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don't worry, i've got it

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[03 Sep 2004|01:55pm]
lets see. i'm back. why. i dont know.
and death shall have no domination.

[28 Jul 2004|04:50pm]
i'm done with blurty... i got a greatestjournal.. its onexblackrose.
and death shall have no domination.

i don't like to wipe your tears away..but i'll do it [24 Jul 2004|01:35pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | black masks and gasoline ]

so here goes the cliche: i'm really depressed. i can't think about anything. i can't really feel much. i don't care what happens to me or anyone else.. i just really don't care. heres a direct quote from paul: "my dad knew he loved my mom when all he wanted to do was be with her"... yeah... you shouldn't have ever told me that. i can't sleep. i now have trouble with sleeping with people, because i can't cry myself to sleep. i ended up doing that last night anyways when paul spent the night.. i hope he was sleeping, he probably was...or he didn't care. bright eyes is the only thing i can listen to right now. everything else is shit. this summer sucks really bad. i want school to start again. i'm going to miss paul next year, there wont be any protection. matt is right..he's going to break up with me for someone in college, someone who goes to parties every night and smokes a lot of marijuana and drinks a lot of alcohol. they'll get along wonderfully. i'll be happy for him. he wont be stressed or or depressed because of me anymore. everything i say or do "stresses him out". mike doesn't really like him anymore because he sees what he does to me. i try to deny it. i don't know what to do. i think i'm just going to give him a lot of space. i wont call him anymore or ask him to do anything because maybe he'll miss me and want to hang out more. i doubt it though. i have the worst luck in the world. i wish someone would randomly come in my house and shoot me. i'd forgive them.

and death shall have no domination.

bring me soup and medicine. [19 Jul 2004|02:28pm]
[ mood | sick ]
[ music | the pink panther theme song ]

i'm sick. it's kind of weird... because my mom isn't taking care of me.. for like the first time. i guess she thinks i'm old enough to not need someone to bring me soup and medicine. i hope paul visits me... for a long time, but i think he's hanging out with his friends today... yeah :sadface: i cry a lot when i'm sick.

and death shall have no domination.

dreaming a reality. [18 Jul 2004|12:02pm]
[ mood | curious ]
[ music | pieces of you in me. ]

as much as i say i dont care that i've changed.. i do. i care a lot. i want my life back from before this year. its really hard for me to be alone.. and thats how i always am now. last summer i was ALWAYS gone. this summer is completely opposite. i dont look the same, act the same, talk the same.. i know it happens to everyone but i miss it. i'll never get it back though. atleast i'm ok like this. i guess.

and death shall have no domination.

[16 Jul 2004|12:12am]
[ mood | disappointed ]

im the type of person that makes everything hard for everyone and myself.
i've felt very confused lately.

and death shall have no domination.

[14 Jul 2004|01:56pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

i've done everything i wanted to do. now please kill me.

2 - and death shall have no domination.

we're so deeply in love. [13 Jul 2004|03:19pm]
[ mood | flirty ]
[ music | roses-outcast ]

I love Robert Paul Bennis more than anything in the universe. We're so happy together, I know that we can't ever be apart. I hate when people say i love you and then the next day they're going out with someone else..but say that they really loved that person, because you may think you're in love but you're not. We've all done it, we've all told someone we loved them even if we didn't even care about them this much { } but i know this isn't like that. I love him, i always will.. and it's true.

ok now i'm done being in a good mood.

and death shall have no domination.

[12 Jul 2004|10:43pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | the reason-hoobastank ]

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE

Name: Megan
Birth date: September 18
Birth place: texas
Current Location: va
Eye Color: green
Hair Color: brown/blonde
Height: 5...exactly
Righty or Lefty: righty
Zodiac Sign: virgo

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE

Your heritage: german
Shoes you wore today: my flojos
Your weakness: paul. definitely.
Your fears: being alone.. without paul
Your perfect pizza: cheese.. but since i'm lactose intolerant i take the cheese off *i make my dad buy my own pizza even though it doesnt make a difference :)*
Goal you'd like to achieve: get a good job and start a wonderful family.

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW

Your most overused phrase on AIM: yeah.
Your thoughts first waking up: uhhhhh...let me fucking sleep!
Your best physical feature: hah. nothing.
Your bedtime: haha.. i dont sleep that often
Your most missed memory: those firsts-first kiss, first i love you.. yeah, ect.

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK

Pepsi or Coke: neither
McDonald's or Burger King: burger king
Single or group dates: single
Adidas or Nike: neither really.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: lipton
Chocolate or vanilla: depends.. vanilla most of the time
Cappuccino or coffee: cappuccino

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

Smoke: yeah
Cuss: aaaah hah.. yeah.
Single: no
take a shower everyday: yes
Have a crush(es): no
Think you've been in love: with robert paul bennis, yes.
Like(d) high school: yeah
Want to get married: wish i could at the moment.. right now. this second.
Believe in yourself: no way
Get motion sickness: extreamly
Think you're attractive: no
Think you're a health freak: no way.
Get along with your parents: hahahaha. not a fucking chance.
Like thunderstorms: lovee em
Play an instrument: not anymore

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH

Drank alcohol: yeaeh
Done a drug: yeah
Gone on a date: yeah
Gone to the mall: yeah
Been on stage: yeah
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no
Eaten sushi: no
Been dumped: no :)
Gone skating: yeah
Gone skinny dipping: yeah! :):)
Dyed your hair: yeah
Stolen anything: maybe.

LAYER SEVEN: EVER

Played a game that required removal of clothing: yeah probably
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yeah...
Been caught "doing something": not by my parents
Been called a tease: yes
Gotten beaten up: yeah.
Shoplifted: no
Changed who you were to fit in: HAHA. no.

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER

Age you hope to be married: the day i can
Numbers and Names of Children: 2-aveda, amber... whatever paul wants for a guy name
Describe your dream wedding: a HUGE dress.. a church wedding(the only thing about me normal) .. with paul, white roses, after the wedding and we're going to the hotel for the beginning of our honeymoon, make a stop at the beach (still in my dress) and write in the wet sand then go to a really nice hotel, get up the next day and fly somewhere ((preferably europe))
How do you want to die: with paul right at my side *hopefully a car accident when we're around 80-90 and we both die and go to heaven together*
What do you want to be when you grow up: a photographer or a beautition
What country would you most like to visit: anything around the western side of europe, or austrailia

LAYER NINE: IN A Guy

Best eye color?: brown. they're sexy.
Best hair color? brown or black
Short or long hair: depends how the guy looks
Height: about a head taller than me.hah.
Best first date location: the beach, at night time
Articles of clothing: what paul wears.
Best first kiss location: in the rain/ or at school.. maybe. ((it poured down rain that night.. so it works))

LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS

Number of people I could trust with my life: 2
Number of CD's I own: manyyy
Number of piercings: 4
Number of tattoos: none.. yet
Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper?: hah. like twice.. for honor roll
Number of scars on my body: i dont want to count :/
Number of things in my past that I regret: i cant really count them all but every time me and paul fight and its my fault.



i miss paul. that survey was fun.

and death shall have no domination.

:):):):):) [12 Jul 2004|08:21pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | yeah bitch. ]

I'm at Paul's. I've never been this happy in my life. He's in the bathroom taking a shit. :) it's all good.

and death shall have no domination.

[06 Jul 2004|03:17pm]
i honestly dont know why i update this...no one reads it.
and death shall have no domination.

[06 Jul 2004|03:07pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | too depressed for any noise ]

i'm not exactly sure what happend..
last night paul told me how much going out with me makes him stressed out and how he wants his nightlife back..then we didnt talk at all the rest of the night so i went to sleep supersad and this morning he asked if i hated him yet and i told him that i didnt..
we talked awhile online and then he got off, then i got off
he called me and i was still sad, i mean how can i not be sad for what he told me last night and he said "if you dont change your attitude i'm considering myself single".. that made me just pissed off so now i'm sad and pissed off so.. you can guess the rest of the story.. but i want to know what the fuck i've been doing.

i cant live without him. i miss him so much. :*(

and death shall have no domination.

[05 Jul 2004|07:58pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

i'm really confused.. about everything. i know what i want. i dont think he knows though. -sigh- i want everything to be normal. i want to not worry about anything and have a wonderful summer like you're supposed to have.

fuck.

and death shall have no domination.

in north carolina [04 Jul 2004|06:29pm]
[ mood | tired ]

A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road...

Girl: Slow down. Im scared.
Guy: No this is fun.
Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
*Girl hugs him*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? Its bugging me.

(In the paper the next day):

A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it, but only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his breaks were broken, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him and felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.






when i read that i thought it was really sweet.. sounds like paul :). i'm getting drunk again tonight!!!!! hell yeahhhhhhh

and death shall have no domination.

only a little .. disappointment wont hurt anyone. [30 Jun 2004|06:29pm]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | Radio still sucks- The Ataris. ]

I have so much to tell paul but i know he'll never understand any of it. It's not really that i can't explain it to him, it's that it can't come out. I have a really hard time talking to people about important stuff but with him, it's the worst. I really want him to know everything though. All i really want is the best for paul,and i think him giving me up would be the best thing. He's always stressed out and i know that most of it is because of me. I want to give him what he needs.. and that's space. I'm the type of person that needs someone at all times or goes into deep depression.. yeah, it is gay.. tell me about it. The last thing in the world i want is a break but i have a feeling that's what he needs.. atleast until he gets straight with college and his family and friends .. he doesn't need me to be holding him back from all of that, and this is why i'm always down. I don't exactly want him to read this so if you ask my why i'm writing this, i'll tell you that i have no clue.

It's raining again, i wonder why. Ok well i'm gonna work on my layout now so i can have a picture for my icon AND one for my backround, it wont work though.

and death shall have no domination.

[28 Jun 2004|02:28pm]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | neverender ]

PAST
1.When were you born: 1989
2. Where were you born: texas
3. What was your second grade teacher's name: hmm.. i didnt like her but she had red hair.
4. What was your first pets name and what was it: probably a fish and i dont know

5. What was your worst accident (medical): um.. probably when i got bit by a dog

6. What was your favorite cartoon: um.. not really into tv, never have been

7. Who was your first best friend: i dont know

8. When was the first time you ever went on a plane: when my dad went to japan so we went to minnesota (i was 2)

9. Who was your first girl/boy friend: a guy named tyler that stole my spice girls cd..back in 4th grade..hahaha

10. What was your favorite song when you were in the 5th grade:probably something really dumb

11. What was your favorite movie in the 2nd grade: eh.... no clue

12. What did you want to be when you grew up: a brain surgeon(sp) hahah yeah.. thats the reason i'll never be one

13. What used to be your favorite color: pink then blue because i HATED pink

14. What was your favorite subject: art

15. Did you ever wet your pants at school: hehehehe mayyyybe.. nah.

16. Did you ever get sent to the principal: haha probably for something stupid

17. Did you ever steal anything: me? .. never

18. What was your worst fear: having no friends.. look where i am now

19. What was your favorite toy: my "puffy" my grandma bought me when i was born, i wouldn't let my parents get me a new one..and it was falling apart.. i liked to put the tag in my eye

20. Did you ever suck your thumb: no


PRESENT
21. What time is it: 2:33
22. What's the date: 6/28/04

23. Who is your best friend: paul and rachael
24. What is your favorite movie: pirates of the carribean

25. (no Question): stupid people

26. Do you have any pets: 2 dogs, 3 cats, a lizard, a sugar glider, salt water fish, a rabbit

27. If so what are their names: dylan, chelsea, james, jake, casey, jade, calvin, dont name fish, snickers

28. What color of hair do you have: brown/red with blonde chunks only in the front

29. What color of eyes do you have: green

30. music do you listen to: what the fuck i like. yeah bitch.

31. Do you still watch cartoons: if i watch tv

32. What is your favorite t.v. show: anything on TLC

33. Do you go online often: yes

34. What's your worst fear: um. ntohing special

35. What's your favorite color: black

36. What state do you live in: VA

37. Do you have a b/f or g/f: yes, robert paul bennis :):)

38. What's your favorite type of food: fried chicken sandwiches

39. Do you drive: no

40. What do you want to be when you grow up: a beautition, a photographer, to own a store.. i've got a while to figure out which one..hah.

41. Do you want to go to college: no

42. Want to get married: yeah

43. If so at what age...if not why: if i could, i would now, but when i get out of college

44. Do you want to have kids: yeah

45. If you don't drive what kind of car do you want..? a corvette

46. At what age do you think you'll live to be: what the fuck?

47. Where do you want to live when you're 25?: new york

48. What movie do you want to see next Saturday night: spiderman 2

49. Do you think you will have to wear depends (old fart underwear): i do now

50. What time do you think you will go to bed when you're 70 (if you plan to live that long): never

51. Do you think you will live that long: of course.. i plan to never die

52. Do you think everyone will be jealous of you at your 10th high school reunion: hell no

53. Do you want to be president of the USA: oh yes, of course

54. Do you want to walk on the moon: no

55. Do you want to be famous: hell no

56. What kind of housing do you want to live in: what makes me happy

57. What color do you think your hair will be when you're 50: gray

58. Do you think you will still have the same personality when you're 60: of course.

>>what a fucking weird quiz... oh well.

and death shall have no domination.

so far. [28 Jun 2004|11:57am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

sooo my mom left for hawaii on thursday and my dad was already down there so that means no parents.. only being "watched" by mike, if thats what you want to call it.
Paul came over at 8:00 thursday morning to wake me up :) and we went to busch gardens then when we got back we went in my hot tub then went over to his pool with matt and then matt left and we ordered pizza..then we went back to my house and we watched movies until we fell asleep then mike came home from wherever he had been.
on friday we woke up and i dont think we really did anything that day except later on i went over to "rachaels" .. yeah..it was fun.
saturday tacobell then i felt the urge to sleep all fucking day long. it was great. we watched the first two harry potters and then went to the third one..paul went home and i was sick so he came back over to my house
sunday.. cleaned the house and went to busch gardens later on then got home at 12 and talked to paul on the phone until i fell asleep.
today probably wont be eventful. its ok.
i just saw both my brothers walk in with condoms. i wouldnt be suprised if they were using them together.
later on.

and death shall have no domination.

[27 Jun 2004|04:13pm]
[ mood | cranky ]
[ music | the washing machine ]

well.. hmm.. its been interesting. no parents, been great. can't remember shit.

and death shall have no domination.

[22 Jun 2004|04:11pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

i fucking hate excuses. i love what my brother is telling me to do .. the only reason he's talking like this is because he's super drunk. We're about to go rent movies.. yeah, hope he isn't TOO drunk. yeah right.

1 - and death shall have no domination.

[21 Jun 2004|12:26pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

bitch.

2 - and death shall have no domination.

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