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Tuesday, April 1st, 2008
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5:08a
so fat
so fat
so fat
and i feel so pathetic for admitting i can't stop thinking about my meals and exercise and fatness when i KNOW i dont have health problems because im fat and i know that fat people don't wear size 3/4 and im just tired of trying to convince myself i'm alright...
i want to cry
my fucking family is going insane...
my dad is apparently going to a psychiatrist AND a psychologist... not that there's anything wrong with it... but when did i miss the memo that my dad is mentally off?! wtf... i knew i acted strangely like him in a bad way but does that mean i'm fucking desperate for help too?
and now he can't even talk to me because he's disappointed and pissed and amazed that my mom rejected him (for wanting to get back together after 4!!!!!! years of living apart... countries apart!!!) "just because he has a new boyfriend"... which i must admit is still fucking insane considering they've been dating 2 months and my parents were married for 25 years but whatever.. and its like it was MY fault my mom doesn't want him back... WTF!!! i feel like a 10yr old kid trapped in between parental problems.. fuck that...
so what does my mom do? act responsibly and take care of us? oh GOOOOD NO.... she decides to travel with her new boyfriend for almost 2 weeks!!!!!! WTF!!!
meanwhile i've been waking up every morning with my feet and hands swollen as if i had consumed too much salt (which i haven't) and it hurts and its getting to be too often... so now i took some diuretics... and then i remember i've been taking them ALL WEEK... around 3 pills... because i wake up like this and i can't leave the house with my fucking face and fingers and toes all fat... barf... i want to die...
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