~+She's Falling Apart+~'s Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
~+She's Falling Apart+~

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i feel like shit [29 Sep 2003|06:33pm]
ergh, everything is pathetic. i can see absolutely no point in anything right now. School is stupid, and i really see no point in sitting in a fucking classroom all day, getting bored as fuck and switching off. I'm screwed with my coursework, i need to get my maths work from a grade E up to a B or higher, and i really cant fucking do it.

god how im struggling with all this work.xx

and to top it all off i have p.e tomorrow and i still have cut marks all over my wrists
silent slumber___

[25 Sep 2003|08:26pm]
i feel so idiotic.

all my school work is getting into this horrible pile. I'm getting E's and D's in most of my subjects, and to top it all off im getting a maths tutor.

fuck im losing it
silent slumber___

and yet another pointless entry... [24 Sep 2003|09:03pm]
[ music | +the juliana theory+the closest thing+ ]

i'm feeling really pressured from Jo and Cathrin to suddenly tell them everything because they know i cut now. It seems like every time we talk, they bring it up. I dunno why that bugs me, it just kinda does...them wanting to know every single detail of every single last piece of self harm i've ever done. It scares me.

I'm not used to all the open-ness. i'm "bottle it up" anna. its weird to be able to talk and have them listen. but it totally feels like im just giving them all my shit. I don't like feeling like that. it's relly hard to explain. all these thoughts in my head just mess with everything at the moment. i dunno what to do or say or think in case i hurt someone. i suck.

silent slumber___

[22 Sep 2003|09:47pm]

i hate me

*self pity 'r' us*
silent slumber___

[21 Sep 2003|01:10pm]
ergh jos a fucking dick. meh this fucking sucks. She has a whole ton of cuts on her hand. i thought maybe they could be from her cats, but theres a difference between cat scratches and those cuts. Anyway i asked her about it and now shes fucking pissed off with me. Shes been acting weird for ages. Snapping at me, not talking to me, acting like a complete bitch. If she does it today i'm going home. i can't be fucking arsed.
silent slumber___

mmm thursday [11 Sep 2003|05:59pm]
rachel is getting me thursday tickets for my birthday...thats now 3 good things to come out of my birthday...Johnny Truant tickets, Thursday tickets and a packet of cigarettes from Gibson. Shame that i have to pay for my sikTh ticket...ahh oh well...all should be good.
1 dream| silent slumber___

fun all round [07 Sep 2003|02:03pm]
Jo dressed emo last night, it was great. She looked damn kewl...shame all the clothes she was wearing were mine apart from a jumper and her underwear.

Ergh after coming back from basingstoke yesterday jo, rachel and me saw alan. I really can't stand that child anymore. He irriatates me beyond words, and i really don't like him. He went to pick Oakley up from the Airport at 3am this morning. What the hell is the point in that? Can he really not wait to see her? I wont be surprised if she gets rid of him soon, and i wont be sympathetic to Alan when he comes running back to us lot going "blah blah blah i love Oakley blah blah blah Oakley broke my heart". Alan was the one that said 15/16 year olds were too young to fall in love, and way to young to have sex. Ergh he's an idiot. Seeing as he's claimed that he has fallen in love and he's had sex...so whatever.

Hopefully I'm going out tonight with Marcus and Whitey etc...i hope i do. Their so much fun. Even if Kate thinks their depressing, their really not...i dunno why people have a problem with them, their not depressing in the slightest. But whatever i guess.
silent slumber___

ergh [04 Sep 2003|08:19pm]
im in a shit mood. shittier than shit. and ergh i really want to cut. no cant no bad.

i can't. i really have to stop this.
silent slumber___

[04 Sep 2003|04:14pm]
You are cutting
You are cutting

What Self-Mutilation Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
silent slumber___

school is fucking pathetic [04 Sep 2003|03:43pm]
i hate it...i really do. Year 11 now...all the teachers going "GCSE's soon" and my mum and dad going "you've got to do well, i'll be dissapointed if you dont get higher than C's" argh! i'm gonna go fucking crazy.

Mum filled out an application form for me to work in fucking Redfields Garden Centre. I wouldnt mind, but i dont want to fucking work there. I dont like the people, their all snobs. My mums saying "beggers cant be choosers". I really would prefer a night shift job in Woolworths. meh this really does fucking suck. Knowing my luck i'll get the bloody job in redfeilds.

Schools doing the usual of making me feel like shite and i only went in for 3 lessons today. meh i hate school. i cant even cut anymore because everyone will see in p.e...i am going to go fucking crazy. on a brighter note - i'm 16 in 16 days...wooo!
silent slumber___

[31 Aug 2003|05:50pm]
this week has been good. Josh had a party on friday. It was fucking shite. i hated it. Dods was there. i really didnt want to see him. i would rather that i never saw him ever again. It brings back too many old feelings. Do you ever actually fall out of love with the first person you've ever really loved? i dunno. He came over to me and said "helen says i need to talk to you" so i just said "hi bye. fuck off" and he went. thank god. i really wish i could jsut forget about him. he makes me feel like shit. even if he doesnt do anything. Just knowing hes there makes me wanna cry. i blew it with him...actually he blew it with me. But he was the first guy to make me cry. Not worth it. He's really not.

hes really not.
silent slumber___

[25 Aug 2003|08:55pm]
could i feel anymore crap?
silent slumber___

wow blurty is working [25 Aug 2003|01:04pm]
it wasn't yesterday...which was a pain in the arse. i wanted to update sooo bad.

i saw ally last night, it was good. we actually talked about stuff. it was really good to be able to talk to her. God we were sitting on a curb talking about cutting, so many people must of thoguht we were crazy. I don't feel crazy for once. She asked me if i still did, i didnt see any point in lying and told her i did the other day. she was really cool about it. none of the "YOU IDIOT" crap, and none of the "awww anna poor hunny" shit either. It was just a normal conversation.
silent slumber___

shitty blurty [23 Aug 2003|10:32pm]
it decided to log me out.

i forgot my password.

i panicked.

then i guessed

and got it right

my password must be pretty easy to guess then.

im in the shitest mood
silent slumber___

*shock horror* [22 Aug 2003|11:11pm]
Alan started talking to me. i wish he wouldnt do that. The only reason he started the conversation in the first place is because all his friends are at Reading. It doesnt make me feel any better to be quite honest when people talk to me because theres no one better around.


why can he still make me feel so worthless?
silent slumber___

gutless wonder. [22 Aug 2003|07:41pm]
[ music | +toad the wet sprocket+amnesia+ ]

i just wrote this in my other journal:

i just lost my train of thought.

screw this.

another pointless entry that will be twisted into something that its not by people that really do care too much. Could this be a cry for help?...go figure.


now no one has to analyse a pointless entry, because it's there in black and white.

i put it on "private" i really do wish i had the guts to post it. Every bloody pointless entry i make on that thing i get people going "aahhh anna whats wrong? you sound upset, if you ever wanna talk im here etc etc"

for some odd reason it really patronises me. So i wrote that. That would piss a couple of people off for sure. saying stuff like "sorry i ever cared". i want to yell at someone right now. And i want to know why i hate people so much too. ahh oh well.

i dont want help.

i just want someone that will actually listen and not turn everything round to their problems all the time. One day i will scream at all my friends and just tell them that their stupid for not seeing something thats been right in front of them for years.

no cutting for me. no way. i don't need it. all i need right now is a cigarette.

silent slumber___

ermm [21 Aug 2003|09:14pm]
well everyone has gone to reading festival now...pretty boring around these parts. i have nothing to do, and no one to play with. meh oh well. im gonna go shower soon. x
silent slumber___

[20 Aug 2003|10:57pm]
i really shouldn't beat myself up for something that i can't change. argh. i really should learn that. i can't change the fact that Nikk's in Newcastle and im in Fleet. I really shouldnt care. i don't care.

i never cared.
silent slumber___

[20 Aug 2003|10:33pm]
for some odd reason i want to cry
silent slumber___

hmm [17 Aug 2003|10:22pm]
sometimes i miss feeling.

but when i suddenly do...i wish it would go away.

what the hell is up with that?

but right now, i miss it so much it's driving me crazy
silent slumber___

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