Blurty for Petey.

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Monday, December 10th, 2007

Time:7:43 am.
I really should be happy for you.
I'm not.
I'm so disgusted at myself that I'm not.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, December 6th, 2007

Time:12:22 pm.
Mood: anxious.
Fuck. I have a list of X-Mas gifts that is out of this world.
I desperately need to go shopping.

Whoever enjoys very demented.
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Wednesday, October 17th, 2007

Time:9:12 am.
Mood: hopeful.

I want to work out, lose weight, and get fit.
So that in the next year or two, when I'm 21 or 22...
I can sign up to be a SuicideGirl.
I love them. I think they're beautiful & modern...and completely real.
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Saturday, October 13th, 2007

Time:3:42 am.
Mood: amused.

Being announced "Most Successful" by my graduating class has yet to ring true.
Sorry Class of 2006. = \
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Friday, October 5th, 2007

Time:2:49 am.
Mood: hot.
I'm in love with Tegan & Sara.
It's so rare that I listen to a person's/group's cd and love every single song.
They are brilliant...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, September 9th, 2007

Time:1:28 pm.

My new digital camera.
BTW...It's awesome.
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Saturday, August 25th, 2007

Subject:Which Kiss?
Time:4:38 am.
Mood: awake.
I sit next to you in the back seat. Your parents outside not knowing what their little girl is doing. We sing to our favorite song laughing and giggling as if nothing is there. I look up and kiss you. This is a first kiss...

I stand in the school yard talking to you. The bell rings and everyone is headed to class. You look up at me and kiss me. This is a kiss of friendship...

We just met and were sitting in the theatres next to each other. I was one of the virgins that night. You enjoyed it all too much. I come back from my seat embarrassed. The movie and crowed goes on as all I can do is pleasure you. We look up and we kiss. This is a kiss of lust...

I lift you up in my arms and twirl you around in the school halls. Everyone stares but hurries their way to class acting is if they saw nothing. I slowly put you down and hold you in my arms and tell you I've been waiting for this for a long time now. I look down at your angel face and we kiss. This is a kiss of beginnings....

We flirt and you tell me to help carry something to your truck. We talk about serious stuff as always. You talk about how the night before you had a dream about your dad. Then you pull me in and we kiss. This is a kiss of cheating....

We stand in your drive way with the rain pouring down. All we can do is hold one another and say nothing at all because everything has already been said. We kiss. This is a kiss of passion...

You pin me down. The only person I have ever let do this. You look at me as I shake underneath you afraid of what you are thinking. You kiss me. This is a kiss of fear...

You hold me in your arms on the hood of your car. The wind blows hard and the storm is coming. You promise me it won't be like last time. You say you know how much you hurt me and it will never happen again. We kiss. This is a kiss of broken promises...

You corner me. You play stupid games when we both know where it was going. You kiss me. This is a kiss of drugs...

You rub your hand along my leg. You run your hand through my hair. You make me blush and make me giggle. You tell me your story and make me tell mine. You climb on top of me and we kiss. This is a kiss of a first fuck....

Your drunk and she doesn't want you. She tells you it would be hot if we kissed. You ask if I'd mind. You kiss me. This is a kiss of alcohol...

You say you hate men. We look at your art work and watch a movie. I steal your lighter and you climb on top of me to get it back. You kiss me. This is a kiss of flirting...

You sit on the passenger side and crawl over. You hug on me and tease me. You try to distract me. So you kiss me. This is a kiss of loneliness...

Kisses are nothing special if the meanings of them are wrong. They can mean nothing at all to one side of the party but then a whole new thing to the other.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, August 21st, 2007

Subject:Normal? What is normal?
Time:4:30 am.
Mood: thoughtful.
Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family's life.

Normal is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery for Birthdays, Christmas, Hanukkah, Thanksgiving, New Years, Valentine's Day, July 4th and Passover.

Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don't like to sit through anything anymore.

Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's & why didn't I's go through your head constantly.

Normal is reliving that day continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away.

Normal is having the TV on the minute you walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening.

Normal is every happy event in your life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in your heart.

Normal is telling the story of your loved one's death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of your "normal."

Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your loved one's memory and their birthdays and survive these days. And trying to find the balloon or flag that fit's the occasion. Happy Birthday? Not really.

Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special they loved. Thinking how they would love it, but how they aren't here to enjoy it.

Normal is having some people afraid to mention your loved one.

Normal is making sure that others remember them.

Normal is after the funeral is over, everyone else goes on with their lives, but we continue to grieve our loss forever.

Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse, not better.

Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost someone special.
Nothing compares.
Even if your love is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare.

Normal is taking pills, and trying not to cry all day, because you know your mental health depends on it.

Normal is realizing you do cry everyday.

Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone.

Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing to an online journal about the loss...

Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. "God may have done this because…"

Hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why such a wonderful person was taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense.

Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did the laundry, or if there is any food.

Normal is asking God why he took away such a loving person instead of a cold, heartless one, and asking if there even is a God.

Normal is knowing you will never get over this loss, not in a day nor a million years.

Normal is having therapists agree with you that you will never "really" get over the pain and that there is nothing they can do to help you because they know only bringing back your loved one back from the dead could possibly make it "better."

Normal is learning to lie to everyone you meet and telling them you are fine. You lie because it makes others uncomfortable if you cry. You've learned it's easier to lie to them then to tell them the truth. That you still feel empty and it's probably never going to get any better -- ever.

And last of all...
Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal."
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Friday, August 17th, 2007

Time:1:01 am.
Mood: weird.
I'm still in this town.
I'm pretty sure I'll never leave it.
I'll die in this town.
In this...small, narrow-minded, bigot-filled town.

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Tuesday, August 7th, 2007

Subject:This song speaks on how I feel about life....right. now.
Time:11:43 pm.
Mood: indescribable.
What I Wouldn't Give by Holly Brook

Feeling like I can't forgive, but I want to
it's like I don't know how to live, I’m afraid to
I used to think take them as they come, without hesitations, no
now it's like my head is filled with lies, and persuasions

as the sun begins to fall I hear her calling out to me she's sayin' hurry it's one more day gone

what I wouldn't give just to forget
so I can remember how to live again
I wanna live again

I am feeling dissonant, and distracted
the toxic chemicals are spilling in my head and they're bleeding deadly reactions

and as the moon begins to rise he shows me all the colors that I’m hiding I’m hiding myself

what I wouldn't give just to forget
what I wouldn't give to get some rest
so I can remember how to live again
I wanna live again

am I desperately losing this fight
when I should really be choosing my flight
take me now

what I wouldn't give just to forget
what I wouldn't give to get some rest
so I can remember how to live again
I wanna live again

what I wouldn't give just to forget
what I wouldn't give to get some rest
what I wouldn't give just to forget
so I can remember how to live
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, July 20th, 2007

Time:9:24 pm.
Mood: hungry.
I'm a slut because I'll wear shorts & a tank top,

I'm a bitch because I don't let you push me around,

I'm a liar because I won't tell you everything,

I'm stupid because sometimes I'm wrong,

I'm ugly because my face isn't perfect,

I'm a whore because I like boys,

I'm fat because I don't fit into a size "0" & actually have curves,

I'm annoying because I'm not chill enough,

I'm a loser because I'm not friends with your group,

I use people because I do what's best for me,

I'm fake because most of the time I'm happy,

I'm weird because I'm not like you,

I'm controlling because I get mad sometimes,

I'm clingy because I like to be around people,

I'm greedy because I like to be satisfied,

I'm naive because I'm younger than you,

I'm conceited because I'm proud of who I am,

I'm rude because my manners aren't perfect,

I'm unappreciative because I don't praise you.

Don't try to tell me who I am because I already know.
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Thursday, July 19th, 2007

Time:11:12 pm.
Mood: hopeful.
I want to be a writer.
It's my passion.
I've been racking my brain since graduation what I want to do with my life.
What's the one thing that I'm passionate about?
Writing. I read all the time. I read anything I can get my hands on.
I like having free speech. I say what I want when I want.
If it's something I care about, there is no end to what I have to say.
If I have a message I want to get out, I write very heatedly and urgently.
I've written short stories, poems, articles, and countless journal/diary entries throughout my life.

It's going to come true. I promise.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, July 16th, 2007

Time:8:33 pm.
Mood: weird.
Music:[[Suture Up Your Future]] + [[Queens of the Stone Age]].
I lie to men online, especially this one who seems totally "in love" with me. Fucking pervert.
They're such fuckin' sluts so I tell them what they want to hear.
It is KINDA amusing to hear what men actually say...
They try to be slick and sexy...whores.
I swear...every guy I meet, online or not...makes me hate the male gender more and more.

SECRET: My secret life I tell them about sounds more exciting than my own. I'm sick.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, July 10th, 2007

Time:12:03 pm.
Mood: giddy.
A margarita in one hand &&& a cigarette in the other. ♥
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Monday, July 9th, 2007

Time:9:36 pm.
Mood: giddy.
God, jalapeno pizza is pretty much fuckin' orgasmic...
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Saturday, July 7th, 2007

Subject:Aww, you stuck-up Christians, get a sense of humor. God has one. I mean, look at your face...
Time:12:45 pm.
The Ten Commandments: unabridged
June 11th, 2007 by Benjamin

And God spoke all these words, saying: “I am the LORD your God …

You shall have no other gods before Me. If you don’t mind. God has been queuing for ages. It’s only right. Although I suppose God does have a full basket, and Ra over there is only buying a Ginster’s pastie. It sort of seems rude not to let him through, God supposes. Although God would like to get out of here and have some lunch soon. God is so hungry, God could eat a Horus. So watch out! Hahaha. God amuses Himself. But seriously: God is first.

You shall not make for yourself a carved image - any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. God doesn’t mean to be rude, but have you considered actually going and studying art? Because, ultimately, that’s not a fish you’ve just carved. It looks a bit like a poo.

You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain. God apologises for shouting the word LORD. God just wants to emphasise it, you know. To prove that God is your LORD. If you shout, you’re automatically right and should not be questioned. It lends you a sense of authority, you see. That’s why they do it on cable news. God thinks they might have learned it from those evangelical ministers. God doesn’t talk to them, by the way. God thinks they’re crazy. Don’t argue. God is your LORD.

Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Heaven and Hell Tour 2007, baby! God likes to rock out.

Honour your father and your mother. Actually, God will honour your mother. Mmm-hmm-hmmmm. God loves you, cute momma.

You shall not kill. Except in cases of political disagreement, civil unrest, land disputes, national security, silencing whistleblowers for corporate gain, convenience, punishment, or any other reason, really. It’s just, you’ve got to have a permit. Okay?

You shall not commit adultery. But let’s face it, you’re going to ignore this one. So how about, you shall not commit adultery if you don’t have enough money to appear to be a respectable member of society. And someone tell that Joseph Smith to keep it in his pants …

You shall not steal. Except at Costco, where their Labor Day prices are insane! Also, the natural resources of nations you choose to invade. And stuff from people you kill.

You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour. However, if he carves images of anything that is in the earth, you may witness false bears. God made a funny. God is great.

You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his adulterous lover, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor his iPod, nor his Nintendo Wii, nor his Hummer, because let’s face it, it’s a nightmare to run with gas prices as they are, nor his disco skills, nor his vintage pumps, nor his fine ass, nor anything that is your neighbour’s. God’s recommendation: break in and steal the lot.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, July 5th, 2007

Time:2:05 am.
Mood: anxious.
Music:[[My Black Dahlia]] + [[Hollywood Undead]].

I went and helped Han-NAH clean up her new apartment. I helped her pick out a beige for her apartment. It's so fucked up have to paint it such a boring color. I told her I'd help her paint this weekend.

I'm so her bitch ♥

Seeing her apartment...made me think of mine (the one I have yet to...erm, find...). The one I'll be moving into in like a month. -shivers with excitment- Grr...I'm excited TO THE MAX. =]
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Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007

Time:4:40 pm.
Mood: giggly.
Goddamn. I'm so baked...

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Saturday, June 30th, 2007

Time:8:39 pm.
Mood: sleepy.
Finding an affordable apartment in vast Memphis is like finding a needle in a haystack...
2 bedroom + 1 bath (...MAYBE 2 SO I CAN HAVE MY OWN...)
Washer & Dryer...or at least the connections for one. (...I'd rather do my wash at home...)
Allow least cats.
Ugh. I hate not knowing where to start looking, but I still had fun today.
-happy sigh- Memphis = D
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Friday, June 29th, 2007

Time:4:49 pm.
So bored...
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Blurty for Petey.

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You're looking at 20 entries, after skipping 20 newer ones. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries or forward 20 entries.