Ashley's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]

White Suitor [19 May 2003|09:30am] [ music | bon jovi - wanted, dead or alive ] How do I let myself trust again? You say I should have always. But who are you to judge my judgement? Pins and needles prick my toes while I lie in bed trying to understand what it is you want form me. Appeasement, it's not my spirit, if you hadn't noticed it didn't work so great for Churchill then, why would I try myself? I asked you to give up? no, no, please don't put words in my mouth I'm not a puppert master your strings are your own to control. My love for you is waning with the dissipation of the personality I once knew. Are you like Zeuse? False fronting as un toro blanc? To confuse me into loving you just to ravage my soul? The past is the wisest teacher My past still lingers in your ear. 24 comments|post comment

What the hell are friends anyway? [22 Apr 2003|06:30pm] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | Evanescence - whisper ] I always thought they were there when times got rough, when you needed support, when you needed someone to talk to. But obviously, my definition is SO wrong. Or, I just don't have real friends. more lies about our world that never was and never will be The people I thought were my friends, go behind my back, tell me they're not doing something that they KNOW would hurt me, when they really are. those are real friends, are they? have you know shame? don't you see me? it's like, other peoples feelings don't even matter to these people. they just go on and do what makes them happy, or what they want, with out being concerned about what that might to do others. and then they play the innocent one when someone gets hurt. You can tell someone your inner most feelings, and then they'll use them against you. and people wonder why i keep to myself. you know you've got everybody fooled. but I guess it's my fault for not having insanely receptive communication skills, eh? I don't like talking to people out of fear rejection, i guess my fear is so obvious, and so amusing, everyone likes to hit on it. rejection should be my best friend. somehow now you're everybody's fool ( the whole song ) I do feel that way right now. kinda like, why am I so stupid? How do I fall for shit so easily? Why do I let people play me? Am I seriously that blind? And I realized that i can blame this on missing a good portion of 2nd grade. i never developed good "people" skills. thats my theory. because i've been the shyest person I know ever since then. I don't talk to people unless they talk to me. I let people use me. When I'm mad, I tend to keep it to myself, and let it build up. Then i started to wonder, what "friends" i have now,a re really my friends. I hate thinking, and I hate people 4 comments|post comment

you ain't form russia, so bitch why your rushin? [12 Apr 2003|08:07pm] [ mood | busy ] [ music | Nelly - Pimp Juice ] mmhmm, just need some constructive critizism on grammar, literary stuff, etc. if you read the book, yay Ashley A. Hayslett IB English 1 Hr 9 DAN Commentary During the 1930's and 40's, the communist party judged the loyalty of its members by how far they would go for fellow members, and the communist party itself. Failing to perform tasks you have been assigned could very well result in trial and removal from the party, torture until you have realized your wrongs, or the extreme, but not rare, execution. In the novel set in a communist Russia, Darkness at Noon, written by Arthur Koestler, translated by Daphne Hardy, the protagonist of the story, Nicolas Rubashov, a Russian Revolutionary, is faced with the challenge of being true to himself, while also, remaining true to the communist party. Faced with antagonists (Ivanov and Gletkin) who psychologically torment him with his past, and his guilty conscience, Rubashov eventually capitulates. Through his choice of stylistic techniques, and figures of speech, Arthur Koestler begins to present a new characterization of Rubashov, as relieved. Rubashov reflects on the principles, truths, and his past experiences in the communist party, and also discovers a possibly humane side of himself, that has been growing throughout the book, come to full bloom. I chose this particular passage because I feel that at this point in the book, the reader really starts to sympathize for Rubashov because of all the things Ivanov and Gletkin have put him through, throughout the novel. Not until nearing the end of his trial, was Rubashov able to look into his past and not feel guilty, while also looking into his future and experiencing relief from his recent guilts. Using the point of view of third person semi-omniscient intensifies the falling action of the novel, Koestler lets the readers into Rubashovs thoughts, taking them along into his eternal "sleep." 3 comments|post comment

[09 Mar 2003|09:48am] [ mood | apathetic ] shit shiiiit, this mark period sucked ass. i have a chem lab due tomorrow, i left my chem notebook in my locker, so I have to do it all first hour. i also have to do a late chem lab that I didn't even know I missed. I have a MOTIF report on wednesday. i haven't even written down all that shit motif crap from the book yet, i just started, then i stoped when i got to the second page. I also have my world lit paper outline, thesis and 500 word intro due, sometime this week, because i decided to change mine. that bitch should give me more time, it's not my fault there's nothing on koestlers veiw of communism on findable websites. we started trig crap in math friday, why the FUCK couldn't i understand that shit last year? oh oh I KNOW! I had a GOLF coach for a teacher. fucker, he can't teach. I hate darkness at noon. no one ever read it. it sucks major ass. yes it does. I think I'm gonna get a 2.0 for a gpa this mark period. yay me! -sobs in a corner- i'm never gonna get into college. my school sucks ass. why can't we have classes like college? it's a college prep school, why can't it be LIKE college, hm? fuckers. it finally stopped snowing. it's white outside. it was snowing in whitepeopleville yesterday too. it was really white. i couldn't see like 10 yards ahead of us. if it hadn't been so windy, it wouldn't have been bad. and the plows weren't doing anything. there were no salt trucks until we got to the 'shaw. btw, rachel, price of milk is a fhmovie. there's a yellow truck, EIGHT golfers, and a guy wearing zip offs. the all american rejects album is really good. Nikki disowned us for 15 mins yesterday. And April scared the shit out of me. We snuck away tho...we snuck away. rachel is very bad at sneaking. tomb raider is on AGAIN. yes ryss, it MUST be AJ week/month, whatever. Girl, interrupted was on the other day, tomb raiders been on over and over, gia was on last night, hackers was on last week, Original Sin was on last night, and they had a gone in 60 secs marathon on tnt last week. it's like, wheeeee AJ overload!! not that I'm complainin. I'm done now. 5 comments|post comment

ghaaa [02 Mar 2003|09:05am] [ mood | aggravated ] yesterday was fucked up man. My mom gave me a 100 dollar bill to go to the mall, and tells me to bring her 60 bucks back -cackles- like that was going to happen. ANyway, Racehl picks me up, we go FH visiting, as usual. Oh, there's this house, on the block behind her fuckheads, yea, they STILL have their fucking xmas lights and decor up! I mean, I dun think just lights would bother me, but tehre are snowmen, like, 50 santa clauses and shit all over, it's SO gaudy it's not even funny! Anyway, we get to the mall, eat, and go to torrid first, of course. The money was burning a fucking hole in my wallet i swear! So I bought a sweat shirt! Yes. ANd wasted my 15% off card on it, oh well. Then we went to Hot topic, I got new sockses!! And a shirt for St.Patties day -shakes bum- They didn't have the ugly shirts I wanted, i was angry. When we go back, I have to get another st.patties shirt, because i say so, and maybe more sockses! There were lots of hot guys, yes, sexy men, yum. Went to spencers...they were playing the Simpsons soundtrack, i almost died. Then we went to Brookfeild. On our way there, we listend to Thong song!!! ANd I was stalkign about how it was Penis head and Alien Heads song! ANd then, I was like, oo couldn't you see Mark in a thong?? ooooooooooommmmgggg, I dunno where that even came from, but I gave myself a heart attack, it was so funny. I think i laughed for 5 mins straight, so weird. eeeeewwwww. We were going in the mall, and we were still laughing. Went to their hot topic, bought a "I <3 Nerds" hat, wheee, s'cute. Now, all I need is that shirt with the red and black stripped sleves, the nintendo sweat shirt, a white long sleeve shirt, and the ugly shirt i want :p and a belt, ahahahaha, i still didin't buy a belt. yea, yesterday was scary. today, me and erin are going to the library to be studious. i need to copy english journals and start on my essays for history that were due last week, oops. Oh, and excuse me, but why the FUCK am I still sick? it's been 2 weeks. fuckin'ell, make it stop. i'ms till coughing, my nose is still runny, eeew, icky! post comment

ugh [29 Jan 2003|03:14pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | 3dd - loser ] Are You Afraid Of The Dark? Telling ghost stories that scare the crap out of me is your goal in life. Please stop, the clowns'll eat me... What's Your 90's Nickelodeon Show? brought to you by Quizilla Are You Afraid Of The Dark? Telling ghost stories that scare the crap out of me is your goal in life. Please stop, the clowns'll eat me... I didn't like that show, it actually creeped me out >_< well< i failed my physics exam. go me >_< Me and Erin are gonna start a study gorup, yes. For Anglais, et histoire. We'll prolly go to the big B&N, or to noodles by school. Food and studying just go SO well together. post comment

Ahh [26 Jan 2003|09:18am] [ mood | aggravated ] Well, I finaly got blurty to work for me. My other sn got all messed up and what not. I'll have to fix up this journal and make the layout all purty like and such, wheeee. 14 comments|post comment

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