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[23 Feb 2004|05:25pm] |
So I've come crawling back to my Blurty for some healthy incoherent rambling that I no longer see fit for my Livejournal. Meh.
I don't like this layout anymore and I think I'm going to do something else. This is way too depressing for me. I mean it's pretty but I need something BRIGHT and HAPPY to go with my new anti-depressant personality. WOO. Maybe I'll give this one to Stacy. I know she liked it.
So anyway, I was experiencing all of these heightened emotions yesterday after the Sex and the City finale, which was absolutely fantastic, brilliant, incredible, could-not-possibly-have-been-any-better, when Ben sent me an IM that said something along the lines of "tell me when you're ready to not be happy anymore because i have something really sad to tell you."
I literally felt my heart sink down to a remote place of my body, and when he told me his "news" I broke down and started crying and my hands were shaking and I thought I was going to throw up.
I probably overreacted, but it was all just so sudden, and I didn't know how serious it was, and I didn't know anything about the circumstances that caused it, and I didn't know what effect it was going to have on him. And I just got ridiculously scared and upset and I tried to relate it to myself but I couldn't because this was something you only heard about from other people, not something that happens to someone you know and love.
It was a good thing he told me online rather than on the phone, because the last thing he needed was to deal with me freaking out; he confided in me because he needed someone to help him through it, and if he knew how I reacted it would have scared the crap out of him. It should have been me telling him that everything was going to be okay, not vice-versa, but I of course have to be the over-emotional teenage girl.
Fortunately, when I saw him in school this morning he said it was all cleared up and everything was okay. But can we just talk about how I think I was more upset than he was? I mean I guess I can't really say, because we hadn't talked on the phone last night, and I definitely seemed a lot more put together on AOL than I actually was; I guess he technically could have been crying and freaking out like I was.
But anyway, I am relieved that everything is okay now, and kind of shocked that I lost my composure so easily, and hopeful that this "okay" is a permanent okay for his family.
Also, now that I have rambled on for a very long time, and the people reading this clearly have no idea what I am talking about, I would just like to announce that the Postal Service CD is a masterpiece. And the new Incubus CD is horrendous, PLEASE DO NOT BUY IT.
And... that is all.
xxx
Alex
P.S, Added after the 2475687978th time I've tried to post this, and restarting my computer: I am highly considering moving this over to a Livejournal, because Blurty is a piece of shit and their server is so fucking slow.
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