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so clear [22 Aug 2005|09:58pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | 1979 - smashing pumpkins ]

listening to Dashboard Confessional.
havn't listened to them in awhile.
but now it's Smashing Pumpkins.
i love these guys.

uhm. so, what to say..?
school starts next Thursday.
i'm actually looking forward to it.
i don't like summer.

September 22nd.
that's the day that marks a year for Lyndon & i.
next month.

got a new computer about two weeks ago, i suppose.
maybe three. i do not know.

i guess that's all.

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[16 Aug 2005|08:22pm]
[ music | awake and dreaming - finger eleven ]

maybe music isn't dead..

maybe we all just forgot
whut it fuckn sounded like.

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[02 Aug 2005|06:41pm]

this is me, dying in your arms

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[21 Jul 2005|02:12am]
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the journal [19 Jul 2005|03:24pm]

the journal

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[19 Jul 2005|08:17am]
and we'll write once a day
and float it through the sea to you

we'll regret all those things we thought of
but didn't ever do..

when the sky seems to clear,
who will then be left but a few?

me and you.
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[15 Jul 2005|09:44am]
but what could be more beautiful
than you and i
falling from grace..
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a short update.. [13 Jul 2005|09:41am]
[ mood | bored ]

my summer's kind of boring.
lyndon's cousin Kaitlynn is visiting. && she's been getting him drunk && high which is pissing me off.
i don't like it when he's stoned. or drunk.
makes me wanna start that shit all over again.
but he doesn't even realize that, he doesn't even care that i want him to stop..

i've been crying too much.
i'm pathetic.

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[08 Jul 2005|08:33am]
i recommend walking around naked in your living room

swallow it down

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[03 Jul 2005|02:17pm]
[ music | Californication - Red hot chili peppers ]

dream of californication

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[30 Jun 2005|11:44am]
[ music | lip gloss && black - atreyu <3 ]

i am exhumed
just a little less human && alot more bitter && cold

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[30 Jun 2005|11:42am]
[ music | lip gloss && black - atreyu <3 ]

if i gave you pretty enough words,

could you paint a picture of us that works?

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radio.. [30 Jun 2005|11:38am]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | tulips are better - atreyu <3 ]

shaking like a dog shittin razor blades,
i'm waking up next to nothing after dreaming of you and me,
i'm waking up all alone, waking up so relieved
while you're taking your time with apologies,
i'm making me plans for revenge.

red eyes on orange horizons,
if columbus was wrong, i'd drive straight off the edge.
i'd drive straight off the edge..

taking your own life with boredom, i'm taking my own life with wine
it helps you to rule out the sorrow,
it helps me to empty my mind.
making the most of a bad time, i'm smoking the brains from my head.

i've got a big fat fucking bone to pick with you, my darling
in case you havn't heard, i'm sick && tired of trying.

i wish you would take my radio to bathe you,
plugged in and ready to fall..

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well this describes my day SO DAMN PERFECTLY! i'm serious. [29 Jun 2005|02:44pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | Unite - future leaders of the world ]

you're so crazy, enough in a way that i can probably say..

you destroyed me

it's like a fuckn drug deal, i'm..
i'm sitting here waiting && i'm calling you back && you,
well you won't be calling me back && it's fucked up but
at the same time it just..

it just made me want you even worse

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[28 Jun 2005|08:42am]
You won't protect me.. but you cut me down pretty bad.
I know I've done worse but that's all you want to do, all you want to do..

I cannot defend myself.

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[28 Jun 2005|08:28am]
[ music | take her to the music store - from autumn to ashes ]

take her to the music store

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for her [25 Jun 2005|11:22pm]

just lyrics from different songs..

You're the hand that spins my revolver around
when you push me away.

Tear me from the bone, tear me from myself,
are you feeling happy now?

I've been changing but you'll never see me
now i'm blaming you for everything.
No more holding it in, how many years months can i pretend?
nothing ever goes the way it should.
no more sitting in the place, hoping you might see it my way
cause i don't think you ever understood
that what i'm looking for are the answers to why these questions never go away
i'm so far away..

i remember i kept thinking that i know you never would
but now i know i wanna kill you like only a best friend could
everyone's caught on to everything you do
as if it happening wasn't enough, i gotta go and write a song
just to remind myself how bad it sucked.
don't apologize, i hope you......

i don't want you to give it all up
and live your whole life collecting dust
and i don't want you to feel sorry for me
you never gave us a chance to be.
and i don't need you to be by my side
to tell me that everything's alright.
i just wanted you to tell me the truth.
you know i'd do that for you.
so why are you running away?
i did enough to show you that i was willing to give & sacrifice
is it me? is it you? nothing that i can do to make you change your mind.
is it me? is it you? nothing that i can do. is it a waste of time?
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this one's for that girl. [25 Jun 2005|03:51pm]
You say that you're in control
You say that you are
But I can't think of a time
When you looked less alive

One more day will go by
Maybe today you should try
Look past the mirror and find
That there's something inside
Something more to your life

My words won't heal you now
My words won't heal
It is you who decides

This burden's not a heavy one
But I assure you, it's present

Believe that you are just fine
Believe that you are
You'll feel so alive

Be what you are now
Do not keep it inside
That hate will not subside
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lyrics only [25 Jun 2005|03:49pm]

this journal is now lyrics only.

lyrics dedicated to people.
&& lyrics to how i feel.
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nothing to say [25 Jun 2005|11:32am]
i have nothing to say anymore.
i wanna be friends with delainey, i guess i will.
i wanna say how i feel but then i don't.
but someone told me that if you wanna do something but you think you can't then do it anyway.
so i will.

i don't want no one to bother me about shit anymore.
i wanna talk about whut's going on.
i don't wanna talk about their fake happy lives.
i want the truth.

and i don't want to talk about my days anymore.
they all involve lyndon and i.
and him and i, we just remind me of me and someone else i thought i knew.
i'll write about things that matter to me.
but i don't wanna write about everything that goes on in my day.
cause that was never the reason why i ever had a journal.

the reason i always have a journal::
i need to talk about my feelings.
i need to vent, i need to cry,
i need to write about the happiest moment in my life.
i need to remember these things.
i want reassurance that whoever reads this, knows how i feel.
to know that i am not alone, and never will be.

but lately i keep feeling like i am all i have.
and i know that is bullshit.
so i don't give a fuck anymore.

i'm writing about how i feel.
and if you don't like it, then come to me about it.
i'm sick of people writing things in their journals about shit.
just because they can't say it to your face,
even too scared to say it on msn.
so they write it in their journals. it's so damn pathetic.

but not you, delainey. you're not like that.
i wanna be friends with you, so i won't leave you.
i know that's the wrong thing to do, so i'll talk.

as of now, i'm just going to go.
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