This Thanksgiving wuzn't like my other ones. My cousins weren't here so it wuz rather boring. I wuz bored most of the day. Still am. My sister and I took Mitzy out to the side of our house and let her play out there. Now she went out with her significant other. She's probably like, "Shut the f*ck up, Edee" if she's reading this.
I love Sex and the City. I see myself a lot as Charlotte...the hopeless romatic one. But I do have Mirandah's cynical side but all we need is sumone to prove us wrong. Watching that show has one of two effects on me: 1--and the most often--is me wanting that long term, "i love u with all my being" relationship. 2) is aboslutely loving my wonderful single life. That show can seriously hit sum strong emotions whether it be love, lonliness, anger, understanding, wut have u.
Isn't my new icon adorable?! I luv kitties. I'm trying to get over the loss of Cupcake. I'm still bumed out about it, but who wouldn't be.
This is probably gonna be a long entry cuz I am so unbelievably bored! I like the lil heading I added. "I'll alwayz love you but I need my sanity back." Think we all know who that's for. I think I'm finally letting it go. After two long years I think I'm finally doing it. I got hit by an epiphany(i don't know if that's how u spell it) and it wuz like I finally woke up. I woke up from sum weird dream I had been living. It feels great. I want to hold on to this feeling and never let it go. It's rather empowering. I feel like nothing can hold me back from attracting guyz cuz now I KNOW I've got nothing to look back on or hold on to. I'm letting go. I think the only way I can find a guy that I actually like is to go on the Bachelorette. I'm just so darn picky about who I want to have a relatiohship with. Even with flings. I don't see the point of being in a relationshipf if u don't get those butterflies in ur stomach. That feeling is what makes it so beautiful. Like..when they smile at u or laugh at one of ur jokes u feel like u're flying and when they hug u u float above cloud nine. ::Sigh:: those dayz are gone for me. Hopefully one day I'll find them again...with sumone new...sumone who DESERVES me. That's the thing with me....I display myself as an unaffectionate person but you (whoever) just needs to break past that shield I put up. Once upon a time I wuz so affectionate, loving, would allow sumbody to hold me for as long as they wanted. Then that person hurt me and after that, more than ever, I didnt let anybody hold me. I wuz already a real prude but after that I just couldn't do it to myself again. I let my guard down for sumone and in the end I got hurt...I just coudln't (and still can't) do it to myself again. Now I hardly hug and when I do, I don't allow the person to hold me for more than two seconds. I find it difficult to show a guy I'm interested...especially if I really AM interested in him. I'm a flirt...I can't help it..but when it comes to a guy that I have an attraction for...I clam up again. It's a defense mechanism. It's easier for me to open up if I know that there's no way this person will be able to hurt me. But when I have that attraction I know I'm giving them the power to hurt me, so I have a more difficult time being that flirty self of mine.
My love life isn't all sad! Haha, I do have my bright spots. Wut I like the most are my flings. The fact that nothing can hold me back. That I can give my # (and from now on...fake number) out and nobody can get on my ass about it. I like easy come, easy go. No muss, no fuss. For the most part, ya, I do want that serious relationship...but I don't know if I'm WILLING to give up my single life now. It can be so fun. Meeting new people, going where I want when I want with who I want. Like I said, I'm a flirt. I wuzn't in high skewl but hey....things change. I'm different from high skewl. I think I'm a better person. I'm not all heartbroken anymore. I go to parties now, I'm more social (even though I wuz pretty social in high skewl). I don't know, I can't really pinpoint things but I know I'm not exactly the same. It's kinda like that Wallflower song One headlight when he says, "I sit alone, I feel just like somebody else, Man I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same." That makes a lot sense.
Sumtimes when I'm by myself thinking I wonder wut the hell is happening to me. Things that just a few months ago meant the world to me have no real importance to me now...and vice versa. Guess that's just wut college does to ya. Kinda realize wut's more important. Priorities. I go days without calling my friends and I'm ok with that. It's weird.
Well, I guess that's all I'm gonna type. I know I talk a lot about my luv life....or wutever it is...but love is a big issue to me. I want the whole falling in love scene to happen to me. I want to romance, the tingles, the fights, the make-ups, I want all of that. Juuust......not right now....enjoying my free life for the first time in two years. ;)