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Monday, June 23rd, 2008
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2:22p
So.. tomorrow's my birthday... and i'm definitely not feeling the party-vibe...
Things are alright... i guess...
the food and workouts haven't been as bad as they could've been... but i feel super fat
yesterday the boy and I had a talk and it made me sad and worried... apparently he's fine with me working fulltime (if that's what i want for my future *well DUH! i'm only investing a lot time and money on it...*) but also expects ME to cook, clean, do laundry and do all that slave-work... i'm not sure i'm okay with that... i mean, yeah i COULD do it... but it feels so fucking unfair and i want to say i refuse... but i will probably end up doing it all... and resent him and want to poke his eyes out... and blah... hiring a maid is an option, except i would be expected to pay for it and make sure she does the job properly (which itself is a fulltime job, you can ask my mom that)
that's the bad thing about mexico, things like this don't change as fast... and the only one who's ever on my side about this issue is my older sister who expects to live like a princess and no do anything (maybe a job, but definitely no slave work...-and yes, i call it that-) its depressive and makes me reconsider the whole relationship... actually... it makes me reconsider the whole marriage thing... as if i didn't have enough doubts about it already... blah...
Anyways... i'll write about the whole conversation later...
Apparently the boy is stressed and is having a really bad time working with his dad... he's been offered 192381302 jobs... all of which are horribly underpaid... of course the only way you ever get a good job here is making your way up from a lower paying job... so... it might be time to give up and sacrifice for a while...
Aaaaanyways... I'm finishing my internship on wednesday.. and I'm DEFINIELY looking forward to a semi-vacation time... only gym and school and boy and poor-ness for me... yay
About the birthday... tomorrow is tuesday... i have to go to work and then school... i get out at 10pm, i hoooonestly don't want to celebrate... what's to celebrate... the depressiveness of my life... and the way i'm slowly realizing it...
alaksndlkashdliasoidasd
fuckit
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7:29p - take 2...
now im feeling depressed.
its not the birthday... because honestly, who the fuck cares, i'm only turning 21... but i feel so... sad... and not looking forward to anything... my mom is asking what i want to do... where i want to go to lunch or dinner or anything and all i can think of is how fat i'm feeling and how of all things i dont want food...
the boy is stressed and is being an asshole and i know its because he doesn't have hundreds of dollars to spend on my birthday like he always does... and instead of trying to make it work... he decides to become the world's biggest asshole making things harder for me... and now i have to plan my birthday... isn't that what boyfriends are for? to make my birthday special and not make them a cause of major stress?!!!
i could so kill him right now...
i cried for an hour... and then i called him... he was an ass... i yelled at him... and i cried for another hour... i don't know if i care...
birthdays are bullshit... i dont want to see tomorrow...
i know my desk at work will be filled with balloons because that's what assistents do to people's desks when people have birthdays... and i'll be embarassed to walk in and be uncomfortable because i dont know what they expect me to do... should i jump and say thank you?!... should i just ignore it... or should i call in sick... ok maybe not the last one... even though its the only thing i wish i could do... whyyyy wasn't it on a weekend... things would be better...
i.feel.like.crap.
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