||[20 Aug 2003|01:12pm]
Browsing random The Matrix RPG-s at Blurty and LiveJournal I have come across lots of journals whose owners play me in the random RPG-s I metioned.
Some of them cannot spell.
Some of them cannot represent my psyche properly.
Some of them cannot write.
Some of them still think I am here to seduce Neo.
Some of them think I am just a plain program and make bright green icons and backgrounds that "represent me properly".
I am none of these. But then, nobody really knows me. Except my husband. Though, he is the only one I wish to remain unknown for. If I bring back memories from years ago, memories of him being passionate, loving and brilliant, I can almost feel tears in my eyes though the only way to feel emotions for me is through other people.
In fact, he is my prison guard. I am able to go nowhere by myself as I am in his power. He is a much more powerful program than I am. He had bewitched me when we met, but too late I realised all his charm was just an act. He liked me, a lot, and wanted to have me near him for his whole life. Just out of the blue. I, blinded by his charm, agreed. Especially because I had this certain weakness for French accents and French itself.
That charm is gone now. Maybe it isn't, but he definitely doesn't use it when talking to me any longer. We don't even talk, actually. He spends his time making fun of me and my dressing sense. Not all the time, though. Sometimes he is damn convincing he loves me, but with my powers I long ago found out he was cheating on me.
Mostly, I am acting aloof, sarcastic, witty and cynical. I have enough intelligence to do that. But it's just a mask.
I happen to dislike anything, any program, related to Mero. I confess I am jealous when he plays poker with The Twins, or when he is ordering our servants, whose number I like to make lower by practising my shooting skills, what to do. The Twins refuse to obey my orders. Mero is the only one they would listen to. I hate them and they hate me back. However, I am not allowed to go anywhere alone, as Mero's kindly requested. He offered me The Twins, or henchmen, as he calls them, to be my accquintance. On purpose. He always knew we've hated each other.
As for our servants... yes, they indeed are very loyal. So loyal they are almost stupid. Which annoys me. And when I am annoyed, it's bad. I have this certain European temper that is so hard to terminate and to keep in control.
This all, step to step, leads to The One. And, supposedly, to the kiss. The famous kiss everyone makes a big deal of. The whole world now thinks I am some sort of a seductress. The plain truth is that I am a program that seeks for emotions and wants to experience them... I can only feel emotions through other people. Other than that, Neo, The One, reminded me on Mero from the times we first met and started living together.
These memories of the beginning of our relationship are the most precious ones I have ever owned.