User Profile
Friends
Calendar
CutUpAngel's Blurty

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

[ << Previous 25 ]

 

 
  2005.02.09  21.29



50 thousand ways to make another one of you mistakes
tearing down what we build up
tell me when it's gonna...stop the time that we let pass
for reasons we can't understand
maybe it's al little late
but I think it is worth the...wait, stop, listen please
this is not a little breeze
it's a storm that we are in
this is making my head...spin around, around again
make ourselves a brand new plan
saving this companionship
try to get a grip
close your eyes
turn your head
walk away
don't look back!
close your eyes
turn your head
stop this game
don't look back!
pouring out the wine we kept
for occasions such as this
swallowing it all for you
I think I had a glass too...many thoughts have slipped my mind
can I tell you one more time?
I am losing faith in you
without a doubt without a...clueless, mindless, thoughtless moves
I don't know which path to choose
it's hard but we have to admit
that we have to quit

it's gone too far
this is too hard
we're driving eachother in the corner
we are drowning ourselves
so just let me go


Face Tomorrow - Worth the wait




Mood: crappy
Music: Somewhere out there
 
 


 
  2004.11.21  21.55



I am lost in the see thru
I think you lost urself too
thoughout all of this confusion
I think we'll somehow make it thru
each day just drags on by
bringin with you a new lie
just when I think I could die
you come and bring me back to life and you say
you can't change the way you feel
but you can't tell me this ain't real, cuz this is real
in the end it's all I've got, so I'm gonna hold on
and now you've got me watching your eyes
got me waiting just to see
if it goes the way it never will
your eyes are watching me
and I practised all the things I'd say to tell you how I feel
but when I finally get my chance it all seems so surreal
and now you've got me thinking bout the first time that I met you
and now I can't forget you, no I won't forget you




Music: Good Charlotte - Change (acoustic)
 
 


 
  2004.11.21  21.10



Tonight won't make a difference

 
 


 
  2004.11.21  17.36



I wonder if God belives in us



Music: Good Charlotte - The World is Black
 
 


 
  2004.11.21  17.21



Poetic.fuckin.Tragedy




Music: Head Automatica - At The Speed Of A Yellow Bullet
 
 


 
  2004.11.21  15.03





Oh yeah btw...I GOT FUCKIN THE USED TICKETS FOR THE JANUARI SHOW <3
It's The Used + Head Automatica for €12,- (:
ohhh damn...i fuckin look fuckin much forward to it!!! My fuckin dream came true whooohooo
I never would've thought they'd ever come to Holland, cuz they aren't that popular in here, but fuck yeah, they came
hehe..I was suppose ta go to a Kanye West show, and everything was arranged..except for the tickets then...:( sooo they were sold out
but now i'm gonna go to The Sheer with my cousin and it's gonna be fun
Ik Heb Zin In Sinterklaas!!
Eve6 = cool
this sux too --> Talking Back Sunday, MxPx, Green Day and The Used are coming here in one fuckin month and I wanna go to all 4, but I can't...it's really fucked...those are like 4 of my favourite bands and I only get to see The Used, which is ok by me, but still the thinking of seein the others too sux
PEACE

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come too soon






I don't know where to go
I don't know what to be
I don't know how to change from beeing me
I don't know what to say
Maybe another day
I start getting lost and find my way
.



Mood: excited
Music: Eve6 - Here's to the night
 
 


 
  2004.11.21  14.35



Shaking on the outside becuz of what I'm feeling inside
My chest is fucking hurting and my stomach's fuckin burning
I laugh when you are crying and say inside you're dying
Becuz you gave away too early, your fuckin pain is so deserving
Don't wanna take it, becuz I fuckin hate it
Why do we talk when all we do is argue
Nothing to be said accept you make me wish I was dead
This time I'm breaking up forgood
I never felt this way before, open chest heart on the floor
I never wished that I was dead, until I met you
I fuckin hate the way I'm feeling, becuz my fuckin life's not changing
You brought me down when you stopped caring, your fuckin misery's my healing
Don't wanna take it, becuz I fuckin hate it
Why do we talk when all we do is argue
Nothing to be said, accept you make me wish I was dead
This time I'm breaking up forgood
I never felt this way before, open chest heart on the floor
I never wished that I was dead
I never felt this way before, open chest heart on the floor
I never wished that I was dead until I met you


<3 Mest



Music: LostProphets - OurLastSummer
 
 


 
  2004.11.21  14.23



Imma rip this shit til my bones collapse
...........................................................
Forever trust in who we are, no nothing else matters
..................................................................................
Hello again

 
 


 
  2004.11.14  01.26



OK, now there's one thing I don't get...New Found Glory
They like make almost only love songs and they sound sooo poppy, but still they get to go on tour with Green Day and they got themselfs tattooed on Benji's leg...
I don't get it...they aren't like...different from others, or better than others...
I mean..like I can only listen to them when I feel like feeling love and stuff...it's just weird that these 'punx' seem to like NFG allot
and the NFG tattoo on Benji's leg is beneath a Rancide tattoo...I CAN understand you tattoo Rancid on ya body, but what's so special about NFG?
I mean, Benj should know by himnself whatever he wants to tattoo on his sexy ass body, but I just don't see what's up with NFG



Music: Good Charlotte - It Wasn't Enough
 
 


 
  2004.11.14  01.14



I heard Brenda's got a baby, well, Brenda's barely got a brain
I damn shame, the girl can hardly spell her name
[that's not her problem, that's up to Brenda's family]
Well let me show ya how it affects da whole community
Now Brenda never really knew her moms and her dad was a junky, went in debt to his arms
It's sad cuz I bet Brenda doesn't even kno
Just cuz ya in the ghetto doesn't mean you cant grow
But oh, that's a thought, my own revelation do whatever it takes to resist da temptation
Brenda got herself a boyfriend
Her boifriend was her cousin now let's watch the joy end
She tried to hide her pregnancy from her family who didn't really care to see or give a damn if she
Went out and had a church of kids
As long as when da check came they got first dibs
Now Brenda's belly's getting bigger but no one seems to notice any change in her figure
She's 12 years old and she's having a baby in love with the molester, who sexed her crazy
And yet she thinks he'll be with her forever
And the dreams of a worls with the two of them together, whatever
He left her and she had the baby solo, she had it on the bathroom floor and didn't know so
She didn't know, what to throw away or what to keep
She wrapped the baby up and threw him in the trash heep
I guess she thought she'd get away, wouldn't hear the cries, she didn't realize
How much the little baby had her eyes
Now the baby's in the trash heep ballin
Momma can't help her, but it hurts ta hear her callin
Brenda wants to run away, momma say, you makin me lose pay, the social worker's here everyday
Now Brenda's gotta make her own way
Can't go to her family, they won't let her stay
No money, no babysitter, she couldn't keep a job
She tried to sell crack, but end up beeing robbed
So now what's next, there ain't nothin left to sell
She she sees sex as a way of leavin hell
It's payin tha rent, so she really can't complain
Prostitute, found slain, and Brenda's her name, she's got a baby


Don't you know she's got a baby?




Music: Good Charlotte - Ghost Of You
 
 


 
  2004.11.13  00.16



A.F.I



Music: Rancid - Fall back down
 
 


 
  2004.11.07  01.57



This may never start
We could fall apart
And I'de be your memory
Lost your sense of fear
feelings insensere
Can I be your memory
So get back to where we lasted
Just like I imagined
I could never feel this way
So get back to the disasted
My heart's beating faster
Holding on to feel the same
This may never start
I'll tear us apart
Could not be your enemy
Losing half a year
Waiting for you hetre
I'd be your anything
So get back to where we lasted
Just like I imagined
I could never feel this way
So get back to the disasted
My heart's beating faster
Holding on to feel the same
This may neevr start
tearing out my heart
nad i'd be your memory
lost your sense of fear
feelings disapear
can i be your memory
So get back to where we lasted
Just like I imagined
I could never feel this way
So get back to the disasted
My heart's beating faster
Holding on to feel the same
This may never start
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory
Lost your sense of fear
Feelings incensere
Can I be your memory
Can I be your memory?


 
 


 
  2004.11.07  01.49



ok....hmmkay
my bro was gonna have some peeps over tonite to drink in before they would go out y'kno
but they all cancelled accept for one dude
sooo...they had allot of alcohol just for them 2...so my bro asked me to join them and it was fun, we watched a friggin ass good dvd! Donnie Darko
it was soo freaky and weird...but goooood!!
D.O.N.N.Y D.A.R.K.O.

ok, so I found out that i'm not crazy in love..:D I can't stop thinking about him in the days that i've seen him, but now in the weekend I hardly think about him
but he stays damn cute and maybe i'll fall for him deeply one day...im just happy i'm not yet...
OK....going again

Maybe we'll fall in love when I get home




Mood: bouncy
Music: Descendents - Talking
 
 


 
  2004.11.06  00.03



Music:
--- The Used, Talking Back Sunday, Dashboard Confessional, Good Charlotte, Yellowcard, Sugarcult, Mest, Simple Plan, Lostprophets, Blink 182, All american rejects, Goldfinger, Trapt, Eve6, Lit, Fall Out Boy, Silverchair, Story of the year, AFI, Franz Ferdinand, Desaparecidos, Homegrown, New Found Glory, Jimmy's Chicken Shack, The Ataris
--- Rancid, The Distillers, NoFX, Green Day, The Offspring, Sex Pistols, The Clash, MxPx, Bad Religion, Heideroosjes, Tiger Army, Descendents, Dropkick Musrphys, Social Distortion
--- Tupac, The Streets, Kanye West, N.E.R.D, Missy Elliott, Ali B, Brainpower, Eminem, 50 cent, Gangstarr, The Roots, Jay-Z, D-Men, Beastie Boys, Outkast, Michael Franti
--- Madness, Less Than Jake, Beef
--- HIM, Disturbed, Limp Bizkit, Muse, Rage Against the Machine, The Cure, Papa Roach
--- Stevie Wonder, Jamie Cullum, Joss Stone, Ashlee Simpson, Pink, The Smiths, Bob Marley, Morrissey, Tenacious D, Venice, Weezer





Mood: sick of it all
Music: Tiger Army - Never Die
 
 


 
  2004.11.05  23.37



He's so damn cute




Mood: crushed
Music: GBH - Alcohol
 
 


 
  2004.11.05  23.25



~*Favorites*~
Color: babyblue, black, pink
Band: The Used, Good Charlotte, Rancid, Talking Back Sunday
Song: Only One& Yellowcard
Food: chicken
Drink: beer
Flavor of Gum: just sumthin fresh
Book: Littekens
Smell: Laura
Taste: Kissing a dude
Memory: Last vacation, first hangover
Sport: Basketball
Season: Summer
Holiday: Christmas probably
Movie: LOTR
Quote: I'm not fat, I'm just big boned

~*Random*~
What’s your favorite curse word? Fuck
On a coolness scale of 1 to 10 what would u rate yourself: 3, yeah dude!
What are some good AND bad personality traits of yours?: Good: I can listen. Bad: Shy, have nothing to say most of the time.
What are you afraid of?: death of family or friends of mine
What is your most prized possession: my drums and cd's
Who/What do you confide in most?: fam
What do you like best about your body & Why?: My hands, they're so little
What do you like best about your personality & Why?: I can hang out with guys and enjoy it
Craziest thing you've done: Going to the beach at night and swim in the cold cold water
Most embarassing moment: Beeing born
Describe yourself in depth in any many words as you like.: fucked
Have you ever snorted pixy stix or BC powder? : nope, I did snore sugar tho
Do you drink/smoke/do any "drugs"? I drink, do some weed
A Reason for living: I dunno...I only live cuz I don't wanna kill myself
If you had one week left to live: Make out with Ricky, get drunk as fuck and just screw around
Tattoos/piercings: heheh, just got my ears pierced twice, so I got 5 earpierces now and one in my nose
3 things that annoy you: 1) waking up 2) people think they know me just by looking at me 3) homework.
3 places you want to go to: America, Spain, Indonesia
2 movies you could watch over and over again: LOTR and American Beauty
1 person you could spend the rest of your life with: me (:
Amuse us: hmm..okay...drugs are bad...hmmkay
Promote us in 2-3 communities and link: this sux

~*Opinions*~
Labels: they suck, but everybody labels, not on purpose tho...but it's true, everybody does it
Gay marriage: people who r against it SUCK hard! It's just who/what they are, it shouldn't matter
Sex: nicé.
Drugs: soft drugs like weed can be helping you out with struggling, but like heroin and shit, that just sux, it's bad...drugs r bad...hmmkay
Drinking: Love it, I even like the hangovers...well not at the moment ofcourse, but thinking about is makes me laugh.
Cutting/cutters: they should know by theirselfs, I know it can be releasing, but it's no good...at all
Rap/Hip Hop: rox! I love it, it's sick to dance to and to listen to too
Rock/Heavy Metal: I don't like metal, either hate it...but rock is good!!!
Punk rock: punk is my favorite, I just adore it all....just the lyrics and the fast music and stuff
Abortion: well, they should know by theirselfs, it all just depends on the situation their in
Death Penality: I dunno...we don't have it here and I don't think they should do it..
Love: I'm not in love...no, it's just puppylove, but that's good too...people thinkt heir in love fast, but they probably aren't cuz it only happens 1/2/3 times in ur whole screwed up life.
Hate: hate is good, it's just needfull in the world
War: I hate it, it should all just stop, they should just kill people like Hitler, Bush and all the other mindfuckers!
Religion: I'm not against it tho I don't believe in God...I think, haven't figured it out yet (: but I respect everyone who believes in whatever God they want
Pre-marital sex: well, it became pretty usual...I wouldn't be able to wait untill marriage and I don't think allota kids can, and I don't think it's needfull either
Racism: Fuck that shit, it's just bullshit!
Capital punishment: hmm
Illegal immigrants: Damn...it seems like everyone wants them gone, it's sickening...I think they can stay here, why should it matter, this country is just another piece of the world adn the world belongs to everybody, so no has the right to tell them not to go here.
Suicide/self mutilation: it affects so many people...my friend's dad suicided when she was 5 and even tho she says it doesn''t matter, you can still see how different she became...it's just sad, her life pretty much fucked up



Mood: accomplished
Music: Casualties - Fuck You All
 
 


 
  2004.11.03  23.06



A ghost of you is all that I have left


 
 


 
  2004.11.03  18.37



Ricky is just cute, I can't help it..):
He's soooo into fancy clothes and shit and he cares about the price they cost...but damn he's cute!
Today we had 'a moment' as my friend likes to call it..(: it was kinda flirty...
but it bugs me that he may not want me becuz I dress different and act different
He's got some skin on the bones and I luv it, he just makes me want to hug him all the time and be with him
but fuck...I don't wanna fall in love this time
I kno I can't get him and it's just hopeless for me to like him, but I wanna keep it this way too, cuz now I have something to go to school for, ya know
damn, i just dunno anymore...let's just see whut happens
PEACE kids
oyeah, yesterday there was this pretty famous dude and he got shot and stabbed with a knife with a letter on it...he died
he was killed becuz he gave his opinion all the time and he had an opinion about women in the Islam and probably becuz of that he was killed
pretty psycho..
but now all these stupid ass people act like every moslim person is into killing someone who's got an opinion, so there will only be moooore discrimination
and even my best friends is discriminating for a while now and everytime i try to convince her that it's all bullshit, but she keeps going on and today i wwent to her house and i found out that her mom hates people who aren't dutch, and it was crazy, cuz i'm not totally dutch either, so she just sat there in front of me saying she doesn't like black and talking about 'kutmarokkanen'
I DON'T FUCKIN GET IT!
just becuz one psycho dude killed a person with an opinion [which was hurting for allot of people] they think every 'black' person is like that and I fuckin hate it!
it's just not right


 
 


 
  2004.11.01  22.49



Talking Back Sunday
Broken down in bars and bathrooms
All I did was what I had to
Don't believe me when I tell you
It's just what anyone would do
Take your time to talk about it
Think allot and live without it
Don't believe me when I tell you
It's something unforgivable

TalkingBackSunday& Theres No "I" In Team

Your lipstick, his collar
Don't bother angel
I know exactly what goes on
When everything you'll get is
Everything that you wanted, princess
Well which would you prefer
My finger on the trigger or
Me faced down, down across your floor?
Well just as long as this thing's loaded
And will you tell all your friends
You've got your gun to my head
This all was only wishfull thinking

TalkingBackSunday& Cute Without The E

I'd never lie to you
Unless I had to
I'll do what I got to
Unless I had to
I'll do what I got to, the truth
Is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologise for bleeding on your shirt

TalkingBackSunday& You're So Last Summer




Mood: sleepy
Music: (Acoustic) Rise Against - Swing Life Away
 
 


 
  2004.11.01  22.19



She makes me laugh
She'll make me cry
And when we talk
She wonders why
That I cant breath
Into this life
With the things she says
I wanna die
All the things we talk about, you know they stay on my mine
And all the things we laugh about, they'll bring us thru it everytime

Cuz you're all and too fine
Cuz you're all and too fine


And i would drive
The whole night thru
Just so I
Could spend it with you
I know you're mine
And I hope it's true
That when we fight
We will make it thru
All the things we talk about, you know they stay on my mind
All the things we laugh about, they'll bring us thru it everytime

Cuz you're all and too fine
Cuz you're all and too fine


I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling down




Mood: confused
Music: Good Charlotte - Time after time
 
 


 
  2004.10.31  21.01



fuck it...the used is fuckin finally cumin to holland and my parent said i could go..well, i was happy ya know...but there's just one thing, i normally go to a show with my cousin, but her parents won't let her...so now it's fucked..cuz it's only fun with her!!
i hate it...and she loves the used to, so it's just not fair!
now i dunno with who to go, maybe i even go on my own, cuz i do really wanan see the used!!
i never thought they would EVER come here...soo...dammit!
life just sux!!!!!

im so far gone no, ive been running on empty

FUCK

Life's a dick



Mood: fuckin pisssed off..
Music: The Used - Maybe Memories
 
 


 
  2004.10.25  20.00



HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Kissed your cousin: well...yeah, on the cheek (:
2. Ran away: nope
3. Pictured your crush naked: yeah, ofcourse
4. Skipped school: yeah...
5. Broken someone's heart: not that I know about
6. Been in love: well..kinda..a little
7. Cried when someone died: DUH
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: well...almost always...i always catch myself falling for unreachable dudes
9. Broken a bone: nope
10.Done something embarrassing: yeah, probably
11. Lied: yeah
12. Cried in school: yeah...in 1th grade, when a guy broke up *shame* well, tyat was the guy I was kinda in love with

WHICH IS BETTER:
13. Coke or Pepsi: coke
14. Sprite or 7UP: sprite
15. Girls or Guys: I don't like girls, like mainstream girl are bitchy...I love guys, you can be your dirty self around them
16. Flowers or candy: candy, definetely
17. Scruff or Clean shaved: scruff is SEXY not too much ofcourse
18. Blondes or Brunettes: uhmm...other colors :P
19. Bitchy or slutty: I like bitchy girls way more than slutty, but bitchy is bad too...I like to be bitchy tho, but being around someone that's a bitch to you is no fun
20. Tall or short: tall
21. Pants or Shorts: pants
22. Night or Day: night...j'adore.

WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX:
23: What do you notice first: uhmm...style
24. Last person you slow danced with: :S Robert probably
25. Worst Question To Ask: dunno...

THE LAST TIME:
26. Showered: whoopsie...like uhmm...3/4 days ago
27. Ran backwards: ghehheh...long time ago...should do it again (:
28. Went to the movies: dunno...month ago or something...to 'Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' good GOOD movie!

WHAT IS (your favorite):
29. Your Good Luck Charm: they r fucked
30. Person You Hate Most: just slutty girls...can't name one...
31. Best Thing That Has Happened to You this year: vacation in Spain
32. Color: babyblue and black and pink
33. Movie: Eternal Sunshine, LOTR, Nemo
34. Picture on your desktop: Tupac
35. Juice: dunno
36. Finger: middle
37. Ice Cream: chocolate
39. Season: summer
40. Breakfast Food: bread
41. Artist or Band: The Used
42: Food: chocolate, chicken

WHO...
43. Makes you laugh the most: Sanne
44. Makes you smile: Hasan
45. Can Make You Feel Better No Matter What: no one, really
46. Has A Crush On You: no one..i guess
47. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: well, hasan a little and some blonde Tony Lovato lookalike guy
48. Who Has it easier? Girls or Guys?: ohw...GUYS! yeah, guys have it way too easy!
49. Gives You A Funny Feeling When You See Them: the Tony lookalike guy

DO YOU EVER...
50. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: nope
51. Save AOL conversations: don;t have AOL
53. Wish you were someone else: hell yeah!
54. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: yeah, sometimes, like once a month
55. Forward secret e-mails: ha, no

BEST
56. Cologne: dunno
57. Perfume: Laura
58. Kiss: Guido
59. Romantic memory: hmmm...romance? what's that?

HAVE YOU
60. Kissed Two People In The Same Day?: nope
61. Fallen for your best friend?: nope
62. Made out with JUST a friend?: nope
63. Been rejected: yeah...that sucked
64. Been in love?: not truly deeply or anything
65. Been in lust?: yep
66. Used someone?: yeah..kinda, but it was 2ways
67. Been used: yup, same guy I used :P
68. Cheated on someone?: yeah...when I was like 12 years old or something
69. Been cheated on?: not that I know
70. Been kissed?: yeah :D
71. Done something you regret?: yes, who hasn't?

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...(not counting family)
72. You touched?: Jeph
73. You talked to?: Sanne
74. You hugged?: Jeph
75. You instant messaged?: Sophie right now
76. that kissed you?: Wouter
77. You yelled at?: no one
78. Who Text Messaged You?: no one
79. Who broke your heart?: Kass, i guess
80. Who told you they loved you?: no one

HAVE YOU/DO YOU/ARE YOU...
81. Color your hair? yup
82. Have tattoos? nope...:(
83. Have piercings below the waist? nope
84. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both? nope
85. Own A Webcam?: nope
86. Own a thong? yeah
87. Ever get off the damn computer?: ghehehe..yeah, some tiny little times
88. Sprechen Sie Deutsch? ah oui
89. Habla espanol? sevesa!
90. Quack?: grrr
91. Stolen anything over $50? nope, little angel inside
92. Smoke? nope
93. Schizophrenic? yes..or no...i dunno
94. Obsessive? The Used :D:D:D and guys making out!
95. Compulsive? ...
96. Obsessive Compulsive? ...
97. Panic? not really
98. Anxiety? yeah, dude
99. Depressed? noh
100. Suicidal? no, don't wanna do that to my best friend



Music: Rancid - Journey to the end
 
 


 
  2004.10.25  17.53



ahw...my stomach aches, i feel fucked, tired and hungry...and I had to type that 3 times before I had it right...):
ohw..it smells soooo good in here, i wanna eat it...(:
yeah, lost prophets rule! I was gonna go to one of their shows, but it sold out...today i heard a friend of mine went to a rolling stones concert last year...heavy! and the next time they will come here, she'll go again and this saturday she'll be with Maroon5...kewl!
Friday is a schoolparty...yay...:s ahw well..
damn....gotta go again...
\m/



Mood: angry
Music: Last summer - Lostprophets
 
 


 
  2004.10.24  23.00



well, gotta sleep now...school's on tomorrow again...dammit ):
If it was on me, vacation would last for the rest of my life
haven't had any change to skate in the whole week...*sigh*
but well...nighty night...ok, that sounds crappy
PEACE
x x x x

<3 <3 <3 <3




Mood: vicious
Music: HIM - Right Here In My Arms
 
 


 
  2004.10.24  22.58



well, gotta sleep now...school's on tomorrow again...dammit ):
If it was on me, vacation would last for the rest of my life
haven't had any chance to skate in the whole week...*sigh*
but well...nighty night...ok, that sounds crappy
PEACE
x x x x

<3 <3 <3 <3




Mood: vicious
Music: The Distillers - Die On A Rope
 
 


[ << Previous 25 ]

[ CutUpAngel ]