10:35pm 17/01/2004
  I switched over to livejournal a while ago since no one usues blurty anymore. www.livejournal.com/~noguidinglight  
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08:43pm 19/12/2003
 
mood: geeky
music: unity - operation ivy
woah, i havent writen in this mofo for quite some time. but im in a writing mood so i think ill update it mawhaha. Last day of school today and i actually had a pretty good time. I spent most of the day hanging out in the great hall listening to fong play guitar. actually, it was me and about twenty other people. it was hot, hes amazing at guitar. travis came to sacred today and he did some pretty hott sean paul impressions haha. and mirian sang some songs from the used, holy crap shes amazing. then we had a nice little conversation about how much she wants to jump on travis haha. i love that girl. mark sang wonderwall...hes awesome. i also love him. anyways, bobo didnt let them play in the talent show which was slightly annoying. i really wanted to see them play. damnnn him.
i got some really great christmas presents yesterday...carmen gave me a pair of monkey slippers and a singing light up christmas toy, and sarah got me a cuff and the world's cutest stuffed animal which i am holding right now. :)
saw adam yesterday. good times had by all. he likes to make fun of they way i say "milk" haha. it was cute tho. and last week he made me a bracelet which i refuse to take off lol im a nerd. i really hope he likes the present i got him...
DANIELLE IS PLAYING AT POST CHRISTMAS CHOAS!! EVERYBODY GO BEACAUSE DANIELLE IS MAD HOT AND I LOVE HER!!!!
i love the trumpet. im playing "come together" by the beatles for my solo. wahoooo!!

-julie-		  
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09:46pm 05/12/2003
 
mood: happy
i had a really awesome time today. the mall was so much fun with jess erin becca carmen megan and fong....we didnt really do much but it was still amusing. even though fong made fun of me like mad, like he usually does haha. i asked adam if he wanted to come, but he had band pratice. because i am a really insecure beyatch i thought he was was trying to ditch me at first. so i just let it go...then i saw krista and matt!! wooohoooo yea krista!! and she was asking where adam was, and i said that he had band pratice or whatever...then shes like "he talks about you all the time...he like loves you." this made me feel like a major ass jerk, but i was so happy to hear that. i keep forgeting how awesome he is, and that i have to remeber that even tho i cant see him eveyday. so then my dad picked me and my sister at 6 and we headed over to pizza hut...and guess who was there?! adam!!! :) haha i like freaked out i was so happy to see him and it was so werid seeing him there by total chance. so we talked for a bit. we're doing something sunday and apperently the next time i talk to him i have to tell him what i want for christmas...ahhhhh. wow i love him so much. despite the fact he makes fun of my emo-ness haha.
well im off.		  
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before i go crazy, before i lose everything.   
10:03pm 04/12/2003
 
mood: disappointed
music: olympia, WA - rancid
I finally get to spend some time with jess, erin, becca, carmen and sara tomorrow. going to the mall..lately ive been realizing how much i miss those guys. they're so much fun and they have no inhabitions, they just go out and have a good time. I feel really gulity, while ive been spending time with all these other people they have all gotten way closer, while ive kinda drifted apart from them. I guess we just have different interests, but despite that i get along with them all so well. i know i can trust them...which isnt something i can say about a lot of people.
People change alot...im seeing it in alot of my friends. Actually, i dont think its change, people are just starting to realize that they cant put up these constant fronts and try to be the person that everybody else whats them to be. you have to be the person that you want to be, even if that means making others feel uncomfortable. definatly not the easy thing to do but the right thing almost never is.
I just found out that manic depression runs in my dads side of the family. it kinda worries me because everybody says that i look just like my dad meaning i got most of his genes..bahhhh.
Adam was supossed to call me tonight about doing something this weekend, but he didnt, so i called him at nine, and his mom said that he went out. he hasnt called me back yet. damn him, i probably wont see him this weekend now, or at least until sunday. grrrrrr. everything seemed great last night too. he even asked me what i want for chirstmas....i saw him on thursday and sunday....but i still miss him. i honestly want to believe thats hes a nice guy and he wont treat me like crap like most of the other guys ive gone out with, but knowing my luck ill be wrong. it was one month on tuesday.
why am i so worried?		  
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Don't Worry About Me, Im Gonna Make It Alright   
07:40pm 22/11/2003
 
mood: exhausted
music: punk rock love - the casualities
Rancid concert was fucking awesome. I dont even know how to describe it. it was just amazing...i took so many pictures its digusting. tim armstrong is by far the sexiest thing on this earth haha. good god it was so great. the disasters were really good. i still greatly dislike tiger army, but the guy plays a stand up bass thats a friggin beast so they get points for that. the rancid set was obviously the best..the whole place was just one big pit...i never really get into music that much, but that night, i was consumed by it. its the just the feel that this huge room full of people that you have never met before are all connected by one thing, the music. its insane. we lost mark withing the first 10 min of the concert, but we found him again afterwords. the only bad thing about the night : getting a pretty decent punch right in the temple. my head still hurts and one side of my face is kinda puffy. my mom was freaking out cuz one pupil is bigger than the other, but i cant see it.
my dad was the biggest asshole in the world today. i crashed at sarahs last night, called my dad and he said that hed pick me up at around noon. he doesnt come by 1, so i call him. says hes coming. class jim at 2, says hes almost there. call him at 2 30 he fucking flips out at me, holy shit. true i probably called him too many times, but shit. i called my mom and she was crying, so i started crying, and it was just one big mess. the long and short of it is my parents cant handle much and for some reason my dad blamed the whole thing on me. asssssholeeeeee. hes usually not like that, but whatever.
i really really miss adam. i havent seen him since tuesday. and i dont think ill be able to see him this weekend...argggg....i hate it when things dont work out.		  
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04:20pm 19/11/2003
 
mood: intimidated
Rancid concert in two days, wooooooohooooooo!!! Friday night at the kool haus...we managed to get mark to drive us home, so we're going for sure now. bahhh im so excitied. it'll be a good time. last "real" concert i went to was in...uh....july i think. Adam was going to go, but now his mom's not letting him.grrrrrr. i really wanted him to come. i went to his house on friday and i saw him again last night...we hung out at the mall....fun stuff. i hope i get to see him again this weekend but i dont see that one working out..damnnn...hes so awesome. i think im gonna get him something from the concert.
nothing exciting at all has been happening in my life lately. and i really dont care. i have to go to a hockey tournament next weekend and i really dont want to go.
bahh my mom just went a crazy yelling rampage thanks to my retarded sister. i better go....		  
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Heaven From Hell...Blue Skies From Pain   
09:45pm 09/11/2003
 
mood: loved
music: desperate - distillers
Awesome weekend if i do say so myself. Went to megans with a few good people on friday and had some good times. the lord of the rings game confuses me....definatly too complicated for my mind.
my parentals left us on saturday for the night so carmen came over and we looked after the child petting zoo that is my house. I havent hung out with her in a while so i was really glad to spent time with her and realize that we will always be like sisters....
today went over to adams...god i love that guy. i dont care what anyone else says, hes awesome. and he plays the bass. how attractive is that?! but ya.....hes so great. and so intensly nice. i think its so much better going out with someone that doesnt go to your school. then its not such a huge deal with everyone and you arent really as tied down as much and you can easily make time for your friends and your boyfriend...but hey thats just me. wow...im so glad i went with him as oppossed to waiting around for someone that i just recently found out had feelings for everyone but me....damnnn him haha. o well.
well im off to bed.
-memories of moonlight flashing through to morning-
*jewlzy*		  
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I'm Tried, and I've Felt It For A While Now....   
11:06pm 01/11/2003
 
mood: excited
music: 12:51 - the strokes
Haloween was pretty enjoyable. went to holly's with sara....im really gald i went, me and sara have grown apart lately and i realized how much i missed her. shes such a great kid. but ya we went trick or treating, watched scary movies and ate more food than i thought was humanly possible. we watched rocky horror picture show, that movie is about half a step away from being outright porn (has about the same plot), yet the songs make the best movie of all time. *lets do the time warp again* the highlight of the night was definatly watching francis and holly's time warp dance haha.
had to turn down the haunted hills date tonight due to lack of rides, funds and crappy hockey schedules. grrrr.
well...he called. several times actually :). hopefully hitting up the movies tomorrow with him, danielle and danielle's boy toy haha. wow im actually excitied....ahhhhh. i cant believe this is actually happening. its been too long.		  
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.whisper what i want to hear, even tho i know its not real.   
08:42pm 26/10/2003
 
mood: lethargic
music: rock n roll high school - the ramones
wooohooooo wicked awesome weekend!!! the first really good one in a while. Holly, danielle, kathleen and myself raided sarahs house for a pre-punktoberfest party, i feel bad for her mom having us all in there at the same time haha. walked over to the show at 6...stood outside and froze our asses off for about half an hour before they actually let us in. but man, was it ever a good time. the majority of the people there were drunk or high out of thier minds, yet it made the whole experiance that much more amusing. i finally got to see adam again, i really missed that kid. i honestly have never met a guy that considerate before...hes one of those guys who will give you his jacket before you even say your cold and hold the door open for you just because. he hasnt called yet and i didnt really expect him to, im just glad that i got to talk to him again.
Woke up early on saturday to pick up becca so we could head down to the city with siobhan. we got to the bus station and sio's dad gave us a ride down to the subway which saved us bus money. we started off in the eaton center but just ended up walking all around queen street, it was great. I got a really hot skirt and buttons :).
time is a really werid thing. you cant touch it, see it or contain it, yet it has these huge effects on us. because of time we grow old, because of time we die. And with time, emotions can intensify or lessen. Time and change are part of each other....
im scared that time wont change anything.		  
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One Thing   
07:59pm 20/10/2003
 
mood: blah
Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It’s nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out

If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something

I promise I might
Not walk on by
Maybe next time
But not this time

Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

wow, this song describes exactly how i feel right now. argggggg...so fusterating. punktoberfest on friday, what what. sarahs gonna do my hair all funky mawhaha. excited about that one :)		  
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10:10pm 11/10/2003
 
mood: crappy
music: wish you were here - incubus
hair color: brown with these ghetto red streaks in it that keep fading on me
eye color: green
hieght: 5'4 or sumthing
age: 15
birthday: febuary 12th dawg
shoe size: 7 and a half..or eight...depends
favourite band: umm..lawernce arms, distillers, rancid, voo doo glow skulls...the list goes on
favourite color(s): black, red, blue
favourite word: shinfty..wow
single?: very much so...damnnnnnn
pet peeve: when i actually sink to the level of filling out these pointless surverys...and hair gel
favourite food: ice cream
who do you like: most know who im madly in love with..just waiting for the day until he discovers hes actually madly in love with me as well.. ya right. and one other attarctive guy. he has hot hair.
would you like to tell them anything: that i secretly want them
whose ur funniest friend: uhhh..kristen, sio, jess, HOLLY, becca
whose ur best friend: ...christ i dont have a best friend, I LOVE YOU ALL!!! the ones whom im closer to are sarah kris jess erin becca and holly tho
whose ur most shy friend: jess can be shy, as well as sarah
whose ur crazyest friend: holly for sure but i love her for it
whose ur hottest friend: sarah, danielle
whats ur favorite song: too many to name
whose ur favorite movie star: dont have one..perhaps jack balck. the whole fat rocker boy thing turns me on
whats ur favorite movie: matrix
whats ur favourite pass time: music, tv, msn when i still had it...
do you masterbate: *rolls eyes* u know it
how long have you been seeing ur bf/gf: how about no
whats the craziest thing you have ever done: i dont do crazy stuff...ya im boring like that

saw school of rock yesterday. pretty amusing. played hockey today, didnt go out tonight cuz i feel like ass. cottage tomorrow, watching andy's football game in the big old town of markham on monday wit jess and erin.
holly i miss you. i never see u outside school anymore. quit licks damnit! u free next weekend?
im going to bed now....happy turkey day to everyone!!!
jewlzy		  
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this is my year for sure....   
10:08pm 09/10/2003
 
mood: gloomy
music: i wanna be sedated - ramones
hey...i usually write about meaningless, everday crap but right now im just gonna let everything out...so this will probably be a mother of an entry, hold on to ur converse kiddies...
I dont get it. I dont get WHY i am so concencered and worried over this one guy. maybe its because hes the first guy ive really liked since me and a certain someone broke up. i dont know. but it just kills me to see him with someone else. even worse than that someone is your friend. im so happy for her, but it kills me. but everytime i talk to him it just makes me think about what could be if i was given the chance, or took that one risk that im always so scared to take.
i really dont know if its about me liking him now. im starting to think its just about me feeling worthless. like no one really likes me. i keep thinking that its something that im doing wrong, something i could change about myself that could make me better, but i know im not going to change, because i have no idea where to start. sure im happy with myself and everything and i do realize that i have alot of good things going for me, but at times like this i start to wonder. i wonder why i seem to be incapable of making friends with guys. i wonder why i have been getting so quiet lately, i wonder where all that confidence that i had last year went.
i wonder who really cares about me. i know maybe 3 people that would stick by me through anything. i think i lost myself about 5 months ago. its funny how one incident can totally change you.
I wanna live like ive never lived before....		  
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06:47pm 05/10/2003
 
mood: cold
music: my hero - foo fighters
Well, I had a really enjoyable weekend. Went to sarahs on friday, went to the old newmarket plaza, go bored of that and went to the mall. Definatly met the most attractive guy ever in music world!! sarah and myself exchanged phone numbers with the guy....but when he called later on we found out that he was 19. ahhh..then he called my house at 12 30 piss drunk, and of course my mom picks up. not cool my friends, not cool. but whatever he still seemed like a nice guy his band is playing at punktoberfest so im planning on checking that out.
Saturday saw raised fist at the long weekend with sarah (yes i lived with her this weekend...)danielle was supossed to come but she got in trouble for some reason. sarah said that when she went to the door her mom was freaking out and told her that she wasnt allowed to go. werid. but i guess im the end it was probably for the best cuz travis was there with his girlfriend. i had a really good time tho, i always feel so at home at shows.
wow....i like him so much now. but ya...still not going to work out. still have to keep my distance, but now for a different reason.
i guess ill just continue being the friend...a role that i play well but not whole-heartedly.
jewlzy		  
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Before i go crazy   
08:44pm 02/10/2003
 
mood: happy
music: kid - bouncing souls
Jazz band is definatly the most hardcore thing going on in my life right now. its amazing!!
im starting to get more and more obbessed with playing the trumpet. ska band, anyone?
School is getting so much better lately. Friends, school work, it all seems to be working out. Its really great and i dont want to mess it up or anything.
the only real problem is the fact that im still rather attracted someone i really shouldnt be going after. i think we're just gonna end up being good friends which works for me. meh. ill move on.
me and fong are gonna be cool and go to a good charlotte concert and chuck stuff at them. mawhaha. we have no lives.
my msn still isnt working, not cool at all. i miss it dearly :(...
jazz band going to chiago in may or april, extermly excited about that
only problem being the whole money thing....i need a job!! but my jerk face parents wont let me work during the school year grrr
i managed to get rancid tickets on monday...november 21 at kool haus, it'll be an awesome good time! me sarah danielle and her brother and his girlfriend are going...holly couldnt get tickets which really blows!
well this was possibly the most random entry i have ever written haha. o well.
jewlzy		  
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Is It True When We Get Old Our Hearts Die?   
03:25pm 22/09/2003
 
mood: contemplative
music: 100 resoultions - the lawerance arms
wahhoooo im gonna be in a hardcore band with sarah danielle and claire. it involes me learning to play the bass, but its managable i think.
will got mad at me for chekcing out stephs ass...hahah
surprisly good monday...im in a way better mood then i was before.
but i found out that i lack patienance in everything. i want everything to happen now, i have no concept of time.		  
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yessss!!   
09:44pm 20/09/2003
 
music: babylon - rx bandits
YAHHHH KRISTA!!!! finnally going out wit matt dunn! took ya long enough!! WAAHHOOOO!!!
im quite proud of her.


hahaah woooowwww a cretain guy has gotten very attratcive.


but i gotta keep my distance. damn.		  
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wow....   
03:57pm 18/09/2003
 
mood: bouncy
music: armagedon - alkinline trio
long weekend!!! wahhhooooo how exciting is that?! im gonna sleep holy christ i am so burnt out from school. i blame it all on science my teacher is insane. she went crazy on me today...god holenski annoys me. she yelled at me for talking during sum stupid movie we wacthed. but she yelled at like 5 other ppl too so whatever.
aw man im getting so mean lately and i feel so bad about it. sorry to everyone ive been a bitch too. ill try to be nicer. cuz i really do love you all.
i have time management issues. its annoying that i cant get anything done. or see all the ppl that i want to see. damn.
i was in a really bad i hate-the-world-and-everyone-in-it mood last night haha. got over it tho. life doesnt really suck that bad.
joey wants sarah!!! mawhahah its so funny. casual assgrab!!
i want him...i think. but im not sure. o well.
things are looking better than they were last week. im happy :)
jewlzy		  
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08:16pm 13/09/2003
 
mood: aggravated
why do i feel like im wasting away the "best years of my life"?		  
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Plaid skirts that hide scars walk in single file...   
09:37pm 10/09/2003
 
mood: tired
yes, i used my msn name as my title again, how cool am i haha. wow its been a while since i updated this thing. nothing too exciting has happened, just school, usual shit. im happy with all my classes, i have cool ppl in all of them, except i have the gym nazi as a teacher...and shes my science teacher too...sweet god. and i cant handle this whole wake-up-at-6-for-my-7:08-bus thing. just not natural!
last weekend was pretty awesome, make some money babysitting 8 kids with carmen (one kid made fun of my spants...damn them!), swiming at my cousins, hollys house avec erin, birthday dinner and movie wit kristen, sio, danielle and angie.
hockey tryouts last night and boy did i ever feel like crap haha. there isnt enough ppl in the leauge so we have to play on teams of 8, 4 on 4 style. should be interesting. cool people there overall, charlotte (i think thats her name) is a neat kid.
well thats all that happened in my un-exciting life. except a cake eating contest at kristens today wooohoooo fun times.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEN<3
jewlzy		  
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make one wrong move, man, u wake up dead!   
09:10pm 02/09/2003
 
mood: confused
music: DJ DJ - transplants
back to school today. really wasnt too excititng. i really like my music and gym classes tho. but those basterds in the office screwed up my scedule so im not taking pace english which really pisses me off cuz my whole timetable could possibly change when i get it switched. grrrr...
it was good to see people again. but its werid at the same time. i always get so scared of dirfting away from ppl. i can tell friendships that i thought were gonna last all through high school might not. that scares me in a way. but i cant stop change, so im just gonna make the best of it. i wish i could be more open with people. im not one to show my emotions haha.
jewlzy		  
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