||Jack's Mannequin - Last Straw, Arizona
Well, today is not so bad so far. I'm sitting here at work drinking my frappucino, enabled by my boss who gave me a gift card to starbucks cuz she hates coffee; and listening to the acoustic versions of some of my fave songs on the Jack's Mannequin page. I just love how he sings "I'm gonna send the rain your way.." on "Kill the Messenger." So beautiful. I'm hoping to go to their show next month if someone will go with me.
Anyhow, last night's church was pretty powerful. Gene Apple did the message about the new year and what we want our legacy to be in it. I already have a pretty good idea of what I want to be remembered for when I am gone from the earth... maybe I'm so morbid that these are things I actually think about. I want to be known as welcoming and compassionate and loving and kind. My life verse has always been, "Religion that God accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in distress and keep yourself unspotted." Anyway.. they showed this news story about a woman whose husband died in a small-plane crash. She had four boys and was pregnant with her 5th, and only months before his death, her husband had a dream that he died young. He felt prompted by the holy spirit to get out of bed and record a message to his friends and family. It was a 40 minute video and we were only privy to the very last minute or so as he broke down in tears and explained to his wife how the best days of his life were the day they met and they day they married, and the next best days were each of his children being born. He just kept repeating I love you. I had chills throughout my body and was on the verge of sobbing the entire time. The dvd he recorded was such a comfort to his wife and supposedly contained advice for his children and statements of his faith and wanting the tape to be proof that God had spoken to him through his dream and that God exists, etc. Our pastor encouraged us with three words, start right now. Which is kinda contrary to my usual procrastination. That's what tomorrow is for, right? Heh. Well, after the sermon I think I'm going to be doing a lot less of putting things off, at least when it comes to saying how I feel and to being the best friend I can be right now, and to not wait to mend relationships, whether with family or friends, to not wait any longer to forgive...
After church, a big group of us went over to Portillo's. It reminded me a lot of summer, we had such a great turnout. I had a nice conversation with Paul (who was our Living Room leader before they canned Axis) and his wife Tara. I met a few new people, too, which is cool. After that a big group of us headed over to Judson College to see Greenroom, an improv theater thing. It was so funny being back there because I took a couple classes in high school there when I was homeschooled. Didn't do me a hell of a lot of good because it was too expensive to have the credits transferred, but both classes were way fun. I had always wanted to go to Judson, but their statement of faith including promising you are not homosexual made me not sign it. I have friends that are gay and if they cannot go to Judson without lying about who they are, neither will I. I ended up sitting with Amy, Terrica, Fernando, Beau and Tony. So, the improv was absolutely hilarious! At the very end they were going to do "scenes from a building" and I suggested castle, and it was perfect, they were soo hilarious! Fernando was like, man you were laughing so much. Can't help it.. once I get started giggling, I can rarely stop. My face was hurting from it. I got home around 11 and sat down at the computer and wrote John a long-ish message containing some things I needed to say. First being that I'm sorry for being so angry with him, and secondly wanting him to know that I'm not saying bad things about him to people we know. Some other stuff too I'd rather not share. But, I just want him to know that even though I was/still sort of am upset, I still really love the guy. I can't control how other people feel or don't feel about me, I can't control their actions, but I know I can control my own. Even if he doesn't write back, even if he hates me now, I did all I could.
I totally did something I'm ashamed of last night though. There was this one guy who creeps me out, but he is.. we'll just say there is something not right with him mentally.. who needed a ride to the improv night and he asked me while I was on the phone and I kinda brushed him off and was like no, no, I'm going with Amy, etc. I felt really bad. He got a ride from someone else, but I mean, I'm fairly sure he's harmless, he just annoys the piss out of me. He tried to hold my hand during a movie once and ever since I've tried to stay away from him. Plus, the guy always requires a ride home and there was no way I was going from Elgin to Arlington Heights. It was still shitty of me to be dismissive towards him, I should have explained more why I couldn't. I feel bad. Some job I'm doing of being loving, huh?
I don't know why I'm so exhausted right now. I think I'm getting nervous about my classes this semester starting so soon, and the new roommate situation. Though I was reading this book called the Alchemist (brilliant, but new agey, book - completely worth the read) and it has a line about "this was not a strange place, it was a new one". It reminded me that things are scary because we make them that way, not because they are innately that way. Anyhoo I can't wait for it to be 4 so I can crawl in bed and turn on Magnolia which I recorded a few weeks ago. I don't think I'll get out of bed the entire evening:) That makes me happy.
I hope everyone is happy and healthy, and starting right now whatever it is they need to accomplish spiritually, physically, emotionally.... xoxo!
ps - good quote: "There are some things I'll never understand: why the country needs a God and a woman needs a man."