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05-20-03 07:04pm |
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mood |
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cramps |
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music |
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the casualties : fight for your life |
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this has been the past few days:
saturday - ashley calls me from cassandra's.
ash: "find us a ride to virginia."
me: "fuck. you know i dont know anyone..how far?"
ash: "about an hour. will your mom do it?"
me: "what? no! you know my mom hates you."
ash: "what?"
me: "uh.. you dont remember beating the shit out of me?"
ash: "how does your mom know?"
me: "she knows everything."
ash: "uh.." rambling in the background "lets us call you back"
ten seconds later. cassandra calls.
cassi: "i'm bored."
me: "yeah me too."
blahblahblah. cassi: "let us call you back in a few minutes."
this goes on for about two and a half hours. then finally they call me for an actual reason!
cassi: "you wanna go to nathan's? okay. good."
me: "uh. renner's going to be there."
cassi: "that's all been taken care of."
me: "he hates me. what, is he not going to be there."
cassi: "IT'S ALL BEEN TAKEN CARE OF!! just get the fuck over here."
so.. i go over to cassi's. her, ashley, and i sit and stare at each other for, like, 20 minutes. moreland stops by. there's very few words exchanged. we all get in a fight about who's going to take a ride with moreland. i give up and ashley and moreland leave. cassi goes to sleep, pissed, as usual. moreland and ashley return. i get in the car. we wait for cassandra.
at nathans. renner was there. i didnt move from the couch for the longest time. then renner sits down beside me. "so you're not mad at me anymore?" "no. it didnt even bruise." "well no shit. you know i have a weak punch." oh by the way.. i was piss drunk in january and punched him in the face. we hugged. and all was fine. i got really drunk and watched nathan teach the guys how to shoot up heroin. i thought it would make me pass out. but it didnt. knowing that moreland soon after shot up in the bathroom made me mad, though.
karen took me back to cassi's. when moreland brought her home.. she told me that he wanted to talk to me. i ended up staying at his house that night. we watched 8 mile. he tried to sex me. i should have known. i told him i had aids. he took me back to cassi's at 5am.
sunday - woke up at 7. went to the bathroom. when i stood up from the toilet, my vision went black. it happens a lot. but this time it didnt come back. i was scared. i got really cold and i started to sweat. i just stood there for a while hoping my vision would come back. it didnt. so i walked out through the hallway, feeling my way to the door. i opened the door to the kitchen, trying to feel my way back to the bedroom. i fell into the sink and collapse. i woke up sitting in a chair at the table. i could see again. this was 3 minutes after i left the bathroom. everyone was standing around me. it was weird.
i stayed at cassi's again.
monday - it was early. cassi was gone. to school. the beginning of her last week of high school. i was bored. i watched booty call and nightwatch. i went home at 11:30.
got home. went directly to the computer. i talked to jacob for a while. he lives in hagerstown. he picked me up and we went back to his house. he's a rich bastard who likes to say "i'm just a po' white boy". i hate people like him. but whatever. i had taken some hydracodone before i left my house so i was pretty out of it all day. he took me home at 10.
today - i woke up really early again. i left at 8 for my doctors appointment. it hurt. it hurt my heart to know what i was doing. and the procedure hurt my insides. i got home and started to bleed. a lot. and now i am in paralyzing pain.
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05-20-03 11:15am |
i spent all day yesterday in hagerstown wish jacob. i didnt really know him, and still dont. but hee seems to be a pretty nice guy. not 'my type', though. good for a friend, though.
yeah. i think that's all.
i started my period and am in a lot of pain.
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| party over here. |
05-16-03 02:26am |
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mood |
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drunk |
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music |
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pantera: VULGER DISPLAY OF POWER & soulfly:.. ? |
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i'm kinda drunk right now so dont mind any minor grammatical adn/or spelling errors.
i'm waiting for jason to get off work so he can pick me up a pack of cigarettes. it rocks that he moved into the appartments right down the street from me. it does not rock that he works until 3 in the morning everyday but monday and tuesday. since we didnt go to the movies today i get to wake him up at 10:30 so we can go develop my film and then go see THE MATRIX! cant wait!!
eh. what is there to do at 2:30 am when you're drunk, bored, and waiting for someone? because.. i'm all of the above. and i cant think of anythign!! i made a beer bottle pyramid!! i noticved that i drink just a little but too much. i have a stack of three cases of beer (all empty ofcourse) behind my door. i think i need to clean my room.
something smells like peaches.
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05-15-03 03:09pm |
jason and i were supposed to go to the movies today to see the matrix. i feel like shit. and my chest is killing me. i dont want to go anywhere. i think we'll go tomorrow. it would be too crowded today anyway, probably sold out.
i hang out with jason just about every day now. it's odd, i suppose. but it's cool. he works with morgan. he tells me about how moreland is always trying to hit on her and stuff. that's hilarious. i know they went to the prom together.. but he needs to get over it. morgan has a boyfriend. and though kenny treats morgan like shit.. they've been together for years. and i think they are meant for each other. no redneck manwhore should try to stop that.
eh. anyway.. i have nothing else to say. i need to work on my webpage.. it's all.. fucked up. damnit.
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04-07-03 03:47pm |
so.. i went into town yesterday. for the first time in six months. surprisingly enough, everyone still remembered me. the first person i saw was dillan. he looked at me with the most crooked ass grin. we talked for a while.. he's living with dion now. dion has a new girlfriend. she lives with him, also. he said hello.. but that's as far as our conversation went. a part of me still hates him.
i spent the night with chase. he's gotten a lot cuter since the last time i saw him. we really hit it off from the moment we met each other.. and i think we're going to be seeing a lot more of each other, now. yay! megan might finally be getting a new boyfriend! woo. he's great long term material. the only thing i hate is that he was engaged with a girl that he was with for four years. i'm scared that if we pursue with whatever it is we're doing.. that something bad's going to happen. like.. maybe she'll come back into his life.. how katie did as soon as dion and i broke up. or.. he'll constantly comparing me to her. or.. something. i have bad luck when it comes to guys. and i think that if i can save both of us from the pointlessness of yet another two week relationship.. i think i will.
i think my problem with dion was that we started dating too soon. we didnt even really know each other at all. i dunno. it's about time that i got serious about dating. i usually go into everything so fast and then cry when it all crumbles. i've had six months to think about it.. and i came to the conclusion that the next good guy that comes along.. i'm going to do it right. and chase is a good guy. a great guy, actually.
i dunno. i'm finally okay with being single... i think i'll keep it that way until the time is right.
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