Blurty for Nothing I call love can clear away the clouds.

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Wednesday, November 19th, 2003

Time:6:34 am.
why do things have to be this way, am i such a difficult person. i dont know


















maybe i should hate you for this
when i'm not with you

Saturday, November 15th, 2003

Subject:here i go scream my lungs out and try to get to you
Time:1:40 am.
Mood: artistic.
Music:your so last summer_taking back sunday.
- M E -
.x. [my name is]: kim
.x. [in the morning i am]: tired
.x. [all i need is]: to be happy
.x. [love is]: a perk
.x. [im afraid of]: spiders
.x. [i dream about]: boys...naked ; )


- Y E S . O R . N O -
.x. [you keep a diary]: yes
.x. [you like to cook]: like to no, can i yes
.x. [you have a secret you have not shared with anyone]: yes
.x. [you fold your underwear]: no
.x. [you talk in your sleep]: yes
.x. [you set your watch a few minutes ahead]: yea
.x. [you believe in love]: yes

- T H E . L A S T -
.x. [movie you rented]: mallrats
.x. [movie you bought]: finding nemo
.x. [song you listened to]: your so last summer_taking back sunday
.x. [song that was stuck in your head]: so little_the used
.x. [song you've downloaded]: behind blue eyes
.x. [cd you bought]: as i lay dieing
.x. [cd you listened to]: yellowcard
.x. [person you've called]: Nick
.x. [person that's called you]: Jay
.x. [TV show you've watched]: Real World-Paris
.x. [person you were thinking of]: ...eric&pat
- D O -
.x. [you wish you could live somewhere else]: yes
.x. [you think about suicide]: yes
.x. [others find you attractive]: no
.x. [you want more piercings]: yes
.x. [you want more tattoos]: dont have any but i want
.x. [you drink]: yes
.x. [you do drugs]: yes
.x. [you smoke]: yes
.x. [you like cleaning]: no
.x. [you like roller coasters]: haha no
.x. [you write in cursive or print]: print
.x. [you carry a donor card]: no
.x. [you have a crush on somebody]: unfourtuantly


- H A V E . Y O U . E V E R -
.x. [pictured your crush naked?]: oo yea bebeh
.x. [actually seen your crush naked]: yea
.x. [fucked]:-
.x. [had sex]: --
.x. [made love]: ---
.x. [been in love]: yes
.x. [cried when someone died]: yes
.x. [lied]: yes
.x. [fallen for your best friend]: yes FUCKING 2 TIMES ALREADY, YOUD THINK I WOULD LEARN
.x. [been rejected]: yes
.x. [rejected someone]: yes
.x. [used someone]: no, oh wait yea
.x. [been cheated on]:yes
.x. [done something you regret]: not anymore

-N U M B E R-
.x. [of times i have had my heart broken]: twice
.x. [of hearts i have broken]: hah none
.x. [of boys i have kissed]: oh jeez you really wanna go there
.x. [of girls i have kissed]: 1. TIN
.x. [of continents i have lived in]: none
.x. [of drugs taken illegally]: 1?
.x. [of close friends]: a couple
.x. [of cd's that i own]: a lot
.x. [of scars on my body]: a lot
.x. [of things in my past that i regret]: nope








im bored






i want to be loved





i want a boyfriend




i love this boy




but ive got no shot







life sucks









i want to be happy.








boys like you are a dime a dozen.
when i'm not with you

Friday, October 31st, 2003

Time:3:48 am.
no more
when i'm not with you

Monday, October 20th, 2003

Subject: december 23, 2002
Time:11:24 am.
i need to put these letters and emails in here...there not out to get anyone intentionally, there apart of once was and never will be. it will be a sort of closure i suppose.

hey kim...i know its earlier then you told me to write you but i needed to write this cuz i dunno im wierd like that...so ill try to make this quck but i know that i wont be its gunna be a long that will take forever to read and wire...so how was christmas for you and lol your grammas gifts...mine was good so far i got a lot of shit but ya know its all good...cuz ya know i already told you what my dad got me! lol......so......ummmm i think either friday or saturday we will have to go to the mall and do your shopping thing and then yea but i dunno........i have so many things i need to tell you and i think that you know that most of them are going to be the best things for a person to hear in a million years...this isnt gunna be a hate note from sean but its gonna be a.....kim&pat thing...i have this song that i have personally dedicated to you and i think you will enjoy it very much....

boxcar racer:.........there is

"lyrics"



and thats my song to you when ever i hear it i feel like im in need to have you and i need to hold you in every single minute that goes by..........and when i see other ppl use you and treat you like shit and hang on you it drives me crazy...maybe im just obsessive but i dunno this is the strongest ive ever felt for someone...even amy!!!...............and i dunno this is the way i feel and i cant wait to see you in the days of school and i hate not being with you and i hate not talking to you and im carrying on about all this and i fee like i may scare you and thats the last thing i would want.......your the world to me and i cant change that.....well this is the long email and i have nothing else to really say but ill ttyl il send you another email when i get to my moms house and ill let you know how the christmas went....i hope you have a great x-mas and a great new year i love you
when i'm not with you

Thursday, October 16th, 2003

Subject:heyyo
Time:9:35 am.
Mood: blah.
Music:echo_trapt.
me&res are chilling in the library today...just updating the journals and shit like that.


my previous plans to making a huge post to patrick, failed i decided just to let go in my mind and not care, if i dont care why should i make the effort to even bring up old shit. it doesnt matter...but basically im giving up. he won. i cant fight with him anymore ive done it for so long, and its looking like a losing battle because i always tell him im sorry and then ask to be forgaven, so yea.


this morning i was listening to this song that once meant something, and it brought back good memories of last year like when everyone stayed after and they was the "crew" basically like me, tin, theresa, pat, amanda, kenny, sean. and everyone was content with each other, ya know. all the times that i would talk to a boy about everything that was going on and he actually cared to listen and help me, he knew the people that liked me more than i did so i guess in a way he was kinda looking out for me. good times. i wish it was the same but as you get older things get more complicated in life. I just dont want it to, i dont want to fight with these people for stupid reasons, and say things i dont mean out of anger, its too emotionally draining and im the one who usually ends up getting hurt in the long run. im sincerly sorry for any "drama" that has come up on my account, im sorry that i made things more difficult that it had to be, im sorry, i know you had told me that it doesnt matter to you how you treat me that you have 12 other friends, but can you honestly tell me that you dont care about anything that has gone on in the past year between us, if the answer is yes then ill leave it be..for the rest of the time that we are in school together, i promose you this.


<3 louis








_k
5 feel lesser alone| when i'm not with you

Monday, October 13th, 2003

Subject:whateva yo
Time:12:28 pm.
Mood: chipper.
Music:there is_bcr.
hey "thur"


hmmm where do i begin....

i decided not to reside to michigan, even though i would like too. my cousin said that i would be running away from my problems if i went and wouldnt resolve anything or make anything better. i talked to her for a couple of hours about everything thats been going on lately and she helped with a lot, and it felt like relief that i dont have this shit built up inside of me. i actually visited my ex-boyfriend dan today, because ive been thinking about him a lot and i miss him, reflecting back on the relationships ive had, i just missed him, and i was just thinking how much i loved him and loved being with him whenever i could or talking to him whenever i could, he was the type of person that made me feel good about myself and that i could really guarantee that he truly loved me. and i wish i could have that. but the someone that i want it with doenst feel the same in return. i wish i could just tell pat how i feel sometimes but im in constant fear of what i might say might ruin my further chances or what i dont know. jen and eric broke up and louis had told me that he wanted to ask me out, louis kissed me on friday, sean kissed me, its pure madness, i get kissed by the boys who i dont want and not by the boy i do. what the fuck, bad timing fellas. but im going to conneticut next weekend i fucking cant wait i love it their especially the place we are staying at its wonderful, i sit by this pond surrounding by rocks and trees and just sit there and think about everything its great.


*you can say that you love a person but are you in love with them?





i love you all, especially you



kim
3 feel lesser alone| when i'm not with you

Wednesday, October 8th, 2003

Subject:yo
Time:4:31 am.
Mood: curious.
pat and danielle are going out now.


when he first told me i was sooooo upset, but its not worth getting upset over, i guess im just bruised because of the shit that me and him had gone through but i cant take it too heart, sometimes friendships are more valuable then relationships. shes lucky...but anyways its not worth being bitter nor spiteful...ill just sit back and enjoy my time with jay while its still fucking legal, tin said its going to be illegal within four monthes which sucks major ass, i dont even think its going to last that long, all hes good for is good sex...j/k. but yea.



my cousins are leaving for michigan on friday.
i wanna go with them and thinking about doing such.
1 feel lesser alone| when i'm not with you

Monday, October 6th, 2003

Subject:here i am yet again at a standstill
Time:1:36 pm.
Mood: content.
Music:identity crisis_thrice.
Basic:

What time is it now: 1:39 pm
Your Name: Kim
Your Nickname: Kim
Your Online Name: hxpelessR0MANTIC
Your sex: Female
Your Age: 15
Your Sign: leo
Your height: 5'7
Your weight: 1--
Hair color: brown with highlights
Eye color: brown
Hair length: long
Do you wear glasses: yes
Are your teeth straight: not on the bottom
Do you have freckles: no
Do you have a fake tooth: no
Do you have a fake eye: no
Do you draw fake moles on yourself: no
Your religion: luthren
Highest level of school: 10th grade
Do you work: yes
How do you dress: jeans, t-shirt, shoes&socks, underwear&bra
Do you smoke: occasionally
Do you drink: occasionally
Do you do drugs: no
Do you have friends: yes
Do you have online friends: yes
Do you like your friends: yes
Do you like your online friends: yes
Got any kids? NO
Got any pets? a dog
Got a car? no
Live on your own? i wish
Live with your 'rents? yea

Favorites:

Type of music: emo, emo-core, hardcore, some metal
Actor: idk
Actress: dont have one
Movie: Clerks, Mallrats, finding nemo, jay and silent bob strike back...
Soda: diet pepsi, vanilla coke
Food: pizza, ice cream, pilsbury choclate chunk cookies
Sexual Position: haha any karma suitra position baby ; )
Car: mitsibishi eclipse
Hobby: listening to music, chilling with mah homies
Sport: used to play basketball
Musician: hmmm too many
Artist: ?
Author: Stephen Chobsoky...
Anime: none
Song: a lot
Color: black, gray
TV Show: boymeetsworld
Brand of beer: um...molson
Brand of liquor: Mike's
Brand of smokes: now newports
Brand of drug: --
Brand of clothes: dont have one
Record Lable: vagrant, drive-thru, eulogy, jump-back...
Brand of glue: elmers...since kind-a-garten bebeh
Online test: this??
Online chat thing: aim
Shape: wtf
Texture: ?
Game: games frustrate me
Place: down port
Year: 1998
Holiday: christmas
Quote: "hey baby ever got your asshole licked by a fat-man in an overcoat?"
Animal: fishie
Sound: music
Book: a few
Drink: soda

Sex:

Virgin: yes
Butthole virgin?: oh man, yes
mouth a virgin: ...
Kinky turns you on: ah no
More than 15 partners: no
Have sex with music on: virgin
Had group sex: no
Had a threesome: no
Had cyber sex: no
Had cyber anal sex: wow, no
Had sex with inanimate objects: hahah no
Had sex with an animal: no
What turns you on: you bebeh ; )
What turns you off:
is Oral sex is good: --
Do you like sex: havent had it

Lies:

Have you lied: yea
Do you lie: notnow
Do you lie often: no
Do you lie to save your own ass: depends
Do you lie to save someone else ass: yes
Would you tell a lie that stopped your death but caused the death of your lover: no
Would you tell a lie that stopped your death but caused the death of your enemy: maybe...
Would you tell a lie that let you keep your job but fired your friend: no
Would you tell a lie that let you keep your job but fired "that bitch you work with": yes
Have you lied to gain money: no
Would you lie to gain money: no
Do you enjoy lying to strangers: hey never talk to strangers
Have you ever enjoyed lying to a stranger: no
Do you lie to bums that ask for spare change, saying you have none: yes
Would you dare to lie in the face of evil: sure
Would you dare to lie in the face of your mother: um...
Would you dare to lie in the face of your God: yes
Would you lie to get laid: haha sure
Have you lied to get laid: no
Would you lie to get a job: depends what kind of job it is
Have you lied to get a job: no
Would you lie to get a date: no
Have you lied to get a date: no
Are lies really that harmless: sometimes
Do you lie on online surveys to make yourself seem super cool: no
Do you lie online: no
If lying is sinful.. are you going to hell: not really

Love life:

Are you single: yes
Are you with someone: no
Are you married: no
Are you divorced: no
Are you "Separated": no
Are you "on break": um...idk at this point
Ever been in love: yes
How many times: 1
Looking back do you regret it: no
Do you date people you meet online: no
Do you date people you meet at bars: no
Do you date people: yes
Do you "net date": no
Are you happy with your current status, why: no, because im confused
Do you have a crush on someone close to you: yes
Are you still holding on to the past: no
Do you agree that Jet Li is a good husband for Shajuana: sure

The following apply to you? Y/N

Witty: sometimes
Charming: no
Quiet: when im in a bad mood
Loud: yes
Pretty: no
Radical: no
Sucky: yes, idk
Smart: when i wanna be
Stupid: yes
Dumbass: yes
Ugly: YES
Slow: YES
Fast: NO
Talented: in which way ; )
Useless: yes
Punk: no
Young: yes
Old: no
Past your prime: no
You're just reaching your prime: no?
Dashing: no
Daring: occasionally
Dainty: no
Powerful: not really
Athletic: no
Artistic: eh no
Superhuman: no
Sexy: NO

The following are Good/Bad

Sex: good?
Love: Good
Happiness: Good.
Rap: bad
Pain: bad
Pop music: extremely bad
Anime: bad
TV: good
Country: bad
Metal: good
Nu-Metal: --
Death Metal: --
Industrial: --
Punk Rock: good?
Easy Listening: bad.
Korn: bad
Murderous Rampages: --
Sega: used to be good
Nintendo: Good!
Play Station: good
Game Boy: eh
Chinese Food: good
Italian Food: good
Japanese Food: never tried
Mexican Food: Good.
Online Quizzes: eh
Online Surveys: eh

What...?
Whats your deep dark secret: --
Whats your biggest fear: dieing alone
Whats your greatest sexual experience: never had one
Whats your best date ever: i never really had real date
Whats your worst date ever: " "
What is the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you: idk
Would you make a good candidate for Jerry Springer: haha yea
Anime isn't that bad is it?: idk what the fuck it is
You agree that DVD is much better than VHS right? sure

Politics:

Do you hate America:
Do you hate terrorism:
Do you think America shouldn't be involved in the Mid East why:
Do you hate western culture:
Do you like America:
Do you like Americans:
Did you vote for Bush:
Do you think Bush is doing a good job:
Are you Canadian, you fuck:
Do you believe your country is doing okay or would you change things:
Are you conservative or liberal?
Do you think immigration in America is out of hand?
Do you think that group of black people suing some southern company for profiting on slavery in the 1800's has a good claim?
Or do you think if they actually win, that every Native American should sue England, France and Spain for invading them, and profiting off them?


Religion:

Are you religious? No
Do you believe in a higher being: no
Is every religion wrong except your own? no
Do you believe that any religion is lower than your own, or is wrong? no
Is your God the only god?
Are you going to heaven? idk
Are you going to hell? idk

Money:

Do you like it? yes
Do you have any? yes
Do you make a lot of it? eh good amount
Do you get your money through illegal ways? no
Do you pay taxes? no
Do you think you shouldn't have to? yes

Finally:
Who did you get this survey from? a person
What time is it? 2:23


what time did you go to sleep last night?: 1 am
what was the last noise you heard before you fell asleep?: the tvt
the last thing you said?: goodnight
what did you dream about?: cant remember
do you drool or snore when you sleep?: grind my teeth
when did you wake up?: 10..something
how did you wake up?: phone rang
what's the first thing that crossed your mind when you woke up?: i want to go back to sleep
when was the last time you took a shower?: yesterday
when was the last time you said i love you to the opposite sex and meant it, family doesn't count: thursday
who was it?: pat
where was the last place you went outside of your house?: down port
who was the last friend you saw?: jay
who was the last friend you talked to?: nick
who's the one person you would die without?: tin
what's your favorite song?: as of right now um...haha baby boy nah j/k idk
favorite lyric?: too many
favorite group?: thrice, atreyu, the used, fall out boy, from autumn to ashes, coheed and cambria...etc
favorite album?: rivulets "debridement" afi "sing the sorrow"
how many times have you been in love?: 1
are you in love anyone right now?: yes
do they love you back?: no
if you could kill one person, who would it be?: hmmm idk
how many pillows are on your bed?: 4
what color is the bottle of shampoo you use, and what kind is it?: white, dove
what color is the soap you use and kind?: blue, adidas
what color is your razor?: pink
what kind of deoderant do you use?: axe and adidas
what kind of cologne/perfume do you wear?: cool water, ralph lauren and axe
do you use lotion?: yes
how long are your nails right now?: pssh really short
how old is the computer you're on?: a year
who was the last person to annoy you?: eric
who was the last person you seriously kissed?: pat
the last person you danced with?: idk
do you believe in God?: no
how long are the showers you take?: 10-15min
how many showers do you take a week?: everyday so 7
do you love your parents?: sometimes
do you love your siblings?: when they dont beat the shit out of me
what's the worst thing that ever happened to you?: my mom dieing
when's the last time you cried?: couple of monthes ago
why?: pat
the last time you wished you were dead?: now
the last time you felt important?: never
the last time you felt sad because someone close to you was hurting?: couple days ago
the last time you screamed?: yesterday
have you ever physically hurt yourself?: yes
how smart are you?: pretty smart
what person are you extremely attracted to, and not just because of looks?: .....cough pat cough
do you like being outside?: sometimes
what one person do you know you could always turn to?: tin&eric
who do you look up to?: tin
who's the last person that made you cry?: ...
is emotional pain or physical pain worse?: emotional
where do you want to live?: france
how many scars are on your body?: a lot
how many people do you love?: a lot im a whore
who's your best friend?: tin&eric
who do you turn to for advice?: tin
if you could bring back one person from the dead, who would it be?: mah mom
on a scale of 1-10, how happy are you?: 2
on a scale of 1-10, how depressed are you?: 0
what color are the sheets on your bed?: green
how many cds do you own?: over 80
what are 3cds you wish to own?: dropkick, everytime i die, beyonce---hahaha j/k
what is your greatest regret?: dont have any
when was the last time you were sick?: now
are you hurting anywhere right now?: yea
who do you wish was near you that isn't?: at this moment? tin
what do you wish you were doing right now?: sleeping
when was the last time you had a nightmare?: saturday
are you talking to anyone right now?: eric, katie, jay
what are you talking about?: having anal sex
who's the last person you were on the phone with?: nick
are you pale?: not really, im supposedly fuckingYELLOW
when was the last time you brushed your hair?: yesterday, its up now
how much do you weigh? 1--
have you ever wanted plastic surgery?: yea
how many screen names do you have?: 2
which one do you use the most? hxpelessR0MANTIC





wow that was really motherfucking long.


well this is one of my numerous journals, i keep making new ones for no reason, someone is going to eventually find this and comment. because they always do. but i dont really give a shit right now. i know im going to miss him, hes just been i guess a part of my life for so long that im going to miss him, and my so called friends are pushing me to go out with new people someone i dont know, a random person that i havent had interactions with and then other friends are fighting over who gets me now. this time i feel differently like everything will work out in the end, maybe he did just need to see what it was like to be with someone else or a break, i can be over-bearing at times, and i dont know it...but at this time im still not over him, and i still love him very much no matter what anyone decides to tell me about the things that hes done and stuff, i love him.






k_m
6 feel lesser alone| when i'm not with you

Time:1:29 am.
this



is



a




blank



motherfucking



entry
when i'm not with you

Blurty for Nothing I call love can clear away the clouds.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Website (you deserve SO much more).
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 9 entries.