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[16 May 2008|06:02pm] so i just finished Lock and Key by Sarah Dessen. goodness it is an AMAZING book, she's my favorite author of all time. I love when i read a really good book and that i get lost into it's plot. i'm in complete awe right now, SO GOOD. so why'd you fill my sorrows with the words you borrowed post comment

[28 Apr 2008|07:43pm] 1. the play is overwith, thank GOD 2. after the prom, me and brian haven't talked since. i knew this was gonna happen and im glad i came out of it okay. he made me feel good about myself for the few months that i talked to him, but its definitely time to forget about him 3. ive been finding ways of keeping myself busy during the summer and im real excited about it. im going to amazing concerts and visiting friends and having them visit me. 4. ive finally let go of who i dont need even though ive said it over and over again. so i found out that maggie is going to college in oregon back to her hometown. i know for a fact that since steven is staying here that he is gonna start talkign to me at some point. i want to resist so badly, but what if i crack? goddddd, why does he have this effect on me?? post comment

[23 Feb 2008|02:15pm] i've been talking to brian a lot lately. god, he is like everything ive dreamed up in a person all in one. im not gonna be stupid and date him since a. he lives 3 1/2 hours away and b. he's a senior so he'll be gone in a few months to go to school in boston. but he's so incredibly nice and its like we're dating-ish but not. like he's coming to visit for a concert marchc 15, and he's coming to my prom. im really glad he turned out to be so amazing instead of some guy i met and gives me his number and like i never talk to him again. psh. things have definitely been looking good for me lately..the play is going pretty well except i need one more scene to memorize then i got the whole thing down! schools gettin pretty easy minus the SAT next weekend. boo. my friends have been doing great and we're all getting along a lot better. we're trying to plan prom and i put in a reservation for dinner at my dad's restaurant. i had it at 14 but apparently people, whom we never really talk to anymore, just assume they're going with us. fuck that. post comment

[04 Feb 2008|10:27pm] [ mood | blah ] i drove up to tim's dorm on friday. idk why i always come back to him, or pretty much the same guys for that matter. every guy ive been somewhat involved with, theres always a point where we meet up and hook up pretty much. i guess thats better than like strangers off the street i guess. anyway, we hooked up yada yada yada. he was slightly drunk, not the best combo. plus, idk, the feelings were just off. he's another guy where everything is NEVER the right time. we've had 4 years worth of trying to get together and it never happens. yet he can leave me behind for some trashy 10 grader who was only in the picture for like what, a month? idk. as weird as it felt that night, i really liked it. i liked me and him having our own secret and how i didnt tell any of my friends about where i was going. it felt good to be a little edgy. i've kinda talked to him since but not much. our relationship is way too difficult for words. superbowl sunday was gay. not only did the patriots lose, but i went to a friend of mine whose a senior -'s house and maggie ended up coming. that wasnt really HORRIBLE but i mean there was some awkwardness. everyone was asking about steven but thank GOD he didnt come or else i would have peaced that bitch. i also had rehearsal today, i really need to memorize my lines. 3 acts to go! post comment

[26 Jan 2008|12:54pm] the powder puff game was on thursday. i mean, us juniors knew we were gonna lose since all the senior girls are basically men so it wasn't a shocker when we lost 42-7. APPARENTLY i was all over maggie and she thinks i did it on purpose. i only blocked her ONCE. jesus christ, just because i dont like you and you're dating steven, doesnt mean im some typical pissed off girl whose gonna be all over you about it. and wait... didn't he cheat on you? with me? hmm.. post comment

[19 Jan 2008|04:47pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | the ataris ] i finally told ozzie about the whole thing with me and steven. too bad that she already knew because i blabbed to one of my other friends and she told her. i hate that i make oz feel like i dont trust her because i do, i just care about what she thinks of me more than everyone else, and i ALWAYS need time to confront her. idk. i think brian is coming to visit in march for the badfish concert, and im getting the vibe that he actually likes me and it makes me feel good. although i always pick the guys who dont even live here, but at least he's in the same state and is willing to take the initiative to see me as i am with him. who knows. oh, and i really want a hookup. like a spontaneous one. really bad. post comment

[06 Jan 2008|10:42pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | juno soundtrack ] new years was a bust. nothing was really going on, and people were just falling over left and right. i understand that new years is all about getting wasted, but there were some HORRIBLE drunks. im glad i turned out fine :) i havent talked to brian since thursday. i asked him if he wanted to go see badfish with me at the house of blues on may 15 and he seemed really interested, i hope he can make it. i was kinda thinkin of asking him to prom cause i highly doubt no one else will ask me. but i think he'll totally be freaked out by that so i dont really know yet. still havent talked to steven either. suprisingly enough, i dont feel too upset about it. it kinda amuses me walking by his gf everyday and knowing something she doesn't. plus, i think of graduating and leaving this place and totally forgetting about him for good while he's stuck here doing god knows what with his life. my best friend ozzie has been acting really wierd around me lately, i dont really know what i did wrong. i hate when this happens, especially with her, the way she doesnt say anything to me really hurts me. i think im gonna back up off everyone for a while, not that i think i was in their face anyway. i think i need some space from the world. i wish i was in boston, away from everyone. post comment

[02 Jan 2008|09:02pm] i want you. post comment

[31 Dec 2007|12:20pm] still haven't talked to steven, big shocker. i guess i might as well put that whole experience in the back of mind until he figures out what he's doing. new years eve is today, i have to work until like 1030. i cant wait to be with everyone afterwards, this'll be the first new years where i can spend it right. we're spending the night at the guys' house, which im kinda feelin weird about, but as long as im with my friends thats all that matters. school starts up on thursday, and i still have to read the rest of the play. i really can't wait for summer though. and i think im gonna try to visit gilly on mlk weekend, not too sure what the parents are gonna say though :-P happy new year everyone! post comment

[27 Dec 2007|11:37am] [ mood | pleased ] wow. i cant even remember the last time i updated, but whatev. i broke up with alex a few months ago cause i could not take the distance anymore. i was really suprised when i knew that for once, i was actually doing something right. me and steven slightly got together not too long after but then he started dating this bitch maggie, and totally never talked to me for months. i layed low for a while until tim(we've tried so much to get together) and i started to hang out. too bad all that time he was talking to some sophomore (mind you, hes a freshman in college) and now they date. what-the-fuck-ever. my friend ellen invited me to her debutante in charleston last weekend and had a blast. i love dressing up. i met this really cute guy there, who happened to be like the only cute guy at all. we danced a few songs and he was sooo perfect. we hung out later that night, and he kissed me before he left :). we exchanged numbers and have been tlaking to him a bit, he's so cute, but i dont think im gonna give distance the time of day anymore. on christmas i went to a family friend's house which wasnt that much fun. me and oz and my sister left to go to a party with all the college kids coming home. this russian dmitri would not get off my ass the whole night and insisted that id kiss him before i left. i did, but i ran out the door before he tried anything else. ha. yesterday, i went to see juno with my sister. BEST DECISION EVER. it was soo funny. when we got home it was like 5 and i had nothign to do. so i decided to go for a drive. me and steven had been getting on better terms, so i drove to where he works to hang out slash give him the cds he wanted me to burn for him. i had to leave not long after since his boss pretty much didnt want me there. so i kept driving, stopped at a park and took pictures of the pretty christmas lights they had up. steven came over later that night, and...we started to hook up. in the back of my mind i knew it would happen, but with maggie i wasnt too sure. then again, he has cheated on other girls with me. im so bad. and the thing is, HE made the first move. kissing led to touching which... led to, ya know. mind you, i dated this guy 4 years ago and was head over heals. yeah i was young, but i mean i havent felt that way for anyone else ever since. we always talked about having sex with eachother as our firsts, but we never got the chance. so hey, better late than never. it was great. after he left he realized what a bad boyfriend he was, which he is for doing this. but i mean, i got what i always wanted from it. and like i said, he made the first move, not me. so now im sitting, thinking about what happened last night, i still cant believe it really happened. WOW. post comment

[29 May 2007|08:37pm] me and alex are back together and are on good terms. its just that i have been getting really close to steven lately and i know that its gonna end up hurting me in the end. he is just so gorgeous and sweet, and alex lives sooo far away.. post comment

[25 Apr 2007|07:33pm] me and alex are on a break. its not that im suprised, it's just hard to figure out what to do now. nothing is really working out for me at the moment. post comment

[11 Jan 2007|07:14pm] things have totally changed since the last time ive posted. but in a good way. ive let go of the people who i dont need in my life, and kept close those whom id be lost without. including alex. after all those years at camp when i pushed him away and hurt him, i finally realized how much he meant to me. hes the one person i always loved being around, and loved getting attention from. he actually listens when i have something to say, and actually gives a response. he may live like 4 states above from me, but the fact we are actually working things out and that hes visiting me next week, its like he lives so much closer. ive never had someone care for me that much, and actually looks past my flaws and weaknesses to find the real me. other than that, ive kept close a few people here who actually enjoy beign around me, and have kept close those friends at camp whom i barely see that much, but we have made efforts to talk to eachotehr on a daily basis and have met up 2 weeks ago. i also got my license yesterday, but my car is getting fixed. i should have it by tomorrow, and i cant wait to be alone. lifes great post comment

i'm watching a walk to remember on tbs. :) [02 Sep 2006|12:39pm] oh where, oh where can my baby be? the lord took he away from me she's gone to heaven so I've got to be good, so I can see my baby when I leave this world. anyone have any inspirational or funny quotes I can put in my quotebook? post comment

[30 May 2006|04:44pm] [ music | jack johnson ] sometimes i wish i could see the way i act on a daily basis from the outside. i personally think there are times when i can act like a slutty 12-year old middle schooler. i'm a lot better than that. i'm starting to drastically change into the person i want to be. i hate showing my emotions on my sleeve. i wish i were better at lying, and perhaps sticking up for myself when someone says something i dont agree with. i get walked on all the time. especially with guys. if someone tries to hook up with me, i let them. i hate it. i wish my hair were longer. i think that before i cut my hair i was a lot prettier. i want to be tanner. i want to die my hair a little darker. i wish i were shorter. i wish i could drive. i wish i had common sense. i wish i lived somewhere else. i want to start over. i wish i could be an artist, or atleast have some kind of cool talent. i dont see why guys go for me, i find so many things wrong with me. the only features i like about myself is my personality, being athletic and in shape, and my eyes. i'd never think id change so much in just my freshman year of high school. if you would only listen you might just realize what you're missing you're missing me. post comment

[20 Apr 2006|09:42pm] sup i'm single. holla. i cannot live, i can't breathe unless you do this with me. post comment

[07 Feb 2006|10:02pm] [ music | Bright Eyes ] all i want for valentine's day... ...is for it not to come. 1 comment|post comment

[28 Dec 2005|04:58pm] glad that you can forgive, only hoping that as time goes, you can forget. just got a new iPod that will hold 7500 songs. any ideas for songs??? ♥ post comment

[19 Sep 2005|05:25pm] tim gave me 2 hugs this morning. *sigh* ♥ remember when we'd talk about where we would be a year from now? remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go? remember, cause thats all you cant do we'll never make another memory we'll never make another memory post comment

[16 Sep 2005|07:22pm] knowing less is worth more than knowing everything i wish i was ignorant ♥ 8 comments|post comment

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