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suffering in silence

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[27 Apr 2004|04:11pm]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | boys night out - it's dylan, you know the drill ]

DUDE! i never ever ever update on this username..
therefore all my dear friends please add my other username
x_lick_me

thanks
<33333333+5743986
dana

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[19 Jan 2004|09:22pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | until the day i die - story of the year ]

STORY OF THE YEAR


"And The Hero Will Drown"

The night will come
and rip away,
her wings of innocence through every word we say
maybe it's time,
to spit out the core of our rotting union
hopefully before it chokes
us to our senses.

Guess it's too bad,
that everything we have
is taken away.

Swim in the smoke
the hero will drown
intoxicating beauty tears everything down
but still our hands are
bound at the wrist
this romantic tragedy is suffocating from your fist,
in a sea of fire.

Guess its to bad,
that everything we have
is taken away.

Hero, Hero, this word you'll never know

Guess its to bad
that everything we have
is taken away.
Away, away, away. They're taking it away

STORY OF THE YEAR ARE MY NEW OBSESSION!

STORY OF THE YEAR


"Until The Day I Die"

Until the day I die
I'll spill my heart for you, for you
Until the day I die
I'll spill my heart for you

As years go by
I race the clock with you
But if you died right now
You know that I'd die to
I'd die too

You remind me of the times
When I knew who I was (I was)
But still the second hand will catch us
Like it always does

We'll make the same mistakes
I'll take the fall for you
I hope you need this now
Cause I know I still do

Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you

Should I bite my tongue?
Until blood soaks my shirt
We'll never fall apart
Tell me why this hurts so much
My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
But still we'll say, "remember when"
Just like we always do
Just like we always do

Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you

Yeah I'd spill my heart!!!
Yeah I'd spill my heart for you!!!

My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes
Mistakes like friends do

My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes
Made the same mistakes

Until the day I die
I'll spill my heart for you, for you

Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you, for you
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
Until the day I die!!!



ill write tomarrow
HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY DAYNA!

_<33
laterr chipmunks..
*dana* -queen of pain [alkaline trio, kid]

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* * >fuck, just cry yourself to sleep< * * [cursive-the lament of pretty baby] [06 Jan 2004|10:34pm]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | Blink 182 - Stockholm Syndrome [i love this album !!!] ]

hey...i'm updating...mmyupp.

x so my camera is ubber gay and won't let me take pictures off of its little 'pogram' thingy...err...whatever..
x i'm feeling so unloved that i swear i could just die. but i won't. 'cause we have the glow dance friday. and i must go. of course. to dance. and have funn. and whatnot. ehhhh
x patrick NEVER uses this little machiney thing here called a computer...and so when i was on the fone with him he was like what the fuck are you doing? and i was like ughh nothing, just ont he computer... and he's like whats that noise...and i had no music on...and then i was like...you mena me typing!? lmao...gawd he's so wierd...
x hey can someone kill me?
x i went to see the social worker today during lunch. i wasn't planning on eating, anyway.
x i decided...no, nobody loves me. don't you dare lie to me. fuck off.
x i also decided that i am the ugliest fattest shit on this here planet earth. yes indeedy. and i am not looking for sympathy, darling. so don't give it to me. and just tell me i'm ugly. i'm sure i can count on mike's comment about this way. "yeah, you're right. you are ugly!"
x mmmmm i want to disapear with [someone]...
x hey guess what...dayna is practicley explaing to me why the one guy i love will never love me. i am a faliure. damnitt..can't she leave well enough alone?
x fuck it.
x fuck her. ugly bitch.
x i am obbsessed with the new blink 182 cd...and Easy Target, Here's A Letter For You, and and and All Of This and oh of course I Miss You and Violence...ohkay i love them all...
x why do i feel like crying?
x i told my social worker 'bout my belly button ring. sh's not gunna tell me parents...she said nurse betty can check my belly out to make sure it's ohkay. turns out it's fine. i knew it would be. i knew it was. haha score 1 dana 0 mean people who tell her it'll get infected.
x soooo tomarrow is defnitley wensday. wich means gym. ack. mr. strane is a fucking perve...
x whoo good luck sawa with that arthur dude...hope everything turns out just as planned! <333 ya *muah*
x thursday = no fun...
x friday = help mom with work and whatnot...jessica r and jessica f [sexay jessay] are coming off the buss to my place..wich means [mike]mendalcine will get to torture us. i just wish he could shut up and go fuck his brother... the dance should be cool...glow dance = glow sticks = no turning lights on or will be wasting money on glow sticks. i'm so buying my tickets tomarrow...
x saturday = ack. Randi[nicole(best friend's) little sister]'s birthday party 12 untill...i dunno..whenever..i think i'm sleeping over...hmmm *thinks* she was a bit madd at me before for getting my belly pierced...now we're good. thank gawd...i hate fighting with her..
x sunday = uhmmm help mom again? why do i help her?...ice skating w/ gabby and kaylee and possible kyle and connor... i hope so...it's no funn without guys. lmao...that came out wrong..you know what i mean..girls aren't as funn as guys...errr...whatever...
x monday = CCD woot woot...finally i've been waiting for miss. marshmellow to see my prettyfully dyed hair and pierced navel...haha...i hope she kicks me out.. i really do. and i hope i catch that hotties name who sat across from me the last mass thingy...
x tuesday = finally i get to see renee again...i havnt' gone to the phsychologists in weeks..this'll be a relif..someone who i can talk to about my belly. wheeeee...
x and then it all starts over again....>ScReAmS<
x anyhoo...i felt like....uhmm shit? yeah thats it..'cause i figure i have around 7ish maybe 8 friends. defintion of friend: someone i can call after i have recieved bad/good news. someone who i can just...call..to talk...someone who i can go out places with..and be all comfortable and whatnot..
x "don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head" [i miss you]
x and so i am left here pondering why the fuck am i so alone?
x i am IN LOVE with the blink 182 song always...go read the lyrics right now...i mean it, kid...RIGHT NOW!
x "like violence you have me, forever and after. like violence you kill me, forever nd after"
x S0 anyway... "sometimes we have to be numb to how much we love someone...'cause if we ever felt how strongly we loved them...we'd die."
-Riding In Cars With Boys
alright, all you sugar lumpkins [?] i'm off to see the wizzarrd...mmmyupp
your's truly,
_<33Dana..

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i wish i could crush you with my voice [29 Dec 2003|07:15pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | the pros and cons of breathing - fall out boy ]

"The Pros And Cons Of Breathing"

Bury me standing under your window with the cinder block in hand
Yeah cause no one will ever feel like this again
And if I could move I'm sure it would only be to crawl back to you
I must have dragged my guts a block...they were gone by the time we (talked)...

I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself
But you know that I could crush you with my voice

Stood on my roof and tried to see you forgetting about me
Hide the details I don't want to know a thing

I hate the way you say my name like it's something secret
My pen is the barrel of the gun. Remind me which side you should be on.

I wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel.

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[25 Dec 2003|11:01pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | Fall Out Boy - the pros and cons of breathing ]

i so totally got me belly button pierced by hanerz
dude i <33333 her !!!
\/
so anywaysss....it kinda hurts...but it like hurts less and less everyday wich is good and i got it done the 23rd..
\/
i am officially obsessed with FALL OUT BOY!!!!!
they are the best band EVER!!!!! yeah thats right, kid...you heard me the best band EVER!!!
\/
latley i've been feeling like i'm totally dyeing inside...
i have a huge weakness...and his name is greg..
and it's killing me.. 'cause i like...i love him.. ='[
\/
mph i feel like crying...i am a wierd one..
\/
alright, i totally got a digital camera today! ahhhyay! imma take pics and post 'em a.s.a.p.
\/
dude i'm going to post some songs in like a sec. so like yeah read that too!!!!!
imma put the BEST SONGS EVER! in this here journal...
yes ma'am..
mph..
later*^

___p.u.m.p.k.i.n./3

2 comments|post comment

READ NOW!!!! [23 Nov 2003|06:48pm]
EVERYBODY CHECK OUT MIKES JOURNAL NOW!!!! ---> _hit_me_


hahaha, i forgot, mike. but there ya go. now everybody whos reading this check out his journal!!!!!


<33
*pumpkin
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and it's going to be a cold night in hell when you call* [19 Nov 2003|10:48pm]
[ mood | cynical ]
[ music | forget everything - new found glory ]

Can we pretend for one second that we are together,
What's the point of keeping my feelings at bay,
It takes alot of me,
To get the nerve to wake up,
Everyday,

And what if I don't,
Would you even care,
Would you even care,

Forget everything that we have done,
Erase me,
From your memory,
Don't call,
Don't ask about me until the day hell freezes over,

I can't remember the last time I saw you smile,
It might have been around this time last year,
It takes alot of me,
To get the nerve to tell you everything is ok,

And what if I don't,
Would you even care,
Would you even care,

Forget everything that we have done,
Erase me,
From your memory,
Don't call,
Don't ask about me until the day hell freezes over,

It's gone,
Before you know it,
You can't let go of something you've never had,
It's ash until you burn it,
I hope I never see you again,

And what if I don't,
Would you even care,
Would you even care,

Forget everything that we have done,
Erase me,
From your memory,
Don't call,
Don't ask about me until the day hell freezes over,

When hell freezes over



welp i feel like my whole entire body is shutting down on me...and i hate it. i'm so weak and tired it's an effort to type, walk, talk, even write my name at the top of my papers in school. but i geuss its somthing i have to deal with. my dad thinks i should go to the hospital. yeah right. i hate it there...i dunno....maybe...i mean if they can take the pain away...just maybe i'll go...

ehhh stuff i need to get out of my hair:
*listening*
cheeks bright red, i feel like i'm on fire
how could you be the perfect liar?
you can't see these frayed ends
i can't keep playing pretend
this life is lack of honesty
i wish it were just you and me
time and time the days grow long
i wonder if this talk is wrong
i should have listened

*nightfall*
last night i went out on my deck
and looked up at the sky
a tear ran down my cheek
and i asked the stars why?
no answer was heard
at least not that night
but in my dreams
i saw a light
it led me to help
and it took all my fears
now i can be with you
and cry no more tears

*not yet*
how come when you pass me by everything slows down.
your the only thing i can clearly see.
and you look perfect to me.

how come i can't breath when you walk by me.
my heart stops but i'm still living.
and this feeling isn't bad.
though i still don't have you yet.

i wish i could let go of fears
and let you wipe away the tears
i can't hold on to the past, any longer
not much longer

i can't see anything but you.
and all i think about is you.
how could i ever been so fooled,
by somthing as wonderfull as you?

i wish i could let go of fears
and let you wipe away the tears
i can't hold on to the past, any longer
not much longer [x1]

i've forgotten how to breathe
can you show me how?

*right now*
i'm tired and i miss you.
i wish i could fall asleep with you.
i'd run 1, 000 miles in the freezing rain just to see you.
i wish i could be with you every second.
i think i'll turn off the lights now.
i think i'll lock the door now.
and curl up in my bed thinking of you.
how much i want you.
i need to be with you.
how much i wish i could be with you right now.

*suffocating letters* -->sounds better when sung
i'm sitting here
all alone
curled up on my coach
wondering
wondering if you've ever wanted out
like i want
right now
and these cold
cold and lonley nights
when i'm begging for your arms
and i've wanted you for so long
but when i come close
somthing goes wrong
and i'm thinking of letting you
take the chances and
make romances
i'm thinking that i'll wait
cause you're worth the wait
you've always been and
always will be
but i'm still screaming for your arms
cause i'm so cold
so cold
that i can't feel
anymore
and i need to hear your voice again
so i can exhale
cause i've been holding my breath
this whole time
it's been a long time
and now i'm suffocating
waiting
waiting for your arms
cause i need them
more than ever
right now

*The Perfect Drug* -->won in a contest recentley and is going into the finals for another.
You're my perfect drug.
You make me happy.
You make me smile.
And every second with you,
Is worth while.
You're my perfect drug.
I can't get you off my mind.
And when you talk i can't breath.
To me the distance will never matter.
I promise you i will never leave.
You're my perfect drug.
And i got addicted a long time ago.
I'd run 1,000 miles in the rain,
Just to fall asleep in your arms.
You are a blessing to me.
And when i'm with you i feel safe from harm.
You're my perfect drug.
And i would die without you.

*the following are from books and movies*

-Pain- ^book^
nobody in their right mind should ever put anyone in such a great amount of pain. the kind of pain that picks at the back of your knees all day, untill you finally fall. the kind of pain where your insides tare making your tears and sweat come out bloody. the kind of pain where everyone can see it in your eyes. everyone can see your suffering just from looking into your eyes. and you stare daggers even when not meaning to. you can't help it. because the pain you have gone through....is the ultimate pain...nobody in their right mind should ever put anyone in such a great amount of pain....

.l.i.a.r.
.t.h.i.e.f.
.m.u.r.d.e.r.e.r.
now it's your turn to die...

-sally's song- ^movie^
I sense there's something in the wind
That feels like tragedy's at hand
And though I'd like to stand by him
Can't shake this feeling that I have
The worst is just around the bend

And does he notice my feelings for him?
And will he see how much he means to me?
I think it's not to be

What will become of my dear friend?
Where will his actions lead us then?
Although I'd like to join the crowd
In their enthusiastic cloud
Try as I may, it doesn't last

And will we ever end up together?
no, I think not, it's never to become
For I am not the one

- sally from the nightmare before christmas

-she told you so- ^show^
keep your head up high
look towards the sky
out of the clouds
an angle falls

catch her
she thanks you
with angle dust
and a trip for two

she trys to make you
foget your troubles
but still you miss your love...
go back home...
she told you so...

-scream- ^movie^
look at you, crying....moping. like you don't have anything!god! you have everything! look at your cloths your shoes your makeup and hair! lok in your wallet hun, those aren't ones those are hundreds. look at your friends and boyfriend! you aren't alone. they all love you. they all care about you and you know it. and they show it. your family....god they love you and care about you take care of you...and they have the fucking money to buy you whatever your cold spoiled heart wants. you think you got it bad. look at other people in this fucking world. look at me....i'm one of those people you have more than. you have so much more than. i envy you and you spit at the sight of me. just because your family loves you and you have money and no one dares to spread rumors about you doesn't make you any better than me. *clapping* whispers:thank you

tears filled with lies ^upcoming book(not yet published)^

"there's a secret she hides" angel
"and that is...." cory
"for every lie she's been told she makes a mark. a scar. on her arm. she leaves herself a note. to never believe those who have betrayed her. those who have lied to her, right to her face..."
"...and we both know that she's been lied to countless times."
"exactley. and now that you've done this.....this lie. it's so terrible that it tears her insides and makes her look even more fake.thats why she does it. to make sure she is still real. you lied to her, and now she'll push harder this time....down her wrists. and we both can't save her. "

**the follogin are from songs*

green day
....i am one of those melow dramatic fools
nerotic to the bone no doubt about it
sometimes i give myself the creeps
sometimes my mind plays tricks on me...

silvershair
please die, ana
for as long as you're here
we're not
you make the sound of laughter
and sharpened nails seem softer
and i need you now somehow
and i need you now somehow

the used
should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you

should've said something but I've said it enough
by the way my words were faded
rather waste some time with you
wast some time with you

dashboard confessional
you can't fake it hard enough to please
everyone or anyone at all.
and the grave that you refuse to leave
the refuge that you built to flee
the places that you've come to fear the most.

cursive
oh please mister
can't you fix me? can't you fix me?
someone, anyone
won't you fix me? won't you fix me?


limp bizkit
oh i geuss it would be nice
if i could touch your body
i know not everybody
has got a body like me
but i gotta think twice
before i give my heart away
and i know all the games you play
cause i play them too
oh but i need some time off from that emotion
time to pick my heart up off the floor
when love comes down without devotion
well it take a strong man baby
but i'm showing you that door
but i got have faith
gotta have faith
baby, i know your asking me to stay
stay, please please please don't go away
cause you're giving me the blues

fiona apple
...so what would an angel say?
the devil wants to know...

letters to cleo
i wish you well
couldn't you tell after all these years?
i wish you well
a life in the world that you're that your dreaming of
i wish you well
i wish you well
i wish myself all of the above
what made me think
that i could survive all the wear and tear?
it's not my thing
to stand here and pose for some william-tell
i wish you well
i wish you well
i wish myself all of the above
if there was a better time i could not find it
it's mines not yours and yours not mine
and we couldn't hide it
don't take me on a ride with you
it's a roller coaster

fiona apple
...but no matter what i try
you break me with your bitter lies
so, call me crazy
hold me down
make me cry
get off now, baby
it won't be long
'till you'll be lyeing,
limp, in your own hands

dashboard confessional
breath deeply from this envelope
it smells like you
and i can't be without that scent
it's filling me
with all you mean to me....

evanesence
please please fogive me
but i won't be home again
maybe oneday you'll woke up
and barley conciuose you'll say to no one
isn't somthign missing?
you won't cry for my absecne i know
you forgot me long ago
am i that unimportant
am i so insignificant
isn't somthing missing?
isn't someone missing me?
even though i'd be sacrificed
you won't try for me, not now
and thoguh i'd die to know you love me
i'm all alone
isn't somthign missing?
isn't someone missing me
pelase please forgive me
but i won't be home again
i know what you do to yourself
shutter deep and cry out
isn't somthing missing?
isn't someone missing me

the used
look in my e y e s
i'm jaded now
whatever that means.

slpiknot
You all stare, but you'll never see
There is something inside me

dashboard confessional
i'm dyeing to know.
do you do you.
like dreaming of things so impossible.
or only the practicul.
or ever the wild.
and waiting threw all your bad bad days
just to end them with someone you care about
and do you like making out
and long drives and brown eyes
and guys that just don't quite fit in
yeah, do you like them.

dashboard confessional
i begged you not to go
i begged you, i pleaded
claimed you as my only hope
and watched the floor as you retreated
i begged you not to go
i begged you i pleaded
claimed you as my only hope
and watched the floor as you retreated

does it comfort you to know you faught the good fight?
basking in your victory. hollow and alone.
you'll boast your bitter braggin rights
to anyone who'll listen

cursive
So cry yourself to sleep
Cry yourself to sleep
'Cause I am strong and you are weak
Wait, you are strong, and I am weak
Fuck -- just cry yourself to sleep

box car racer
i faintly remember breathing
on your bedroom floor
where i layed and told you
but you swear you love me m o r e
do you care if i
don't know what to say
will you sleep tonight
or will you think of me
will i shake this off, pretend it's all ohkay
that there's someone out there
who feels just like me
there is.

those notes you wrote me
i've kept them all
i've given alot of thought
of how to write you back this fall
with every single letter
in every single word
there will be a hidden message
about a boy that loves a girl

green day
it's somthing --> [unpredictable]
but in the end it's right
i hope you had the time of your life.

dashboard confessional
and sooner or later this cold its gunna break and our hands will be warm again and all i want is not to need you now and sooner or later this cold its gunna break so our words wil be heard again and i all i need are vows of silence now.

yellowcard
hello friend,
it's been to
l
o
n
g
and every town
sings the same s a d
song*


shit i was board. those are all from my away messages haha. well i'm off to sleep now. or at least to try.


_-love always-_
*~/x your broken pumpkin

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[05 Nov 2003|04:33pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]
[ music | iris - goo goo dolls ]

alright, this is whats up...
i didn't even think...ohkay...
it was like i was in a movie, show, or comic book...
and i was on the outside...
watching myself do this...
i couldn't stop myself or anything...
alright what i did was take 7 pain killers that i found...
and then i got really scared.
i thought it might kill me.
and i really noticed...
i mean i really really don't wanna die.
but i woke up this morning. and thats of course good.
so here i am.
and i geuss i've been having a hard time.
god i hate school.
and my teachers.
and the people in this fucked up town.
alright what up with everyone calling me a slut?
like poeple i don't even know...excuse me?
i mean i was walking in the mall with my sister, deanna and cousin evan.
we just got off the carousel cause we're dorks like that. and we went to walk to the hair dressers where my mom was going to pick us up. we passed by a table of kids older than us. and this guy caughed and said slut when i passed him. what the fuck? first of all thats uber lame. kids said shit like that in the second grade. i mean come on. and some kids at school have been calling me a slut. what did i do to be called a slut? i didn't do anything.

ohkay...heres a whole other thing going on in my life. greg. he is fucking amazing. i love that boy to death. he totally changed my perspective on life. and the guy really shows that he loves me. cept i think i care for him mroe than he does me. he's so fucking sweet and stuff. god i can't get him off my mind. he's just so easy to talk to. i'm totally comfortable with him it's kinda wierd. i like started talking to him last year sometime. then like for two months or somthing i didn't talk to him. and like two or three months ago he IMs me and then we started talking again. and stuff. but now....he has a new sn and didn't tell me. and he won't talk on the fone and well i can't really just walk to his house. so i think i''ll go die now. actually i'll go scream in my closet...why am i making such a big deal of this? what the fuck is wrong with me?

7 comments|post comment

[04 Nov 2003|07:31pm]
i love you all very much and thanks for all your support.
i hope i will be back.
<33
dana
8 comments|post comment

[13 Oct 2003|08:19pm]
[ mood | incomplete + cold ]
[ music | new found glory - sucker for a kiss ]

ughhh i feel incomplete and confused. i don't even know exactley why.

sometimes i jsut don't understand myself. and the choices i make, things i say. i don't even know why i do ad say th ethings i do. and i can't stop myself it's like i'm watching it all happen. from the outside... and i can't any longer...

ohkay mike, listen this is to you:
alright i am confused. whats going on with us? huh? ist been so long since we've exchanged feeligns. how do you feel? i can't tell anymore. and i'm feeling lost. i havnt' talked to you for days and already i feel lost. wtf? set things straight, please.... tell me how you feel alright? cause i'm a bit cofused right about now.


*i find it kind of funny
i find it kind of sad
that the dreams in wich i'm dyeing
are the best i've ever had.*


my dad wants to take me to a bowie concert. i don't like going to concerts with him.


my cousin in italy has been smoking since he was 5 and he recentley got cancer. he died this week. RIP *tear*


my aunt jeanmarie [my godmother]'s house burned down!! not cool not cool!!! it was so ssad. i mean she had to watch her whole house and all her stuff burn to the ground. i feel so bad for her. like incredibley.

so i've been feeling pretty ugly latley. thanks. [you know who you are]


yeah nothing else to say cept i'm thinking of quiting regae. none of my friends from school will do it with me. and so no one knows the dances when i go to dances. and i want to do them but won't alone.... so yeah. grrr.



i hate having no self esteem or courage. sometimes i wish i could always be drunk....cause then i could say whatever the hell i wanted without fear.

6 comments|post comment

[30 Sep 2003|09:45pm]
[ mood | scared ]
[ music | three days grace ]

UPDATE:

so this is whats going down.
i cut. three more times on my wrist. and i was doing so well. i hadn't in forever.
i geuss i just...broke.
so deanna saw them [my sister]. she told the counceler today. go to my entry of april 28 2003. same thing again.
pure fucking hell. it sucked so much ass. like really.
my mom had to check to see if i had anymore on my body. i didn't. sigh of relief.
my brother yelled at me alot. my dad even more. we were argueing. he grabbed my wrist and swung me into the stuff on the wall in the garage. it didn't really hurt. except for my wrist. and i was holding my 'the used maybe memories" cd. heh. the cd was fine. but i can't say the same for the case. it got a bit fucked. but thats alright. i have to get tests to see if i'm crazy. heh. wow.
shit moms coming. update later..

2 comments|post comment

[13 Sep 2003|03:19pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | adam's song - blink 1 8 2 ]

i'm starting to scare myself
with the thoguhts in my head
the things i do
i have no one to tell this to

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~xx

12 comments|post comment

[22 Aug 2003|04:48pm]
i'm sick of being all deppressed and shit. so i'll go back to my fake smiles. and so will this blurty. i'm sick of bringing people down. i'm done with all that bullshit.
10 comments|post comment

[18 Aug 2003|06:53pm]
EVANESCENCE


"Missing"

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll have woke up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?


Even though I'd be sacrificed,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
Shudder deep and cry out:
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"

Even though I'd be sacrificed,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...

Even though I'd be sacrificed,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?



i miss tess so much. it hurts that she hasn't called me. i know she has my number. she called a long time ago. and she said she'd call back this summer. and summer is ending. i'd give anything to see her again. i feel completley empty without her it's terrible. and when i cry of her i cry so deep. so deep i could die. and when i cry of her i cry hard. and i can't stop. i miss her so much. i'd give anything, i mean anythign to see her again

<33
blessed be
2 comments|post comment

[12 Aug 2003|01:26pm]
deppression can take over your intelligence. can make you so ignorant. can drive you totally insane.

sometimes poeple need reminders that you care.

there is someone out there for everyone. someone to love, and be loved by. but what happeneds when people commit suicide? where does their love go. they have no one now. and eventualy they wil die alone. or die...fake.

for some people lonliness can drive you insane...for some betrayl...and for some happiness....


and every night i dream of you, i wish i could be with you, i can't be alone any longer.

i'm sick of being tired and i'm tired of being sick.

i can't eat because nothing can quench this craving. i'm hungry for you. i need you to survive. more than anything. i'd die without you. ii'm dyeing here without you. can't you hear me scream?

how come i can hear your every whisper and you can't hear me screaming at you?






just fucking leave me now. i'm sick of all of this.

when i said pull the fucking trigger.....i meant up to my head...


9 comments|post comment

[06 Aug 2003|01:46pm]
havn't updated really about alot. but here's what i've been up to. i danced in the rain for like 3 days in a row! damn its been raining alot, actually i'm going to also today.its supposed to rain, so i can't really go anywhere. oh well. yesterday me and evan and patrick went dancing in the rain !!! funn funn !!!
i took these regae dance lessons 3 of them, each three hours. now i'm an official regae teacher so so so kool!!!
they taught us the hardcore regae stuff, it was like a fucking orgy !!! but it was mad funn !! welp, i'm about to give a lesson right about now. i made new friends !!! piper anelle, mimi kelly, and kieli tally. they're pretty kool, i give them lessons now. and they teahch me some too. but i have to go now, cause they're here. i'll write later

<3 always

*/~torn
2 comments|post comment

[05 Aug 2003|01:39pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | breath no more-evanesence ]

cory is dead.
and i'm starting to think it should have been me instead of him.

this is when i can say my life has no meaning.


BREATH NO MORE-EVANESENCE

[Piano Solo Opening]

I've been looking in the mirror for so long.
That I've come to believe my souls on the other side.
Oh the little pieces falling, shatter.
Shards of me,
To sharp to put back together.
To small to matter,
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.
If I try to touch her,
And I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe no more.

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.
Lie to me,
Convince me that I've been sick forever.
And all of this,
Will make sense when I get better.
I know the difference,
Between myself and my reflection.
I just can't help but to wonder,
Which of us do you love.
So I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe now...
Bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe,
I breathe-
I breathe no more.

[Piano Solo Ending]




i think i'll go back to my fake self now....

4 comments|post comment

survey! coment people! [23 Jul 2003|06:41pm]
ANGER
1. Who did you last get angry with? deanna.
2. What is your weapon of choice? razor.
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? can and will.
4. How about of the same sex? why not.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? uhmm i'm thinking jessica
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? it matters.....why would i be holding the grudge in the first place?
(there's no 6)

SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time?uhmm...clean?
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? uhmm 5pm...i think....
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: me cousins sarah...aww man now i feel bad, thanks
4. What is the last lame excuse you made?:i can't uhmm i'm sick to me stomach...?
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones...)? all the time
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? uhmm today?
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?uhhh i have no alarm clock...never had either...
GLUTTONY
1. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? alot....
2. Have you ever used a commercial diet program? nope...don't need to
3. Do you have an issue with your weight? do you mean eating disorder?
4. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? uhhh i dunno....*hmmm*

LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? you think i count? prbly not more than 2...
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? i don't know....i hope not more than like 1...
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice person during a normal conversation? no...i'm not that perverted *guilty smile*
4. Have you "done it"? nope
5. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? no way in hell!
6. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? no, but for aids...yeah...

GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? none....too bad....actually i'd be in madd depp so thats a good thing
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? uhmm...guilty pleasure? *confused*
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? buy like alot of cloths...not too much...mostly i'd give it to my family...
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? rich
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? yeah, i mean boring..for alot of money...its no biggie..

ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? Sera's Eclipse..
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? My mom
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? rich person
4. Have you ever been cheated on? no..and i want it to stay that way...
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?uhmm...yeah...me...
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? uhmm the ability to trust others...and to love
FAITH
1. What religion do you follow? wicca
2. What religion were you raised as? roman catholic
3. Do you believe that forgiveness is a religious property, or a human property? human
4. Do you believe in magic? well of course...
5. Have you ever said the words to a prayer and not meant it?yes, in church and shit like that...
6. Do you believe that anyone could be perfect? no...everyone has some sort of problem...

HOPE
1. Did you get everything you wanted over the last holiday season? no, i never do...but i don't mind...i'm over that bullshit
2. Regarding your future, what is the best thing you could hope for? to live
3. Do you let yourself get your hopes up for something even if you know that there is a large chance of failure?all the time, wich is terrible...
5. Have you ever bought a lottery ticket? nope
6. Do you gamble? no...

FORTITUDE
1. What are you most afraid of? myself...
2. What did you do today that was really brave? uhmm told sara a big secret of mine...
3. Who is your favorite super hero, and why? david was a super hero in my eyes
4. Would you put your life in danger to rescue someone? it matters who
5. If you were to face the Wizard, would you want more courage, more brains, or more heart? courage
6. Have you ever gotten stage fright? never

JUSTICE
1. Have you ever been summoned for jury duty? no...
2. If they reinstituted the draft (for both genders), war is gay
3. Do you support capital punishment (the death penalty)? of course, you take a life...now we take yours
4. Do you believe that Dubya is rightfully President of the USA? uhhh dubya?
5. What was your favorite media circus trial? uhmm?
6. Have you ever written a letter to a politician? don't really wanna

TEMPERANCE
1. What do you have the hardest time moderating yourself on? alot of things....
2. Do you collect anything? yes,flowers, and stuff like that
3. Are you addicted to anything? cutting, alcohol...and someone....you know who you are*
4. Have you ever put anything on layaway or used an installment plan? uhmm no?
5. What's your preferred method of paying for things? money...
6. Tell us one thing you wish you hadn't let yourself do: trust you
7. Do you feel that you obsess over things? uhmm yeah, some stuff i do...

PRUDENCE
1. Who is the wisest person you know? uhmm...i don't know
2. Have you ever participated in a vigil? vigil?
3. Do you take advice when it's given? sometimes
4. What area are you wisest in? NONE
2 comments|post comment

request [20 Jul 2003|06:36am]
if anyone reading this, knows how to make an icon please read this request for my new username:

uhmm i have a request for an icon...
could i have a picture of a girl looking out the window or a girl crying(whatevers easier to find)
and then have it say (wherever you'd like) you hurt me more than you know (preferibley flashing, but like one letter at a time? if can be done)
and then have it flashed to a picture of a pill bottle then do a razor than to a bottle of some sort of alcohol and if its possible go to cough syrup....uhmm and then could it say, you'd be surprised what you make me do...if this is too much (it is a lot) then just trim it down to whatever is possible


thanks alot
<3 dana

ps. its like my dream icon! so if you do know how to make it, please tell me.


oh yeah and uhmm....i'm not supposed to be on the computer today so imma update later

goodbbye
<3

dana
1 comment|post comment

alright so.... [18 Jul 2003|07:41pm]
alrihgt here's the deal.....i will still be writing in this journal but i made another one
it's friends only
my user name is: xhurtxingx

i'm also in the making of one for just my poetry but its under construction so i won't be giving it out just yet.

comment on that one to be added.
but i will still be updating this one.....

*ughh* it's 2:38 am...i'm so bord...but can't sleep this damned computer sayd its 7:01, what in the fucks up with that?....o well


so...uhhhh i need a new icon for my new sn, IM me if you gots anything that i could work with, loser kissez03
thats my sn, welp i'll be gone now

<3
dana
4 comments|post comment

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