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Friday, May 21st, 2004

(reckless abandonment)

Subject:j
Time:11:14 am.
l;k'

Friday, February 27th, 2004

(reckless abandonment)

Time:7:16 pm.
blah. blurty sucks.

Monday, December 15th, 2003

(reckless abandonment)

Time:8:39 pm.
Mood: creative.
Music:x. hush my dear lie stilll and slumber .x.
i have switched to LJ. expect no more updates here.
my new address is.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/she_drops_it

check it out now
and may i say,
this has been a lovely blurty experience
<3s eternally,
briana

Thursday, December 11th, 2003

(2 wish they had never experienced s | reckless abandonment)

Subject:I DID IT
Time:5:09 pm.
Mood: awake.
Music:x. days of finer things .x YAYA.
HARK HARK HARK
i hast awakened from the dark,
for today in ONE HOUR. i completed (COMPLETED. AS IN ABSOLUTELY FINISHED) my first song. YAYS!
i am so happy and proud. hoorah. here it is, complete.

DAYS OF FINER THINGS
VERSE 1
and what it all boils down to
nothing left except the broken bones
and faded memories
im gonna walk myself down the aisle
the space cant keep me away
from the days of finer things

CHORUS
im reading your note for the forty second time
and all that i can do is observe the way you dot your i's
nothing i read's making sense to me
the veins in my head are exploding
the days of finer things

VERSE 2
im burning the pieces of times that unfold
in my head in my heart
and i hope that youre always alone
or better off, buried.
so then at least maybe
i'll sense your prescence as i walk down the aisle
its the only way you'll ever get there
on time.

CHORUS x2

BRIDGE
and never have i learned
in my few days on earth
its best to milk your love for all they're worth.
and never have i learned
in my few days on earth
its best to milk your love for all theyre fucking worth.

VERSE 3
i miss you like the flowers miss the rain
and the lovers miss the pain
and its worse to know nothing
than for nothing to know you.
im forever with nothing

at least you could make it,
if only in my dreams.


YAY. i may go play tonight at the orch. concert but who knows. and who cares? i HAVE A FULL AND READY TO PERFORM SONG! and i like it! yay.
heart,
if i sing you are my voice,
briana

(reckless abandonment)

Subject:because i want you to be filled in...
Time:12:25 pm.
Mood: uncomfortable.
Music:x. JOSH GROBAN .x.
hey, i stayed home today nah nah nah BOO BOO.
and i just ate a strawberry freakin twizzler. ooo. what now!
sorry. i also just sent bradley the email to break the hearts of millions.
let me show you what he wrote me, and what i wrote in response.
i think it did a lovely job of stating exactly what i feel.
(btw i love you my josephstreet and i miss you muchos much! you shoulda skipped and come over. my moms not home, oh baby oh baby. har har)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey Bri,
First off...happy birthday! I wish I could say that with more excitement, but i'm still mad at myself for having forgot. I can't make an excuse, because I have none. I just forgot my best friend's birthday. That's all there is to it. Briana, know that I love you and I hope that that day was wonderful for you. I'm terribley sorry that I didn't even say a word to you that day. I'm practically beating myself up over it right now. Bri, what's happening to our friendship? Yeah, we never see each other anymore, we have no classes together or anything....but our friendship is supposed to be able to last through that, am i right? Maybe you haven't noticed, but we haven't spoken a word to each other in probably like 2 weeks. It's no one's fault, because it takes two people to not say "hey"....i'm just as guilty as the next person. Maybe it's cause i feel like i don't know you anymore. It's like we are totally different people. We used to have sooooo many common interests. BUT again, our friendship is supposed to look past that. And I think it can. I just want to get to know you again, because that's what I feel I should do. I wanna know your thoughts on this. Do you feel the same way? Maybe you think nothing is wrong at all? But this is just what I've been thinking about....not trying to be sappy...I've just really put a lot of thought into this and I wanted to share this with you. I love you sis, more than you know. God bless
In Christ,
Bradley
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
bradley:
in response to your email...
it bothers me little or none at all that you forgot my birthday its really not that big of a deal and truthfully i didnt expect you to remember. so theres no problem there. and i must say i dont believe i have changed at all except perhaps to expand my interests to include things such as guitar and a "new wardrobe"; things which may possibly cause one to label me different from who i used to be, a fact i find truly saddening. i am still me, believe it or not, although i have grown stronger and less susceptible to place myself in situations which may, in one way or other, cause me pain. and thats partially the reason i believe we have grown apart. and i will try to say this with an entirely unbiased mind, and with no intent of being rude or asking you to change. please understand that. but i personally have been let down more times than i care to admit, mostly by feeling as if i was just the leftover who would always be there when everybody else left. and its perfectly okay and i am not asking you to change AT ALL. because we have already been through this and im sorry but nothing
changed in the long run. i know youre happy with who you are and i am happy with who i am and it is clear to see where both of our priorites lay which, apparently, is not in eachother. and thats perfectly alright because as time passes, people change. and basically the point of this is that as much as perhaps a part of me is absolutely dying for our friendship to be the way it once was, the new part of me that has to look out for me (so to speak) can't allow it. so i guess what im trying to say is that for right now i just cant bring myself back into our friendship, and i hope you can understand why. and maybe sometime later, things will work out. but right now i just cant place myself back in the situation which has brought me so much, good and bad. and im sorry if that disappoints you, but for some reason, i have the sinking feeling it really wont.

if i sing you are my voice,
briana

ps. and by no means whatsoever am i asking you to change yourself, because you cant. and i dont want to be selfish and ask you to drop everything and carve a giant sign that says bradley + briana = best friends, because that would be unreasonable. but in a sense, thats what i want. its just me i suppose, not you at all. so please dont change. and sorry if this sounded rude or angry, i am just trying to state my feelings as calmly and simply as i can.
thank you for your time, it meant so much to me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
well i did what i was told, by all common sense and everything in my head. so you cant diss gut feelings and before you think im rude, get the whole story first. IM me sometime. or comment, nothing more relaxing than sharing my horrible past. har.

if i sing you are my voice,
briana

Wednesday, December 10th, 2003

(reckless abandonment)

Subject:gar...again
Time:9:02 pm.
Mood: nostalgic.
Music:x. iris .x.
hello
i am cold and shaky and i think i am getting re-sick
i might not come to school tomorrow, i can afford the absence and my mom doesnt want me to go
and lower my resistance or w/e.
so i might now come. ha. ha.
i will miss everyone though and EVERYONE must be on tomorrow night if you care at all so i can talk to you
(if i dont come to school, that is)
i have this kind of weird feeling right now, my vein in my right wrist is like, twitching
and bradley just sent me an email saying he wants to be friends again
but truthfully, i dont think ill respond
i dont know why exactly its too hard to explain
and, yes, i sneezed the sneeze that has been building up since 2nd block.
i feel really weird right now, and really guilty
but at the same time, its like i dont really want to be friends with him again,
and i dont exactly know why,
maybe its cause im so freakin used to getting hurt by him,
by being his friend and then having him ditch me for jennie&co
and then me getting mad, and then him coming back to me
and the cycle repeating
and i just really dont feel like setting myself up for injury again
..i feel a song coming on..
i mean when we were friends it was pretty cool i guess
when i liked him it was absolutely terrible
and we havent technically been real friends since like 8th grade.
gar.
its kind of actually really sad and painful because we had such a great friendship.
but i just wish he had never met jennie or any of his other girls
and we could be REAL best friends like we used to be
and i wasnt just the person who would always stand by him when everyone else left.
and i never deserted him when he laughed like a walrus or spit out his food
and i never left him for anyone, but oh well.
so goeth life.
and josephstreet looks ______ ^)@#_&($_@98304-2 with wet hair.
the end.

and if i sing you are my voice,
briana

and i love joseph mcdaniel street more than anyone has ever loved me and more than i will ever love anyone. except josephstreet. wait, what? nevermind.
I LOVE JOSEPH.
1325.

(4 wish they had never experienced s | reckless abandonment)

Subject:how do i go on without you?
Time:7:55 pm.
Mood: mellow.
Music:x. josh groban .x.
h-e-l-l-o

ley me describe my day, s'il vous plait.
pre-school (har): sick, almost didnt go to school, hung out with josephstreet, erika, and travis un peu.
1 block: did nothing. really. watched a 2-minute-long senseless play, and wrote notes to joseph and cat.
2 block: took a major quiz, think i got a C on it or so but i had a B average at interims with a 25 major quiz grade, so anything will pull it up lol. har har har. amanda gave me a hug that made me feel better. yay.
3 block: orchestra, gay and boring.
lunch: went to librarie to work on PSDM, talked to david some and ate my peanut m&ms.
3 block: boring and sleepy, watched antigone and went to water fountain...and happened to see josephstreet on my way there. whatta coincidence. ;).
4 block: french, think i aced a quiz...with help...i should be condemned. did our role play thing, gay as usual, i feel bad for ms sefarian but she needs to be more assertive with our class. oh well, diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks. POX. L'AUTOBUS.
after school: went in search of lindseys car in the freakin pouring rain and didnt find it, again. so i am still guitar-case less. gar. but it was fun more or less to get soaking wet with my josephstreet who, may i add, looks hella good while wet. ;). :x. hehe.
then things start to go downhill.

fatz cafe: its my dads birthday celebration and he notices my arm. "whats that?" asks dad. "uh nothing" say i. "doesnt look like nothing." "i did it to show everyone how much i love myself and how selfish i am." .
ROLLS ARRIVE. briana: (reaches for roll, hungrily). alex (reaches for roll, hungrily) chandler (reaches for roll, hungrily). mom: briana, why didnt you let dad have his roll? its HIS birthday. briana: sorry, dad, do you want some roll? mom: its too late now... briana: OKAY im SORRY does ANYONE want this UNTOUCHED roll. mom: you want some car keys? (in case you dont know, i told my mom i cut my arm with car keys the day she called me selfish) briana: (sarcastically, angrily) no, thanks. but hey, this knife will do just fine (reaches for knife and aims it at wrist) mom: briana! stop briana: well, sorry i just wanted to save you the trouble of reaching for the car keys. i aim to please, anyway. dad: can we please stop this crisis! its not my fault shes making a scene over this and bringing MORE attention to herself. briana: can i be excused? can I BE EXCUSED? (exit briana to the bathroom). (briana return to table) briana: (sits silently in little ball, picks arm and causes bruises and blood. doesnt look at anyone, eats slowly.)

gar. so goes my teenage emo angst of sadness. wah me. but i dont think anyone knows how annoying and painful it is. *see previous rants on "selfishness". well joseph just called from church to add about 2 minutes of happiness to my life. yay. i have officially made a decision to list all 9 friends and tell why i love them. if i get a new friend somehow, he/she will be added to the list in years to come. in no particular order...
ERIKA JORDAN BURKS (erika j burks): funny, fun to be around, lots of good inside jokes, understands me and my guy situation becuase she is in the exact same one (having a boyfriend too sweet to deal with, lol) best friends since young years, lots of memories together, always have fun, and can tell her most anything.
JOSEPH STREET: any explanation needed? understanding, caring, sweet, funny, fun to be around, lots of great times, totally on my radio station so to speak, sensitive and makes things feel better even when they hurt. and by the way he's incredibly sweet, good-looking, and good in bed. (just kidding about the last one, obviously lol)
LAURA DENNEY: my friend for like, ever! funny, fun, understanding, come up with lots of silly inside jokes, good to talk to about serious stuff, can talk to about orchestra stuff and chairs/people who are 1st chair cello who annoy us...etc.
AMANDA HARMON (amy): i believe the funniest person i know, so many good inside jokes, POXariffic, good to talk to about orchestra stuff and the future, always cheers me up, good to be around when im sad or angry.
AMANDA LAX: funny kid, understanding, caring, always brightens my day and makes me laugh at random times, just an all around good friend (#4 of the 9 lol)
TRAVIS GRIGGS: havent known him that long but he's quite silly and fun to be around, from what i hear (lol) he's really sweet, and dude. he introduced me to green gatorade. gar. and "hippopotomas" the only inside joke to last for 3 years! rock it, yo!
CATHERINE COKER: funny, good to talk to when im feeling lonely, caring, good listener, good and faithful note-writer, good to talk to about youth chorale and while we're in youth chorale. heh heh.
MACKENZIE WARREN: possibly the niceset person i know, good to be around when im craving airheads *\o/*, encouraging and caring, understanding and a barrell of laughs. harhar.
JOSH ADAMS: another one of the funniest people i know, very random, good taste in music, and definitely makes drama more interesting for me hehe. sort of slow to pick up on emotions, but still a great kid. (and hes a SE-NIOR. oo hoo what now?)
MORGAN PADGETT: silly and really nice when she feels like it, easy to talk to on the phone and off, really sweet and caring (at times...) lol. good to talk to about guys and stuff of the such.
LINDSEY MAXWELL: easy to talk to, caring, GIVING (lol), and quite a funny kid and hilarious in french lol hehe

hey i actually think thats 10 friends, and i feel like im forgetting some people. gar.
dude, i am so popular it burns. haha
not really

if i sing you are my voice
briana

Tuesday, December 9th, 2003

(4 wish they had never experienced s | reckless abandonment)

Subject:gar
Time:8:44 pm.
Mood: lonely.
Music:x. angel .x sarah machlachlan.
if one more person tells me that i look like the person in my icon i think i will die.
gar, its obviously not me, although whoever she be-est is pretty and i wish it was
but alas.
grief dost consume you like a hug.
its really annoying, i want religion but yet *gar the room is tipping again*
i cant find any anywhere
i suppose i do wish to be a christian but GAR it is terribly hard
especially when your ex-mentors are nothing but sumbeach (hehe) hypocrites,
and i suppose everyone is but why does it all have to fall apart at once?
oh jesus there goes a cockroach.
and i sleep on the floor, durnit.
i want somebody to talk to right now and the only person on is selah.
gar.
i dont know what i want to talk about, anything really.
i feel so lonely all of a sudden
and unloved and stupid
*stupid teenage hormones*
and deserted
and i wish somebody,anybody would PLEASE get on or take off their away message
i havent talked to anyone all day except my family.
i want to talk about life, i want to talk about love, i want to talk about school,
i want to talk about food,
and whoever gets online next i will speak to like woah
their little ears will be freakin blown off
(internet wise that is)
why am i so lonely all of a sudden?
and why am i scared that something bad is about to happen?
and why am i so rude and bitchy?
and why dont i have any friends (except 9)?
and why does everyone fade away?
and why am i not afraid of commitment?
and why am i so moody?
and why cant anything stay the same?
and why cant we all take vacations?
and why am i so contradictory?
and why doesnt anyone want to talk to me?
and why cant i get over this writers block?
and why am i so sensitive?
and why wont anyone get on?
and why am i proud of who i am but at the same time SO DAMN LONELY all the time?
and why cant i make friends and keep them?
have i changed?
i miss my old friends, and i hate fighting with them
and i hate never making up even when i dont know what i did wrong
and why are there only 10 people on my buddy list?
i want to be who i am but why am i hated for it?
i hate to break down like this, but i am really curious.
i want to be able to say whatever i want and not lose people over it,
i need a sleepover and a hug or 12
why do i care so much?
what is love these days?
WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE GET ONLINE?
i miss everyone so much
i have lost so many people and right now it totally feels like my fault
i cant help being who i am and i love my 9 friends so much but
whatever happened to all my ex-best-friends and even just my good friends
and why is there still a wall no matter what
and when will things ever go back to how they used to be?
and why will nobody comment on this blurty, ever?
and why cant i stop saying "like"?
and why do i have this sinking feeling?
why arent i more intelligent
why cant i be interesting and outgoing
why am i so quiet and vapid and dull
i used to like me but now i feel repulsed at the very thought of myself
i have something wrong with me and i just cant see what it is.
so basically as a start,
i dont care about losing friends until moments like these when i only have 10 people i can talk to and none of them are around.
so as a start to ammending what is broken i am sorry for offending anyone with
my poser speech that got me suspended.
i didnt mean to hurt anyone i was just trying to state my feelings
and im not taking back what i said
im just saying sorry for all that i did to offend.
hopefully some friendships can be resolved,
now only 8888977 to go.
i want someone to talk to me and say that i am their best friend EVER and not just their sidekick and to carve our names into something hard and write "briana and ______ best friends forever".
i am such a loser and i am nobodys best friend,
too bad thats all i ever wanted

if i sing you are my voice,
briana

(reckless abandonment)

Subject:wise words of e.e.
Time:8:37 pm.
Mood:annoyed/accomplished.
Music:x. never say it again .x.
not that i am in this position but as for males in general, the one (or maybe one of 2) man/men who despise their gender, mr edward estlin cummings, my hero.

the boys i mean are not refined (44)
the boys i mean are not refined
they go with girls who buck and bite
they do not give a fuck for luck
they hump them thirteen times a night

one hangs a hat upon her tit
one carves a cross on her behind
they do not give a shit for wit
the boys i mean are not refined

they come with girls who bite and buck
who cannot read and cannot write
who laugh like they would fall apart
and masturbate with dynamite

the boys i mean are not refined
they cannot chat of that and this
they do not give a fart for art
they kill like you would take a piss

they speak whatever's on their mind
they do whatever's in their pants
the boys i mean are not refined
they shake the mountains when they dance

speaketh he the truth, no? for males in general, i speak of course. i think i will post some more e.e. on here

hate blows a bubble of despair into
hugeness world system universe and bang
-fear buries a tomorrow under woe
and up comes yesterday most green and young

pleasure and pain are merely surfaces
(one itself showing,itself hiding one)
life's only and true value neither is
love makes the little thickness of the coin

comes here a man would have from madame death
nevertheless now and without winter spring?
she'll spin that spirit her own fingers with
and give him nothing (if he should not sing)

how much more than enough for both of us
darling. And if i sing you are my voice,

dOOd how beautiful is that, if i sing you are my voice?
gar. he's a genius.
thats gonna be my new *goodbye*
so,

if i sing you are my voice,
briana

(1 wish they had never experienced | reckless abandonment)

Subject:cough cough SNEEZE cough
Time:10:46 am.
Mood: sick.
Music:x. marching parade .x the storming friday.
i am sick.
wah.
i was up for 3 hours last night cause my freakin sinus headache didnt want to go away.
i hate it when other people are angry or sad, especially those that i truly care about
because then it rubs off on me and it makes me sad/"depressed."
like mr b.
and my beloved josephstreet.
gar.
well anyways, i am looking forward to an absolutely nothing-filled day. and no one reads this anyway.
livejournal sucks.
im smarter than the average bear,
and yesterday was the weirdest day i have had in a while.
watching dawsons creek, i hope my mom will bring home a cheeseburger
we get upstairs carpet installed today
damn writers block.
i send in my SCGSAH app. soon, keep me in your prayer-like meditations
religion has losto all meaning to me,
christianity is just too hard to believe anymore
maybe one day i will go back to it
but i feel so lost now, religion wise.
i just dont know anymore.
anyone have any consolation?

i do what i can,
briana

Monday, December 8th, 2003

(reckless abandonment)

Subject:lyrics
Time:5:30 pm.
Mood: numb.
Music:x. invisible .x clay aiken.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase


When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I hold your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase


When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I hold your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along


When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me







Song: The distance
Band: Evan And Jaron
Album: Various songs / Unsorted

The sky has lost its color
The sun has turned to gray
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever you're away

I crawl up in a corner
As I watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time when you'll be back
You're coming back

Chorus
I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time until the next time I see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That I can't take a breath without seeing your name
I can barave a hurricane
and still be standing tall
when all the dust has settled down
But I can't take the distance

I still believe in feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
Not nearly close enough
Chorus (2x)

Evan and Jaron

Outerspace
it's lonely here in outerspace
the nearest stars are miles away
but I believe I'm on to something big
i've only come to not be found
to circle high above the ground
and watch everyone else for a change
don't you ever wish you'd never
don't you wonder if your face might shine
without the pies of lies
to all the girls who wish to be
immortalized in fantasy
i wrote this song for you and not for me
i'm the senator of a lonely state
too far gone I've sealed my fate
i'm so tired of being blown out with the cause
don't you ever wish you'd met her
don't you wonder if your face might shine
without the pies of lies
i've arrived
i'm doing well
quite a view from the top
though it is cold as hell
i've arrived
and it's hard to tell
the bright lights from the starlights
and the canyons from the hills

Ready or Not

there was nothing down in my little town
no one I could be
nobody there in the empty square
soon to include me
so I borrowed myself a stolen van
and I got myself to where I am
i made my escape while no one watched
and inside my head I had just one thought
it was freedom that I wanted
freedom that I got
ready or not
it's another world that I find me in
i think someone stole the van
and the people here are like aliens
and I don't know what I am
and the pretty pretty girls I thought I could trust
have taken everything but my bad luck
now I'm not so bad and I'm not so hot
i said I don't care but I cared a lot
it was changes that I wanted
changes that I got
ready or not
now I'm not so radical as I thought
i said I don't care but I cared a lot
it was freedom that I wanted
freedom that I got
ready or not

Crazy For This Girl

she rolls the window down
and she talks over the sound
of the cars that pass us by
and i don't know why
but she's changed my mind
would you look at her as she looks at me
she's got me thinkin about her constantly
but she don't know how i feel
and as she carries on without a doubt
i wonder if she's figured out
i'm crazy for this girl
she was the one to hold me
the night the sky fell down
and what was i thinkin when
the world didn't end
why didn't i know what i know now
and right now
face to face all my fears
pushed aside and right now
i'm ready to spend
the rest of my life with you

Done Hanging On Maybe

last night i heard the sweetest words
but if i wasn't' drinking
i might have remembered more of what she said
there were sounds of promise
and shades of grace
i've been down and i've been waiting
here she comes here she comes
now another day has found me
and if i wasn't so stupid
i'd have ushered in the morning holding her tight
with sounds of promise
and shades of grace
i've been down and i've been waiting
here she comes here she comes
i'm done hanging on maybe
tonight i'll say the sweetest words
but if i'm not dreaming i might not remember
to say just what I mean
with sounds of promise
and shades of grace
i'm done hanging on maybe
i don't wanna go, she don't wanna go,
we don't need to go this time is ours tonight

The Distance

the sky has lost it's color
the sun has turned to grey
at least that's how it feels to me
whenever you're away
i crawl up in the corner
as i watch the minutes pass
each one brings me closer to
the time when you'll be back
you're coming back
i can't take the distance
i can't take the miles
i can't take the time
until the next time i see you smile
i can't take the distance
and i'm not ashamed
that i can't take a breath without saying your name
i can brave a hurricane
and still be standing tall when all the dust has settled down
but i can't take the distance
i still believe in feelings
but sometimes i feel too much
i make believe you're close to me
but it ain't close enough
not nearly close enough

Wouldn't It Be Nice To Be Proud

now i've found a little time
to take a look back
from the caboose
and follow the tracks of my life
they're tangled about lying true
and i know it's just me
and my point of view
but those are the
important two
i don't need to check with the crowd
wouldn't it be nice to be proud
a door was open
and into the night
i jumped through
and turned on the light
i started to see
thought it wasn't that bright
i saw a island sky
but it wasn't all blue
my answers weren't right
but i didn't wanna lose
so i'd put up a fight
and scream out loud
wouldn't it be nice to be proud
and when it all is clear
your time to repair disappears
taking with it chances left untried
i see my friend
huddled together
tryin to stay warm
in nasty weather
we'd beat the odds
whenever they'd call
and all the jokes
i played on my friends
never did get
me in the end
i guess i was
given more than allowed
wouldn't it be nice to be proud

Pick Up The Phone

sorry to call you in the middle of the night
but my thoughts have kept me thinking about some things in my life
i got your number from a friend who told me
that it'd be all right to call you if i ever need
someone to show me things in a different light
and let me choose what's wrong and what's right
please pick up the phone
i need to talk, i know you're at home
if you're screening your calls
i know you're busy and i won't keep you long
if you know everything that happens to me
why do i have to ask you for things that i need
what about people who don't even call
'cause they don't have the number, do you help them at all?
will you show me things in a different light
and let me choose what's wrong and what's right
well, I've moved away and I'm out on my own
do you ever get lonely living alone?
can we just talk about it
won't you pick up the phone
every night I sit and stare
at the wall in front of my face imagining you're there
talking back to me so that everyone can see
that i'm not so crazy after all

From My Head To My Heart

once again i just can't get it straight
wondering if wandering is my fate
but don't lose hope in me quite yet
'cause help must be on the way, any day
from my head to my heart
can't seem to find a way they're so far apart
it's not you, it's not your fault
you've got everything i could ever want
and you've always understood my intentions are good
and we've been so close from the start
but the furthest distance i've ever known is
from my head to my heart
i feel the distance standing here next to you
i don't want to keep you waiting, but i've been waiting too
some day if i get there and you still want me too
we can see it through
from my head to my heart
can't seem to find a way they're so far apart
it's not you, you've got everything i could ever want
and you've always understood my intentions are good
and we've been so close from the start
but the furthest distance i've ever known is
from my head to my heart

On The Bus

you ought to know by now that i don't wait around
drag my heels hold my breath and hang out underground
you think i think too much, i think we'll wait and see
from here to there i'll take a piece of all that's in between
never say never and don't wait forever
it's an open mind that sees that now is the time
to take a chance, take a shot, take control of the situation
i can't stand around here telling you
about the things i've done and what i got to do
so are you on the bus or not,
cause we're leaving the station
don't leave yourself behind and don't get in the way
tomorrow's coming fast to take away today
you say i want too much, but i want you to see
that if you want to come with me, you're going to have to leave

You Don't Know Me

i run these stories through my head
of her coming home
and us just staring at each other
and we'll both know
yeah we'll both know
and i won't care
that she took me through a maze
and left me there for days
until she made
her mind to go away
you'd think i'd know by now
you'd think i'd wash this down
did you think i'd hurt her now
just to heal my heart
then you don't know me
you don't know me
and she don't owe me anything
i'd love to think that she
was out to hurt me
and given the facts
still maybe we
we could you know, we could try again
but she didn't mean the harm she put me through
and i could never go to her and trust
that she would ever care
if time is all it takes than i've got plenty of that
plenty of that, and i'm a better man
for all the time it takes

Make It Better

i don't know what's happening to me
i can't remember things i used to believe
i caught myself just the other day
stealing color from words and leaving them gray
Yeah, i've fallen down a time or two
but no one was looking so i'm not telling you
i've got to make it better, make it all right
got to find me a ladder to reach the light
got to move to the exit, single file line
before the fire spreads to my head and burns my mind
it's been real but it's time to go home
time to change back to the clothes that i own
i could use some heavier shoes
to ground me in feelings i don't want to lose
and all this time, i never knew
that it ever meant anything to you

I Could Fall

nobody could hurt me like i know she could hurt me
but there's nothing in this world that i want more
nobody could take me to the places that she takes me
places that i've never been before
with my eyes wide open knowing full well
i could fall from heaven
i could fall from heaven
i could fall i could brake that's the chance that i take
i could fall
look at me I'm flying, just a breath away from dying
holding on to her and letting go
as i walk across this wire above a lake of fire
and lean into the wind that starts to blow
with my eyes wide open knowing full well
do i hide my heart? do i lock my door?
do i tear it out so it don't feel no more?
no, i risk it all knowing that i could fall from heaven
i could fall from heaven
i could fall
i could fall
i could fall
i could fall
fall, fall

Sunday, December 7th, 2003

(reckless abandonment)

Subject:MEANING...
Time:3:31 pm.
Mood: artistic.
Main Entry: ca·thar·sis
Pronunciation: k&-'thär-s&s
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural ca·thar·ses /-"sEz/
Etymology: New Latin, from Greek katharsis, from kathairein to cleanse, purge, from katharos
Date: circa 1775
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

(reckless abandonment)

Subject:iim ba-ack
Time:2:53 pm.
Mood: artistic.
Music:x.existentialism on prom night.x.
hey-yo

lets see.
since i dont feel like telling about the trip, i wont in great detail.
had a good time, totally. i didnt even cry at the funeral i was proud.
the trip didnt even take that long and it was 5 freakin hours.woo.
there was snow on the ground so it was totally freezing but i got to show off my cool jacket. muaha.
and wow i met the most INTERESTING and INTELLIGENT person i have ever met in my life (except maybe mr. b)
im not quite sure how she's related to me, shes like 50-something and has a different last name...but she's in my family somehow..
anyway.
she is a freakin billionaire. no lie. (what is it with me and the rich relatives).
she has a phD in like 4 things. shes traveled the world. shes a lesbian (not that i like that, but its so interesting i guess). she lives in an old monastery on 400 acres. she speaks so eloquently about everything. she taught at COLUMBIA and has connections.
dude!! it was so cool we were at dinner last night and she was talking about this and that sooo...awesome-ly. i guess. i mean she knew about everything and everywhere and was just so cooL! and shes going to be my "mentor/sponsor" (and dude. just think. shes a billionaire. she went to CU. and she "has connections". dude. just think about it.) and we talked about big issues that i dont really talk about with anybody else like school curriculum, the downfalls of public education, anti-censorship, and just ! it was so cool. sorry. i love interesting people! yay.
and dinner was great, but it cost $330 freakin dollars! it was for 12 people and my great-grandad's estate paid for it. or somethign like that.
i had lemon pepper chicken, baked potato, and cheesecake, and a salad. and it was so ungreasy and so GOOD and i felt so intelligent and adult-like, last night was the best in my life. sorry its kind of hard to explain why. it just rocked. the little things, yo.
and i played my FENDER a lot. its so cool i want to cry. yay.
and i missed josephstreet a bunch. but im home now so YAY. i guess lol.
anyway to summarzie im totally glad i went on the trip, except for one incident when my great-aunt (who is VERY outspokeN) lectured me for being too quiet and how i was shy around adults and how she didnt understand a word i said to her yesterday. too bad i talked my EARS off to her (shy, eh? especially cause i like adults more than peers) and since i did, why didnt she SAY THEN that she couldnt understand me, that would have been a hell of a lot more polite. gar. it made me mad.
anyway.
i wrote something on the way home. thought you'd like to see it, cause. i dunno. i actually like it. the only problem is, i wrote it by randomly scrawling stuff down (it took 3 pages) and then selecting the better lines. so tell me waht you think of the unorganized song. (and by the way, im going to delete some of this stuff cause its too long. so its gonna be cut-and-paste from these stanzas). word up.
-briana-

CATHARSIS (and yes, i love that. its a release of emotions and entirely beautiful)

my story is laid out for you like a field of flowers
perfect for stepping on
and you always take advantage

i wanted to be someone whose life made a difference
well, i never got the chance
crying in the shadows of finer things
i never created my own

im listening to our song but i wish it wasnt
its amazing what music can do for your moods
i hate living by the memories
youve got me in your hold
but i dont wanna break free.

id give up eternity
for one last look into your eyes
ive never felt this way before
i hate it.
oh god i hate it.
can you promise me it'll never end?

what if life is just an illusion?
what if.
what if that night never ended?
hell, what i would do to be back in your arms
and where did i go wrong?

you cut me with your absence
your razor will drain me of whatever is wrong with me
i want to bleed for you
god, i want to hold you
once again,
can i be promised remembrance?

ill watch the full moon for catharsis
fighting the tears for dignity
ive always lost the battle
your name resounds in my head and
i cant keep this game face up for much longer
ill live you a lie
if youll sing me our song
these clouds never leave...

i dont want to peel away
ill wear the greasepaint in coast
i swear ill never tell
theyll never read this sad story
and neither will you
what am i, an inconveince?
another toy, a dirty bloodbath?

i want you to read me.

Friday, December 5th, 2003

(1 wish they had never experienced | reckless abandonment)

Subject:mommy mommy what to do...cried little johnny UNDER THE TABLE
Time:10:01 pm.
Mood: pleased.
Music:"society erotica" by me. gar..
hello
today was my BIRTHDAY yay.
it was pretty good and i dont feel like describing it all but basically it was fun,
i had good meals, tonight dinner at O U T B A C K
strawberry cheesecake...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
went to LCCS concert, catherine had a solo and as much as i hate to admit it,
she was REALLY good, she can go really high and still sound good
(but ha laura beat her in allstate and she didnt even MAKE allstate cello, and i BEAT her on one of the pieces.)
but yeah, kudos to ye olde good voice of catherine.
anyway. it was really good. i love to hear music, especially classical/choral.
im a nerd, slay me, my dear.
and oh yeah i got to wear my xexy dress today and yay i was so happy it looked really cool.
im so excited and in love with it. i will try to post pic-tures hehe jk.
(or am i???)
lol.
oh and by the way.
I GOT MY FENDER TELECASTER TODAY AND YOU DIDNT SO HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AND IT IS SO COOL AND I AM SO IN LOVE WITH IT AND ALL I NEED IS AN AMP TO GET MY LIFE STARTED (jk lol)

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003

(1 wish they had never experienced | reckless abandonment)

Subject:todays cool points go to...
Time:9:01 pm.
Mood:mad.
Music:okay so i believe you...brandnew.
and todays cool points go to...
ERIKA J BURKS
MY MOM
MRS FAULKNER
JOSEPHSTREET

and thats all. todays loser points go to...
SHANNON BARWICK
JOSEPHS PARENTS
MY DAD

gar. its hard to explain actually but ONCE A FREAKIN GAIN me and joseph got blamed for something we didnt do. and he had to go home because of it. and that freakin sucks freakin ass. ajsldk;falskjfk;sfjklajfl;ksjf. gar!!!!!!!!!!! why cant i spend my time with the one i love? why does everyone have to get all controversial over it??????????????????????????????????????????????????? WHAT THE HELL IS EVERYONES PROBLEM AS LONG AS WE ARENT HAVING MAD SEX IN THE FREAKIN BUSHES WHY CANT THEY JUST LEAVE US ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the only people who seem to comprehend this are erika, my mom, and mrs faulkner although she didnt really understand it she made me feel better by saying sincerely that she was sorry that this all had to happen. i just dont understand how people can be so gay. omg. gar. my mom is SOOOOOOO cool she said that she would call shannon tomorrow and tell her of
ff. for always unfairly getting on to me and my beloved. and she said that if it continues to be this way, she gives me and joseph full permission to skip church and go to books a million and that if josephs parents got mad that she would call them and talk some sense into them about how good our relationship is. so there, my mom rocks. the sheezy.
she wins the COOL POINT award, and society wins the LOSE POINT award.
love to joseph,
briana

Monday, December 1st, 2003

(1 wish they had never experienced | reckless abandonment)

Subject:checking
Time:7:05 pm.
you love me.

i am cool.

i am your faja.

peace love and apathy
briana

(reckless abandonment)

Subject:experiment
Time:6:42 pm.
Mood: cold.
Music:something by d/c.
i am experiening with html codes

i am writing to say hello

and that i hope you are enjoying your cookie

and if you would like some milk, please tell me

i like led zeppelin and shopping

and i love josephstreet

hopefully this HTML coding works

and hopefully we can go to the LCCS concert, my mom and i


i wish i had more money

i like to eat food

and i REALLY hope i can keep my dress


this is the second to last line


and joseph thinks im beautiful


aideu

(reckless abandonment)

Subject:self righteous and BEAUTIFUL in a dress
Time:6:27 pm.
Mood: anxious.
Music:..i swear.. all for one.
self righteous i am.
school SUCKED. duh. it was so boring, except for when i got to see my love.
and when amanda and i made a party list. hahahahaha
(4 days until my birthday and my FENDER TELECASTER).
garrios.
then i went shopping after school and *skipped* orchestra practice
and i got some pants, a belt, 2 shirts
and...
THE BEST DRESS IN THE WORLD!
it is so unbelievably pretty and it fits me perfectly,
its black and halter-top ish and ajskl;df
you cant understand.
not to brag or anything, but yeah. nothing ever looks good on me
and when it does-
:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
yay.
hoo-rah.
i saw josh at american eagle and talked for a while,
and thats about all that happened.
i was going to "have joseph buy" some pins for me, but yaeah.
i was too scurred.
argh.
anyway
i am feeling self-righteous because

I HAVE THE BEST BOYFRIEND IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE ENTIRE WORLD.
(IN CASE YOU ARENT AWARE OF THAT.)
HE IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
PERFECT (FOR ME) IN EVERY IMAGINABLE WAY. I WROTE A LIST WHEN I WAS YOUNGER ABOUT WHAT I WANTED MY FUTURE SIGNIFICANT-OTHER TO BE AND HE IS ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING! even the little stupid things that i wrote are absolutely joseph mcdaniel street! you dont understand how great it is to be dating him and how much more wonderful i feel ever since we started dating! and everything he says and does and is is just ABSO_FREAKIN_LUTELY WONDERFUL! so yeah, in case you cant tell i am in love with the most amazing person i know. i love you, dear pudgemuffin.


and p.s. all you skeptics, even the greatest couples got looked down upon on their 3 month anniversary (its just another teenage relationship sigh). and we are one of the (weirdest) greatest couples. and just so you know, ive been dating joseph since i started this blurty but before him i have only dated 2 other guys, IN MY LIFE. so im not some slut who runs around and's always with a guy (and for the wrong reasons) and im so glad i waited for

THE GAME!

au revoir,
would you like milk with that cookie?
briana

(reckless abandonment)

Subject:self righteous and BEAUTIFUL in a dress
Time:6:27 pm.
Mood: anxious.
Music:..i swear.. all for one.
self righteous i am.
school SUCKED. duh. it was so boring, except for when i got to see my love.
and when amanda and i made a party list. hahahahaha
(4 days until my birthday and my FENDER TELECASTER).
garrios.
then i went shopping after school and *skipped* orchestra practice
and i got some pants, a belt, 2 shirts
and...
THE BEST DRESS IN THE WORLD!
it is so unbelievably pretty and it fits me perfectly,
its black and halter-top ish and ajskl;df
you cant understand.
not to brag or anything, but yeah. nothing ever looks good on me
and when it does-
:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
yay.
hoo-rah.
i saw josh at american eagle and talked for a while,
and thats about all that happened.
i was going to "have joseph buy" some pins for me, but yaeah.
i was too scurred.
argh.
anyway
i am feeling self-righteous because

I HAVE THE BEST BOYFRIEND IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE ENTIRE WORLD.
(IN CASE YOU ARENT AWARE OF THAT.)
HE IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
PERFECT (FOR ME) IN EVERY IMAGINABLE WAY. I WROTE A LIST WHEN I WAS YOUNGER ABOUT WHAT I WANTED MY FUTURE SIGNIFICANT-OTHER TO BE AND HE IS ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING! even the little stupid things that i wrote are absolutely joseph mcdaniel street! you dont understand how great it is to be dating him and how much more wonderful i feel ever since we started dating! and everything he says and does and is is just ABSO_FREAKIN_LUTELY WONDERFUL! so yeah, in case you cant tell i am in love with the most amazing person i know. i love you, dear pudgemuffin.


and p.s. all you skeptics, even the greatest couples got looked down upon on their 3 month anniversary (its just another teenage relationship sigh). and we are one of the (weirdest) greatest couples. and just so you know, ive been dating joseph since i started this blurty but before him i have only dated 2 other guys, IN MY LIFE. so im not some slut who runs around and's always with a guy (and for the wrong reasons) and im so glad i waited for

THE GAME!

au revoir,
would you like milk with that cookie?
briana

Sunday, November 30th, 2003

(2 wish they had never experienced s | reckless abandonment)

Subject:read and comment
Time:9:20 pm.
Mood:love for josephstreet.
Music:none.
20/20 (song)

life's lessons can be learned in poetry
it seems discreet, the feeling that is mine
i watch your eyes as they close,
forever, to the wonder that could have been theirs

youre gonna get old
and sit around drinking lukewarm coffee
wearing glasses, though you've never seen so clearly in your life
the puzzled lens is cracked,
and crusty veins they pulse
apathetic, with no understanding of why they keep on surging.
and all that you can do is wonder your life away
wonder, whats always been missing?

they'll roll you home
in your wheelchair, and depression takes the form
of empty bones and balding scalp.
i can relate to you, but only in the missing something
two star crossed lovers who blatantly ignored their fate

its a lovely burial with flowers the color of your eyes
its just a shame your last words were
"i feel so incomplete"
if only you could see...
OPEN YOUR EYES.






apathetic scrawl (poem)

here we go, you whistled and we
start to turn and i smell the rosewood like its air.
i need you more than dogs cats and winter rain.
fallacies of life include emptiness and well-being
(those being one and the same), for
only when you are consciously aware can you feel and
only when you feel can you create.

feeling,
o what does it mean to feel?
(other than a rashy outbreak of emotion that steals the money from
your pocket on a bouquet of roses that worthlessly,
go unnoticed.
t
i
m
e

itself,is made of lollipop-juice and rattlesnakes,
bathrooms and bleeding orange suns.
i long for a better place than this where
i am not constricted to scrawled notes on
***COLLEGE RULED***
notebook paper.
and did you know, you feel when you're dead?




i could have imagined a better time for this so i guess i must be atheist.
oh no, i smile the thyme has come for lollygagging,
smiles sag with age, nobody smiles when they're born.
BABIES ENTER THE WORLD (CRYING
.,.because they sense how things wiLL come to pass.,.
and MIRACLES, they dont exist.
well maybe they do
i dont believe in nothing

but even if i did(n't) would i still be wrong.

love and more later,
briana
enjoy that cookie and i love joseph street

Blurty for *_CaThArSiS_*.

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