lish's Blurty

Subject:	to the sweat drip down my balls.... ;]
Time:	9:20 am.
Mood:	anxious.
Music:	get low * lil jon.

Fall River Celebrates America is tonight. Whoooo! I can't wait. It was Allyn and I's 1 year anniversary yesterday. He got me a white gold irish claddagh ring. That's spelt wrong. But you know what I mean. We went out to eat and stuff. I just really had a good time. I love him so much. He's so good to me. I don't even realize it half the time. And I should start.

My Uncle Jack is wonderful. <3

Tonight it should be me, allyn, amanda, and megan. And whoever Allyn's bringing. I can't waaaaait. It's going to be so much fun. Too bad I'm missing Saturday and Sunday because of work. :[ Oh, guess what! I got my first car!!!!!!!!!!! :] It's a 1996 Hyundai Elantra. And I love it and I'm oh so excited.

love star kisses

Subject:	Ah.
Time:	1:55 pm.
Mood:	bored.

I miss Mikey... Nicky.. and Renee. And I may even miss this BORING summer once is passes. This summer wasn't what I expected it to be. Allyn's birthday just passed. I got him lots of stuff and took him to see Pirates of the Carribean. I loved it. Amanda and Megan are crashing here tomorrow. We're going to go shopping first. School shopping, I suppose. Allyn and I have been better. Yes, we have. I should write something. I think I might try. I have driving school at 5:00. It's real boring. I'm exhausted, as usual.

My Uncle Jack is doing much better. Thank God. He's awake, and can understand what we're saying. He tries to talk, but doesn't get very far. But it's such an improvement and I'm so happy about it. I don't have much to say... never do.

love star kisses

Subject:	just some quizes...
Time:	1:53 pm.
Mood:	bored.

You Are A Strawberry Flavored Condom!

Sweet, funky, and even a little bitter at times.

You're tasty enough to be popular, yet freaky enough to be unique.

Sometimes you get a little nasty in bed... but nothing too extreme!

What Flavor Condom Are *You*?

You Are Furry Cuffs!

In the bedroom

You like to play cop

So keep fucking hard

Even when begged to stop!

What Sex Toy Are *You*?

You Are Mango Flavored Lube!

Exotic, unconventional, and sultry.

You are the flavor most likely to speak a foreign language during sex.

You are the flavor least likely to be considered boring.

Sound yummy? Get Mango Flavored Lube Here :-)

What Flavor Lube Are *You*?div>

love star kisses

Subject:	you make me completely miserable..
Time:	2:13 pm.
Mood:	tired.
Music:	completely miserable * lit.

I don't know what's going on with me and allyn anymore. I bought him things for his birthday a couple of days ago. I'm not sure if I'm done yet though. He got his tattoo. I was pretty pissed off. Basically because I wanted to be there really bad and he knew that but still went on with it without telling me ahead of time. He decided to surprise me instead. Great. I'm over it now. It's okay, If I could I'd make a few changes to it. But it's his tattoo, and his body. So I guess it's fine.

Ian and Kyle came into the bakery yesterday. I was so scared. It's the first time I've seen Ian since last summer. He just got out of jail, or rehab, whichever... maybe both. He didn't say anything, just store at me. I couldn't stop shaking. I kept dropping change. I wish he would've seen me when I looked good, though. Because I work at a bakery I was pretty scrubbed out. For all of you that don't know, Ian's some kid I talked to last summer that ended badly. It's hard to explain the relationship me and Ian had... but seeing him again was way too freaky. The last time I saw him before this one... was at a dance. He was all coked up at disgusting looking. But yesterday, he looked normal. Like Ian.

Allyn's on his way home. I need to get ready.

love star kisses

Subject:	Hm.
Time:	11:13 am.
Mood:	blah.
Music:	black ballo0n * goo goo dolls.

I don't think he did it. We talked about it, awhile ago. I could tell by the look in his eyes... the hurt and disappointment of my 'assumtion'. Could hear it in his shaking voice. Allyn lies at times, yes. But never does he look me in the eye and do it. Last time he acted like this when I accused him of something... it wasn't true. So I believe him. Am I foolish? Probably. But I have been with that boy for 11 months... and I know when he's not lying to me. I can't help the fact that I want to forget everything when I'm with him. I love him. Yes, I do. I love him.. And I've never been so sure of it before until now. So we've been spending days together. Like old times. I never told him it was Jon (one of his best friends) that told me of all these stories. He'd flip. But I did find out that Jon bad talks me a lot. And tells Allyn that he doesn't need to put up with me. So was this little story that Jon told me a way to break us up? Perhaps. It is possible. Jon had told me months ago that he wanted his friend back. But I think this time he went too far. The fact of Allyn getting another girls number is believeable. And I'm not mad about that. Okay, fine... I was mad at first but I'm not mad now. But the kissing... No. He wouldn't.

I started driving school. Talk about fucking easy. 2 hours 3 times a week of watching movies and listening to some lady babble. I'll be done with that in no time. I saw Kyle Brady when leaving driving school yesterday. Kyle Brady's the new boy at work. ;] I used to see him around last summer when I hung around with Ian. I asked him about work and such. Allyn doesn't like him, or his friends. Whatever. Allyn doesn't like anyone, to be honest. I am in no way interested in Kyle... but flirting never hurts anyone. I'll be honest, when I get into work I always check to see if he's working. I haven't flirted with anyone in... haha. Forever. So it's fun. Is there anything wrong with that? Hm?

love star kisses

Subject:	I wish that you would call me now, so that I could get through to you some how...
Time:	9:41 am.
Mood:	crushed.
Music:	officially missing you * tamia.

Kill me. Beat me to a pulp and toss daggers at my eyes. Pour acid over me and watch me burn... burn my heart to a crisp until i learn to never love again.

Because anything is less painful than this...

My angel has gone away...

love star kisses

Subject:	=/
Time:	10:29 am.
Mood:	scared.
Music:	addicted * simple plan.

My uncles sick. He may have an annerism on his brain. I don't know how to handle this. I have never lost anyone before. Well, besides my grandfather... that I met once. But I was young, and this is different. So different. I went to visit him yesterday and I cried so much. I tried to avoid seeing him but I knew I had to go. I'm so scared. I hate knowing that sooner or later everyone is going to go. Because I really don't want them to.

love star kisses

Subject:	.. can't nobody do it like you.
Time:	2:55 pm.
Mood:	depressed.
Music:	tamia * officially missing you.

I don't know why I try. With him. Allyn. He makes things so difficult. He's been acting so strange lately and I can't really take it anymore. We were supposed to spend the day together but yet AJs over. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm breaking. I don't like the feeling. I thought I've grown past this feeling. I guess not. He'll never know how much it hurts me when he does things like this. We had a big discussion last night and all but still... God I can't fucking take it.

love star kisses

Subject:	im exhausted
Time:	2:23 pm.
Mood:	contemplative.
Music:	3rd eye bl!nd * blinded when i see you.

Blondie's the one person that can brighten my moods. His winks kill me. I don't know... just something.

I work with Blondie (Jeff). He's like 20 something. I don't like him or anything. But he is the funnest person to flirt with. :P

Allyn and I are supposed to spend the day together. I don't know. I called him last night before I went to bed. I cried. I don't know what to do. I feel so distant from him. He's so out of reach. I both like it and loathe it. It's so twisted.

love star kisses

Subject:	this post has no purpose.
Time:	12:29 am.
Mood:	depressed.

its strange. how it is with him and i. the feelings. emotions. im not even sure of it anymore. before it was so simple, i was falling in love and there was no way to stop it. but now that i know that im beyond that point.. i dont know what to do. i almost break into a panic when i feel my feelings filling to their brim. i love him but at the same time i hate him for giving me these feelings. causing me to open up again. ive created this most secure wall, but yes my angel has broken it down. i feel so weak. vulnerable. its someting im not ready for. to feel that turning in my chest when he kisses me. to feel so complete beside him. fulfilled. its past infactuation. im scared... should i be? our last fight ruined us. ruined the amount of closeness I had towards him. I still love him, yes... but it isn't the same. I hate him for that. He had my complete trust... all my love and he threw it in my face. Some think I overexaggerate. That may be true. But it hurts. It's some sort of wretched game he puts me through. I don't understand it. The lies. I could never lie to him like he lies to me. It's almost amusing. Maybe not.

People don't understand it. Why I get so snappy with him. Bite his head off at those little things. Even if there are no little things and he's doing completely nothing wrong... it's because I can't get close to him again. And it's a way of keeping myself away from it. I hate hurting him. Hurting us. But I'm sick of hurting myself. Does that make sense?

I need to sleep.

love star kisses

Subject:	bring me to life...
Time:	12:14 am.
Mood:	melancholy.
Music:	officially missing you * tamia.

I never write in this thing. Why do I have it again? Cause I really have no idea. I work 2 jobs now. I started at Lucitanos a couple of weeks ago. It's pretty fun. I have to wear a bow tie and shit. Marc got stabbed. That shit freaks the hell out of me. Damn. I don't really know what to say. I'm so exhausted. School's over. Thank god. I hope I still see Nicky and Mikey and shit. I hope Renee doesn't move. Allyn and I were doing wonderful until our last fight. Now it's pretty down hill. I get aggravated very easily. It's horrible. I just wrote this, it's in my profile. -->

s0metimes we're hott. other times we're cold.
then theres times you hate me, or so I'm told.
i hate your impatience, you hate my attitude
sometimes i'm bitchy, sometimes your rude
i hate the way you melt me with a smile
you hate how i make you stay for more than awhile
theres times when i need you and your not there
and times where you start to think that i dont care

sometimes we're hott. other times we're cold.
then there's times i hate you, or so your told.
usually we're good. ehh.. sometimes we're rough.
i hate how i <3 you. how i cant get enough.
you hate how i instigate, i hate how you lie.
but i'll <3 you, til theres no stars in the sky.
* allyn -> neva forget h0w much i care.
o8.o6.o3<333

I did it quick. It's alright. My computers been down for more than a week. I need to start writing again. I really don't anymore. I should. Just haven't really gotten the chance I guess. I feel like crying. It's strange. I've been feeling so down lately. Probably this whole thing with Allyn. I joined the gym finally. With meg. It's pretty fun, actually. I'm still sore. Alright, I'm going to get going.

love star kisses

Subject:	It's nice out.
Time:	3:57 pm.
Mood:	anxious.

Quicky update. Saturday at the feast I looked pretty hott. My hair looked cute. Pin curls (hehe nic<3) back in a black headband with a bang in the front.

Um, let's see..

I'm sick so Allyn got me this HUGE dog. I told him I loved him last night... =/ He got his lip pierced and I should be going to get my tragus done soon if he gets here!!! Schools over in about 3 weeks. Can't wait.

Read 2 or love star kisses

Subject:	Ick.
Time:	2:02 pm.
Mood:	anxious.
Music:	i br0ke my sound....

It rained during the feast. That sucked. I was so excited about eating the food. Lol, figures. Allyn bought me the dog balloon I've been wanting since forever. :P I saw Catherine. She didn't even look at me or Allyn. I found it funny. Megan's going with me tonight. That should be fun - I told her I'd win her something. We'll see.

love star kisses

Subject:	Tired.
Time:	9:13 pm.
Mood:	sleepy.

I never post. I'm going to start! Allyn and I had a 'discussion' last night. I didn't get much sleep. But besides that we've been pretty good. He's working with his uncle right now, tiling and carpeting. He came over with half a dozen roses for me. :] 1 pink and 5 red. So sweet. For no reason, either. I don't know. I know this should be a nice long post but I have to go! That's why I never post. Feast this weekend. It's supposed to be crappy weather. We'll see. Losers may be there. Most likely. Kyle and things. He called me the other day. I don't know. I still have his letters. I read them, they almost got to me. Almost. That kids a bunch of bull shit anyway. Alright, I have to go. I'll update on how the feast was. Later chickens.

love star kisses