A stranger to a city the she used to know so well's Blurty

Time:

11:37 pm.

Bloody nose down to my throat...coughing up blood. Crying. Crying becuase i'm sad? Crying because saliva shouldn't taste like blood? Crying because i am a fucking women and it's that fucking time of the month?
Leaning over my toilet bowl trying to remember if you ever touched my hair or kissed my forehead. Trying to understand why you are so fucking mad when all i did was tell the truth. This is more than me..it's more than you. It's more than you. You never told me how you felt. How you wanted me. How you wished things could be. You never told me you were happy. Were you happy? Should i word like HAPPY be able to describe six months?
'Happy' wouldn't have been enough. Happy isn't wideenough to cover it all. Were you happy?
Oh, i forgot. You're always happy because you are YOU and nothing can go wrong. and everything is right because you have never been let down.

You have never had to sit up at night and wait for something. It's all there for you. It always was. Don't be mad because you aren't alway going to be the king. Don't fucking cry because your jokes aren't funny to me anymore.

I hated who i was becoming with you. I was always waiting. I would try hard to be everything for you. I was just waiting for you to tell me i was beautiful . I would wait for you to notice the look on my face that meant today was not a good one. I was waiting for you to ask why. Always. I was waiting for you to tell me anything that went on inside your head. I can't be that. I cant. I wish you understood. I wish you cared enough.

I dont fucking get it. How you can be so ruined over this...if you never even cared about me. If you dont care now.

and i fucked up along the way. More than you. More than both of us.

I'm sorry. because i did love you. At least that wasn't a lie.

words are hotter than flames. words are wetter than water

Time:

5:57 pm.

i love you much(most beautiful darling)

more than anyone on the earth and i
like you better than everything in the sky

-sunlight and singing welcome your coming

although winter may be everywhere
with such a silence and such a darkness
noone can quite begin to guess

(except my life)the true time of year-

and if what calls itself a world should have
the luck to hear such singing(or glimpse such
sunlight as will leap higher than high
through gayer than gayest someone's heart at your each

nearness)everyone certainly would(my
most beautiful darling)believe in nothing but love

- e.e. cummings

words are hotter than flames. words are wetter than water

Time:

11:32 am.

keeping secrets feels like prison.

I'm so fucked.

He hasn't said a word to me in 24 days. Never told me how he feels now that we are broken up. How do i know? How do i know how he feels about all this?

Can i...be with someone else?

What is this summer going to be like?

...it was never suposed to be like this.

words are hotter than flames. words are wetter than water

Subject:	what. the. fuck?
Time:	10:03 am.

New Jersey. It is so fucking lame.

So this morning i wake up at 7:16. Have no time to shower so i rush and get ready for school. i come downstairs only to learn...it is a snow day.

I see a few problems with that.

1) I look outside the window and there is absolutly NO snow. No flurrys, not even hail or rain.
2) it is fucking april 7th. it's been spring for like, 2 weeks.

yeah. I don't get it. So i hear around 12 is when its really going to hit us. I'll tell you. If we get a foot of snow and there is snow on the ground in May or something...i will jump. off something of great heights.

ugh.

words are hotter than flames. words are wetter than water

Time:

5:12 pm.

I just watchem Amelie. Alone in my house. No one watching with me, no one home. I am finding more joy (peace?) in solitude. I love being alone. Because...really...i'm not. I feel surrounded enough to be comfortable when i'm alone.

There is enough here for me. And people...people are overwhelming sometimes, you know? Maybe you dont know, but You do. I think. I hope.

I wish i could to to the library now and read Lolita. But...it's closed. That small library has fucked up hours. But that's okay. I feel like i need to make plans with that library, not just mosey in whenever i feel like it. There should be an agenda. I will make one. I like agendas.

School.
Walk home.
Library.
Come home.
Go on this machine.
Talk to people i care to talk to.
Don't talk to people i dont care to talk to.
Get off this machine.
Write. In a notebook. With a pen. Or a pencil, depending on the mood.
Letters never to be sent, poetry ...fiction and non.

It's what i should do that i usually don't. But i am going to stop that nasty habit.

1 i fight fire with words| words are hotter than flames. words are wetter than water

Time:

12:39 pm.

hey..pay attention to this!

National Dark Sky Week is a week during which everyone in the United States turns off outdoor lighting to temporarily reduce light pollution so we can step back for a moment and realize the wonder that our universe holds. NDSW will hopefully inspire us to use better lighting systems such that they emit only a small amount of light in the atmosphere. National Dark Sky Week was founded not only to reduce light pollution, but to connect with the night sky. It occurs from April 1st to April 8th 10pm to 12 am (ET & MT) and 9pm to 11pm (CT & PT).

words are hotter than flames. words are wetter than water

Blurty for A stranger to a city the she used to know so well.

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