Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in 1010's Blurty:

Tuesday, June 17th, 2003
2:55 pm	its too late hayy, three days ago. i did everything to make sure i get my period this month. ( i only have it every 3 months. i know, lucky me! but i don't want to push my luck) So I went to my reflexologist and told her that i wanted to get my period. so she pushed the corresponding buttons with extra intensity. it was so painful but i remember thinking then that it'd be worth it. i got my period last night. and my tummy hurts real bad. i feel like crying. i can't even stand up long. i don't even have the energy nor the appetite to eat the mango cheesecake my brother brought home. and i love mango cheesecakes!! This is so NOT worth it!!! What was I thinking?? Current Mood: crappy Current Music: kang-ta (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, May 30th, 2003
4:41 pm	weird dreams i've been having really weird dreams lately. last night, i dreamt that we had a high school reunion. and then all of a sudden, this girl, a batchmate was going to kill all of us. i was so scared because a.) i don't want to die yet. especially not in such a gruesome way. b.) that girl was really nice. we weren't close or anything. people always made fun of her because she was so straight. i don't remember exactly what happened anymore but a few years back, her classmates got mad at her and started saying "kill the bear!" behind her back. (she wears a bear pin to school). i don't know where she is now and if she's changed or not. but nevertheless, its scary. because she might have been really hurt back in high school and she's out to get all of us. but she seems like such an innocent girl, id never suspect her of anything like this. but why did she manifest in my dream? i don't think i've thought about her since high school. i should consult my tarot cards. yup, i bought tarot cards this week. they're really great. i spend at least an hour a day practicing and learning. * i want the samsung phone! on to my dream the day before. i was supposedly in st. jude, in some room that i don't recognize. but it was supposedly the principal's office. i was in the lounge with some other people i don't really remember anymore. then suddenly, ken chu of F4 fame walks in with two of his friends and they bypass the line and go straight to the principal's office. the principal seemed to love them and they got out of the room with big smiling faces. they hung out in the lounge after that. for some reason, i think i was pissed coz they bypassed the line and i've been waiting for quite some time already. although i don't even remember why i wanted to see the principal. ken chu was talking with one of my batchmates when he suddenly pulled my hair. i was shocked and pissed so i kicked him really hard. he just stared at me then he laughed. i don't know what happened next, all i remember is that suddenly, we were all trying to get out of the auditorium which was on the 7th floor and we were all trying to go down the stairs as fast as we can. and for some stupid reason, i don't know why, i got stuck in one of the bathrooms. it was locked until some people i don't know opened the bathroom. but i hid when i saw them. i don't know why. but i was scared of them. then i woke up. i don't know why im suddenly dreaming of saint jude. high schools seems like ages ago. not to mention that ken chu of F4 pops up in my dreams. weird. i mean, i think he's the coolest F4 member but why would i dream of him in that setting? maybe if i dreamt of him and me having a really great time then i won't be disturbed. but ken in my high school? talking to the principal? pulling my hair? what's up with that? and most of all, why would i dream of her wanting to kill all of us? i always think that these things only happened in the US or some caucasian country where kids are raised differently. but of all places, saint jude? i don't know of any other school that has really nice, obedient and straight kids aside from my high school. when i think of how normal people are in my school, it scares me some times. it seems unreal. my dream sounds like the plot of battle royale. but i haven't even seen it yet. since i was batch president during my high school days, people immediately think that it is my duty to organize things such as batch reunions. i've been telling them that i have no plans ever of organizing a reunion and that these things are organized by the alumni council and that im not even a part of that. but they can't seem to digest the fact and I always get emails/texts from people that i should organize one. i constantly remind them that my term ended '99. and that i didn't sign up again after. i think this dream served to reaffirm the fact that im never organizing one and and im not attending one either. the universe is trying to tell me something. who am i not to listen? Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: nina simone (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 14th, 2003
2:23 pm	i just heard avril's version of knocking on heaven's door. she totally murdered the song. hayy naku. why can't she just stick to skaterboy type songs. btw, i've been going a lot to this reflexology place in annapolis. its so good!! they have tv with global cable in all the rooms!! i love global cable, they have a lot of taiwanese, japanese and korean channels. my reflexologist is from china so i get to practice my mandarin. free lessons, hehe. she told me i looked like san tsai of MG. as in out of the blue. i don't know if i'm supposed to be happy or angry. barbie's okay its just that i dislike her for being stupid in MG and being extremely bitchy to jerry in real life. i asked the number of global from their TDK manager but when i called the number, it was some person's house who was a subscriber of global cable. weird. but since i want global so much i decided to be kapal and ask him if he could look for the number for me. after making me wait 10 minutes, he told me he couldn't find any of the receipts. oh well. at least he was nice. Current Mood: awake Current Music: cantonese songs by beyond (Comment on this)
2:18 pm	I have to meet 819,776,986 heterosexual males who are between 22 and 29 years old before I'd find that perfect guy for me. That's what the soul mate calculator said. i got the link from salon.com Sorry, I was too depressed to take a good look at the web address. (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 8th, 2003
8:47 pm	synchronicity? the person who got the blurty ad of the day or whatever you call it is also the salon ad of the day. "personals" i think that's what they call it. weird. he didn't even look/sound hot. oh well. im loving this japanese song, love addict by nakashima mika. download it! it's really good Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: j-pop (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 7th, 2003
9:25 pm	I hate ABS! They murdered the MG theme song!! they made a really stupid tagalized version of the lovely harlem yu song. thank goodness they didn't murder Penny's song or I'd go to ABS and spill gas all over the place. the translations suck, the voice talents sound menopausal already. hayy. lei's voice was supposed to be really calm and soothing but lei's voice in the tagalized version sounds like a frog. and DMS' voice did not have the charming little boy effect at all!! AARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH I hate the Lopez empire!! Not just for MG but for that useless Sky fucking Cable. They don't have any good channels at all. Not to mention they made me wait for my premium channel orders for 5 months only to come up empty handed. i called their customer service the other day and demanded for the manager to talk to me but he refused!!!! can you believe that? he refused!!!!! il tell you about this whole sky cable business next time when im more calm. hayy. i watched chinese odyssey 2002 awhile ago. it was so funny. i love tony leung even more now. the other guy's cute too. i might be forced to go to the office tomorrow again. oh well. i should bring tokyo raiders so that il have something to do. one more complaint, MYX has been playing F4 videos lately. which is good. but they are also playing this english song from the Meteor Garden 2 soundtrack while showing clips of MG2. MG1 isn't even halfway done here and they are showing clips of MG2!!!! talk about stupidity. somebody, please, buy out the stupid, corrupt lopez family from ABS, Sky, Meralco, Benpres.... did i mention that their family lives in our village that's why the only cable available here is sky and home??? i want global cable!!!!!!!! i swear if i run out of patience i'm going to drive over their garden. Current Mood: angry Current Music: reason (korean) autumn in my heart main theme (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 3rd, 2003
4:32 pm	I officially declined the france scholarship this morning. I hope I won't regret this. the effect of F4 is just too much. im too obsessed. the only western thing i like now is their food. i don't watch american tv shows anymore. i don't even watch cnn now. im now devoted to channelnewsasia. and whenever i watch tv, i only watch the taiwanese channel and star mandarin. i need to get over this phase. hopefully gem and i get into the non graduating non exchange program in singapore. i don't really have any other plans aside from that one. im going to all the online oracles tonight and see what they have to say about it. yes, im nuts. but i truly believe in these things. astrology, numerology, palmistry, ouija... oh, we took my sister to the hospital today. she'll be staying there for a short while. she has internal waste management problems. nothing big. Current Mood: full Current Music: love on a diet (andy lau) (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 28th, 2003
8:05 pm	lovely and amazing i just watched lovely and amazing. it's a pretty good film. but i guess i shouldn't have watched it today. i've been pretty depressed since i woke up this am. plus i found out that NTU isn't accepting graduates in their non-graduating program. Of course I found out about it after working so very hard on my application. and spending so much on all those long distance calls. not to mention, nice paper, envelopes, etc. oh well. life is testing me a bit lately. the role keener played in lovely and amazing reminds me so much of myself. i don't know. i feel like smiling and crying at the same time. she's supposed to be this mega bitch in the movie. she tells everyone to fuck off and she's very rude to a lot of people. she has so much potential but she's too lazy. and she fears rejection. so she just spends the day in front of the tv, eating. her husband is cheating on her with her good friend. she ends up getting arrested for statutory rape in the end (she had a fling with a 17 year old. the 17 year old adored her. and she needed someone at that point in her life) but despite all this, she still comes off as nice. you know she has a good heart. but she just has the need to put an armor. just in case. im scared. i like her but i don't want to end up like her. although i have to admit that with my present state, im not too far off. i need to get my life together. i have to. a few weeks ago, i was talking to this person i know from school. he asked me about my future plans and i told him i haven't worked it out yet. im confused. he said he didn't expect this from me. he said he'd always thought i'd hit it big and it always seemed like i knew what i wanted. i thought so to. but i'm 21, and i'm not where I thought I'd be. im lost, scared and depressed. i need my cainer but he's on leave. just when i need him the most. well, its not like we are personal friends or anything. on a normal day i can be the most positive person on earth. but in days like these, i can be the most negative too. yep, i am of the extreme variety. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 27th, 2003
10:02 am	random i had fun last friday. my friends came over and we had another MG marathon. and since most of them couldn't understand chinese, i translated it for them. there was a scene there where lei was hugging san cai in the beach and he said something like you're so thin and if i hug you tighter you'd break or something, etc. my friends thought i was making the stuff up. hehe. but i wasn't. they just have some majorly weird lines in that series. but i still love it. that friend i was telling you guys about came though. at first she just let her driver drop a package for me. but she came around 8pm and we ate tasty noodles and pork chops. yay! i'm glad she came. it means she's slowly recovering from her black phase. my dad bought me an office at the stock exchange. its a really lame attempt to hinder my plans to go abroad. but oh well, since i'm not doing anything much this summer, i'm going to the office for awhile. but as soon as i get everything ready for my trip, nothing can stop me. i don't care whether he spent millions on that office. i didn't ask for it. besides, i have no appetite for stocks. especially not in this country where the market is always down and the only way you can earn anything is if you have inside information. i don't have plans of losing my self-respect. especially not at this early age. i'm supposed to go on my first visit/tour of the office this wednesday. i don't really care if it's nice. just as long as they install cable/dsl for me, i'm okay. my dad told me to hire friends to work with me. this is a pretty tough decision since a lot of my friends are still jobless and i don't know who to get. i want to get G to add an element of fun to the office. although i know she doesn't know anything about stocks. i might get this guy who's good with these things but admittedly, he annoys me sometimes because he's just too loud and talkative. and it's not like he's very interesting. plus he likes me. and i avoided him for a whole sem last school year. although we're okay now. big dilemma: should i ask my ex to join? he loves stocks and stuff. he just finished school and he's also looking for a job. we're still good friends and i know for a fact that i don't like him that way anymore but it's still a bit weird. i don't know if i want tension in the office. besides, my parents are bound to ask a million questions. so should i? right now, it's 70% no. also, i'm thinking maybe i should get people from other high schools as well, that way we don't have the same friends and there's more opportunity to sell stocks. but i don't know. a lot of things have to be considered. i have to make sure that the office will do well and that the people i get are really ccapable or else i'd have a harder time leaving. if they all turn out to be useless, then i wouldn't be able to leave asap because its my responsibility to straighten things out. im still pissed at my dad for putting me in this position. why can't he just let me do what i want? damn. this is a really lame graduation gift. i should have said something when he asked me what i wanted. now i'm stuck with a business i don't like at all. grr. at the same time i'm pissed at myself for complaining too much. very few people are given this chance and i don't even want to make the most out of it. which brings me to that scholarship in france. i wanted it. i got it. now i don't even want to go there. i want to stay here in asia. but it'll be too unfair for the other people who applied for the same thing if i don't go coz it's non-transferable. why don't i want to go? basically because i don't want to attend intensive french language seminars while i'm here. i know. i'm lazy. plus i don't really find the thought of studying accounting in french appetizing. my parents are not very enthusiastic about this france thing. but i know that if i push it, they'd let me go in the end. grrrr. i hate my indecisiveness. Current Mood: cranky Current Music: look of love. diana krall (Comment on this)
Friday, April 25th, 2003
7:33 am	i will grow taller haha, i did 20 minutes of mental exercises this am. hopefully i grow taller asap. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 24th, 2003
6:49 pm	I've long known that I was an extremist. my astrology profile said that i have the makings of a fanatic. i'll probably start my own religion some day when i'm 50 and bored. It's not advisable to start your own religion until you're around this age. you have to come off as really wise and experienced for people to put their faith in you. until then i'll have to make do with brainwashing people by hypnosis. which will probably never happen coz i'm too lazy to do anything else aside from eating, surfing and watching foreign tv series all day, let alone learn something useful like hypnosis. i wish i can be one of those hardworking go-getter types. but i figure that'll take up too much of my energy. energy can never be destroyed, only transferred. why would i want to transfer my energy into something else other than myself? haha, that line sounds stupid. and stupid is how i feel right now. a few months ago i answered an LSAT reviewer out of sheer boredom. i only answered one part but i got most of it right given the time constraints. i tried the same thing yesterday, i couldn't answer a single thing. i couldn't move beyond problem no. 1!! What's happening to me?? does watching too much cheesy television series really mess up your brain? please say No! I'm enjoying it way too much. i'm scared. i don't want to work yet. i want to travel. and the only way i can travel the way i want is if i study abroad. but with the rate i'm going now, im never going to get in any good school. funny thing is, i know i'm sinking minute by minute but i don't want to do anything about it. I have to wake up from this loserish mentality. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: love you more each day by jacky cheung (Comment on this)
6:40 pm	i just had dinner. i'd like to congratulate myself for overcoming the temptation to eat my third slice of chocolate cake with butterscotch sauce for today. i'm putting it off for later. i'm sure i'll be hungry again in an hour. if i eat one for dinner, i'll surely have my 4th slice later. this will ensure that i only eat 3 big slices of cake a day. still within my daily allowable random-acts-of-kindness-to-myself meter. haha, i'm mighty proud. this is the first time this summer (it's been 6 weeks) that I was actually able to withhold myself from eating dessert. (Comment on this)
4:20 pm	my first entry wow! this is what happens when you're extremely bored and channel news asia doesn't satisfy anymore. You end up having an online journal which you're bound to regret once someone you know reads it. but oh well. i'll take the risk. boredom breeds evil. I'm not exactly evil, more like mean. i played a prank on one of my countless younger siblings this morning. i told her her hands were rough and she needed to put some hand lotion. i poured some facial wash lotion on her hands. since she thought it was hand lotion, she kept on rubbing it, but to her surprise it became really sticky and gooey. i kept on making hints but she didn't get it. she still thinks my hand lotion is just extra sticky. this isn't my first attempt with online journals. i had one before. i made one entry and forgot all about it. i don't even remember the address or my username. i just remember being frustrated that night and i didn't want to talk to anyone so i vented my anger on the site. after that, i simply erased the blog and that frustrating event in my life from my memory. this is different though, i think i'm going to be keeping this journal for awhile. i have nothing to do. i just got out of college and i don't want to work yet. so i'm just here at home most of the time. visiting random websites, reading books and watching taiwanese and korean soap operas. i talk to myself for at least an hour a day. it helps me keep my sanity. you must think i'm a really quiet person in real life. haha. total opposite. i talk a lot. i talk too much. i tend to dominate conversations. but i don't usually talk about my innermost thoughts. i have trust issues. not that i have some really bad secrets or anything, its just that i don't want the emotional baggage that comes with opening up. i like to keep things inside of me where its safe. i think my closest friend has the same issues. we've been really good friends since grade ii. and she's brilliant. but she also has trust issues. we talk a lot but we try to avoid certain topics. not that we don't trust each other, i'll trust her with my life. but i know that unlike some people, we like it best when we keep some of our thoughts to ourselves. i respect her privacy. ever since we were in grade school, she's been telling me she's going to commit suicide. she wants to die young. she idolizes james dean, kurt cobain, etc. i've always had a feeling she meant it but i never gave it much thought because i know her ideal age was 27 and at that time, it seemed like a galaxy away. but we're 21 now and lately she's been idolizing the inventor of gnutella who also committed suicide last year. last night she sent me an SMS saying she'll leave all her books with me when she dies. it woke me up and i became really worried. i SMSd her back telling her to quit joking and that we'll see each other on friday for our Meteor Garden marathon. (yes, we're both big MG fans despite being in our 20s. im half proud and half embarassed of our childishness). she turned her phone off. i skipped pilates this morning partly because i'm lazy but mostly because i wanted to call her house. i called around 7am but no one was answering. i was already imagining really bad scenarios in my head. Cursing her at the same time. Half hoping she couldn't hear me coz she was still very much alive and half hoping she could hear my mental curses if she really did decide to do it last night. i called around 8 and her father answered the phone. he said she was still sleeping. i was tempted to ask him to go and check if she was still alive but i didn't have the guts. plus her dad put the phone down before i could say good bye. i called 3 more times but for some reason the phone wasn't ringing. i wanted to kill her. i finally got to talk to her around noon. she seemed in a hurry to get off the phone and she assured me that it wasn't happening anytime before september. i didn't know what to say. i couldn't bring myself to scold her. i guess i was just happy that she was still alive. i don't dare tell her not to commit suicide ever because i know she'll resent me for it. i am the supportive friend. haha, i know you're thinking "what kind of friend are you? supporting your friend in her quest to kill herself?" i don't know. all i know is that she's too smart and i'd just lose the argument if i beg her not to. all i can do is try and prevent it as long as i can. i told her that she can't possibly do it soon coz we were going to apply to study abroad. and that she'd have to do something big first like the gnutella guy before committing suicide or else she'll just be a follower. no one will idolize her. it wouldn't be worth it if she just becomes a follower. she was born to be an idol. that's the best argument i can think of. hopefully i can think of something else once she hits it big. okay, it's your turn to bash me now for being such a bad friend. while you're at it, think of a better argument. please. Current Mood: worried Current Music: my compilation of happy songs (1 Comment |Comment on this)