Blurty for Abigail.

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Wednesday, December 10th, 2003

Subject:Argh!
Time:12:01 pm.
Mood: stressed.
Finals tomorrow . . . . I am completely crazed and very tired of studying. I will be happy once tomorrow is finished, but only for a moment because the Spouse is leaving Saturday morning - for Hawaii! Until the 23rd at that. So much up in the air right now, and things are just very stressful. Oh yes, and the parents will be down here on Sunday, so I will have to make the trek over there - or they will come over here - at some point. The Girl has midterms next week, so she is stressed as well, and Christmas is fast approaching. Argh!
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Friday, November 21st, 2003

Subject:So much to do
Time:9:45 am.
Mood: stressed.
The next few weeks are just going to suck. The end of the semester, Thanksgiving, starting to Christmas shop, whatever. I have so much to do this weekend alone, and yet I sit here, not doing anything useful. Go me.

So today, I need to do my quiz, make that Power Point presentation and send it to my lab partner, and do the research - again, since my efforts at school fell through - and maybe try to work on my rewrites for my writing class. That's the minimum that I need to do today, really. Well, besides actually going through all the articles I collect for research and organize the information I am going to need to write my paper. Then tomorrow, I need to actually start writing the paper. I also need to clean the house, do the laundry, and bake the cake. I might have the Girl bake the cake, though. She might enjoy that, and I know that she will get a kick out of telling her Grandpa that she made his cake. Which means, of course, that Sunday - at least during the day - is busy with Dad being over here. I might be able to get some working on paper accomplished after he leaves for the day, unless the Spouse needs to be on the computer working on *his* paper. Monday, I guess I'll read the chapter for anthropology. I'll also need to go grocery shopping and take the turkey out of the freezer to thaw. Tuesday is going to be such a waste going over to campus, but I can't miss research methods. Grr. Wednesday, I need to bake my pies and make the macaroni salad. Thursday, well, we all know what to expect on Thursday, but again, Dad will be leaving before dark, so I might be able to do some work later in the evening. In the midst of all of this, I need to actually *finish* the research paper, do the homework that is due on the same day, finish up all of my rewrites, and study for both the last test in anthropology and the last test in research methods, which are both on the following Thursday. The week after that is finals - thank goodness I only have two. I am not going to be nearly so lucky next semester, I'm sure.

Argh. So enough. As an added bonus to all the regular stress, the Spouse's job is a problem and I am pretty sure that I can't be friends with my best friend any longer because the friendship is just really toxic and unpleasant for me. And I wonder why I want to smoke - geez. I'm lucky I'm not sitting in a corner somewhere with a bottle of tequila and a carton of smokes.
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Wednesday, November 19th, 2003

Subject:And in the afternoon . . . .
Time:3:31 pm.
Mood: sad.
Music:None.
Well, I did manage to get some studying accomplished. Still lots of other things to do, but at least I did the studying.

The Girl called from her friend's house and they are back from the funeral. She is going to hang out there for a little while. She said a lot of kids showed up, which is probably a good thing. The Spouse said last night that it is probably helpful for the parents if a lot of kids attend. I don't know. I think if it were me (and God forbid that it ever be) that it might be more painful. I don't know. I hope I never know. I mean, I can see how it would be a comforting thing for the parents, but for me . . . well, I am weird.

Thinking about it just makes me so sad, so distressed. I just can't even fathom what they are feeling and it just makes me want to cry my eyes out.
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Subject:Rainy mornings
Time:8:15 am.
Mood: blah.
Music:None.
Geez, it's dreary outside today. Gray and rainy, with a cold front coming down. At least the weather will be cooler, which is nice, but geez. So depressing. It certainly doesn't help with my motivation to get anything accomplished.

I have to study for that test I have tomorrow. One of the chapters I have spent time studying is now not going to be on the test. It helps, but it would have been nice to know sooner. I also have to rewrite my story for class tomorrow. I really just don't know what I am going to do with that. Oh well. And then, so much to do this weekend, plus I volunteered to be the one to create the Power Point presentation for the lab presentation. At least it kept me from having to present in front of the entire lecture hall. I need to work on my research paper this weekend, too, because that will be due right after Thanksgiving. It's better if I finish most of it *this* weekend instead of waiting.

Today is the funeral for the boy that the Girl knows. It just makes me so sad, so worried for the Girl, so sick to my stomach that this boy was her age and his parents have to bury him today. The Girl is going to the funeral this afternoon. I am not taking her. She is going with her friend, whose mother is taking them. I guess that makes me a bad mother, but I simply cannot go and see these people I do not know, who are burying their son today. I have worried about something like this happening to the Girl since the day she was born. To say that it is heartbreaking is an understatement.

I suppose that I really should get to my studies. So much to do with so little time and motivation.
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Monday, November 17th, 2003

Subject:Nothing exciting
Time:1:15 pm.
Mood: bored.
Music:Nothing ~ must have silence while studying!.
I went to the grocery store and got almost everything I need for Thanksgiving. Whoo hoo. My life is so very exciting that I just don't know how I manage to deal with it. But, at least most of that is accomplished, which is always a good thing. All I need to get is the ham, some rolls, and since talking to Dad, the stuff to make some macaroni salad. Strange, but I didn't realize that he liked that. I will have to take the Spouse with me to get the ham. Nothing appealed to me (especially since I want a Honeybaked), so he can pick it.

As mentioned, I talked to Dad. He called while I was at the store, so I called him when I got home. He is coming over on Sunday (he says) for his birthday, so we can "do" something. I know that he just does not want to be alone on his birthday, and that's to be expected. If he hadn't said that he was coming over here, we would go over there anyhow because I wouldn't let him sit there alone on his birthday. I will have to go back to the store and get a cake mix and some frosting, maybe some strawberry ice cream, and bake a cake or let the Girl do it. I'll have to call Mom this week and find out what kind of cake Dad likes. But, when talking to him, I asked him if there was anything he wanted me to make for Thanksgiving, and he said no, but then he "wondered" if I was going to make the macaroni salad, so of course, I will make some. I will have to make a small batch, though, since no one will eat it except for me and him.

I have been studying for my pysch test. I do hope the higher level classes next semester are more interesting than this crap. If abnormal is not interesting, I am changing my major! Of course, I might anyhow, but I am pretty sure that I am just going to go with a dual. I haven't had much luck in finding many schools with grad programs in primatology, though. There are a few, but not many. We shall see. Perhaps I will just go into forensics, but again, we'll see.

The Girl will be home from school soon. I hope that today wasn't too stressful for her, although I would imagine that the boy who died over the weekend will have been a hot topic of conversation. I hope that if she found out exactly what happened that it didn't simply upset her more. It seems that he wasn't a close friend, but he was a friend nonetheless, and she is upset about this. I hope that an obituary shows up in the paper soon, so that I can at least take her to a viewing or something if they have one. She may hear something at school about that as well. It's so very awful when kids die, and teenagers are so emotional and stressed as it is, when one of their peers dies, it's that much more difficult for them. It's really just not right.

So, enough of this for now. Back to my studies. I am so bored with this. I will be glad when this semester is finished - hopefully the next one will be better, even though I still have a long run across campus! I hope from the social sciences building isn't worse than from the CIS building. We'll see.
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Time:7:39 am.
Mood: depressed.
Music:none.
I am really tired this morning, but I slept okay last night. Well, okay for me. I didn't get as much done this weekend as I wanted to, and I still have to worry about the research for that paper, but at least I managed to accomplish something. I will have to work on the research, but I think I am going to have to go to the library to get anywhere.

The Girl had a tough weekend. One of the boys she knows from school died in a car accident on Saturday and she found out by reading other kids' online journals. It's really just a very sad thing. She will find out what happened today at school, I suspect.

Dad didn't come visit over the weekend. I tried to call him a couple of times yesterday but didn't catch him, so I called Mom to see what happened. She said that he was in a "funky mood." He would feel better if he just came over to visit, I think, because he is lonely and we all know that. It would have been much better if they'd bought into a mobile park over here instead of so far away.

Speaking of funky moods, I'm not in the best mood myself today. I was very down yesterday and it only seems to be worse this morning. I need to fight it off so that I can study today, so we'll see. First, I need to work on getting to the grocery store. Then, I'll go from there.
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Friday, November 14th, 2003

Subject:Random thoughts for the day
Time:12:49 pm.
Mood: groggy.
Music:None.
Dad called me this morning. It kind of surprised me because it's not like him, but I suspect that he is lonely over there all by himself. It will be better when he and Mom come back next month, but he still has two more weeks to go alone. I told him to come over this weekend, so we'll see. I expect that he probably will decide to, after he talks to Mom and she tells him he should.

I have an email from my friend M that I haven't answered yet. He is all snotty and jerky, claiming that he *knows* something is wrong, and blah blah blah. I am so tired of his know-it-all attitude and all. I think I won't answer the email yet because no matter what I say, he's going to have something to say about it. He simply won't accept that maybe *he* is the problem, that maybe I am just really tired of hearing him complain about *everything* all the time. Geez.

It has been quiet here today so far. No one here for another hour or so, and then the Girl gets home from school. I don't know what time the Spouse will be home tonight, so we'll see. I am so tired today. I even took a nap this morning, but it didn't really help much. Maybe I will take another and just sleep until the Girl gets home. We'll see.
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Time:8:09 am.
Music:none.
Okay, just another day. I have so much that I really need to do this weekend or I am going to put myself in a position of being very behind. I don't want to do that, so I have to make myself do something today. We shall see. I simply have no motivation. I just really want to go back to bed and sleep.
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Wednesday, November 12th, 2003

Time:1:43 pm.
Mood: blah.
Music:none ~ just the television.
Hmm, an online journal. I don't even know why I am setting this up because I don't know that I want the world to know my thoughts. But, we shall see.
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Blurty for Abigail.

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