10 parts sugar. 90 parts whiskey.'s Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
10 parts sugar. 90 parts whiskey.

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John to Julia [10 Oct 2012|07:45pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

My ex from high school officially came out to his parents as a woman. He called and talked to me for a little while. First time I've heard his lady voice. Sort of made me sad to hear it, actually. Sad that I'll never hear his old voice again. I could only hear his old voice when he laughed.

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Not like me [24 Aug 2011|06:34pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

For someone who likes attention (enough to want to share my thoughts and opinions on a blog on facebook on twitter to anyone who will listen) I am SURE sick of people wanting things from me this week.

Too busy for words. So busy I keep randomly bursting into tears. I am not like that. I am not the kind to randomly start crying. But its happened twice in the last two days and its only Wednesday.

I want to tell everyone to fuck off. But thats probably a bad idea.

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Guatemala [23 Aug 2011|10:39pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | black moth super rainbow ]

I'm going to move there.

I've nearly decided. The only thing that is holding me back is money.

But I think I've come up with a solution for that too.

The plan:
Move to Antigua, Guatemala (google it and be jealous) to study Spanish for a few months. Maybe even teach some English, if I like the school. Stay August, September, October. Come back to the states for a month (November). I think November would be a good time to come back because its Thanksgiving and my family will have time off. Its also a great time to do something very very American. Eat shit tons of turkey and stuffing. I'd head back in December. Staying January and February. Come back in March to hang out again. And then fly back in April for Semana Santa (Easter).

I have to fly back for a month because of Visa issues. Guatemala doesn't require a tourist visa if you stay less than three months. So I just figured it would be easier to just come back then to go through the hassle of getting a Visa. We'll see though.

Costs:
The school and room & board (provided by the school) will roughly be $200 a week. So $200*12weeks = $2400. If I decide to stay the whole three months at the school. It might end up being a total crap school. Or I hate the people. Or I realize that I know Spanish a lot better then I think.

So how am I gonna raise that much before then? Sell my car. My little sister is graduating high school next year. And she's going to be going off to college (probably nearby) and she's probably going to want a car. And I can give her that car. I'm going to talk to my mom about buying my car off of me. I'm hoping for 5 or 6K. Which is 3K less then what I bought it for two years ago.

I can also work while in Guatemala. The amazing thing about the internet and doing graphic design is that no one needs to know that I'm not in the U.S.

Yeah. There are probably flaws in this plan. But fuck it. I have no obligations (except to my cat). Why not?

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I'm gonna write a song [29 Jul 2011|02:41am]
[ mood | artistic ]

I've sort of started a song. And I think I am going to finish it.

I was trying to work out the lyrics in my head. I saw one of my favorite bands tonight. And I saw, what I am just going to start considering, the "one-that-got-away". He's basically the most handsome and kind person I know. Basically. He looks into my eyes in a way I never thought a person could. He has great eye contact. Which is something I'm good at too. So when we talk we talk right into each other eyes. Its kind of magical.

I want to write a song about how we met. And the times we've hung out since then.

I love him.

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My favorite Beatle [27 Jul 2011|09:44pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t79aI-I6ucA


*discovered an issue with blurty... no embedded videos, I guess.

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Away from LJ [27 Jul 2011|07:53pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

I've decided to switch from LJ to blurty. My blog lived here many years ago. But I switched to LJ because thats where my friends were.

I need a place to write my thoughts and LJ's horrible server connections and constant ugly advertisements has finally gotten to me and I just never want to look at them again. So I apologize if its inconvenient to come here to read what I've written. I just can't deal with LJ anymore.

I've decided to be anonymous here. If you know me, please refrain from using my name. Or the names of people I know. I won't ever give anyone anyway either.

I also think there is a different type of person who reads blurty blogs vs. LJ blogs. And I am opening up my blog to the public to share my thoughts with others.

If you don't know me, then welcome.

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Ramblings on my thoughts of late. [26 Jul 2011|01:11pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

(1) I should stop caring what people think about me. Like, how I feel awkward about having liked the book "Eat Pray Love" so much. I don't know why I feel awkward. I just know that a lot of other people find that book to be extremely cheesy. While I totally understand that shit happened after the book like Eat Pray Love Prayer Shawls and shit. Which I agree, is kind of stupid. But if you read the bit in the story about the woman opening up a hotel.. I sort of get it. Survival. Right?

(2) I am trying to pull into my mind the things that upset me, look at them, and decide to stop getting so upset about them. For example. M and I will never be friends again. This is something I have to accept despite how much it hurts. I will wrestle with that one for a while. I won't find peace until I can forgive him. There are other people I am still caught up in. People I haven't talked to in years. Namely, E. The Canadian. Who broke my heart several years ago and I've yet to find the courage to let that one go. I still hope from time to time that he'll show up on my doorstep, beg for forgiveness, and we can spend the rest of our lives getting into trouble and making music and being a pillar for each other. This is never going to happen.

(3) There are many many things I don't like about myself. Many. So many things. This is probably going to be the hardest thing to attempt to resolve. My laziness, my anger, my impatience, my selfish nature, my occasional lack of empathy, my inability to open up to people (the anonymity of the internet is different.. even though I know everyone who reads my [ex]LJ... I don't feel like I'm actually talking to anyone), my jealousy. Oh. God. My jealousy. I am a jealous person. I didn't realize it until recently at a party, when the guy I was sweet on was hitting on someone else. And I felt a fire in my belly and I wanted to punch him and her and every single person who tried to talk to me for the next 20 minutes. I am also jealous in my work. I get upset when I see someone has won an award that I didn't get. And my ego inflates when I hear things like.. "I applied for that internship at [work] too" and I can't help but think to myself "I'M BETTER THAN YOU!" When really, it was just circumstance and perhaps I'm better at bullshitting. Like that... why am I so down on myself? Perhaps I am more talented than the other person... but I'll just strip that away and say "no, I'm just better at talking about my work." I've never been able to tell if I'm any good. And I never believe anyone when they say I'm talented. I am pouty. If I don't get my way, I get very upset. These are horrible qualities in a person. I know that I am not all bad. I know that I have some good things going for me (none I can really think of right this moment.. but I know they're there) but as a whole the negatives are the only things I think about.

(4) I'm moving into a new place in 6 days. I can't tell you how excited I am. I'll be back on the near east side. I am still nervous about my new roommate. I'm sure it will be fine. But I just don't need the drama. I am worried about drama. I don't want to have to hide in my room like I did this past year.

More thoughts are running around in my head. But that's all for now.

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