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cannabis_love

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[08 Feb 2005|10:14am]
i had a fun day at school.

not after that.

i went home on the bus with elliott. he likes maria. i couldnt stop crying on the bus and i didnt want him to see. i hate getting so upset over stupid shit. but i love him.

so i get home... and jordans playing stairway to heaven. then i went into the kitchen and my dads like "chels...yea?...uncle gary died this morning. they dont know if he had a heart-attack while he was driving or not, but he hit a tree."

so i went upstairs and sat on jordans steps and just listened to the guitar.
then jordan came down and with his acoustic and hes like "sup chels?" and i said "hey jordo..."... then he left with his guitar.

so im going down to VA tomorrow... were flying.. im scared. and now im just crying because i dont want to go down there.. iwant to be with my cousins ryan and kaylin but i need my friends...

and now my dad has to go through losing a brother. ive been there. not fucking cool. at all.

and i have this insanely strange urge to go sit somewhere. in berea. behind the marathon gas station. by mcdonalds and hollywood video. in the parking lot where aaron killed himself.

i only went there one time. that day.

there were flowers tied around the gate going to the apartments behind it. but it was a rainy and windy day. and the petals from a million different flowers were spread all around.

and ive already designated that as sonn as i get my lisense and a car, the first place ill go is there. and prolly smoke a few packs of cigarrettes.



but... im going to die. ALL OF YOU. CALL MY CELL. I NEEEED ALL OF YOU. I DONT CARE WHEN. JUST FUCKING CALL IT. 440.532.0149

shitmotherfuckerfuckshit. i just realized airline security...
how the fuck am i gonna get my maryjane down there?

all of you comment now. i need help.

and someone needs to tell elliott to call my cell phone sometime during the week. because im going to be crying all week and he makes me feel better. he somehow knows how to make me happy. not many people can do that.

i love all you guys
<3

im shaffing. [14 Jan 2005|11:02pm]
[ mood | high ]

fuckin livejournal is down. of course it happens right when we all join too....

i dont know why im even writing in here, most people probably wont look at it.

al i have to say is that my face feels sick, so i need to put moisturizer on before i start schaffing.

<3

i moved... [12 Jan 2005|06:22pm]
to livejournal.
<3

[11 Jan 2005|10:14pm]
if my dad cant carry me up the stairs tonight, i can get my eyebrow pierced.

+++hes drunk.
4 |<3

happy bday. [11 Jan 2005|09:29pm]
[ mood | high ]
[ music | steel strain x sublime ]

my dads birthday.

dad is drunk.

im half-baked.

mom is just plain weird.

jordans on a weird cleaning spree.... like hes on speed or something. weird.

melanies at a class for her DUI.

were all such fucked up people.
but i think i kind of like it that way.
we arent boring or gay.
were fun.

umm. i got my dad the coolest present. its a stevie ray vaughan poster from the 80's. kick ass. i got one too... its anti war from the 60's.. id give anything to live back then.

me n my dad are watching mars attacks!
i love this movie.

err.... yea )

7 |<3

huggggge graphic update. [09 Jan 2005|02:05am]
[ mood | relieved ]
[ music | poolshark x sublime ]

random shit )

5 |<3

ajg [08 Jan 2005|07:34pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | poison girl x HIM ]

so jordan just went to get a tattoo...

nobody told me.

hes getting aarons initials on his back.

wtf. im so fuckin depressed and i dont even know why.

i want to get a black rose on my left wrist with his initials in it. ive wanted to for a year. they wont let me.

okay all of a sudden i wasnt depressed. then it just came back within seconds. wtf is wrong with me. i dont even understand it.

2 |<3

trainspotting. [07 Jan 2005|06:56pm]
[ mood | pathetic ]
[ music | music on the comm. for garden state... ]

no one wants to hang out with me.

ive been diagnosed with bipolar II and psychlotheria (or something).

the hospitals wont take me.

have to go on all new medication.

school is hell.

i miss aaron.

i still cant believe dustins dead.

drugs are my only way to cope.

this all just fucking sucks.

4 |<3

[07 Jan 2005|12:11pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | a static lullaby x lipgloss and letdown ]

2004 was fun.

now for the memories )

4 |<3

[06 Jan 2005|11:07pm]
[ mood | sore ]
[ music | that jewish dredle song ]

[x] = yes [_] = no

[x] been drunk.
[x] smoked pot.
[x] kissed a member of the opposite sex.
[_] rode in a taxi.
[_] been dumped.
[x] shoplifted.
[_] been fired.
[x] been in a fist fight
[_] had sex.
[_] had a threesome - kissing or otherwise
[_] snuck out of your parent's house.
[_] been arrested.
[_] made out with a stranger.
[x] stole something from your job.
[_] celebrated new years in times square.
[_] went on a blind date.
[x] lied to a friend.
[x] had a crush on a teacher.
[_] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[_]been to europe.
[x] skipped school.
[x] thrown up from drinking.
[x] lost your sibling.
[x] played 'clue'.
[x] had a sleepover party.
[x] gone ice skating.
[x] dropped x.
[_] cheated on a bf/gf.
[_] been cheated on.
[_] had a sweet sixteen.
[?] had a quinceanera.
[_] had a car.
[x] drove.
Do you...
[_] have a bf.
[_] have a gf.
[x] have a crush.
[_] feel loved.
[x] feel lonely.
[x] feel happy.
[x] hate yourself.
[_] think you're attractive.
[x] have a dog.
[x] have your own room.
[_] listen to rap.
[x] listen to rock.
[_] listen to soul.
[x] listen to techno.
[x] listen to reggae.
[_] paint your nails.
[x] have more than 1 best friend
[x] get good grades.
[_] play an instrument.
[_] have slippers.
[x] wear boxers.
[x] wear black eyeliner.
[_] like the color blue.
[x] like the color black.
[x] like the color red.
[x] like to read.
[x] like to write.
[x] have long hair.
[x] have short hair.
[x] have a cell phone.
[_] have a laptop.
[_] have a pager.
Are you...
[x] ugly.
[x] pretty.
[x] ok.
[x] bored.
[x] happy.
[_] bilingual.
[x] caucasian.
[_] black.
[_] latina.
[_] mexican.
[_] asian.
[x] short.
[_] tall.
[_] grounded.
[x] sick.
[x] a virgin.
[x] lazy.
[x] single.
[_] taken.
[x] looking.
[x] not looking.
[x] talking to someone.
[_] IMing someone.
[_] scared to die.
[x] tired.
[x] sleepy.
[_] annoyed.
[x] hungry.
[x] thirsty.
[_] on the phone.
[x] in your room.
[_] drinking something.
[_] eating something.
[_] in your pjs.
[x] ticklish.
[_] listening to music

1 |<3

comment. [05 Jan 2005|01:50pm]
hmm.

COMMENT.

i wanna see if i can get 100 comments on this post.. lol... itll be rad... but dont spam it. they have to be real comments... lets do it bitches.
103 |<3

yayness. [04 Jan 2005|11:34pm]
[ mood | high ]
[ music | scarlet begonias x sublime ]

ooo happiness.

i moved my computer in my room. and it has internet. cha.

ugh itchy head.. bleh.

yea i was tripping and i found this background.. i stared at it for like 20 minutes.. and decided to use it for my blurty.

ahh.. its all.. good.

well im high, to no ones suprise, and i feel so goooooood. like... i dont know. im in love with my blurty somehow.... or something. im in love with something but i dont know what.

i love you all<3<3

leave a comment telling me you love me. hah i love everyone when im high. well cool people.

oh yea and heres the poem i wrote about erica::

i was once one of the "3 little fucks".
but then i realized how much i was making your life suck.

so i started being ungay.
and erica laid by the bay, to eat some hay.

and im watching crank yankers, its a really good show,
perhaps you should see it, and lets your menstrual fluids flow.

oh look, now its southpark, such a cool cartoon.
erica knows, since she masturbates to cartmans racoon.

woohoo, theres mr. slave, hes a very sexy fag,
he enjoys putting this in his anus and feeling them wag.

taylor said i should write something about a gerbil, so here goes:
my gerbil named lulu hade 2 peniles and 8 toes.

END.

and she told me she would give me sex.

im still waiting bitch.

4 |<3

[02 Jan 2005|08:48pm]
[ mood | silly ]

im playing with my cleavage.

4 |<3

[02 Jan 2005|03:43pm]
[ music | same fuckin song ]

i feel like updating because i want to try to "let my feelings out".

but i dont know what to say.

so im rambling. if someone chooses to leave a comment, which i doubt, okay, yea.

no one likes me anymore and i dont know why. i fucking hate life. i cant even say how much i hate life. i hate being depressed. i hate having some fucking disease that makes it IMPOSSIBLE to be happy. WHAT THE FUCK. thats just pure fucking torture right there. no, right here. in me. inside my stupid fucking brain.

so i try to hide it. i try to hide my depression behind weed, triple c's, cigarettes, alcohol, adderall, zoloft, wellbutrin....

of course everything becomes an addiction. addicted to

weed--i have to smoke every day. if i dont i feel my depression come back.
cutting--of course i love self mutilation and anything to harm myself
cigarettes--yep, started smoking again. every fuckin day.
antidepressants--obviously have to take them every day. if i dont i get so depressed i cant get up. i cant walk. i cant even speak. and its one of the main times when i sit there and think 'i hate having depression. no matter what i do to hide behind it, its still there.'

i dont know why i like hurting myself. i have no fucking idea why. it doesnt make sense to me why it makes me feel better.

i would just fuckin love to die. i would fucking love to do it. just get it over with. its coming eventually. and everyone fucking knows that im suicidal. its not that they dont care---theyve just given up.

because there is absolutely nothing that anyone can do to make me truly happy. you just cant do it.

i hate myself and want to die.

4 |<3

what boredom makes me do [02 Jan 2005|02:15pm]
You scored as Mushrooms. Shrooms! You're still goin for one of the most natural drugs. You'd like to visit a whole other world, and see things you've never seen before. Fucking trippy.

Mushrooms

88%

Marijuana

69%

Ecstacy

63%

Inhalents

56%

Alcohol

50%

Cocaine

44%

None!

25%

What's your ideal drug?
created with QuizFarm.com
2 |<3

one day im gonna lose the war [02 Jan 2005|02:03pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | pool shark x sublime ]

this song is so fuckin sad... makes me think of dustin...

lyin in my plastic bed
thinkin how things werent so cool to me
my baby likes to shoot pool;
i like lyin naked in my bedroom

tyin on the dinosaur tonight;
it used to be so cool

now ive got the needle
and i cant shake
but i cant breathe--
i take it away
but i want more and more
one day im gonna lose the war...

pool shark x sublime

new fucking favorite song. songs that make me cry win me over. and its acoustic.

ehhh.. so fucking bored and depressed.. so i opened a request thread.. go if you want.. i dont care...

here.

<3

wow.. how gay. [30 Dec 2004|09:15pm]
Take the quiz: "Your Drug Personality..."

SHR00MS... wanna hook up????
Ahhhh shrooms... if you are a male please holla at me, i have a thing for guys who do shrooms tehe. However if your a lady then thats cool too. Anyways... what this says about your personality is that you are spontanious, outgoing, and a quick thinker looking for the answer to unexplained things. Maybe you are just crazy tho, maybe you think that there is another part of the brain that can be used, if mixxed with the right chemicals. Well if you think that, i agree with you..and your not insane, you are unique. You are most likely very laid back... and are prolly the type of person i'd chill with. YEAAAH KEEP IT UP HOMIE.

^^probably true. id like to find out.

Take the quiz: "WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"

Atheist
You are Godless! You could care less about religion. As far as you're concerned, if you can't see, touch and kick something, it's not real to you. You're day-to-day activities consist of eating, working, sleeping and the occasional Internet or coffee shop debate. Lastly, if anyone chooses to preach at you otherwise, you will either leave or debate them until they finally shut up.

^^uhh.. yup.

Take the quiz: "Method of Suicide"

Jumping
Let gravity do the all the work. Your method of suicide is to Jump.

^^no. i would have to use: a gun, heroin, a kife, or many many pills.

Take the quiz: "What do your anime breasts look like, eh?"

Nicely Medium
You're nicely medium... You're not embarassingly small or painfully big. Don't change yourself, unless you're a masochist. Then it's okay, I guess.

^^hahaha sure.

Take the quiz: "How big of a penis do you have?"

Your big


^^oh yea.. no pic =/

Take the quiz: "Which Disney Character Are You?"

Tinkerbell
You are Tinkerbell. You love magic and you care for others dearly.

^^uh huh...........

Take the quiz: "How Easily Are You Turned On? (PiCtUrEs)"

OMG! U2U ME NOW BITCH!
FUK! YOUR PROBABLY AS WET AS ME. U2U ME NOW!

^^oh yes, you know it, im as wet as a waterfall.

yea.... i jut wasted an hour or two.
2 |<3

shit. [30 Dec 2004|08:04pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | wish you were here x pink floyd ]

okay. i definitely dont trust myself alone anymore. this is exactly what happened last year.

ANYBODY - please hang out with me tomorrow or any day.

please comment. whether you can do shit with me or not, i dont care. just make me feel better.

7 |<3

? [30 Dec 2004|04:08pm]
okay, whoa.

wha the fuck is this whole thing about april "adoring" me or whatever... i really dont know what the fuck everyones talking about.. i dont know where it came from.
<3

=) [30 Dec 2004|04:04pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | clockwork orange x lords of acid ]

i got a pink mini ipod.<3<3<3<3

whoo listening to crazy techno music. i wanna drop x and dance or something.

2 |<3

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