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mood |
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pretty awesome |
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music |
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34 song crimpshrine cd (amazing stuff) |
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This paper was written by ex-boyfriend-now-good-friend extraordinairre, Jaime Herrera, a little while ago for his english class. It needs no introduction, really, it's just sweet and I think he's right on the fucking ball on a lot of things. So dig in and enjoy, and if you need to be told not to steal this shit, then you're already an asshole and shouldn't be reading anyhows. Bye!
-------
Jaime Herrera
English IV
Philosophy of Life
For the greater part of my life I have been taught how
to think and feel. Even given preconceived ideas
before experiencing anything on my own. My parents,
schools and peers made up my mind. In this paper, I
will laboriously demonstrate how my mindset has
changed after various experiences and realizations.
These philosophies and ideals are the pillars of my
essence. While some are very firm, others are not. I
have come to feel quite comfortable with both of them
because one leaves room for further growth and a
better understanding of myself and the world around
me. The following eight pages are filled with these
ideological pillars.
The first of these pillars coincides with the way I
process everyday decisions and choices. One cannot
make a real decision choosing from a set of solutions
that were never really questioned at all. For most
people this set of solutions is bestowed to them by
their parents and culture. They include values,
religion, and morals. Ever since making this
realization I have questioned everything (yes
everything) Ive accepted without thinking and made a
basis for what I believe in. The process in which I
use to break down these mental walls are a combination
of the following: Dropping self-imposed limitations
that restrict my choices in situations and taking into
considerations the affects of my actions on those
around me. In doing so I can figure out what I really
want to do and weigh the consequences of those actions
with their necessity. This way of thinking reaches
into almost all of my everyday decisions, such as :
My attire, the things I say, when I say them, and
pretty much anything else one does on an everyday
basis.
This philosophy has kept me open to new ideas and what
most people would call radical ideas. One of the
largest ones in my life would have to be underground
punk culture. The word punk in the last 25 years has
lost almost all its meaning. The ideals were far too
many and far too diverse. This diversity caused too
much conflict and it imploded on itself as a movement.
As a whole punk means a lot of different things to a
lot of different people. I have come to consider it
more of a state of mind. I entered
into the scene when I was 13 years old. Ever since
then I have been attending various punk shows within
the tri-state area. In this experience I have learned
a great deal about myself and in the process had some
of the best times in my life. The idea of complete
freedom of thought is definitely punk at its finest.
Unfortunately punk can tend to be a negative,
destructive movement. A majority of the kids involved
do not regard themselves as having any opportunities,
hence the adoption of the slogan, No Future. So
their philosophy is a sad fatalism. It is in this
state of mind that people succumb to drugs and
alcohol. It is for this reason that I have had the
unfortunate occurrence of seeing my closest friends
fall victims to heroin addiction. Since I had always
kept a clear head and questioned the basis of my
actions I maintained a safe distance from drugs and
addiction. This awareness was of no avail to my
friends. Since then I have lost touch with many of
them except for 1. This one friend eventually went to
a rehabilitation center for almost 6 months. While he
was away at the center the whole ordeal of losing
almost all my friends made me realize how important is
to be self reliant. Being alone for such a long time
let me know that I was capable of enduring what most
people could not. Since then I have found a sort of
peace in my loneliness. In many cases I would rather
be alone then with a mindless group of social
butterflies. I would much rather be alone with my
thoughts then spouting out mindless drivel about the
weather.
A not so positive pillar of mine is the tendency to be
very bitter and negative. I find that being somewhat
depressed all the time helps me to keep things in
check. A favorite song of mine has these very
influential lyrics :
BULLET IN THE CHAMBER,
BARREL IN MY MOUTH
AND MY FINGER ON THE TRIGGER
NO ONE CARED
UNTIL THE GUN WAS LOADED,
BUT GO AND FIGURE
THE ONLY ONE I REALLY HATE
ARE ME, MYSELF AND I
THEY WERE ONCE MY BEST FREINDS
BUT NOW THEY MUST DIE
WHATS THE POINT OF LIVING,
IF YOUR NOT ALIVE?
IN A WORLD FULL OF SUFFERING
ITS HARD TO SURVIVE
ONE MAY THINK OF DEATH
AS AN ENEMY
BUT WHEN I HAD NO FRIENDS,
DEATH WAS THERE FOR ME
IT WIPED AWAY THE TEARS
FROM MY EYES
ALLOWING ME TO FORGET
THE REASONS WHY I CRIED
PATIENTLY I WAIT FOR DEATH
AND NOTHING ELSE
IF LIFE DOESNT KILL ME-
I'LL HAVE THE PLEASURE MYSELF
Now, aside from all the suicidal references; this song
is actually almost positive. Nothing is so bad that
you cant live through. Eventually we all die so
nothing is really that bad. There is no reason to
ever get that upset because most situations are just
temporary. So long as you can keep somewhat of a
clear head then you need not worry. Though there are
times when a clear head cannot be maintained. This
time is usually referred to by many as LOVE.
I had the pleasure of dating a very beautiful girl for
over a year. In that year we grew very close and then
the reality that nothing last forever finally hit me.
Safe to say I thought it would last forever. Turned
out she thought it would be fun to mess around with
some of my friends and then play with my mind a bit.
I was naïve and just utterly stupid. I paid the price
for how happy I was and it changed my view on
relationships and dating in general. Since nothing
last forever it is not worth pouring yourself into
someone that wont be there for the long haul. This of
course does not negate the qualities of love. Instead
I have grown very cautious of who to trust and the
reasons as to why.
It is my belief that most relationships and
friendships ultimately fail because a lack of
communication. This gap in conveying our needs and
wants makes us commit acts of betrayal and deceit.
The gap exists because we are slaves to the English
language. A prime example is an episode of Star Trek
in which an ambassador of the medusans (a race of
beings that take no form or shape, but is instead a
conscious, meaning it has no body but just essence and
thus when it is among its own people is can
communicate with them instantly and perfectly because
they share the same consciousness). In the episode
Is there no Truth in Beauty Spock performs a
mind-link with the Medusan ambassador in order to plot
coordinates to save the ship. This means that the
ambassador now can use all of Mr. Spocks senses which
he has never been able to experience before. When he
finnaly does he says this :
How compact your bodies are.
[Sniff]
And what a variety of senses you have.
This thing you call... language, though...
most remarkable.
You depend on it...
for so very much.
But is any one of you really its master?
But most of all...
the aloneness.
You are so alone.
You live out your lives...
in this...
shell of flesh,
self-contained...
separate.
How lonely you are.
How terribly lonely.
Since the Medusan Ambassador had always been able to
share consciousness with his fellow beings he found
the human senses restricted him from sharing ideas and
sentiments. For the first time he had felt what it
was to be alone. He points out how alone and apart
humans really are to one another. This is also another
contributing factor to the necessity of self-reliance
and constant state of depression (not a bad thing!).
It is this gap that forces humans to search for other
means of expression such as music! Music plays an
integral part in my life. Playing the drums, guitar,
and bass provide an outlet for frustrations as well as
good feeling. I find music to be the most therapeutic
remedy for almost every one of my problems. Often
times a melody can convey much more than a sentence.
A special attribute of my philosophy is that of my
theory of procrastination. As I write this paper it
is 3:12 AM the day the paper is due. I absolutely
live for this type of mind blowing pressure and
stress. The natural adrenalin and the added 48 ounces
of coffee really get the creative juices flowing. I
could not imagine going through high school any other
way. In more ways than one, I see it as a commitment
to intrinsic awards. Most other students will have
had their papers done a week in advance whereas I find
comfort in knowing I got less than an hour of sleep
and pushed myself to the total limit of the human
capacity. There is no point in doing anything before
it absolutely has to be done just as long as it gets
done. My parents had always told me the opposite of
my theory. After years of procrastinating I have come
to the conclusion that they were very wrong. Unlike
them I can bear the burdens of panic. This is another
prime example of questioning everything.
Life as a whole should be taken seriously with
certain points left open for comic relief. This paper
is almost an exact replica of my philosophy. At times
it is well written and serious and at others its quite
humorous and poorly written. Yet, Overall It is very
creative. I feel that life should be just like that.
To the reader of this paper, Have mercy and Live Long
and Prosper.
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