BabiLLia the Flower Child's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
BabiLLia the Flower Child

[ website | the number of Days till I'm OUT of here. ]
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[07 May 2004|03:06pm]
Bye bye Blurty..
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The Reason is you [06 May 2004|12:06pm]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | Hoobastank - Reason ]

so I'm in school, in the library not in gym, where I should be. Because I forgot shoes & socks, so instead of going and wasting my time sitting by the tennis courts for an hour I thought why not go and chill at the library reading my Art of Happiness book :) I sat down in the armchairs at the front (not as comfty as the starbucks armchairs though!) & perused through the latest issue of The Nation, which is a very interesting political magazine. so I read some articles on how the FCC is fining Howard Stern on his language & how the writer disagrees with that because of the free speech right we all have, on gay issues, the woman's pro-choice march in D.C. on april 25, and some others..

then I moved on to the art of happiness & time flew by. I almost dozed off a little but I caught myself & when I looked at my watch it was already 12. I do have a quote I want to put in here though from the book..
"If you maintain a feeling of compassion, loving kindness, then something automatically opens your inner door... Then there's less need to hide things, and as a result, feelings of fear, self_doubt, and insecurity are automatically dispelled. Also, it creates a feeling of trust from other people. Otherwise, for example, you might find someone who is very competent, and you know you can trust that person's competence. But if you sense that person is not kind, then you have to hold something back. You feel that 'Oh, I know that person can do things, but can I really trust him?' so you will always have a certain apprehension which creates a kind of distance from him." -Dalai Lama

Alright, so like 10 more minutes to lunch (SALAD YAYAYAY) & then math. hmpphh. School blows.

I'm not too saddened by it though. It's not like it's forever. Just suck it up & live with it for a few more weeks.

I hope it'll be warm enough this afternoon so I can go outside & play some more guitar & serenade the trees and flowers with my music :)

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"I want to know, where are you tonight?" [02 May 2004|03:51pm]
[ mood | lazy ]
[ music | Tom Johnston - Where Are You Tonight? ]

it's raining.
I LOVE rain.

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[02 May 2004|02:12pm]
Making up philosophies we'd soon forget & sharing them only with each other.
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[01 May 2004|11:32pm]
there's no doubt
that I still miss you.
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[01 May 2004|10:10pm]
I was at Legal Seafood tonight, & I was reading a book by the Dalai Lama & our waiter came to bring our food & saw my book & asks, "is that the Dalai Lama?" & I'm like "yeah" & he's like, "I've read that book."

Look into the cupboard of Life.
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Celebrate the First of May [01 May 2004|06:15pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]
[ music | Barry Manilow - Mandy ]

know what I miss?

On the first of May, we used to wear our spring/summer clothes, go out to buy all kinds of things for a picnic, & pack everything in the car & head out for a huge park in the woods by the river in our town where practically the whole town would gather to celebrate the first of May, which is a big holiday for Greeks. We'd put blankets on the ground & we used to make flower wreaths!! It was so beautiful. There were live bands playing music all day, they would roast a lamb on a campfire & there was a lot of mingling with families. One of our family friend's daughter has her birthday on May 1st & I remember one year they made her a strawberry cake with fresh strawberries on the top with syrup. Mmm. That was when I was young, although people still do it in Greece. Well I'm not in Greece anymore & we don't do that, but it was something I remember & I miss it.

Hooray for spring & summer heading our way & for flowers blooming & birds singing their songs :)

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Saxophone in the background is playing music to my ears [01 May 2004|04:50pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | Billy Joel - Just the Way You Are ]

I was eating a Reese's two pack peanut butter cups yesterday
& I noticed the wrapper, & I was a 2nd prize winner!!!! a 7 oz. bag of Jolly Ranchers.

either way, it's not often you actually win something from those stupid little things.

so I was pleased with myself the rest of the day. HEE

And secondly, I can't believe today is May 1st. MAY, GUYS!
It seems like last May was here the day before yesterday.

There is a BUNCH of homework I have to do though. here I go..

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with or without God [30 Apr 2004|05:51pm]
[ mood | nervous ]
[ music | Beatles - Hey Bulldog ]

21 grams is a really good movie.
i just finished watching that. i got home & watched it.

we had to make some class posters & each put something on the poster that represents us in french, apparently all the language classes had to. so they hung them up on the balcony of the stairs in the main entrance of the school & i strategically placed mine at the bottom in the middle so everyone sees it. i put a picture of the beatles with lyrics to strawberry fields forever on it. :-D <33

my father thinks something is wrong with me.
but how do i tell them, my problem is them?

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"Touching you.. touching me.. touching you, god you're touching me" [28 Apr 2004|05:52pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | The Darkness - I Believe in a Thing Called Love ]

i would like to have a word. i just hope i get class secretary. I'll put my all into helping the class!

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Won't you take me to Funky Town? [28 Apr 2004|05:25pm]
[ mood | hungry ]
[ music | Lipps, Inc. - Funky Town ]

THANK GOODNESS. i got my journal back, for a
minute there, I thought all my hard work on the
design went down the drain! hehe Beth.

There are two people I want to hang out with
PRONTO & that's Jill & Jericha!! There's only a
while before they leave :-/ I want to get in as
much of Jericha's wisdom as I can & JILL!! ahh
She's brilliant! I love just listening to her. There's
some people in life that put you in a great mood
regardless of whether you're having an awful day
or not, & those there are some of mine^ :)

OK, let's get a quick update here on the beginning
of this week. School wasn't anything special (it never
is), but I've just come to accept that that's the best
it'll get for the next 2 damn years so just suck it up..
So no club meetings this week because the teachers
are protesting which hasn't exactly been a bonus, but
not a biggie. Today was a DREARY DAY & I didn't
enjoy it much. I'm fasting at the moment, which made
me daydream about food all day.. mmm.. Fettucini
Alfredo.. yumm.. OKAY-- I don't really have a reason for
fasting, but I want to challenge myself. I mean I've never
fasted before in my life & I read somewhere it makes you
focus more...okay, so maybe that's a bunch of shit, but
still. It hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be actually,
hunger is tolerable & it's interesting to realize that I would
reach over for a snack or icecream at the first sign of being
hungry. But anyhow. Maybe I'll make it a national Paxism
holiday. :)

I talked to Danny at lunch - before he realized 1st lunch
was over & he was late for class. haha He makes me happy.
& Josh teased me about my DANDELION but what does he
know! lol Dandelions can be pretty & I just didn't have a
daisy around this morning because the bouquet in the dining
room is dying. but THAT's beside the point. Josh is quite a
handful. Still my favorite grandkid though. hehehe :-P

Worked after school & now I'm here & I should
be doing homework because police academy's at 7.

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[26 Apr 2004|07:25pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | Steely Dan - Do It Again ]


i cant stand how they yell at me for no reason, because their day didnt go so well, because they need to get THEIR anger out. because they think i have problems, and the way i behave isn't normal. ill tell you whats normal. normal is yelling at your wife because she talked to her brother on the phone about something that wasnt of interest to you, normal is yelling at your daughter because she "appears to have an attitude," normal is getting ticked off because you were wrong about what milk we get, so nowwww.. you need to go yell yell yell yell so you can make yourself feel better, and so you can believe that you were the only right one in this household in the first place.

everyone ELSE, has got it all wrong.

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I called for you.. but you didn't hear [25 Apr 2004|07:58pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | Beatles - Magical Mystery Tour ]

hello hello..

today i woke up at around 930ish, which was good because i didnt want to wake up at 12 and waste the day away like i have some other days this past week.

so i ate breakfast, threw on some old clothes & went running. it was.. interesting & im happy with myself because i ran almost 2 miles which is a good accomplishment considering i havent ran consistently since cross-country.

then i got home & rescued the bowl from outside (ahaaha it was quite entertaining to see me crawling behind a bush) & then went in & took a shower.

then my sister took me to Barnes & Noble where i chose like 2474 journals that i liked & was forced to narrow it down to one. Do you have any idea how hard that is!?! ahhh, sheesh. so pathetically enough, i got a really simple, blank one from a mix of really elegant ones. but I chose this one because I can personalize it since i like to put my touch on things. it was exciting going out to shop for a journal.. damn it, i havent written in my journals for almost a year now. which is INSANE if you think about it because ive been writing in one since i was in 3rd grade. but i did have a bit of a change because i got one that doesn't look like the others; its not a notebook anymore. but yeah barnes & noble had some REALLY cool journals, and especially one made of leather with a beautiful carving of a colonial girl engraved in the cover. but it was $29? i think, and i didnt want to spend that much money. anywho.

then i stopped at walmart to pick up my photos which as it turned out werent ready to be picked up because they didnt come back from the photo lab yet. poop. they'll be ready tomorrow.

after i got home i mingled & dwelled around for a while before going out to buy myself a new bike. we ended up with an okay one? im not complaining, as long as i have a bike then im good, but, let's say the color is.. ONE OF THE UGLIEST COLORS I've ever SEEN! ack. yes, thats right.. its.. purple. dude i never thought id everrrr get a purple bike. but it's just a bike right? and other than that, it's pretty nice. ah well.

...the reason i dont say "thank you" to my father..

i felt it would be nice to say thank for the bicycle, so i'm like, thanks for the bike. & he responds, "what i want is for you to be a good student & a good kid"

well, thanks. Oh & a question about his ideas on democracy turned into telling me about the "bad people" and the "good people" in this world & how God doesn't exist. comforting, no? I'm also not 5 years old; I'm aware of the "bad" people, dad.

...this vacation was really nice though. i'm very satisfied & although i'm not exactly dying to go back, the sooner i get back the sooner school will be out. i mean who wouldn't want another week off.

i really enjoyed the nice weather & i was sooo thrilled about it. i spent a lot of time outside which was exciting also. i ran, walked, sat outside reading, writing poetry, playing guitar, writing letters, having picnics & just lying down listening to the birds & watching the world passing by.

i also thought a lot. i thought about who i am, how things are, how things would have been, what has changed, where i'm going to go from here.. etc. It was a nice reflection period.

I smoked up a little which was.. enlightening & fascinating as it always is. I had some kind of epiphany too, & i realized how i don't appreciate myself as much as i should sometimes. i realized i shouldnt scrutinize myself so much & that i really have some good points.

i wrote some wacky poetry stoned too, but, that's another story. haha

..the song, "Mandy," the way Barry Manilow sings it reminds me of someone i know. I wonder if he's ever heard it & saw any similarities. probably not.

I went bowling with Ashley & Christina on Wednesday & it was exciting!! I haven't bowled in a while (sadly) & my skills were a bit lacking first game but I got those pins down 2nd game woot woot. yesterday i went to see Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind with my sister. She didn't like it, i didnt think she would. i dont know, its funny, i didnt REALLY like it, but it left a good impression on me, so i thought it was alright. it was definitely something new & gave a new perspective, which I enjoyed, but it wasn't a GREAT movie. definitely interesting though.

This whole vacation I had my hair straight. So i'm leaving it curly for a while. My mom says i should cut my hair. my sister says i should cut my hair. my dad says i should cut my hair. so it seems everyone thinks i should cut cut cut it. its funny, because ive developed a kind of bond with it. i mean, ive had this hair for like more than a year now, & ive been brushing it & pulling it & twirling it for days on end. Its not like a short snappy cut you barely touch. ive been handling this damn mane for hours each day! Grooming it & shining it, styling it & straightening it. So, today, in the shower, while i was combing my locks, I thought.. do i dare say goodbye to these precious light brown strands? it's sad! i mean you probably think im insane, but you try growing your hair to your butt for like two years & then go and chop it all off. i mean, all that hard work goes kaboom! ah well, i had to express my thoughts on that. i am cutting it though, this summer. probably no shorter than my shoulders, but more likely a little longer than the shoulders. just so its easier to take care of i guess. i need a change anyway, there's not much i can do with it now that its so long. Oh and im getting a relaxer.

so its almost 8, im going to read, decorate my journal a little? & hang around.

Peace little bugger.

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[23 Apr 2004|07:10pm]
"so I just sat there waiting for him, staring at my dirty tennis shoes and thinking about how incredibly stupid I was if I expected life to be anything else but failed love and mindless sex and crying all night in bus stations."
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Ring around the rosie.. Fingering my guitar [23 Apr 2004|06:34pm]
[ mood | high ]
[ music | Dave Matthews - Gravedigger ]

blazing is so refreshing.

today was a nice day.
R-dawg & I ate a bazillion cheese
sticks & I rediscovered the magic
of "tomorrow never knows" as I
do each time I listen to it. while I
got laughed at by R. lol he just
hasn't experienced Beatles yet.

I wrote poetry.. I looked in the
mirror & I saw a new side of myself,
And a new appreciation for who I am.

..I'm tired right now though. Peace

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we're on a roll, yo [22 Apr 2004|01:48am]
[ music | yo yo make a cool cup of cocoa ]

MillardDuckLuv (1:29:25 AM): and about that- do you know that he doesn't support the legalisation of mary jane?

(she was referring to george bush, however i thought she was talking about someone else)

Dreamin of KISS (1:32:27 AM): i think thats pretty dumb. i mean he smokes it all the time, & he doesnt want it legalized? when did he say that btw?


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[22 Apr 2004|01:28am]
JOCELYN makes me giggle.
thank you for the mood change ma'am.

Dreamin of KISS (12:57:14 AM): pourquoi est-ce que tu dois etre si raisonable tout de fois?
Dreamin of KISS (12:57:21 AM): :-P
MillardDuckLuv (12:57:38 AM): allors, tu sais.
Dreamin of KISS (12:57:57 AM): je sais?
MillardDuckLuv (12:58:15 AM): oui
MillardDuckLuv (12:58:16 AM): tu siad
Dreamin of KISS (12:58:29 AM): je sais quoi?
MillardDuckLuv (12:59:18 AM): tu sais qui je suis tres intelligente
Dreamin of KISS (12:59:48 AM): hahahahaha

jocelyn makes insanely hysterical impersonations. bravo.
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look at the dodo fly. why can't i show up on your doorstep to see your smile. [22 Apr 2004|01:13am]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | Dave Matthews Band - Dodo ]

im sick of waiting around like this.

why do i always put myself in these types of predicaments!

flying away sounds really nice right about now.

[21 Apr 2004|12:43am]
so i had something to say,
but i forgot it.
it was more or less that im buying a journal
so i can have some privacy & actually write
down EVERYTHING insteead of censoring my thoughts.
cause wats the point of having a journal if u need to do that.

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[19 Apr 2004|02:21am]

"The difference between theism & nontheism is not whether one does or does not believe in God. It is an issue that applies to everyone, including both Buddhists & non-Buddhists. Theism is a deep-seated conviction that there's some hand to hold: if we just do the right things, someone will appreciate us and take care of us. It means thinking there's always going to be a babysitter available when we need one. We are all inclined to abdicate our responsibilities and delegate our authority to something outside ourselves. Nontheism is relaxing with the ambiguity and uncertainty of the present moment without reaching for anything to protect ourselves.

For those who want something to hold on to, life is even more inconvenient. From this point of view, theism is an addiction. We're all addicted to hope - hope that the doubt and mystery will go away. This addiction has a painful effect on society: a society based on lots of people addicted to getting ground under feet is not a very compassionate place...

We are like children building a sand castle. We embellish it with beautiful shells, bits of driftwood, and pieces of colored glass. The castle is ours, off-limits to others. We're willing to attack if others threaten to hurt it. Yet despite all our attachment, we know that the tide will inevitably come in and sweep the sand castle away. The trick is to enjoy it fully but without clinging, and when the time comes, let it dissolve back into the sea."

--Pema Chodron

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