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[06 May 2004|10:43am] |
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Yesterday we were supposed to have practice. Lots of bad angry shit happened but to make a long story short, Aaron quit Bludfed. So hes gunna help us get a new drummer and teach that guy and then its done and over. What a pain in the ass man.
We have a show tonight opening for dying Fetus. Hopefully that goes well. Fuck Ill Omen, I didn't have a problem with them until yesterday when I found out that they talk shit about us. I'll fuckin lay them out if they say that shit to my face. Assholes. I didn't have a problem with them until I found out they talk shit about us.
Man I finally realized something, this isn't really a game but I finally won. Although I have nothing to show for it I still won. I guess the pride of knowing is good enough. Too bad nothing will happen with it. I just get to know and think about it until shit gets moving which will probably be longer than I want to wait for it. Well atleast I know, thats almost good enough for me. I made a difference, an impact. I atleast know how she feels about me and us. Almost makes everything worthwhile.
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[05 May 2004|10:31am] |
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Man my computer sucks so I can't get on the internet most of the time. basically all last week I left early so I missed alot of school. It was because I had to go to the doctor for this job I'm getting.
Friday I got my car back but it broke down at school. I'm taking it in Friday to get worked on. Friday night I hung out with Jesska and Lindsey and we went to Eddies for a little while. Jesska and Lindsey put makeup on me. It was kinda funny.
Saturday Stump came over to my house and we worked on some shit for the show we played at the teen center.He went out to dinner with my family and the Gatzkes, it was funny as hell. After the show I went to Craigs house and me him and Patrick kinda jammed.
Sunday I didn't do much but went over to Erics and hung out for like an hour.
Monday was boring didn't do much of anything I'm now taking Eric to school and just taking Lindsey home.
Tuesday I was at Lindseys until 5 and Rachel came over and we all kinda sat in my car most of the time. Came home and found out my sister got busted with herb at school. Damn was that dumb. So shes pretty much screwed for the rest of her teenage years.
Today I get to leave early and go back to the doctor and hopefully start working soon. I wonder if we have band practice today? We are opening for Dying Fetus tomorrow so we need to get our shit together.
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[27 Apr 2004|10:30pm] |
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music |
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The red-Chevelle |
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Ahhh, it feels weird being out of ISD. It was kinda better in ISd I think. Easier atleast. I left at 2 to go to the hospital to get a PPD for this job I'm getting. I didn't get a parentla consent form signed so I have to go back tomorrow. Whatever.
How well do the people that read this ( if any) know me?
whats my favorite color?
food?
clothes?
music?
activity?
what upsets me the most?
what makes me happy?
what stresses me out?
what am I afraid of?
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| My weekend |
[26 Apr 2004|10:32am] |
Friday night I went to battle of the bands with Tyler. My mom let me take my car because she didn't want to pick me up that late. Lindsey was there so I talked to her, well more like she talked to me about how I lied to her and whatnot. It was pretty fun. Surrogate Baby was good. No Holds Barred sucked ass. Nihillistic Approach was not that good. Fake Blue Plastic was funny as hell but no that great of musicians, Electric Soul was awesome, and Doppler effect was the worst thing I've ever heard. Phil Hartman makes flamboyantly gay men look straight. GOD what a faggot. I had to take Stump to Katies because he left his car there. I'm not sure what happened but he walked there. I hate people that get mad when they aren't as good as someone else so they make fun of them. These guys like Trey Dalton. He sat there and said how much better he is than Nanz, and how Nanz was just showing off. Well no shit he was, thats how you win, put on a good show. Fuckin' dumbass. After thatI went home and then met Joe, Austin, David, and Shaun and we chilled til about 4am.
Saturday I didn't do much of anything but cut grass. Then Saturday night I met Joe, Austin, david, and Eric somebody and we threw eggs and shot bottle rockets at cows, it was funny. Went home at about 3am.
Sunday I got up at around 2:30 and went to Burger King. On the way home there was a lady who was taking donations for a friend of hers whose son had a rare form of cancer. I can't remember what it was but I gave her some money. Other than that I didn't do anything but meet Joe at like 12 and came home about 1.
Not much of a weekend but fuck it. Theres not much I can do about that since I don't have a goddamn car and none of my close friends drive. Tyler gets his license Tuesday, but I get to take my car then because I have to leave early to go get some shit done at the hospital. I think I'll start working at the RAC late this week or early next. OH BOY!
ISD is kind of a bitch today without Corey. I started reading CHE. Its pretty good from what I've read so far which isn't much. MY fucking internet barely works in this god damn closet they put us in. It pisses me off that they put us in here and tell us ISD isn't a free day and expect us to work and our teachers give us stuff to work on. Yet we can't get interent access in here. YOu fuckin' morons. How am I supposed to do the work if I can't get on the internet. Damn you all.
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| ISD- Day two |
[23 Apr 2004|10:56am] |
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Christ is this getting old. I was up until 3 talking to Jesska. We talked about anything and everything prety much. I ended up going to sleep at like 4, so I got a few hours of sleep. I'm so goddamn tired right now though. I'm probably gunna go to sleep here soon. I finished my book on Platoon and I forgot to bring Che so Corey is letting me read Dantes Inferno. Its pretty good but I probably won't get far in it. Jesska was supposed to write me a note and she did. Two pages long but she left it at home so she said she'll write me another one and give it to me after 3rd. I hope so because I'm bored as shit right now and I'll enjoy reading it. I don't think I'm going to do any work today either. I don't really care. Patty's in here with me and Corey today. That Grant guy didn't show and one of the 9th grade girls from my keyboarding class is in here. Shes kinda loopy but whatever, its not like I'm talking to her anyway.Thank god I don't have detention today though because I would kill myself. ISD isn't as bad as detention, or atleast I don;t think so
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[23 Apr 2004|12:02am] |
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music |
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talking to Jesska |
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ISD was fine but the detention part just sucked. My mom picked me up from school and saw the cuts on my arm and asked if I was cutting myself so I made something up. Lindsey is definiely mad at me now. I lied to her. I funked that up pretty bad I think. I'm pretty sure I got the job at the RAC because they called all my references and shit. I have to call this lady tomorrow about it though. I was supposed to call Muppet and chill but I didn't get home til 4 and I had to stay home and wait for the phone call about the job but it never came. I didn't do shit for the rest of the day. I'm talking to Jesska right now.
I'm starting to feel like there isn't anything here for me anymore. There really isn't anything left for me. I think I'm just gunna leave here. Start new in a new place. I kinda hate myself here and now.
I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense
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| ISD- Day one |
[22 Apr 2004|01:12pm] |
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music |
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Take the power back-Rage Against the Machine |
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ISD is pretty easy actually. Boring but easy. In the first 10 minutes I had got in trouble. I forgot to get the form signed and almost got suspended for it. Whitlow called my mom and she came and signed it. So I'm good there. The teachers really aren't too strict about it though most let us talk. One of them didn't care at all what we did. She was telling us about why she doesn't give ISD because the kids enjoy it and it doesn't do anything. I haven't done any work really. Took my math quiz and thats it. Read my book which I've almost finished now and talked to Corey. It is a pain in the ass though because I have to stay until 4 and I can't see or talk to anybody. Other that that I could do this everyday. Tomorrow Patty will be joining me Corey and Grant. Who knows who else will be here. What a fun time it will be.
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| I've lost my head again |
[22 Apr 2004|12:17am] |
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music |
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Burden in my hand-Soundgarden |
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School sucks. Had to ride the bus, damnit. Lindsey's mad at me. We didn't have practice today. Zach didn't come Stump didn't come and Aaron didn't come. Muppet was the only one who showed. Lindsey called me to see if I needed a ride but I don't know why I didn't pick up the phone. I talked to Mupet for a short time about some shit going on. I'm supposed to call him tomorrow to do something. I slept all day and then watched Sleepy Hollow. What an exciting day for me. I have to start my ISD tomorrow. FUCK!!! Man I really don't like my life anymore. Nothing good really ever happens. Most of it is all just hopes and empty promises. I hate when people say things to me that they don't mean. If you don't mean it don't say it. Why get my hopes up. I take things too seriously and usually the wrong way. Last night I snuck out at 12 and met Joe, man I was paranoid like all night because cars kept coming and doing weird shit. I had to jump in a bush as I was leaving because a car came down the street and I had nowhere to hide. When I got back I called Jesska and talked to her until about 3:30.
Follow me into the desert
As thirsty as you are
Crack a smile and cut your mouth
And drown in acohol
Couse down below the truth is lying
Beneath the riverbed
So quench yourself and drink the water
That flows below her head
Oh no there she goes
Out in the sunshine the sun is mine
I shot my love today would cry for me
I lost my head again would you lie for me
I left her in the sand just a burden in my hand
I lost my head again would you cry for me
Close your eyes and bow your head
I need a litle simpathy
Cause fear is strong and love's for everyone
Who isn't me
So kil your health and kill yourself
And kill everything you love
And if you live you can fall to pieces
And suffer with my ghost
Just a burden in my hand
Just an anchor on my heart
Just a tumor in my head
And I'm in the dark
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| God damnit!! |
[20 Apr 2004|10:03pm] |
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music |
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Ruin-Lamb of God |
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Monday was tiring. I had slept like 3 hours cuz I was up all night talkin to Lindsey. After school I took Tyler to work then met Lindsey and some of her friends at the park and chilled there for awhile. After that I went home and did nothing really.
Today school was the usual. We had to go to Cave Spring Jr High for some thing about drinking and driving cuz prom is coming up and all. Then back to school. Well I was in my fourth period class(music theory) and Mr. Whitlow sent somebody for me. So I fo up there and he gave me 3 days ISD for skipping school last Friday!!! Thats complete bullshit!! The guy I was with only got 2! Plus he called my mom and she took my car for 2 fuckin weeks!! Thats even more bullshit!!So I ended up doing something retarded. God I can't fucking stand her anymore. I think its safe to say that my mom is my worst enemy. I can't stand her at all anymore, more than anyone else I've ever met. I can't wait until I fuckin leave because I'm not coming back. And she takes my car knowing how much I really need it. I told her I'm not going to college and that I plan on being a musician but without transportation its kinda hard to get to my shows and if she fucks it up for me then I'll never speak to her again or call her my mother. I'm already not talkin to her until she gives me my car back. BITCH!!!!!!
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| Punisher |
[18 Apr 2004|11:22pm] |
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music |
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See you on the other side-Ozzy Osbourne |
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Woke up at 12, went to Tylers for a little while. At 3 we went and saw The Punisher. It was fuckin awesome!!! I came home and didn't do shit. Lindsey caled me while I was gone and no one fucking told me!! God damn them. I think I'm just gunna stop leaving my house on he off chance she calls again.
Its been a month today since Bishop has been gone. Man its hard to believe even after this long. Everyone still misses him as much as they did when he passed away. Rest in peace man, this song was played at his funeral.
Ill see you. See you on the other side
Im gonna see you. See you on the other side
God knows Ill see you, see you on the other side, yeah
I wanna see you, yeah, yeah, yeah, see you on the other side
God knows Ill see you, see you on the other side, yeah
Im gonna see you. See you on the other side
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| debate |
[18 Apr 2004|02:47am] |
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music |
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I am hated-Slipknot |
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Well tonight was uneventful as usual. Hung out with Evan and eric. we went to the mall and shit like that. Stopped by Best Buy and talked to Zach for a while. At 11 I picked Tyler up from work and took him home, I was gunna stay the night but my mom was already asleep so couldn't ask and I'm kinda sick so it wouldn't have been much fun so I just went home. at like 12:30 I snuck out and hung with Joe and smoked and went up to his house and got something to drink. got home from there at about 2. Talked to Lindsey very shortly, I haven't talked to her in over a week. The last time I talked to her was last Thursday.
I am really retarded. Somehow I make myslef believe the dumbest shit, that I make up on my own. No help from anyone and completely fuck things up. God only knows how I do that. I guess thats my talent in life, to fuck good things up. Damn what a shitty talent. At this rate I'll die alone.
Everything sucks and I can prove it
Everybody dies, shuffle on, remove it
Idividuals, indispensable
I'm the paradox deity vessel
...the other side holds no secret
But this side is done, I don't need it
Before you go, you should know you're breaking down
You'll be rotten by the time you're underground
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| My spring break |
[17 Apr 2004|06:14pm] |
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music |
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Blessed Hellride-Black Label Society |
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I went to my dads Monday. So I was in the car all day.
Tuesday I went to Tonys and hung out with him for a little while. I went to Shanes too.
Wednesday I cut grass all goddamn day.
Thursday I don't remember but I didn't go anywhere cuz Jill took the car.
Friday night I saw The Alamo with Tony and Aaron.
didn't get fucked up at all this week. Didn't see Alyssa either. I hate myself sometimes. I'm retarded.
tonight I don't know whats going on. Hopefully something good.
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| Easter |
[11 Apr 2004|11:40pm] |
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music |
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Home sweet home-Motley Crue |
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Well I got up at 11:30 cuz my friend Tony called and was asking me when I was coming up and all that. Talked to him for awhile. Then I hung out with Patty and Maggie. We went to Waffle House and then I had to go to an ealry dinner to the Outback with my family for an Easter dinner kinda thing. After that I went to Erics and chilled with him and Corey. The gang showed up and we went to Katies Ice Cream. Then Me Tyler, Eric, Corey, Chris, and Clay all went back to Tylers house and played guitar and drums and shit like that. Got home at about 11:15.
Man I'm leaving tomrrow, I really want to go up there and everything but now everyone down here is doing something cool. Parties and camping trips and all that shit! Damnit! I want to take my car up to my dads also but I know my mom won't let me so I'm gunna be fucked all week without a car. Hopefully she'll let me. I can't fuckin wait to see my dad and my friends and family! I'm sneaking out tonight to meet up with Joe and do the usual.
I'm on the way
I'm on my way
Home sweet home
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| kick ass! |
[11 Apr 2004|01:10am] |
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music |
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Pride-Seether |
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Well the day part of today was boring and shit. I got up at like 1:30, and had to mow the lawn. So I did that and then had to go pick up an amp from Tylers. I ended up getting to the factory at like 7 but I thought I had to go to the baptizism thing but I didn't have to go later. We played and did fucking awesome. I so wanted to do the new song but we couldn't. I left the Factory at 10 and went to the church and saw my mom baptized. She started crying when she saw me there. Then after she was done I took my sister home and dropped off some things, ran into Bryan Moore and talked to him for a few. Then I decided to go back to the church and eat there with my mom and Joe. When she saw me come back she started crying and saying that I didn't know how that made her feel. She was very happy tonight. So I left there at like 12 and got home about 12:30. Got on and probably gunna go to sleep soon. My body hurts, especially my lower back.
I am silence sent to find you
I am violence sent to find you
I am silence sent to find you
I am violence sent to find you
Steal my pride
Leave me blind
Steal my pride
Leave me blind
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| Break my rusty cage...and run |
[09 Apr 2004|11:39pm] |
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music |
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Creeping Death-Metallica |
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SPRING BREAK IS FINALLY FUCKIN' HERE!!! A few more days til I go to my dads!
Well I got to school at like 9. Slept all math, watch a movie in health, did my powerpoint presentation on the Cambodian genocide in history and took my music theory test. Which was hard as shit. Left after 4th period with Maggie, Patty and Corey. We went to Chris's house and chilled then to Mcdonalds then met the gang at Garst Mill park. I let Patty drive my car. It was funny. Then back to Chris's house. At like 3 I went to pick up Tyler and Lindsey from school but I couldn't find either one of them. Apparently Lindsey left for the beach today. So we went to Coreys house and I took Maggie and Patty home and shit. At 6:30 The gang and I went to Wendys and ate dinner. and chilled at my house for a bit.
Then at like 7 or so we went to Sheas house and we chilled with her and some other people for awhile. As we were leaving we all burned out down her gravel driveway and her dad got pissed. So I don't think we are aloud to go back. I took clay home and got home at like 11:15. Not much is happening until 1 cuz I'm meeting Joe and Austin for a bit. I need to get laid man! I'm tired of this
As I close my eyes
I'm feeling I'm slipping away
We all got left behind
We let it all slip away
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[08 Apr 2004|10:36pm] |
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music |
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Break stuff-Limp Bizkit (old school baby) |
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Lindsey was at school today! Yay! well I found out 2 girls think I'm hott. One I don't really talk to like ever. The other I met on a chat so I don't think that counts. Too bad the ones I like and talk to on a regular basis don't like me. Watched A Beautiful Mind in Health. The rest of school sucked. After school I was droppin Lindsey off and bad shit happened with her and her brother. So I drove her around to my house and then to Erins. I debated the whole day on whether or not I should have done something about it. I know I should have but what?
So I my dad bought me a car. It's an RX7. Not too bad. Also my mom is getting a new puppy. It's a Yorkshire Terrier. I don't think they look too cute but whatever. I'll get used to it. Just one mre fucking day of school! I wasn't gunna go tomrrow but my mom got all bitchy about it so now I have to. I'll just not set my alarm and get up late then leave early or something like that. Don't know what I'm doing this weekend but Monday I'm goin to my dads house. Can't fuckin wait.
Its just one of those days
when you don't wanna wake up
everything is fucked
everybody sucks
you don't really know why
but you wanna justify
rippin someones head off
no human contact
and if you interact
your life is on contract
your best bet is to stay away mother fucker
it's just one of those days
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[07 Apr 2004|11:09pm] |
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music |
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days of the week-STP |
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2 more fuckin days left of school! Nothing happened there. After school I went to jesskas house and chilled for awhile. Then left there and went to practice. Muppet was there, ans thats a first but Zach wasn't because he had to work or something. We showed Muppet the new song and tried to write lyrics for them but no luck. After that I took Stump to Katies and then went to drop the amp off at Muppets and he wan't there. Got home at around 7 or so. Felt like shit, I had a really bad headache. So I went to sleep. My dad called and said he bought me a car. An RX7. He said it needs work but oh well. Then kinda did nothing for the rest of the night.
I hear some shit that I don't know if its true. apparently shes telling everybody that she likes me but I haven't heard anything. It might help if I knew but who knows. I don't know how reliable my source is so I guess we'll see. I'm not really into going out on a limb.
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| Time to take her home |
[06 Apr 2004|10:40pm] |
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music |
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Big empty-STP |
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I don't even know why I even mention school. It never changes. School itself sucked but I talked to alot of people, or a few people but I talked to them alot. Like Jesska and Jessica Perkins. Jesska was telling me shes going to see HIM. I'm not a big fan of them but they're ok. She makes me listen to them everytime shes in my car or when I'm at her house. Perkins was having a bad day so I gave many hugs, and she was telling people I was her boyfriend. Its not true but I' down with it. I don't know what girls see in me but I'm glad they see it.
After school I went to Target by myself because I didn't have anyone to go with. I bought Seether's album and Stone Temple Pilots Thank You album. As I was walking in Zach saw me and yelled at me , so I walked over to his car and april was like come over. So I went in and bought the cds and went over there. She told me to get Lindsey but I told her she was sick. I hung out there for awhile and I was supposed to pick up my sister from track practice but I was really late and my mom ended up getting her. I got home and she was like what happened and I just told her traffic was really bad. Took a nap and haven't done anything really since then.
time to take her home
her dizzy head is conscience laden
time to take a ride
it leaves today no conversation
time to take her home
her dizzy head is conscience laden
time to wait too long
to wait too long
these conversations kill
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| Pirates of the Carribean! |
[05 Apr 2004|11:26pm] |
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music |
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Fine again-Seether |
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School was boring as usual. Never really anything new with that. We had an assembly about drunk driving or something like that. It was kinda sad. I felt bad for the guy. He was in a wheelchair and paralyzed from the chest down. we got our report cards. I have a 3.14 GPA. So I'm happy.
After school Me and Tyler did yard work for his mom at the kennel, made 25$. So now I have 225$. I want to take Lindsey to this petting zoo thing. But who knows when that will happen. I came home at like 7:45 and kinda just layed around. I talked to Lindsey and we have decided to move to the Carribean when we get out of school to become pirates. Every place that I say I'm moving to after high school she always says shes coming with me. Suits me just fine. No complaints there. If it happens I'll live a happy life and die a happy man. Shes been really sick lately. I hope she gets better. Man, just one week before I get to go to my dads for spring break! can't wait! *evil whore* ;)
I can't wait til the day I live
won't you live it with me
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| Get well soon |
[05 Apr 2004|10:25pm] |
HI , Lindsey
Know what this is?
A get well hug from me to you!
Theres like do do doo kinda music in the background and theres an animation of a bunny hugging some flowers
Then theres the message I typed in to you.
Haha, this is really cheesy but you know me. I'm retarded so I thought this might make you laugh. Or atleast you'll have fun making fun of me for it. Get better riiiiiggggghhhhhhtttttt........now.
Thats about it but it would be better if you saw it the way it was made instead of me describing it to you.
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