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Tuesday, March 18th, 2008
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1:40a
so the trip was pretty good...
well... it was okay... or not... blah
the activities themselves were fine but i'm just amazed by how stupid i am...
i'm disappointed and i dont know what to do about myself...
i'm not going to write everything in detail because i should be asleep and im lazy but... thursday was alright, nothing big happened... friday was alright except for the fact that at night i decided to make some dude fall for me... and he sort of did... i mean, i didn't do anything with him but you just KNOW when you're with someone who just wishes you didn't have to leave soon... i spent a lot of time on saturday with him, we just talked... nothing more (and of course the daily activites)... that same day i went partying with 6 dudes and 4 other girls that i didn't know and i'll never see again... i hadn't slept for 2 days because i had a busy schedule and whatnot... so i was super tired and that + half a bottle of whiskey = drunk... I completely blanked-out about what happened... I know I was drinking and chatting and i just can't seem to remember what i did afterwards.. I asked a guy friend and he said i got friendly with the 3 guys i knew.. ALL 3 OF THEM... I kissed them all... W-T-F?...he said that was it and then i was tripping all over so I went to bed (in this guy's apartment) and that was all.. according to him.. EXCEPT... when I woke up (at the hotel except not in my room but in the 3 guy's room... all of whom I know and trust) So when I woke up... the problem was... I was wearing a sweater.. over my top... which was inside out and my bra hooked on weirdly...
I HONESTLY feel like the biggest shit in the world... I asked all 3 of them and they said that aside from the kissing and getting drunk I didn't do anything else... I honestly hope that it was only a drunken stupidity like getting naked in the restroom thinking I was home to take a shower and then putting my clothes back on wrong... but im not so sure... i couldn't have fucked anyone... i have my period... and i just dont have sex on my period... blah...
so yeah, 1... i'm a slut, 2... i obviously can't be away from my boyfriend for more than 2 minutes because i'll kiss guys i dont EVEN LIKE physically and 3... i am stupid
SERIOUSLY ... WHO goes to an apartment with 3 guys you know and 3 guys and 4 girls they won't ever see again... asldiajdlasjldjaslkdjalsjeiowaeoia,mn,asd,asd
i have always told myself i'd be honest to my boyfriend if i cheated but HONESLTY i thought that if i was ever to cheat on the boy i would have a reason to cheat, i would be unhappy with him, i would at least like the other guy and i would at LEAST remember what i did... but i don't... and i refuse ruining my 3 year relationship for something i can't even recall...
god i'm a terrible person...
and the worst part is the boy didn't even go out that much this weekend... he went out even LESS than we normally do... crap...
i.am.crap.
plus i drank so much that im super fat... pictures = hell...
MUST.LOSE.20.LBS.NO.MATTER.WHAT.
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