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[29 Aug 2003|05:00pm] |
God, I don't know what to think anymore.
Ashton said that I'm half the reason he decided to go and slice himself. I wish that could be explained because I never did anything to him. I snapped off on him last night, I really shouldnt have. I'm a bitch I know. Things are just all climbing on my back at once now.. nothing can ever even itself out. either I'm carefree or got a shitload of issues to deal with. I wish I could just leave the people who betray me behind.
Vmas.. We didn't win anything, but they were fun none the less. Chris rock was fucking hilarious. I loved it. I was Pierres date too.
Jessi and Justin; you both need to deal with this, Jessi.. you should know that the press happens to say alot of shit. Jessi you should be able to deal with this, your a strong girl. I know you use to not ever give a shit when someone said something to you, just don't let the whole thing bother you. Keep those who really care about you close. You know who those people are.
Justin, dude.. just chill. Do the samething jessi should do. IGNORE IT. it will all blow over eventually.
Pierre. I love you. I feel like pulling my hair out and your there holding me up. Thank you for that.
Jen. I'm sorry for all the things your going through. Hope you know that I'm there for you. Even if I caused the whole thing. I'm sorry.
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[27 Aug 2003|09:00pm] |
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mood |
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As I promised this update is dedicated to Mandy<3
If mandy was a boogah, I would pick her. I love that girl shes so fun! If she wasn't married to Joel and I wasn't with Pie, I'd so turn lesbian and date her. LMFAO. Me and Her had too many good times. Like the Body Shots! And Strip Dancing. LMAO We bad. Shes the type of girl that when you're in dispair, she'll save you. Have you ever seen the Princess and the Goblins? Well shes like that grandmother who always helps the princess find her way home .. no mandy im not calling you old. Shes always will find a way to help you or Brighten up your day. I wish I could be just like her<33 I hope she knows, that I'ma always be there for her; so this is the song that reminds me of me and hers friendship.;
( MandEE )
Anyways. I'm sick as hell. Jeffs here helpin me out. Thank you Jeff<3. Pie just disapeared on me. COME HOME PIE COME HOME ;[ I miss you.
Lena is hurr. Weee. Party on my bus.
that is all.
/end.
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[25 Aug 2003|11:08pm] |
time for a.. short but meaningful update. Its hott in my room right now. I think Pierres somewhere in the front of the bus playing video games with ben. Last time I checked he was anyways. Woo, those two make me laugh so hard. Its been hard for me to be so happy for a while. I'm glad I am though. Pierre makes me extreamly happy.
I feel like, those little 13 year old girls who have a boyfriend for the first time in their lives, thats how giddy he makes me. Although other parts in our relationship isn't like most 13 year olds. I hope so anyways HAHA. I'm really happy with him though, I can be myself around him, not worry of what he thinks of me because I know that its just fine. and he accepts it.
As for Ashton. Jen told me something that I wasn't exactly pleased with. and I can't help the fact that I feel like 99% of it is my fault. I've been far too much of a bitch to certain people it really needs to stop. I'm going to visit Ashton soon though.
Lena. When the fuck is that girl getting home from New York. shes gotta tell me so she can come chill on my bus with Jeff, Chuck, Pierre, Ben, and I. God I have like Most of simple plan on my bus. Isn't that a riot? wee!
( Pierreeeee )
( Lyssa and Jessi )
( tyson )
yes i copied you somewhat justin. so! =]
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[21 Aug 2003|09:39pm] |
well, i wanted to make a really long update. but my computer needs to be shot by some weird person with a gun? haha i dont know. It kept restarting and i'm really fucking tired. and when i get tired i say anything i feel
which i usually don't do. so here goes;
theres this wonderful guy in my life right now, someone who i completely trust with my heart, someone im sure just wont throw it on the ground and stomp on it 102641238 times. someone.. (yes you know you are so shush)..
perfect.
yes im talking about pierre
ahhh..hes so funny, and fun to be with none the less. and hes so..nice! you just dont find a nice, funny, fun, perfect guy everyday mk. pierres one in a million.. hes unbelievable. I could just like sit there and talk and talk for hours with him. he listens to me. he cares when i go into my emo moods. and he protects me from
alyssas sword. and he stood up for me when alyssa was yelling at me today for trying to make her turn back to
normal.
I can joke around with the guy, and be totally serious with him. he has an immature and a mature side to him and he knows when he has to be serious and when not to be. I love that most about him. Hes completely down to earth and i get this butterfly feeling in my stomach, whenever im with him. Or when I see him walking up to me, or when he holds me, i cant fight the smile on my face. Its hard to be upset for more than a minute with him
he just makes everything better.
Tours better now that hes "stalking" me. lol I don't get so upset anymore or hate being there as much! I got Pierre and Jada there. They both make me so happy. I can tell Jada likes him too. She got all bouncey when she met him. It was so adorable I loved it. So yes tour, only like a month more to go till our next break yippee! i think? i don't keep track anymore. sometimes i dont even know what city i'm in.
Fame is really fucking over-rated. The simple things in life make you so much happier. Honestly, I don't care about the money, or the records, I mean I love my job like hell but this is all going really fast, really really fast.
I miss the nights when we would play little shows, we were closer to the fans. And I didn't get bras thrown at me 24/7. wow, its just all flying by me. I know that soon, some new band is gonna take our spot in the 'limelight' and we will be pushed out of it. and forgotten about. So I know I should enjoy it while I can. But I'm busy caring about my own outside life, outside of the lights, the stage, the fans, the mic, the band. Even though bens with my 24/7 and thats all right because i love benny. hes been there since we were youngins.
And Alyssa and Jessi, I feel like we're all getting close again, back to our wild crazy self. I feel everythings getting normal again. I can finally breathe. I don't feel a million things falling down on my back at one time anymore. except for the tour thats pretty stressful. But other than that everything seems just peachy keen.
I would update about what happened with Tyson, and What Happened when he found out I had feelings for Pierre, but its a very sensitive subject and it still makes my stomach twist thinking about it. He only wants the
best for me. So I guess what I'm doing is best.
Its so funny, you think that the person your with is ALWAYS the one, that your going to be together forever, that your going to get married one day, have a happy life and two kids and a white pickit fence with a dog named fido, doesn't always goes exactly as planned. Someone else comes into your life, and you wonder, who do I see standing next to me watching our two kids and dog play in our yard with the white picket fence? you just gotta
figure that out on your own.
I don't exactly quite get the hang of this love thing, but i do think im going in the right direction, and i pray this time i don't get hurt.
this turned out longer than i expected, good night,
--amy
oh and sup to jeff my advice buddy. I can talk to that kid about anything! hes been there even though we only talked for the first time like what 3, 4 days ago!?<3333 JEFFY!
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[19 Aug 2003|02:36pm] |
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everything just went into an all time low.
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[19 Aug 2003|01:11pm] |
theres always somethin in the way
theres always somethin gettin through
its not me, its you, its you, its you
sometimes ignorance rings true
i hope its not in what i know
its not in me its in you, its in you
its all i know, its all know, its all i know
okay, I've gone into severe depression over missin tyson. so shoot me, sorry if im not the normal 'happy amy' that i usually pretend to be. I'm pissed. Why the fuck do my relationships gotta fuck up? ew it pisses me off. wheres mandy i need support from her, shes the only one who probably knows what i'm feeling. anyways tour carrys on, and tyson is gone. and im here like dying. dkahkdhkhasdkhdask um someone save me k thanks.
i found peace when im confused
and i found hope when im let down
not in me, me, in you. its in you.
i hope to loose myself for good
i hope to find it in the end
not in me, me, in you, in you
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[18 Aug 2003|05:49pm] |
ew okay what the fuck.
Rant:1] Tyson and I.. aren't nearly as fuckin close as we were/should be. God Dammit. We don't even talk. I think he left the tour or is on another bus because I can't find him anywhere. No Ben, You cant go on another bus. I don't know what to do about the fuckin situation. Nothin EVER fuckin works out for me. Yes, Me and Tyson were peachy keen. But Hes gone missing and I don't know what to fuckin do.
Rant:2] People need to forgive and forget. You cant hold grudges your whole fucking life. So Why do that? People fight way too much. It pisses me off. We all need to wear huge ass fuckin peace signs around our neck
like Joel Did for that video.
Rant:3] Me Alyssa and Jessi dont nearly seem as close are we were. I mean we use to be like shoelaces that never came untied. It seems like all the people I've grown close to, We're all fallin apart.
not really a rant 4:] Just to let you all know Pierres the only one whos really been there for me lately and i'd like to thank him for that.
Besides those listed above. Everything seems okay. -sarcasm- and life is just great. I hate touring I fucking hate it. the end.
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| THAT THING YOU DO |
[17 Aug 2003|06:51am] |
oh my fucking god im alive.
tours been a bitch. wtf. -kills tour- and ive been like missing but i know you missed me all just like i missed you all like a diabetic misses sugar. yeeey. ima need a new layout. cuz me and my boyfriend are not communicating. because he disapeared. I think ben pushed him out of the bus. if he did ima kick his ass. TYSON WHERE ARE YOU I MISS YOU.
I missed TYSONNN mandy and lyssa and jessi and brody...lots.. o0o cheetah sistahhhs rotfl i dont like that movie its so stupid. and and my throat still hurts.
i got a kitty.. it doesnt like candy much it hisses all the damn time. he'll get use to the dog tho.
Jada.. yay. Shes Crawling around and shes giggling alot. Shes so ADORBLE holy hell I love her.
Youuu! doin that thing you dooo!
breakin my heart into a million pieces,
like you always doooo and youu
dont mean to be crueel you never
even knew about the heartache
ive been going through and i try so
hard to forget you but its just so hard
to dooo every time you do that thing you doo
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[12 Aug 2003|09:39pm] |
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Agh I'm sick. =[
we might have to cancel a few dates because I'm sick and I have a cavity.
I'm not going to be able to sing. So yeah. I got a kitten. Its scared shitless
of the dog mandy gave me. It hisses and its so funny. But yeah. they'll learn
to love eachother. Tyson got me Flowers, Soup and a Teddybear to make sure
I feel better. Hes so sweet. Jessi got me a whole bunch of jewelry. I love that girl.
I'm going to go lay back down.
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[11 Aug 2003|06:53am] |
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so yeah. fucking tour. i hate it.
We are now in chicago. I haven't slept a wink. I want to go back home. Its driving me nuts. I mean sure I love this whole fame bit. But one of these days its going to come to a screeching hult. It will all be over. and I'll miss it. BUT RIGHT NOW ITS DRIVING ME NUTS. not to be able to walk around in public without being pointed out. Not being able to be around my normal fans. Not being able to go out.. WHEN I WANT TO. And I have to be with Ben all day im joking ben i love you Thank god tysons here. without him i'd surely sit on top of the tour bus while it was driving 500 miles an hour so i'd fly off.
Elizas here. shes been looking a little happier lately. Poor girl. I wish there was something I can do to make her happy. Theres not. Once you have a broken heart it takes days upon days to mend. Sometimes I catch her staring out the window with this look on her face. It makes me wonder. I mean like, why is god putting her through so much pain? She doesn't deserve it at all. Poor girl looks so sad at times. I hope she knows that I'll always be there for her.
As for Jada. She's doing great. Shes so happy and bouncy and giddy. I wish we all had a little of that childish innocene and happiness in us. I see it in Mandy sometimes. Mandy makes everyone happy. Shes got a glow about her, that whenever your around her, you get immidiately filled with energy. Thats one of the reasons why I love that girl so much. You can talk to her about anything. Useless conversations like how does a porcupine fuck, seem to amuse us both.
Brody, let me tell ya shes a funny girl. I think it was last night, Brody, Justin, Alyssa, Ashlee, Trace, and I were all in a chat. I told Brody how much shes my Idol. lol Shes so tough. I mean someone fucks with her and she'll bite their head off. Literally. Thats why I admire Mandy and Brody so much. They both stand their grounds. Until somethin really tough hits them, but they deal with in the best possible way. If only I could be like them.
I see tyson here next to me, and I'm trying to type as softly as i can on my laptop to not wake him up. I think about how much I love him and I haven't felt this way for a long time. I haven't been this scared either. I mean
I don't want to go through another experiance excuse me for mentioning this like kutchers and I. I realize ashton and I we're NEVER EVER ment to be, we're like from different planets. And it all happened so he could be with Jen and I could be with Tyson. I'm kind of thankful all those events went on. I'm thankful for the things he put me through, It made me be more cautious. Not to open up to anyone Unless I know them for a while. I don't know if thats a good thing. It's taken me forever to talk about the events that happened. I finally can. I don't care anymore I'm going to say what I think and not let it stay inside me anymore. It feels kind of good.
Alyssa and Jessi, I want to thank you both for being there through thick and thin. Every problem I have I know I can turn to you. And I know you'll help me out no matter what, same with Mandy or Brody. I kinda feel like you guys are sisters. Ones I never had. And I thank you for that kind of friendship.
These stupid birds outside my window are annoying the hell out of me. I want to throw something at them. My eyes are feeling heavy yet I know I cant sleep. I think I might go skip around and play pranks on Ben while hes sleeping. Thats my Update for today. kind of long. I guess.
Tyson - I love you!
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[10 Aug 2003|01:03am] |
OKAY PEOPLE I LOVE RIGHT NOW;
BRODY
MANDY
ALYSSA
TYSON
BECAUSE BRODY IS MY IDOL AND MANDY GAVE ME A CUTE ASS PUPPY DOG THAT I LOVE AND NAMED CANDY EVEN THO ITS A BOY IN HONOR OF MANDYS SONG! ALYSSA BECAUSE SHE IS MY BITCH. AND I LOVE TYSON BECAUSE I JUST DO AND HES THE BEST PERSON EVER!!!
TYSONS GONNA BE ON TOUR TOMMAROW WITH ME
AND ELIZAS ALREADY HERE.
THIS HAS CONCLUDED MY SHORT UPDATE GOODBYE!
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[03 Aug 2003|02:11pm] |
( jada )
my lil angel =]
Shes been everything in the world i had hoped for. shes so precious. I dont want to leave her tommarow. Shes fun to be with. It may sound weird but she keeps me company when Ty isnt around but when he is its so sweet to see Jada and Tyson together. Hes not fond of changing diapers, but he does everything else just fine. I think although he may not admit it Jada makes him just as happy as she makes me.
I think the fighting shit needs to stop. People need to let go of grudges they have against other people. because its just starting to get annoying. LET IT GOOOO. <3. Be happy people. thats all I could say for today.
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[29 Jul 2003|09:10am] |
hiii i miss tyson. yep =[ i hate tours. especially the way their planned. My tour starts right when he gets his time off. how fucking dumb. Tysons so funny. I love the fact that our relationship has these times where we are like the best of friends insted of just boyfriend and girlfriend you know. anyways. here; =]
I'm Never gonna spend another night
Without you in my dreams
For the rest of my life
I'm gonna reach out to you honestly and try
To give you what you need
With all of my might
No love has ever felt so real and so right
I'm never gonna spend another night
You are so in my heart
That even here in the dark I can feel the light of our love shining
We are so meant to be
That we're definitely destiny
And there's no denying
That I love you
Though it's so cliche
There's nothing else to say
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[28 Jul 2003|09:56pm] |
Jada.
How can ANYONE abandon her?
CONGRATS TO JEN AND ASHTON
p.s.
I hate tours.
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[28 Jul 2003|01:57pm] |
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:: unlocks the door of my house and pushes it open with my shoulder carrying a baby carrier in one arm, walks in and closes the door behind me with my foot. set my keys on the table as i walk into my bedroom looking at the baby crib that was set up when I was pregnant. sets the baby carrier down and takes the baby out of it setting her in her crib as she sleeps walks out of my room toward my computer to make an update::
Alright.. I got.. A kid? heh. Faith found a baby in the backyard of her house today with a note that says "please take care of the baby". I don't even know the babies name. I'll call her Jada. Faith came up with the name. I don't know maybe this will be a permanent thing maybe it wont. Who knows?
:: hears the baby start to cry and quickly jumps up and presses update running into the other room to see what the problem is::
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[27 Jul 2003|01:00pm] |
to make more sense by why i yayed earlier;
Tyson and I are back together ;] i didn't think he was going to give me a second chance but he did ;D and I can't stop smiling. Everybody makes mistakes in their lives, some do it knowingly and some do it without knowing what the fuck their doing. But people need to learn how to forgive and forget. Unless its REAL serious.
Like theres some things I can hardly forgive people for, even though that person is my friend now, I'll kind of always hold a grudge for all the shit he put me through. That grudge will disapear with time though I promise, Because I can't hold grudges for long.
Maggie and I are friends again and we totally forgave eachother too. I overreacted and it was severely stupid but thats okay I'm fine now.
Is team mest / team good charlotte still alive?
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[26 Jul 2003|06:01pm] |
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yay =]
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[25 Jul 2003|05:30pm] |
man, i don't know what to say. another bruise on my heart. its unfair. Maybe, I fall in love to easily. Maybe, I just wasn't ment to be loved by someone else. Maybe I'm destined to lead this stupid hopeless life where I search for the one I should be with, knowing that I already lost him. Maybe I'm just not the type of girl a guy can love. Maybe I just need to shut up.
Tyson - I really hope you mean it when you say its just a break. I hope you know I love you. =[ that wont stop. If you do want to be with Maggie, do what makes you happy. I love you and I'm sorry for overreacting...
I was so afraid to loose you I guess I did. I remember when you said you don't want to loose me, and you never will. Cause I'll always be thinkin of you, even if you don't wan't to be with me anymore. I don't know how to say exactly what I feel. I feel so empty right now. I don't know how you feel. I hate making mistakes.
The beautiful days are long gone
I can’t seem to breathe
It feels like it hasn’t been that long
Since you walked away from me
Now I can try to act real strong
But you and I both know I still think of you that way
You should know…that
The beautiful lights the star filled nights
They don’t mean a thing
Cause you were my star and so it don’t seem right
Without you here with me
Now I can try to act real strong
But you and I both know its hard for me to say
You were my soul…
Now I could say that I don’t love you no more
And I could say that I’ve closed the door for our love
And I can tell you I feel It’s time for us to go our separate ways
But baby I just wouldn’t be the same
Cause your love is still on my brain
Now when your in love it takes time to heal
When someone’s broken your heart and changes how you feel
I thought that you’d never do me that way
But even after all I still think of you that way
Now I could say that I don’t love you no more
(I could say this and I could say that)
And I could say that I’ve closed the door for our love
And I can tell you I feel It’s time for us to go our separate ways
But baby I just wouldn’t be the same
Cause your love is still on my brain
Now love is a game that we both like to play
But will I win or lose if I go or if I stay
Even though I try to hide my broken heart inside
you know me inside out and I can’t get you off my mind
Now I could say that I don’t love you no more
And I could say that I’ve closed the door for our love
And I can tell you I feel It’s time for us to go our separate ways
But baby I just wouldn’t the same
Cause your love is still on my brain
=/
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[25 Jul 2003|04:12pm] |
okay amy lee is not a happy person right now
so you all can stop talking to me until i am happy again
except erika.
and if you dont know why i'm pissed, your awfully dumb.
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[23 Jul 2003|11:58am] |
DEAR THREE GIRLS WHO NEED TO BACK OFF;
OKAY LISTEN. I THINK YOU PEOPLE NEED TO LAY THE FUCK OFF PEOPLES BOYFRIENDS.. JUST BECAUSE YOU DONT HAVE ONE.. OR YOU HAVE ONE AND HE DOESNT COME AROUND THAT OFTEN DOESNT MEAN YOU NEED TO BE ALL OVER OUR BOYFRIENDS DICKS OKAY!? THOSE BELONG TO US ALONG WITH EVERYTHING ELSE ON THEIR BODY. WE ARE VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH OUR BOYFRIENDS AND WE DONT NEED GIRLS FEELING ALL OVER THEM OR TRYING TO GET WHATS OURS. I THINK IF EITHER OF YOU GIRLS WERE SMART YOU'D STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM OUR AND I REPEAT OUR BOYFRIENDS! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! IM NOT MENTIONING NAMES BECAUSE THE GUILT AND SHAME SHOULD HIT THESE GIRLS HARD ENOUGH. JUST STAY AWAY! THANK YOU
SINCERLY,
THE OWNERS OF THE TWO GREATEST BOYFRIENDS IN THE WORLD.
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