You're the reason For my Misery's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] You're the reason For my Misery [ website | PhOtO JouRnaL ] [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

[15 Jan 2005|04:29pm] LJ is starting to really suck. Why does it have to be down?? 1 comment|post comment

[07 Aug 2004|01:16pm] [ music | moldy peaches ] This journal is dead. find me at --> www.livejournal.com/users/rudy_ska it's been fun blurty..too bad it had to end this way, lol..take care all. post comment

.."you can run all your life, and never go anywhere.." [06 Aug 2004|07:15pm] [ mood | content ] Today was a wonderful day. My mom stopped by early this morning to visit, and somehow I talked her into going with me to book some campsites for early september. We found a great place to camp, and some very nice sites, I'm really looking forward to it! We stopped at a nice bar for some lunch..then came home. I did up some dishes..picked up around my place, and well..that's about all. It's kind of sad, when I sit down for the day, and take a look back at what I did all day, and it's never really anything exciting..or much of anything, lol. Oh well, I guess I need to start getting out and doing more things so I have something to talk about, lol. I am sooo excited about one thing.. Dan. He'll be over in a little over 3 weeks! god, I'm stressing soo bad. I know I don't tell him about it, lol. But he knows me good enough by now, I'm sure he knows..lol. I really hope he likes marshfield, wisconsin..the midwest, the US for that matter. I know he's been to the US before..but the midwest is way different than the south. I just hope he has a good time, and wants to come back again..and soon! I love this man sooo much.. it's so crazy to believe that in april, we will have been talking for 2 years..and been together for 1. It's amazing..I never thought I'd meet anyone like him. I can honestly say I've never been more happy, or more miserable in my life. and the only reason I'm miserable..is because it's so hard being so far apart. Sometimes I ask myself..what's worse? being alone/single..or being in love and being with someone, but not being able to BE with them? Well, I'd totally rather be with him, no matter how far apart we are, or how long it takes. I'd rather do everything I can to make this work..then to throw it all away cuz i'm too lazy, or impatient..and have to live with regret the rest of my life thinking what could have been.. We'll be together for good one day..(i hope, lol)..all we can do is take it one step at a time..even though that is much easier said then done. oh well..that is all for tonite.. post comment

[06 Aug 2004|06:29am] [ mood | bored ] Well, i'm feeling a little better compared to yesterday. i got alot of rest, it must have helped. but yeah, it's supposed to be nice out today, and warm finally! yesterday, it was about 20 degrees below average temp for this time of year..it sucked. but yeah..i'm up extremely early today, i need to do something.. post comment

i'm lonely.. [05 Aug 2004|12:42pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | 7 seconds ] and i'm not feeling well. i got sent home from work today, after being there only 1/2 hour. i would've stayed..but the cook went in the office while i was making toast, and came out..told me to go home, she got ahold of someone to work. i was like.."what?" she's like..yeah, go home. i don't want to get sick. get some rest. and before i walked out the door, i heard them all saying.."what was wrong with her? why couldn't she work?" i was just pissed..i didn't even want to go for christs sake! oh well..so yeah..i'm home now, feel like poop, and i'm lonely as hell.. time to update user info..that'll give me somethin to do. post comment

Ladies DAy ouT [28 May 2004|09:05pm] [ mood | giddy ] [ music | The bangs-call and response ] well, today was a very eventful productive day. Heather, Amanda, Lindsay and I went to stevens point. got some ink done. Lindsay got her eyebrow pierced. I wanted to get my lip done a second time, but they adviced me not to, cuz i have some weird keyloid or someshit..skin or something kinda growing out over my nose piercing..(gross, i know, lol) it's not too bad..but, they took out my stud and put a fucking 18 gauge hoop in it. its kinda funky gettin used to that big ole honker in my schnoz..don't know how i'm gonna get the snot balls out yet, but oh well, lol. man...i can't wait to get some more ink done..i fuckin love tattoos. anyways..some photos of our outing.. ( HoT AnaL ) overall, it was a great day. i also found the upright bass im gonna buy. white..exactly like the chicks from the horrorpops. it's soo beautiful.. i stood outside the window of that music shop for a good ten minutes just drooling..i felt like fucking wayne in wayne's world.."it will be mine..oh yes, it will be mine..", lol. i went in and asked how much they wanted for it..$2700!! i have the money in the bank..so i think after i come back from the UK..im gonna be making another trip back to stevens point to get more ink done..another piercing..and possibly..possibly that fucking sweet bass. i dunno..anyways..i have to get goin now. its my friends' birthday party tonite..so off to the shit ass hick bar i go. by the way..i fucking LOVE the bangs. great fucking band. ok, i'm done now. post comment

Wasted youth and a fistful of ideals.. [27 May 2004|11:02pm] [ mood | silly ] [ music | gReen DaY-thE GroUch ] howdy. well, i don't have much to say really..i'm pretty tired. went to the dollar bar after 7 tonite..hung out with jon and morgan. we were talking about gutting our guitars out, putting in some gibson humbuckers..and some other shit, i dunno. we had a few drinks..started rambling, you know how that goes. but yeah..well, i started a picture journal..my user name is _lur_. I haven't really messed with it yet..i have to finish up my info page, give it a background and all that good stuff..but yeah. i took some photos of my apartment tonight..if you wanna check em out..you'll no where to find em. anyways, that's all for tonite. post comment

entry #! [26 May 2004|11:15pm] [ mood | tired ] Well........... I decided to make a photo journal. I'm sure no one will give a shit, but that's fine. I just pissed away alot of money on a digital camera, and have alot of retarded photos I'd like to share with anyone who cares to look. And if no one likes to look..well, that's fine. I'll look. I"m too lazy to go into my documents folder and browse throught them all anyway :P hehe. anyways.....time for bed. post comment

time for a change.. [26 May 2004|10:45pm] [ mood | sore ] [ music | The Beatles: You really got a hold on me ] Well..I have a new layout. yippie skippy. I decided to be a good kid and mowed my mommy's lawn. I feel bad for her..she's always busy helping out everyone else, and she doesn't get any help in return. It's starting to piss me off. Not her..just the fact that everyone takes complete advantage of her. I had a talk with Heather tonight. Things with her and her man Shawn seem kind of so-so. She just has alot of stress in her life right now, and he's bringing unnessary stress onto her, and it's just starting to push her away. (I swear, somedays I think I should be a councelor.) lol. I dunno..its a long story.. I had an excellent talk with Dan tonite :) I love that man, and I can't wait to be with him in a few more weeks. I'm just worried though..because I don't know what's going to happen between us after June. I'm not sure when the next we're going to be together will be..not sure if he'll be able to come to the U.S...and if that's the case, I'll be on the first flight to the UK..but then I worry about if we'll be able to get by, since I won't be able to work there. I also worry about what I'll do all day while he's working..and band practice..I'm going to get very lonely..I mean hell, I feel like shit and get depressed after only a few nights of sitting at home alone. I dunno..either way, I'll do whatever it takes to make things work. Hmm..what else. Well, I think that's all I have for tonite. I have to work tomorrow..:( So yeah..I should get to bed. I'm exhausted..too much fresh air today. That is all. post comment

*burps* [24 May 2004|10:20pm] well, its looking like another long night..i'm so tired i can't sleep..i suppose that 2 hour nap didn't help me much this evening..oh well. Listening to bush give his little speech made me feel nauseous, and it put me right to sleep. i'd complain about and rip on the shit he said tonite..but i have no energy. i don't even have enough energy to give a decent update..so at that, im gonna go lay down. post comment

sleeeepy [23 May 2004|11:20pm] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | Johnny Cash-San Quentin ] I'm soo tired..but speeding out. so, no sleepy for me tonite.. anyways..i rearranged my living room. its rockin :) i'm pretty happy with it. hopefully i'll have my place COMPLETELY finished this week. but yeah..some photos. ( Read more... ) I know..I look like poopy in that last photo with my kitty. I apologize..I was really tired...and really warm. I was at my mommy's, and her place is always insanely hot in the summer time. anyways, that is all for tonite. 2 comments|post comment

I really need to start getting my shit together.. [23 May 2004|01:42pm] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | Green Day-Jaded ] My place is a disaster..I feel so un-organized..it's terrible. I almost feel lost. I just go through my days in a daze..I don't get enough sleep, wake up, go to work, come home, and I don't do anything. Lately I've been filling my evenings with alcohol, and not just kinda-sorta drinking, or having a few beers..I've been getting completely wasted. It's not helping a damn thing. I feel like such a zombie right now. I think I killed nearly all the remaining brain cells I had left the past week. Now I sit here, trying to get my head together..looking at the mess, thinking of things I need to do, things I need to figure out, and I don't know where to begin. I need some motivation, and some help would be a definite plus. I would like to rearrange my furniture in my livingroom..but I have sooo much shit, I have nowhere to go with it. 4 guitars, 2 amps, huge t.v./entertainment center, surround-sound, 2 couches, recliner, computer & desk..and I have no room to work with everything. I dunno, I need a swift kick in the ass to get me going today. Oh well, well, instead of typing and complaining about it, I should get going and get started. This is looking like it's going to be a week long project. Thats all for now. post comment

bored. [21 May 2004|10:26pm] [ mood | sleepy ] yep, that's right. i'm bored. hungover, full, tired,..and..bored. there's absolutely nothing going on tonite, it's raining out, and cold..but it's ok. i had a rough night last night, so a night of rest will do me wonders. on a different note..anyone want to go with me to see sonic youth july 30th in milwaukee?? modest mouse plays the 31st, i'd love to go to both shows..just not alone. shit, i have to remember to watch the belmont stakes tomorrow..i guess one of the horses won the first 2 races of the triple crown, and if he wins tomorrow..i believe he'll be the first one to win the triple crown since 1977. (seattle slew was the last one to do it, i believe..) but yeah, i guess this horse won the preakness by 11.5 lengths, broke a record or someshit..so yeah, i NEED to watch the belmont tomorrow. then i should really go help my mom paint at my uncles..then i'm going to my friend andy's place. they need people to help them move their deck from the house because they're residing it or someshit. so yeah, after we move that, we're going to have a fire (if the weather is good). so yeah, i hope its nice out. a campfire would be great.. but anyways, i suppose..time to lay down..and watch some weird ass version of dracula. thats all. post comment

I love Johnny Cash [19 May 2004|08:58am] [ mood | energetic ] [ music | Johnny Cash-I've Been Everywhere ] but yeah..hehe. I decided I'm going to contact the college in town here to see if they offer music lessons. I want to learn how to play an upright bass. (double bass, what-eva, lol) My friend Shawn told me they do give lessons..so yeah, I'm going to look into that tomorrow or friday.I also want to learn how to play the violin, mandolin, and banjo. Does anyone know where I can get these instruments..preferably used..?? If anyone can help me on that, I'd greatly appreciate it. Other than that..the new acoustic is coming along rather well. I'm back to playing everynight..and it feels so good. I have some recording software now, I just need to figure out how to use it, lol. Then Shawn and I are going to start recording some of our jam sessions. I really can't wait to start that up. I'm thinking about moving all of my living room furniture out of the room, but leaving my t.v. and chair, and computer..and well, I want to set up all of my equipment..(drum set, guitars and amps..) find a stand for my fourtrack to sit on..yeah, that would be great! I just have to find a place for my couches, lol. But yeah..anyways, I should start getting ready for work. That is all. post comment

:D [17 May 2004|11:01am] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | oldies..lotsa great oldies ] well well well..where to begin.. well, I bought an acoustic/electric geetar friday. its very nice. an ovation celebrity cc 026 to be exact. i'm in looove, lol. but yeah, this weekend was fun. i'll write more about that later. right now, i need to get to the gas station, get some smokes..:( and then go to the store and get some food to cook for my sis and mama judy tonite. so yeah..i better get on that. thats all fer now. post comment

I'm ill.. [11 May 2004|09:10pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | dick dale-ring of fire ] like..really fricken ill. I don't know how, or why..or where the hell i would've got this from..but i have it. and it sucks. anyways, enough of my whining. i'm going to see the reverend horton heat/detroit cobras tomorrow night. its gonna rock my panties,lol. i can't wait. now franky's going with chubs and i, so yeah..its gonna be a hella sweet time. i'm really looking forward to o'donnovan's irish pub, hehe..and i told the boys if they're hungry and feel like pissing away a buttload of money on food, we can go to hardrock cafe, which is right across the street from first ave., and kitty-corner to o'donnovans. so yeah, tomorrow night is gonna fuckin rock! anyways..i need sleepy. i'm the poor bastard who has to drive tomorrow..and i gotta wake up extra early to re-dye my damn hair pink. adios post comment

shit dAy [10 May 2004|02:04pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | modest mouse-shit luck ] another shit day to add to the collection. Yeah..I don't know what to do anymore. I'm frustrated. Sick and Tired. Want something more. I want out of this place, this house, my job.. anyone who really knows me knows i've been upset and miserable for a very long time. I really need to do something..and soon. I just feel so crazy in the head, like i'm going off the deep end..I really need to do something about my lifestyle, and I need to change it, and soon. I have to quit living my life for other people, and start doing things for myself. I need to get to school, I need to get out of this apartment, I definetly need a new job..these are all really big things that I need to change..and I need to get working on that, soon..before I get any worse off than I already am. I'm almost beginning to think that I need some kind of psychological help. I'm seriously depressed..I care about myself..but at the same time, I could care less if I even woke up to see tomorrow. I'm beginning to drink alot..almost every night..and most of the time to the point i can't even remember what the fuck i did..i'm very emotional..i'm happy as shit one minute, and the next second, i'll be wanting to fucking kill people. i sit alone in my dark apartment pretty much all the time..unless i'm at the bar drinking..with my "friends". and thats another thing..my "friends". they hurt me. i guess i can't be too pissed at anyone but myself..i let them take advantage of me..i'm too nice, i'm more of a pushover than anything. and its sad. and the moment i try to stick up for myself, i'm a fucking bitch. so i just feel like its a no-win situation. i'm sick of letting past events in my life haunt me..whether it be really bad things..like my heart failure or car accident..or experiences with fucking piece of shit ex-boyfriends. i'm sick of fighting with my family..sick of people wanting to borrow money from me, (especially my mom after i already payed off her fucking debts), i'm sick of people expecting me to pay for things all the fucking time..sick of people being rude, when i'm all nice and invite them over, can't pick up after themselves..just leave their pop/beer cans, plates, napkins lay on my floor..can't take their shoes off when they come in..man..just so many little things i'm soo sick and tired of. sick of waiting around..i'm a very impatient person.. i don't know what to do anymore. i really want to leave..go to school. start a career. i want to settle down. don't get me wrong..i like being on the go, but i really want one place where i can always come back to and call home.. man, i don't know..i'm really rambling here. i'm lonely..i'm depressed. so..well, i think i'm going to drink. its fucking sad..its the only thing i do lately, to help handle how i feel..besides smoke 2 fucking packs of ciggarettes a day. its fucking sad. i should care more about myself.. i just can't find the strength to. i don't know..this entry is pointless. 1 comment|post comment

what did you do for YOUR mommy on mother's day?? [09 May 2004|02:05pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | beatles-rock & roll music ] Well..lets see.. I bought my momma some roses today, left them on her table at her place. She's out helping my auntie's friend with a garage sale. I got her a card too, and drove out and gave it to her. then i went, did some shopping for my bathroom, bought a new shower curtain, rugs, garbage can..all that fun stuff. i also bought one of those shelf thingies that go over your toilet..so yeah..my bro is coming over later to put that together..and a bookcase i bought. so in return, i'm going to cook him, his wife, and well, momma judy supper. i'm going to have a bbq, grill out some pork steaks and potatoes, and some chicken wings. should be really good. i just got done scrubbing out my bathtub, and the floor in the bathroom..i have paint everywhere. i was soo pissed..lol, last night, about 11pm..i was painting yet, and well, i had the paint sitting on the tub, and the damn shit tipped over and spilled all over in the bathtub. so yeah..that's going to be really nice for the plumbing, lol. but yeah..right now, i'm just waiting for the floor to dry so i can put up my sexxy ass new shower curtain, and set the rugs down and whatnot. then i have to hurry up and clean the rest of my place, and take my gas tank in and get a new one for the grill, and do my dishes..i have soo much shit to do in the next few hours. i guess i'm not the brightest person in the world to get myself involved in painting/cleaning/cooking all in the same day..but oh well, stress is nice :) but i suppose, i should get going and get some stuff done. i feel good though, i'm not really bummed about just staying home on a saturday night..i feel rather accomplished. and i 'd rather feel accomplished then feel hungover all fricken day. so yeah..go me eh?! hehe. anyways..that's all for now. 2 comments|post comment

hehe [08 May 2004|11:42pm] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | chappelle show ] so yeah..it's been an interesting weekend, lol. luckily i didn't get arrested for my drunken antics friday night. oh well, it was fun while it lasted. hehehe. so yeah, not long, and i'll be in the UK. i can't wait. i'm going to see the reverend horton heat/detroit cobras on wednesday. its going to be an excellent show! i'm proud of myself. instead of giving in to peer pressure and going to the bar tonite..i decided to stay home. i started painting my bathroom today, and i wanted to get it finished tonite..i started at 330, and its now almost midnight..and i'm STILL NOT FINISHED. i dunno, crazy things happen when you are hungover, lol. i just woke up this morning..saw a menards commercial on t.v. advertising paint brushes..then shawn stopped by, and i was like..shit man, i want to re-paint my bathroom today. so, i did. it sucks tho, im going to have to get more paint tomorrow..one huge can wasn't enough for my tiny-ass bathroom! i guess you'll have that tho, going from dark blue..to white. but yeah..some photos. that's my brother's daughter. Kaylee. I love that girl..she's going to be 1 on june 6th :D This is me and Kaylee at my bro's birthday party may 2nd. i know..it's not cool having a kid at a bar..she was only there for a short time, they had to drop her off so my mom could pick her up and take her home and baby sit her. eh..yeah.. this is my friend andy. he looks charming in that turban, lol. he wore that into the dollar bar last night..god, he looked soo hilarious. it was even more amusing all of the rednecks constantly fucking with all of us because of it last night. but oh well, no one got hurt..or arrested..so it was all good, lol and lastly..here's a picture of a few of my horseys. i love them..and miss them terribly. from L to R:smokey, stormy, and cookie. but yeah..i really have to get back to painting. its getting late. post comment

it's been ages [29 Apr 2004|08:48am] [ mood | optimistic ] since i've written in this bad boy! well, there are lots of things going on right now..i just don't feel like talking about it cuz i'm too lazy to type at the moment, hehe :) i'm kinda stressing lately..planning on moving back home by possibly the end of next month..god..i'll die. i'm going to miss this place soo fucking much..miss having alone time..i'm going to miss my things, cuz i'm going to have to get rid of everything..but oh well. it will all be worth it in the end, cuz i'll be able to be with my man :)but yeah..it's really depressing thinking about leaving all of my stuff, i won't lie. just looking around my place right now gets me all teary eyed...lots of good memories in this little apartment. but oh well..time to move on to bigger and better things :) but yeah..not too much longer and mom, shawn and i will be on our way to the UK! god, i can't fucking wait...it's going to be such a great time..such a great experience...i really cannot wait.but anyways, hehe..time to get going..possibly take a little nap before i have to work. that is all. 2 comments|post comment

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]