cali killed cobain's Blurty|
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cali killed cobain's Blurty:
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|Tuesday, October 28th, 2003|
heres an update so you can all stop buggin. anywho, nothing's really happening. my mom thinks i'm a drug addict. suckage. i could be going to see the mars volta with maneul this november. and pinback the day after my 18th birthday. wild party this year ppl. wild one! yeahhhhh.. nothing to say, its why i dont use this thing.
meh. peace and beach sand.
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: GAZE (mad props to b-train)
|Sunday, October 5th, 2003|
how much tragedy will there be before the buerocrats wake the fuck up?
at 9:30 on friday night, i was was taking down the salad bar at Carl's Jr. Simultaneously, across town on a different highway coming into town, a car smacked right into a tree. The passengers were Jerell Cryer(senior) and Dominic Edone(sophomore/junior). Dominic died at the scene. Jerell's in a coma at Twin Cities. I sit next to Dominic's older brother, Peter, in Government. Brooke's in that same class. I can imagine he won't been in class for some time. when i found this out, i had to sit down. i really couldn't believe it. And Jerell...he was always the popular guy who got all the girls in middle school when i was a complete nerd. But, he was the only one out of all those other guys, Dack Harris, Jeff McCastland, Brian Welty, ect. that was decent, even nice to me. I loved him for it. He talked to me all the time...He and his family are catholic, they dont go to mass but my dad's tought sunday school to all jerell's younger siblings for as long as i can remember. this year he's got gabrielle. this morning at mass, i sat in the back in my uniform..avoiding the rest of the populous. The Sacrementary i think is what its called...but yea. i was sitting there. i lit a candle for and said a prayer for these three people, including Chelsea. The priest said a prayer for her and the accident victims..but he didnt know they're names. at the end of mass, i was still there writing. then, a man i was sure was Jerell's dad came in with these two store bought religous blessing candles. he lit them then knelt and said a prayer. all i could do was nod...he left and so i did i. i unlocked the car and got in but before going anywhere...i sat and cried...for two boys. One, i barely knew..and the other i'll always remember for being so decent to me during puberty and during such a socially hectic time. God bless you Dominic, you were all i can think about today..not my work. and Jerell, well..he came to for a moment i heard but he's asleep again. Please, God...let HIM be ok...i really don't know how to conclude, so i won't.
Current Mood: melancholy
Current Music: Joy Division- She's Lost Control
|Friday, October 3rd, 2003|
again, and again, and again..
i find myself in a fucking stupid situation with words put in my mouth that i didnt even utter...again. girls, man. they really take everything the wrong way. and know i'm in a shitty mood and so are the people around me. i don't even know why i'm here. i must be a real sucker. and i think i'm running out of friends...but i could be wrong. i'll most likely get comments on this entry either telling me that im wrong about the friends thing or to shut the fuck up because i'm feeling sorry for myself. i've gotten both before. don't see why it'd change now. so here i am at this computer, humphrey on the screen and pizza in the oven. it smells really good. in a minute, i'm gonna go outside with a pack of friends of a different variety..and then i may leave. i don't know. i'd really just like to address this sorta tension in the room with a big fucking knife. but, i've never had the ability nor the courage to do so..
maybe, i'm really not eagle scout material. but whatever. there's always time for music.
Current Music: obstacle 2- interpol
|Thursday, October 2nd, 2003|
goddammit, i hate it when i'm wrong
but at least i can admit it. i did know who chelsea was. my mom came today asking me to dispel a rumor about a student dying. i told her the story and she had me look her up in the year book. i did know her, from leadership...she was a sophomore then...katie o'conner's friend, Jenn Manuo's ...yeah. that DOES hit close to home and that hasn't happened to me in a really long time. the one thing i remembered about her when i saw the picture the one REALLY cool thing...she was a nirvana fan. may she rest in peace. i'm sorry.
i was feeling pretty shitty today at lunch and for no reason really. just frustrated. people say shit. overopinionated ones. to quote john. and it just pushed me over the day's limit. snap.
5 days....IKSSE3. yup, its gonna be good.
Current Mood: empathetic
Current Music: straight from the horse's mouth- the locust
|Wednesday, October 1st, 2003|
indeed, death is on everyone's lips
so i won't talk about it...mostly because i dont think that the death of a girl i never knew should bring to speak about her sorrowfully in this semi-personal journal...i mean, you all knew her at what point, who she was...i didnt't. and yet the death of any human being mourned..funny how they're not if its got some label on it dictating its purpose for a goood cause..namely war. thats and everyday bullshit that happens every day and many over look it. so many die, that everyone should be composing entries like this one every fucking day...so many die. i guess i just feel that well...like i did when pricess diana died. that it takes a tragedy for someone's greatness to be recognized. no, we should appreciate everyone every day. we sure as hell don't know whats gonna happen in the coming hours..the sad part is is that she's just another casualtie of this world, this cold bitter world thats acutually made to seem scary to you. but there's not all bullshit and propaganda in that...the world is a scary place...and this place is now short another soul...and that tragedy is that it happened so frivolously and that's why everyone recognizes it. not to critize or anything..its just an observation.
yeah, i surprised myself in drama today. i acutually knew that second monologue. yup. i'm irv. and i don't do much for fun.
in closing, god bless or whatever you believe all of you guys. i dont know whats gonna happen between tonight and the dawn..thats why i express such an appreciation for you guys. and that's why sometimes it hurts.
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: neutral milk hotel
|Sunday, September 28th, 2003|
coheed is the single best band our right now. just so you know. john, you didnt stop by man...bring that shit tomorrow. and...did you find a button maker? anyways...i dont really have much to say..that show kicked some serious ass though. i had fun. as usual, edwin and luke are dumbasses. terrah was the SHIT. single-handedly the best one there. brandon's velvet dawn wasn't half bad either. and, im just not into the sleep anymore but oh well.
oh, and i'm totally gay. what else should i write?
Current Mood: psssh.
Current Music: I can tell that we are gonna be friends.
|Saturday, September 27th, 2003|
coheed is the best band ever.
that's right, they're my current favorite. and i forgive the favor house atlantic as well. its fine. er....good. prolly my least favorite on the album so far but its still good, better than the new thursday. i love the title track in all its thirteen minute glory. man your battle stations, we'll have you dead really soooooon now....love it. so, the dAR website is up now for all you fans out there. goooooooooooooood thank god for john and is bich. its latin for generosity. yay! im so glad for this fucking band. heres the link, i cant type anymore. not on this keyboard and not in the state i am right now. and yes, im at b train's, just like john.
Current Mood: high as a fuckin' kite.
Current Music: in keeping secrets of the silent earth: three
|Thursday, September 25th, 2003|
take my musical recommendations seriously. =|
ok, well unlike ryan i acutally sleep so thats what i was doing while he was updating on this computer every 40 minutes. but alas, we got down here around 10:45 er somethin' like that. i'm a little hungry but i can wait. why'd i just say that? oh well...this is gonna be a really BITCHIN' concert. the soledad brothers read like a really cool band so i can't wait to see them. or the yeah yeah yeah's. there are two other bands like the Yeah Yeah Yeah's with grrrrl's in em( go feminism!) and are a little like these guys but without the constant "yeah, yeah, yeah'
-IKARA COLT and...
-Glass Candy and the Shattered Theatre. now i've been reading about these guys for a long time and i was really exited when i got the cable modem so i could freely download them. and they're great. im gonna order their album from aardvark's i think....
lets see...........its around 11:10 sooooooooooooooo you guys are all in either advisement or 4th period by now right? HAHAH!
peace and beach sand.
|Sunday, September 21st, 2003|
and we're back. what a great fuckin' weekend. except for that finale but whatever. the concert was fuckin. sweet. i'll give you a run down
-Busted at the door for posession of a pipe. ouch
-Raped for soda and nachos
-Unraped for good chinese
-Searched for nick and manuel.
-Came back for General Public- suck.
-Dashboard, really sucked! a wheatus cover? pleaseeeeeee!?!?!
-Bought a new pipe during Bow wow wow and got more soda.
-couldn't sit through fountains of wayne.
-slept through that soft cell guy except for "tainted love"
- ROCKED OUT TO INTERPOL
-Phychedelic Furs also rock
-The Violent Femmes made an awesome appearance
-ECHO AND THE BUNNYMEN (on weed) let's just say i had to keep myself from crying during "the killing moon"
-Hot Hot Heat opened with "bandages" and well...rocked in their own way. we got dinner
-Duran Duran. sheeeeeeeeeeet. they played the scene like sergio. WILD BOYS! WILD BOYS!
-25 minutes of cousins bitching and waiting for robert to do his stuff.
-The CURE-4 songs.....and had to leave because my cousing was on her fucking period and wanted to go home
well FUCK THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and for now, fuck you nicole. how selfish of you. not cool, not cool at all. we'll forever hold this against you. no matter how many cigarettes you gave us.
what we saw was good. but we should have been granted that 50 minutes for the whole set. it was very disappointing, not being able to stay. and there's school tomorrow...so.............fuck. well, i had a good time. echo was awesome and i hafta go and pick up interpol's album
peace and beach sand.
Current Mood: bitchy
Current Music: who do you think?
|Thursday, September 18th, 2003|
so i was in the car and driving delaney home. after she got out, i lit up a cigarette. and drove. but to i didnt know where. i didnt want to get home to fast because i wanted to finish my cigarette. so i turned left. i decided, maybe i'll stop at the park. but no. maybe....aardvark. nope. i turned around and ended up in the longs parking lot. i got some axe spray and a frap. i had nowhere to go i realized. nowhere but home. no one to hang with...nothing but to go home and do my homework. then go to work from 5 to 9. pleah. i've been reflecting on the day....i was such an obnoxious asshole and i'm sorry. i dont know why i act like that sometimes. and sometimes, like today, i have days where i can't stop and i keep going until i piss off or disapoint the people around me. what i told you i was upset/disappointed about wasn't true. that's not whats bugging me. not a lack of an oppurtunity to get "euphoric". no.. i dont know really. sometimes....shit just bothers me and i cant explain it. i shouldn't really have to either, its just the way i am. and as ryan says "we just have to learn to accomodate that". and its not like i'm the only one with an inate thing going on...
we all know that j-funk's an asshole
ryan's the cynical one.
b-train's the one in deep thought
and matt's the pissed off one.
now, i dont mean any of that seriously. im just foolin' but we cant really tell through text, now can we? word.
the conclusion is......i miss my friends. i know thats wierd. we've been apart for about and HOUR. but i miss em.
especially byron. i miss you after only an hour. i love ya man. i wanna chill but i got work. and im sorry i pissed ya off and tried to get ya to ditch. you made the right decision. yeah. but everything's ok. becaussee, i've got beach sand in my pockets and tommorrow we get the FUCK outaa here for an entire weekend. one full of fights, parties, concerts, drugs, and goood sex. well, maybe not the sex. but yeah. it'll be a good weekend and i'm really fuckin' exited. i hope some of you read this..."and they will know how i looovveee, how i lovvee them, i'm nothin' without they're looovvee"- conor. thank you nebraska. and thank god for you guys.
peace and beach sand. (TM)
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: happiness is a warm gun-the breeders
|Wednesday, September 10th, 2003|
never have i ever really felt so useless
|Sunday, September 7th, 2003|
alright, so i had a relatively uneventful weekend. but, i wrote like 5 or so poems and i'm pretty proud of em. so tell me or what you think or just read and judge, whichever you prefer. either's fine. there they are.
When a Father Sniffs Your Smoking Hand.
The ashtray's camoflage has corroded away,
exposing the record no parent wishes to admit they'd discovered.
You can feel the theme music,
and your conscience turn yellow.
Your super-imposed self-destruction turns belly-side up and sinks.
I admit i want to return to being the son i was..
so the bed is turned down,
the sheets are stripped,
and she replaces the drapes.
An external reformation that i wish i could adhere to.
But its really the internal, brother, that needs to fight the cancers.
Venture of the Tangerine.
Theres a still life bowl containing the fruit of thy womb.
A tangerine drops freom the table and rolls across the floor,
explaining to itself it's destination.
They're all beautiful, creative lives-
fallacies and things that just are untrue.
Under the shadows and influences of a step-stool the fruit molds
until the stench of it's corpse makes us aware of the missing member or a sorrowful dozen.
How many worms can you count on the inside of the infected?
This time, no red apple will fall from the wall's crucifixion.
There's a lesson learned and an answer taught to the stone children.
and he'll always look before he leaps.
The Ravished Pair.
Unless you ravish me, i'll never learn.
unless you ravish me, i'll never understand what i've done to you.
You should find my shame, its weighted down my iron
and just emerging throught the sand.
You should be able to find it with a metal detector and a small map.
So, sister kin, ravish me and get it all out of you.
that shouldn't be too difficult to find either.
I was just trying to return to you some of the dignity i raped you of.
and don't bother paying me back.
i'm not gonna post the fourth one now. its too long and its just about religion. i'll go it later. peace. and beach sand
Current Mood: cold
Current Music: coheed.
|Saturday, September 6th, 2003|
Would you like doubles?
Hey angel, you weren't kidding me. Our past walls are as bare as the cupboard and you've abused the photo album with your malcontents and finger-nail files.
Honey, I won't do us that dishonor.Though you've burned all the albums
and snipped all the negatives,
and I've written a coffe table book-
for the strangers of my household and my friends
who don't comprehend nor gauge my behaviors.
Hey angel, i've made you a copy for your table at home
I vomitted in it.
Current Mood: creative
Current Music: nirvana- come as you are.
|Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003|
all right. i hope i've buried the hatchet.
or is it gonna come back at me like the boomarang it really is? i hope i said the right things in that notebook. she didn't really seem to respond. only not to worry. she seemed really talkative and/or friendly to me today though. i finally switched into third period drama, ppl seemed exited and i got a pretty good monologue for auditions. i wonder which bang bang character i should try for. but...mmmmmmmmmm. oh well. we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. ryan, your enemies friends is good.
so is the party of helicopters
this bike is a pipe bomb
and the moldy peaches.
bad music will kill you.
i got nothin' to really talk about, i'm in a much better mood and i love my friends
peace and beach sand (now open for all you thieves to use)
Current Mood: geeky
Current Music: repose- your enemies friends.
|Sunday, August 31st, 2003|
return of the .....me.
well, i'm back online. i just installed my new computer and charter pipeline.
some actual updates then.
*i feel like a new person
*i looooooooooooooooooooooooooove music.
*going to see the cure and echo and the bunnymen....LIVE
*i quit smoking.
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Gen X
|Saturday, August 30th, 2003|
owwww. motherfucker!~ i had my wisdom teeth removed this morning. and my mouth hurts. really bad. don't even ask how bad. its that bad. unfortuneately none of these problems could have been bettered by an outside substance since person took my share. yeah....i dont hold it against him thought its cool. whats not cool is that my DKs live DVD that i bought was not in its case and i went to the car and found it on the floor. damn, and i remember just how it happened too. oh well. its fine. oh, and pay no attention to the dates of these journals. today is actually the 12th and tomorrow its andrew's birthday. he'll be 17. happy birthday man. sadly, i feel we've drifted apart and recently i've found better friends in others. ones who play nazis. one who owns a spa. one who works fast food, one moving to peru. i love my friends there's a bright eyes lyric about that. Jenny's heard it.
"and they will know how i love them, how i love them. i'm nothing without their looooooooove"
peace and beach sand. (and motherfuckin' "OW!")
Current Mood: drugged- up
Current Music: adolescents
|Friday, August 29th, 2003|
beach today. it was short lived but good. had a good time. etc. Nothing Nice is back up and everything. i was so exited about it. wonderful site, very funny. alright well, not much else to say except this:
peace and beach sand.
Current Music: common rider
well hoooo-fuckin'-ray. gotta work tonight from 5pm to 12....am. fuck. no show. no beach. no fun. oh sure, i get paid tomorrow but i can't have ANY of it. enjoy your paychecks until you have to start paying car insurance. wooh. sooo, yeah. im trying to get inot third. but we'll be doing Facing Up. Not Chickenshit nor Maxine Lowe. and i wanted to do ML. suckage. soooooo, yeah. i had a pretty good time at katie's with the whole meeting deal. it was a pleasent experience. im all worked up about college right now. i'm signing up for the SAT and USF is lookin' pretty goood. good performing arts program. oh hey, everyone. talk to phil, he's really intelligent. he's in my math and he was at the meeting and he's just really cool to hear from. have like an intellectual conversation with him. you'll be happy with the results.
peace and beach sand. (MY line, byron!! MY line!!)
hey, this is a backdate entry soo....look it up instead of hitting "friends". but, yall won't prolly even see this
Current Mood: crazy
Current Music: X (you know, the band? duh.)
|Friday, August 22nd, 2003|
alright, we're the used! check out that emo game. its so fun. and funny. do you all know who i am? i'm fuckin' lame and lie. too much. for trivial shit and i'm ashamed. i can't get the nerve to admit it. trivial shit. maybe he'll understaand. what makes you think i want to hear about your nostalgia? why don't i have an apology. everyone agrees. i'll smoke if i want to. i'm a self-destructive person i guess. but thats fading...and i'm running out of excuses. i actually can't wait for my senior year. i want to see her...i'd really like to be with her. take her to a dance. be in a play. MUCH ADO....
peace and beach sand.
Current Mood: meh
Current Music: two sided fool