jane's Blurty
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Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in jane's Blurty:

    Tuesday, September 9th, 2003
    9:43 am
    i am soooooo pissed. last night i went shopping at wal-mart and i had my planner on me or rather my organizer, which is my life, and it was stolen. so i had to change all my info, cancel my bank account, which sucks. man everything bad that can happen always happens to me. what the fuck did i do so wrong.


    Current Mood: bitchy
    Current Music: none to much going on in head
    Sunday, September 7th, 2003
    11:34 am
    (there back)......eery vioce
    hope has all gone
    punishment being my only theory
    although death seems so raunchy
    asinine even
    but where to go without hope
    all evil has caught me
    no on vioce left to speak
    only thoughts compounding my every move
    unworthy of substantial connection
    seeking solice in death, pills, tears and ana
    no hope exist here
    without it i am already dead

    jane doe

    Current Mood: nothingness
    Current Music: 0slutgarden, marilyn manson
    Friday, September 5th, 2003
    9:28 am
    yesterday and today
    almost broke up w/ bf yesterday, he got angry and jealous over something for no reason. he was soo mad and i was soooooooo depressed. ate eveything so today going to try to starve. hate myself wanna die, don't have enopugh guts to shoot myself and thats the only thing that works. wish some one would comment on my journals, feel so fat , ugly and alone. not good combination. need somone to talk to relate to. feel sooo stupid because i'm needy. just want to curl up in my fetal position and disapear forever. life has been soo evil to me. like i'm being punished by something and i don't even believe in any form of god or goddessess. just myself and death. so sad, so worthless, so pathetic, i'm whining to my fake internet journal. it can't get any worse than my life is now. death would be peaceful. but i just can't seem to do it right not like i haven't tried and been in the hospital for it. but thats the tyhing i was in the hospital on a breathing machine and not in a funeral home getting my makeup done. i feel such pity for myself, just sitting here having a pity party for myself, well thats enough bullshit,i have to shut up now .

    Current Mood: sick
    Current Music: amy mann, MAGNOLIA SOUNDTRACK
    Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003
    10:22 am
    not sure
    well was a total pig this weekend. so much weight to loose not enough time and motivation. hate that. used to be so determined, strong. feel as if lost it. should be more mature about this, like loosing the proper way. but never done it that way, only know ana and mia as my ways. trying ephedra to get a jump start. taking just a little. how does everyone else feel about using stuff to help. only to get me back on track, no long term use intended. i wish someone would read and comment on my journals. positive comments, no harsh people. this fells so good to get this stuff out , even if no one looks or listens. don't have any real freinds, so no one to talk to, particularly about this stuff. life for me sucks sooooooo bad, i sound like a pity party, but thata how i feel. nothing right in my life really. i've lived it so hard, and it hasn't been my fault, all horrible things happen to me. would like to talk to someone about the things other than my ana, so please make comment on my journal peeps. well think thats enough.
    Friday, August 29th, 2003
    1:24 pm
    little about me
    to start off been ana and mia for 12 yrs. having strange day, not quite sure what to do. been kinda off ana for about 6 mths, been doing mia once in a while though. not a big fan of mia but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. fasted for two days about 55 hours. had slim fast shake this morning, thats it for past three days. except coffee, flavored water, gum, diet coke. boobs already getting smaller, and thats the first to go with me. excited and scared about it cause all people in my life know about my ana. so now that i'm loosing weight again they are going to be on my ass about it. don't really care what ma says, but do care about sis, and especially my bf(we will be together a year in sept.). he met me when i was at one of my lowest weights, but he fell in love with me, now he says he likes me with some weight on. he says he will leave if i get emaciated again. soooo scared. have to loose weight but don't wanna loose them. i'm thinking that since winter is coming i can hide it with clothes. but when my bf and i make love he will see me naked and he knows i don't mind if the lights are on. need help to loose and hide.

    Current Mood: weird
    Current Music: modest mouse
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