alison gertrude's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] alison gertrude [ website | Disclaimer ] [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

She said she loves you yeahhh yeahhh yeahhhh [21 Aug 2003|03:29pm] [ mood | indifferent ] [ music | Everlong - The Foo (GASP OMGWTFBBQ) ] Sorry, but your comment of 5138 characters exceeds the maximum character length of 4300. Please go back, shorten it, and try posting it again. Wtf. I've never had to leave a comment in different segments before. Australia is pretty. The Yoda escapades are underway. I miss MAH GRRLZ & MAH BOIZ. I miss Lacey. I've had too much time to sit down, think, and write out here. I haven't seen much of Katie; or Hayden, at that. Clearing your head through writing is good, I think we should all do it more often. End of lame update. WAIT PS: Happy birthday, Liam! :D EDIT AGAIN: ( OMGWTFBBQ @ METALLICA ) 3 comments|post comment

Come onnnnn let's get to it, I know that we can do it! WHERE ARE WE GOING? CLAP CLAP CLAP [19 Aug 2003|01:30pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | DORA MUSIC ] I'm watching Dora the Explorer. I can't blame it on Lacey, either, because she's not here. I'm watching it on my own free will. It's a good show, ok? Dora is even bilingual. Dora por vida. Katie informed me yesterday that she had a secret for me. So I've ended up in Australia with her. Yes, Australia. She wanted to see Hayden, and she didn't want to go alone. She bribed me with Yoda. I didn't have a choice, it's Yoda or death. I've recently become a Star Wars junkie, though, so having friends in the business is a good thing. And, of course, rooming with Natalie is great. Hi Natalie. :D. Back to Lacey, though. Oscar and Lacey were brought up in a conversation with Mike yesterday. We were mostly talking about our fears, but I've been worrying a lot about her lately. I went into super-mom mode, I think. It might have been Lillyella calling her fat ;]. I'm just terrified that she'll grow up "the wrong way." That we're not going to raise her well. She's at an influencial age right now, and I feel like she's every bit mine as my own blood is. She lives with three women. There's a lot of traffic in that apartment, I don't think she knows who all of these different people are to her. A child is supposed to have a stable environment, and I feel like she could do a lot better than what we're -- what I'm -- giving her. I think I said that one of my biggest fears I have for her is that she'll grow up without friends. That she'll spend her days walking following us around the house because she thinks that's what she's supposed to do. She's going to start pre-school soon, so being surrounded by kids her age will be good for her. I just want her to be happy. That's the root of it, I suppose. I'd do anything for that kid if it kept her happy. I don't want to spoil her to death, but I just want to keep her smiling. I want to know she's happy. I want her to understand that all of us in that household love her equally. I think she's too young to understand everything now, but what will she think when she gets older? Is she going to remember the way we brought her up? Is that going to effect her for the worse? I'd never give her up, unless I thought it was for the best. I'm attached to her, I'll admit it. I love her like she was my own; but maybe it would be best for her if she had a normal environment, with a mom and a dad and a stupid white picket fence and a dog named Rover. Hi Cam. 12 comments|post comment

I guess I'm not that good anymore, but baby that's just me [17 Aug 2003|04:46pm] [ mood | pensive ] The situation seems vaguely familiar, only the tables have turned now. Anything I do or say is going to lead to being hypocritical; I've decided I'll keep my mouth shut and save myself the hassle of having to apologize and grovel repeatedly. There's only so many times you can get away with the same thing. There's only so many things you can do before everyone figures you out. They can see right through you. They're onto your facade. They understand exactly what you're thinking. It should be disheartening to come to the realization that everyone's caught on to what you do. But with my overbearing sense of pride and my moronic arrogance, I've yet to come to that realization. I'm still walking around on my high horse with the foolish notion that I'm beyond everyone's judgements. Sometimes when you float too far above the earth, you need a little something to bring you back down. I've always had one person to slap me back to reality. He's been there to keep me down-to-earth, because he never once would hesitate to lay the cards out on the table and tell me when I was messing up. I never had that "luxury" from any of my other friends. I always knew they'd be there for me to fall back on. There was always something to fall back on. Don't misinterpret this, I value all of the friendships of have very much, but this relationship has been the most important. It's hit the bumpy side as of late, because of my own fears and paranoia. I've never used this journal to write about how I feel, so maybe I should start. There isn't much complexity behind the thin walls I've got up, and at this point I don't care what anyone gathers from reading. There's nothing to decipher. I lost touch with you because I was afraid. I was afraid of what you were going to think of me, had I poured everything out and laid it in the open for you. I've been firm in the motives behind my actions; I wouldn't defend it if I didn't believe strongly in it. I'm not scared to lay it out for everyone in general, but it's you in particular that I'm scared of. I've looked up to you since I've met you. I'd never wanted to lose that unique friendship that I've always had with you. If I held something from you, it was because I didn't want you to change your opinion of me. Of course I wanted you to hold me in high regards, you were my older, wiser, much more mature brother. It was practically identical to the kind of relationship a teenage boy and his 7 year old little sister would have. But it's taken me this long to realize that hiding things from you isn't saving me any trouble. I need that reality slap that I get from you. I know I've said it before, but I say it again with more meaning. I need you to keep me in line. It's pathetic that I can't do that for myself, but at least I can let my pride down long enough to admit it. Without you, I'd be another nameless arrogant prick. And, although it sounds appealing to walk down a street and spit on everyone, I think I want to steer clear from that lifestyle for now. Which leads me to something else. I want to thank you for that reality slap, too. You're an intelligent kid, but then again it doesn't take much to figure two faced people out, does it? We've only just met but I think that good things can come from this. Most people don't call me on things. I'm not intimidating, but I've always blamed that on the fact that I'm one of the two "most important" people here, so ass kissing is believed to be a necessity. I don't want ass kissing. I'm not going to kick anyone out because they're airing my dirty laundry out. I might be an asshole, but I'd like to think I'm just. Being just and fair was one thing I didn't give to you. I didn't need everyone else to tell me I was wrong, I knew it from the beginning. I wasn't trying to save my ass or make myself look good coming out of this situation. When I apologized, I was sincere. It didn't seem so to you, and I'm not sure that I can convince you that it was genuine. I'm not going to explain myself, but perhaps one day if we end up talking, we can clear things up. Most of us, in this little circle we have, share the same sense of humour. We mean well by it, we really do. Maybe, though, I should pull my head out of my ass before cracking jokes on a situation involving people's feelings. Another thing that I'm not accustomed with is being hospitable or serious. Obviously, taking the situation lightly was not an option to be reckoned with. I can't apologize for other people, but I can apologize for myself. When I told him about it I wasn't set on stabbing you in the back. He's one of my best friends, and most of the time a thing of that sort would come up in conversation. I didn't go around flaunting it to anyone I came across. That wasn't to save myself the trouble, it was because I actually did care about how you felt, and I actually did feel bad about doing that to you. I still do, and it's not because you called me on it. It's because I certainly didn't intend to make you feel bad. So, even if you don't plan on talking to me ever again, my door is always open if you choose to forgive me. Same goes to you. I didn't mean to get nasty on you, I was just angry. More at myself, but it was misdirected. You know I couldn't live without talking to you, and hopefully my phone calls will still be well recieved. Clyde. :o I almost regretted coming back at all, once a string of bad things happened due, indirectly or not, to my return. But you've got to keep tough when things get hard; it's what seperates the strong in character from the weak. I don't want to be weak. I don't want to run away from problems. I want to plant my feet firmly on the ground and hold myself up when you try to knock me over. That's just what I'll do. I'm going to stick it out, and I wouldn't do so if I didn't believe in myself. No matter how many bad things cross my path, it's never impossible to sort them all out. It just goes to show how your mind really works. One thing I didn't expect upon my return was all the hostility I've been sensing. It's obvious that there's a bitter hatred lying between us. After going through this so many times before, I've learned to turn the other cheek. It's useless to let it get to me. Maybe it really is just ridiculous paranoia, but I can't help but feel like you do things just to piss me off. If that really is your motive, and I'd like to give you the benefit of the doubt, then you're succeeding. What I don't know, though, is why you hate me so much. Maybe one day I'll be so lucky as to hear it all from you, but until then I assume I'm left to wonder. I've always been left to wonder, though. I wonder if we'll ever speak again. I wonder why we stopped. But really, I'm the asshole here for abandoning you, right? I left you flat on your ass so it's your right to hate me this much. If I remember correctly, you left before I had a chance to say goodbye. I suppose we're forgetting about that, though. I'm a bitch, I made your life hell, and you're happy to be rid of anything that reminds you of me. All's well that ends well, then, but I'm not going to sit around and get swamped with people asking me if I'm upset by what you do or if I'm doing okay. I'm doing fine, minus the hot temper I've got and the anger I'm concealing. I'm not going to make you so content with yourself to let you feel like you've got me in check. You do have some audacity, though. My fucking couch. MY couch. I guess they don't teach you etiquette or how to be considerate in Canada. One thing I won't do is play jealous ex-girlfriend. Thanks, but no thanks. If you think anything up there was about you, chances are it was. So, whatever. I've cleared my mind for now. There's tons of other things I feel like venting on about, but this is one paragraph too long as it is, and my sammich has gone stale from sitting untouched for the past hour. I'm going to retreat to my couch and resume eating my Justice League fruit snacks. Ta-fucking-ta. 10 comments|post comment

[16 Aug 2003|08:16pm] [ mood | okay ] Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand. 9 comments|post comment

Tell me to keep my mouth closed, now [16 Aug 2003|01:56pm] [ mood | guilty ] Yesterday was eventful. Interesting, at that. Hm. So how many times do I have to be told to stop taking jokes so far? I'm wondering if it's possible for me to be serious, at all. It's just more fun to take things lightly. Making a joke about something makes it easier to deal with. That's how it's always been. You've gotta laugh at the situation. Well, I've learned that laughing at the situation is inappropriate. I suppose that soon I'll start thinking about other people's feelings. I'll realize that the world doesn't revolve around me, no one is waiting to go on my actions, and the things that I do actually do effect everyone around me. You'd think that, by now, I'd have processed that. I might do some stupid things, but that's really just due to the fact that I don't think. I don't think things through before I do or say them. Acting on impulse. For future refence, it would be smart to think about effects before you cause them. I really don't have malicious intents. I don't really have any intents, at all. I'd never purposefully hurt someone's feelings. Sorry, I'm lying again. -is not a pathological liar.- I wouldn't purposefully hurt someone's feelings if I didn't think they deserved it, and I'm sorry to you because you didn't deserve it. Getting involved with a stupid bitch like me is like.. hazardous, or something. The truth is, I fucked things up again and I don't know how to fix them. Shut. Up. Slut. 17 comments|post comment

[15 Aug 2003|07:09pm] [ mood | amused ] Shame on you, Appleton! That amused me, I didn't see it until now. It's definetly some broccoli, ok? BACK, BACK WITH THE RUDE COMMENTS. 16 comments|post comment

And we fought like soldiers but we died like flies [15 Aug 2003|03:09pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | Sundials - Alkaline Trio ] I remember when I used to update daily. Sadly, I've just been too lazy to do it lately. I'm sure you've been dealing, though. >:D. Ahah, that face amuses me far more than it should. So does Daryl. Everyone else is boring today. And don't try to blame it on a power outage, because there's laptops and phone lines, ok? At least, there is for me. Obviously I cannot tear myself away from the internet. I wouldn't want to leave everyone in the dark about where Nessa and I disappeared to for a week. Contrary to popular belief (where did that come from, anyway..?), we were not occupying our time in Alaska, experimenting with video cameras, leather, or anything of the like. I'd mentioned that condo in LA, and that's where most of that time was spent. I had filming to keep me busy, and Nessa entertained herself with other important things, I'm sure. Sometimes, you just need a break. I know there's plenty of people here that can agree with that. But, working yourself stupid and trying to ignore everything else in your life isn't much of a break. It was needed, nonetheless, and I promise on pain of death that I won't abandon you again, ok? Apparently our return wasn't much anticipated; I think we've disappointed a few people by coming back. I don't know what to say to you about that, really, besides.. deal with it? Yeah. OH EM EF GEE GENERAL HOSPITAL ISN'T ON, BECAUSE OF THE NEWS. I BELIEVE THAT I CANNOT BREATHE. VINNIEBEAR. DO YOU SEE THIS? DO. YOU. SEE. THIS?! Back to the update. So, we came back to New York to find that the apartment had been taken over in our abscence. We'll have to wait and see what comes of this. Hopefully things are going to go back to normal soon. Minus the power outage last night, things have been pretty normal. Walking out onto the deck at midnight and seeing millions of people in the streets below was .. interesting, to say the least. The view we had made it look like a sea of people. We certainly weren't going to join them, so we stayed inside and dealt with the heat. It wasn't that bad once the sun went down. It gave us time to bond, and things like that. Sit in a circle out on the porch, surrounded by candles. It made me feel like I was in the Craft, kind of.. o.o But it was a good experience. We should try the bonding thing again today, ok? I'm happy I could contribute to the shittiness of your past 5 months, though. That really makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. >:D. General Hospital is back on. No need to panic. I'm starting to think our lives are the equivalent to a soap opera like this. I had a brain fart, I can't remember what else I was going to ramble about. Sigh. Edit: Happy Birthday, Ben! 8 comments|post comment

[13 Aug 2003|08:20pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | Hugh Grant ] I'll make a substantial update one day. ( LOL @ TOBEY ) 29 comments|post comment

Hi Benji! [13 Aug 2003|01:17am] [ mood | amused ] ( Ahah.. ) WAIT EDIT EDIT OMG. ( AHAHA ) 4 comments|post comment

[12 Aug 2003|07:36pm] [ mood | recumbent ] El oh el. 22 comments|post comment

I think I thought I saw you try. [03 Aug 2003|03:48pm] [ mood | indescribable ] This time it's real. There won't be a week-long break, followed by a tear-filled reunion. There won't be any apologies. This is different from the many times it's happened before. This time, you aren't coming back. You're not going to surprise me by randomly showing up at my door. I'm not going to pester you to the point where a restraining order has to be brought up. You're gone, and that's it. So why can't I digest it? It's not that simple. You're different. You were always different. There was something about you, and I knew it the minute I met you. We weren't like everyone else. We were different. Unconventional. Untraditional. 5 months, and we'd only managed to go on one successful date. It didn't matter where we went, or what we did. We got along better than most people thought. We lasted longer than most people expected. Remember when I asked you if you honestly though we'd make it this far? You said you didn't care about the time, you just wanted to be around me. I just want to be around you. You're the only person I ever tried to impress. It was always the same fight. Why didn't I open up? It was a matter of fear, that's all. I was afraid I'd disappoint you, and now I fear that I have. I wanted to be good for you, because you were good for me. We didn't do the same thing twice. You were unpredictable. You always surprised me. And after all the shitty things we did to each other, we always came out of it stronger. Was it only a matter of time before our "luck" ran out? I took advantage of your strength. I guess I overestimated you. There's only so long you can go without seeing a person, I suppose. I suppose I don't even know your reasoning. All I know is that you're gone and I don't know when or if I'll ever see you again. The thought of that makes it hard for me to stand up. I think this is the first time I've been honestly pessimistic. I'm lost in you. Completely lost, and the sad thing is that I don't want to get over it. I don't want to pick my chin up and move on with everything. I don't want to forget you. It's not that simple. I don't want to act like I don't care. I've faked smiles far too much and this time I'm not pretending. This time I don't care about dignity or pride. I don't care about who's right or wrong, or who makes the first phone call. I just care about you. Can you expect me to pretend that everything's okay? It's not okay. I'm not okay. Nothing is okay. You were my world. You're the reason I couldn't stay inside forever. I always came back for you. Everything always came down to you. What do you do when everything you care about is snatched from your grasp? You look down, and your hands are empty. A life without you would be an empty one, in the strongest sense of the word. You left a part of you in everything you did, and a part of me is always going to belong to you. I know we weren't perfect, but I didn't want us to be. It's hard to finally realize that you're not going to call, but you know I'll still be checking the phone. If I can't physically hold you, then at least I've got the memories to hold onto, right? We’ve come too far to leave it all behind. 13 comments|post comment

[02 Aug 2003|03:42pm] [ mood | jubilant ] [ music | Walking After You - The Foo Fighters ] New icons. Jovi. The Foo. The black and white is kind of depressing. Or maybe that's just the pictures I used. Oh well. :D 9 comments|post comment

[01 Aug 2003|07:13pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | J Timber ] So, I guess it's fair to say that I owe everyone an apology for not being around lately. I don't usually have my cell on, or else I swear I'd call everyone on a daily basis and keep up with things. I've got a few days to myself this weekend, so I figured now would be a good time to come home. LA isn't really exciting when you're on your own. Nessa and I had talked about buying a condo out in LA months ago, but I'm rethinking that now and maybe it's not such a bad idea; I could use a place to sleep while I'm filming there, you know. Hotels, much like LA, aren't that great. Gina Gershon, Joy Bryant ("Antwone Fisher") and Ali Larter ("Final Destination 2") are among the stars signed up for "Three Way Split," a suspense drama shooting in Los Angeles. Desmond Harrington ("Ghost Ship"), and Australia newcomer Dominic Purcell will also star in the Hyperion Pictures project, which will be directed by Scott Ziehl, who attracted some buzz with the 1998 festival fave "Broken Vessels." "Three Way Split," is based on Gil Brewer's 1963 pulp novel "Wild to Possess," described as a darkly comic story of murder, kidnapping, blackmail and sexual deception. Hyperion is also developing a second Brewer novel, "Memory of Passion." "Many pulp writers worked under pseudonyms, and a few, like Jim Thompson, eventually became famous. But most labored in obscurity," said Russell Marleau, who adapted the "Three Way Split" script and will produce the film with Christian Mills. "Brewer is one who deserves rediscovery because he was a superb novelist writing in a genre that too often emphasized quantity over quality." There's been a lot of buzz about the movie spread accross the internet, and it's only been in production for about a month. I take that as a good sign. A lot of critics are tagging it as an "Indie film," so I'm kind of nervous about how well it's going to get rated. I mean, after all, it is my first Indie film, if you want to call it that. But, Gina and Joy are super hot; if they don't attract an audience then I don't know what will. Come on, kids. It's a "violent and sexy thriller" based on a "trashy" novel by a "pulp" writer, whose credits include "Little Tramp" and "Nude on Thin Ice." Does this not sound appetizing yet? The book is about a kidnapper juggling the three sexpots in his life -- his girlfriend, his partner in crime's mistress and his bound kidnap victim. Here's hoping Gina plays the tied-down seductress. -cracks up.- If I didn't convince you with that, then all I have left to say is: Dwight plays a blackmailer harassing Dominic's character. Dwight Yoakam, kids. Maybe if you watch the country music channel, you recognize him. Evil in a cowboy's hat. I don't want to give anything else away just yet, 'cause honestly I'm not really supposed to. But, I promise I'll try to keep you updated, and you can pretend that you're excited. :D! So that's what I've been up to, really. 16 hour work days, lots of coffee, and the occasional sharing of a Jack when filming lets out early; which is rare, ok? When they run you that thin, they've got to give you a few days to yourself, which is what I have this weekend for. But, I've got to make my way back to the set in a few days. That means back to turning my phone off for most of the day, sleeping in a hotel bed (which is covered in semen, ok? I watched it on the News once. It's why I use my own blankets), and working out late at night when I can't sleep. I should probably use that time to make a few phone calls, but I doubt anyone is up at that time, anyway. I really miss everyone, but I've got obligations, too. Hm. So, I hear I've missed a few things here and there. I've talked to Nessa more than anyone else, she always manages to get me when my phone's on. Lacey's been at my mother's house, because of a recent turn in events that left the house empty. I think I might even miss her the most, but it's a close call. The animal corpse and the blood might have given her the advantage though, heh. Mom dropped her home today, I got to see her for a little while before I forced Pedro to take me to the airport again. He seemed a bit over-excited to be driving me there, maybe he missed my orders. Poor Pedro. :\ So, Katie, you're going to have to keep a watchful eye over Lacey for a day or so, and be careful 'cause she's sneaky. I'd tell you to share the responsibility with Ness, but it seems she has deleted herself from the Matrix again. Man. This update is a lot longer than I planned it to be. I have more to say but I don't feel like writing about it now. Montreal? :\ 7 comments|post comment

HI PIERRE :-* [24 Jul 2003|08:50pm] [ mood | MMMPIERRE ] [ music | the MMMPIERRE song ] SO HOW ABOUT THAT PIERRE BOUVIER? Isn't my boyfriend the hottest? I want to do him up down AND side to side but he's too busy attempting suicide off barbie houses while I read Katie porn. Oh god Katie, that porn makes me want to masturbate. pierreforlyfhomies 5 comments|post comment

.. Hi. [22 Jul 2003|02:02pm] [ mood | nervous ] I think it's better that I've missed a few things. 6 comments|post comment

[17 Jul 2003|08:12pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | Bend Over, I'll Drive - The Cramps ] From now on, I'm going to write about Beck in every one of my entries in an effort to bring him back from his cave. I will not stop until he shows his face, ok? Besides, it makes Todd have dreams about Beck, and that's always fun times. So, yes. I really miss Beck. BECK IS BACK. :D Tuesday night (or, early Wednesday morning - early as in, 2 AM) Nessa and I packed our things, grabbed Lacey, and hopped in Pedro's hot ride. He took us to the airport, where we were catching a late (or early, depending on how you look at it. o.o) flight to LA. The LA premiere was Wednesday night, so we wanted to get out there as early as possible to make plans and go shopping. I kept Lacey company in the hotel while Katie and Ness went out for dresses. We tried to get in touch with Mandy, but she wasn't picking up her phone. Pff. When Katie and Nessa returned to the hotel, Katie went off to find Hayden, and Nessa and I watched some disney channel with Lacey. I don't know when she slipped out, but we didn't notice she had left until what could have been an hour later. Ness and I got into a bit of an arguement, which turned into screaming. The screaming attracted Katie, and before you could spell elephant, the three of us were in the midst of a little .. bitch fight, for lack of better words. There wasn't even any real reason, we were just at each other's throats, spewing off any insults we could dig up to piss each other off. We stopped screaming, suddenly, and fell onto the floor in fits of laughter. It was an odd way to end a fight, but everything's peachy keen between the three of us now. We've lived with each other for a while, and we've always gotten along. It was a surprise for all of us, really. The laughter didn't last, however; we started panicing ocne we had realized that Lacey was gone. It didn't take long to find her in the corner of the elevators, but that 5 minutes of confusion was enough to whip us all into shape, and realize that we have other priorities we have to worry about now. We can't just get up and party whenever we feel fit. We don't want to face it, but having Lacey around us is definetly putting a damper on our social lives. But, who's to say that's a bad thing? Needless to say, we missed the premiere. I hope Mandy isn't terribly disappointed in our abscence, we really wanted to be there. She still hasn't answered her phone, though. Maybe when she's done promoting she can finally make her way to New York and have that slumber party with us. Mandy, call me, ok? -big wink.- So, after realizing we missed the premiere, we decided to use our free time wisely. Nessa and I talked to Todd, and thought it would be fun if we flew out to meet him on Warped Tour. There weren't any dates for today, so it worked out fine. We forgot about Lacey for a minute, though. Quick planning, and she was safe in a room with Katie and Hayden. They'll take care of her for a few days, until Hayden leaves early tomorrow morning to go back to Australia; then it's up to Katie. We'll come back for her, though. We shouldn't be gone that long. We made a bon fire with Todd last night in a random field, and hung our masks on trees; that is, until Todd passed out. He woke up a while later, but it was fun sticking pieces of grass up his nose and filling his insanely large mouth with dirt and worms. I'm not positive where Nessa went to after that, but I'm sure Todd hunted her down after he woke up. She probably stowed away in his house-on-wheels. Under a table, perhaps. -ponder.- When Nessa left, I found my way to Pierre's bus. I snuck inside and jumped on him, hoping to surprise him. I didn't get the reaction I'd expected from him, but that's alright. It was almost 3AM by then, he was probably scared. But, he pulled me into his bunk, and we stayed up talking a little while longer. Among other things, of course. So, after a lot of begging, Beck finally decided to come back. It was all for me, of course. Hi Beck. :D Nessa and I forced him to take us to Wawa before. We had a rendezvous with an old man, and once we got inside we managed to knock over every shelf in the store, along with breaking the soda machine and flooding the floors. All accidentally, of course. We fled the scene and found our way back to the house-on-wheels. The three of us were covered in soda and dirt, so we fought for the shower. Beck won, but we fought back. By .. bursting into the bathroom and turning the water on. Somehow, Beck ended up naked & wrapped in a shower curtain, and Nessa and I soaked each other in water and ripped each other's clothes. -weird look.- Anyway. Todd came back, and we went on a desert search for water in our GJ apparel. I really missed Beck; as if I hadn't stressed that enough with the incessant begging and pleading. I'm supposed to write about Todd and Beck. Hm. I watched them beat each other with water bottles. Todd has a .. slender nose. I luh me some Beck. I really miss Mike, I'm going to try my hardest to go visit him on tour in a few days. Spend some time bonding, because, sadly, I haven't seen him in a long time. And you can't go that long without seeing your brother, riding phone lines just isn't the same. I can see Cam's sexy oscar belly, too. Maybe he'll kick for me, sometimes Reese's belly does that. -coughs.- By the way, I was shopping the other day and I saw Reese on the cover of 3 magazines. Wtf. I should take advantage of this time and give my boyfriend another heart attack. Farewell. :D 13 comments|post comment

[17 Jul 2003|02:39am] [ mood | sad ] [ music | SAD !!!!!!!!!!! :-[ !!!!!!!!! ] You know what? I miss Beck. A lot. This calls for tears, and striped shirts. 12 comments|post comment

:D:D:D:D:D:D HOWDY, PA'ATNER! [15 Jul 2003|10:16pm] [ mood | PISSED-THE-FUCK-OFF ] [ music | Angry, raging music ] You know.. much like everyone else, I've been reading. I promised I wouldn't stick my nose where it doesn't belong, but after today I just don't think I can do that. I know that my opinion on this matter doesn't matter much, if at all. I don't care. Let me state the facts. I don't know what happened. I haven't spoken to either parties. One thing I won't do, though, is assume things. Have you ever heard that infamous phrase about assuming? It's proved itself true in many cases, let me repeat it here for you. Assuming makes an ass out of you and me. At this point, it's useless to avoid name dropping, because everyone's been airing their dirty laundry in the center of town, you might as well plaster it all over billboards. People talk, it's expected. I never understood why people couldn't mind their own business, but I suppose it gives variety to the usual boring conversation between acquaintances. Does it make you feel good to trash talk people? I hope it does. I hope it brings a big grin to your disgusting faces. Does it give you a rush? I hope you get something out of it. I know you have low self esteem, so I really hope your ego is fully inflated now. It's nice to know that you can drop to a level as low as that in order to make yourself feel better about your own failures. I've known Christina for a year, would you like me to throw that in your face? Does the amount of time that I've known her really matter that much? Well, when you put it that way, let me tell you this. And, yes, this is directed to a few certain people. You don't know her. You don't fucking know that girl. You've never spoken a word to her. I'm not going to say anything to Tobey or Christina, because I love them both and as stated before it's none of my business. But, to those people who left that nice string of comments on her entry, I've lost a certain amount of respect for you. It's not all of you, really. Just a few of you who went way too fuckin' far with the words you chose. You took it upon yourself to form a police force. It's not your job to tell her if she's wrong. Who's to say she was wrong, anyway? It's a his-word-against-hers kind of thing. What do I believe? It's not my place to tell you what I believe, and what I think is right. It's not my job to tell either of them that I think they're lying or that they're a jerk off or that they're a slut. And, by the way, if I wanted to call Christina a slut, I'd think up a much better insult than uber mega super slut, ok? She is not a doll. She does not come in different speeds. She is not uber slut one day, and mega the next. Just thought I'd clear that up. Before you put it upon your shoulders to leave nasty comments, I'd like it if you got your facts straight first. All of these ridiculous angry posts defending one person or the other are unnecessary. They're absolutely appalling, and, honestly, they make me want to vomit all over myself. I think it would be beneficial to everyone if you'd keep your elongated nose (resembling that of Pinnochio) out of others' business. You can believe what you want, that's true. But, if there's one thing that I've learned from my time in Hollywood, it's been to never believe everything you hear. With that, I'm done. Take that how you want to, it's what you've all been fucking doing anyway. I'm done getting angry over moronic peoples' logic that is equivalent to that of a sewer rat. If you'd direct your inane hate comments to this entry, please. I will be awaiting your wise insight with a smug grin and a plate of cookies. 14 comments|post comment

Itchy gitchy ya ya [15 Jul 2003|04:58pm] [ mood | cranky ] So, I've got a little break from filming. The past few days have kept me extremely busy on set. Dwight Yoakam; enough said. It's been stressful, I guess. I've managed to avoid everyone in order to prevent an outlash, but there's one person in particular that I can't seem to get away from. That little girl happens to be permanently attached to me. She was fine at home with Nessa and the boys, I hear she attacked Pierre with makeup that I didn't even know she had. She's definetly gotten a lot more talkative in the few weeks she's been with us. She must be more comfortable now. Everyone treats her like their own kid, so she's really living the good life now. At first I thought she'd never start talking, but now it's like.. I can't get her to stop. She wants to be a "big girl," so she won't keep to herself in her bedroom and occupy herself with barbies. She likes following Nessa, Katie, and I around. It's actually really adorable when she pretends to understand our conversations, and laugh when she sees everyone else laughing, but that kind of thing gets frustrating when you're trying to do something and she won't leave you alone. Heh, I'm starting to think that I won't be able to handle it. I know that she's only a kid, and she doesn't understand when to back off. I just forget, you know? I don't mean to yell at her, but I've got a bad temper. It's not fair for her, I should really try to have patience. I made her cry the other night. Not intentionally, of course. She ripped apart a beanie baby, and scattered the beans all over the floor. Thousands of little white beans that I had to pick up. She grabbed a bucket and poured more beans on the floor, so I yelled at her. I told her she was bad, and that no one likes bad little girls. Actually, it was more like .. screaming at her. Her face made me want to cry, really. So she dropped her little pink bucket and ran down the hallway crying. I chased her down and picked her up but she wouldn't look at me. She just kicked her legs at me and cried. I tried telling her that she was a good girl and that I loved her but I don't think she really cared, hah. She shoved her face on my shoulder and cried all over my shirt. I don't know why, but I can't forget about that. It just makes me sad that I made her cry like that. Hm. I took her to the beach a day ago, or so. Nessa came with me. She gets really cranky when she doesn't take naps, you know. She pointed out some clouds and said "I wonder if the care bears are in them clouds." Hah, it made me think of Vinnie. I bet her care bear obsession is going to grow out of control, because of him. And, she sleeps with her Todd barbie now. -weird look.- It's cute? She likes roast beef, too.. yeah. I don't know who gave it to her, but I'll find out. AND I WILL KILL. Because, now I have to keep rst bff in the fridge because she likes it, a lot. Dammit. I also don't know who threatens my cat, but Lacey picks up on it. It's funny, really. She picks things up really quick from TV and from watching all of us in the house. She was playing with Benny and randomly said "I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS, BENNY!" I had to stifle laughter, because that would have encouraged her. But it was funny, nonetheless. She took a bite out of her sandwhich the other day, got a big plastic grin on her face, and said "This sandwhic is deeeeeeeeelicious!" It was so fake, I bet she got it from a commercial. Hm. I should stop talking about Lacey, shouldn't I? I can't help it, she's the greatest kid in the world. She's a savage, though. She eats everything in sight, and trashes my bedroom, and breaks things.. >:O. I just have to keep telling myself that she's only 4. I'm lucky to have so many other people in the house to help out, though. Lacey is lucky, too. What other kid has so many sets of parents? Haha. That might end up messing her up in the long run, but she's having fun with it now. I think we're all going to take her with us and fly out to LA tomorrow to see Mandy's premiere. This was supposed to be a quick update, oops. Edit: CAN YOU PLEASE TRY TO .. NOT LOSE LACEY? Wtf. 11 comments|post comment

[14 Jul 2003|01:03pm] [ mood | mellow ] :O 4 comments|post comment

navigation [ viewing | 20 entries back ] [ go | earlier/later ]