh well, it was worth it. tomorrow is friday...pay day...game day...party nite. but knowing this stupid ass city, there will be nothing going on after the game, so i'll probably just end up going home and sleeping. not that there's a problem with that, i need to catch up on some nice deep sleep, i dont remember the last time i actually had a dream. whats funny is that researchers claim you dream 4-6 times a night within a 90 minute sleeping period (hooray for psychology! i love that class lol), so that means one of two things...that my dreams are too intense to remember, or they're just fuckin boring. yea im thinkin the last one. hmmmmmmmmmmmm....i have a thought. just a random one. what makes shooting stars happen when they do? it seems like they always happen during those intense "confessional" moments...~ just makes me wonder why the exist. well shit, i know why the exist, and what they are...but i mean the philisophical locution. ahh im boring myself to sleep and i have pracitce in exactly 49 minutes. im going to go watch some fuse tv yeaaaa rawk on. im planning on getting the new coheed&cambria cd sometime tonite or tomorrow. we'll see. pay day rocks. and im rockin out :)
love always~ kirs

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[14 Oct 2003|11:02pm]
Maki
Maki - "Truly Rare"
People of your personality type should visit:
www.life-blood.cjb.net


What would your Japanese name be? (female)
brought to you by Quizilla
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this is most definitley true... [14 Oct 2003|10:58pm]
fuck
your fuck.


What swear word are you?
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