.::kelsi::.'s Blurty Day [entries|friends|calendar]

[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

First Entry [13 Mar 2004|07:47pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

I hate this journal. I had to get it so my friends from my livejournal wouldn't know what's really going on. They all seem so happy, they're so naive to everything thats going on in my life. If only they knew, if only the understood. If only anyone knew and understood. Not many people cut their arms because they're sad. But I, I do. I wonder what they would think if they knew. They'd probably tell me to stop because I might kill myself. Well, DUH. Jackie would probably tell her parents and it'd eventually get to mine. Oh Jackie.. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I've never told you, I tell you everything else. You wouldn't understand. I love you more than anyone in this whole world... I'm so sorry I'm lying to you. I'm sorry to everyone. Jackie, Lane, Sissly, my family.. for God's sake, I'm sorry to my teachers. I don't even think Lane knows. I know she would understand. She wouldn't judge me. She does it too. She hasn't admitted it, but I've seen her wrists. Sissly knows. She read it on my other journal. Sissly laughed. She IMed me and said "DO YOU CUT YOURSELF?" and when I said "sometimes" she goes "REALLYYYYYYY! are you joshing me?" and I said "no i wouldnt joke about that" and she starts cracking jokes. Sigh.. If only she understood..... If only anyone understood.


[13 Mar 2004|08:05pm]
[ mood | worried ]

Sissly is the only person that knows about it. I just promised her that I wouldn't do it anymore.........................................................

I don't know if I can stop.

I'm so sorry. I really am. I don't like doing it. I just can't stop though. I want to stop so bad. Either I have to stop, or I have to hide it better. So many people have seen it... Maryann Cooley was like "what happened" and I couldn't answer her. I had to think up some lame excuse and I couldn't, she just walked away. Now that I think about it, Lane may have seen it last weekend. I was running around in tank tops all day, so obviously it was showing. That set was just scars by that time though. Everytime I reach to get something out of my locker, Sissly just stares... it hurts to see people look at it. I know what they're thinking...

4 | Comment

[ viewing | March 13th, 2004 ]
[ go | previous day|next day ]