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Below is user information for Jaimie. If you are this user, you can edit your information (or choose what information is considered public) at the Edit Info page.
| User: | obscuredthought (363971) |
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| Name: | Jaimie |
| Location: | Hopatcong, New Jersey, United States | | Birthdate: | 1986-04-14 |
| Bio: | Emotional gauge for the day:
In a perverse way, I was glad for the stitches, glad it would show, that there would be scars. What was the point in just being hurt on the inside? I thought of the girl with the scar tattoos at the Crenshaw group home. She was right, it should bloody well show.
I would be afraid to be so vulnerable. I'd spent the last three years trying to build up some kind of skin, so I wouldn't drip with blood everytime I brushed up against something. She was naked, she peeled herself daily.
People didn't fit in slots - prostitute, housewife, saint - like sorting the mail. We were so mutable, fluid with fear and desire, ideals and angles, changeable as water
Who am I? I am who I say I am and tomorrow someone else entirely. You are too nostalgic, you want memory to secure you, console you. The past is a bore. What matters is only oneself and what one creates from what one has learned. Imagination uses what it needs and discards the rest - where you want to erect a museum.
Don't hoard the past, Astrid. Don't cherish anything. Burn it. Burn it. The artist is the phoenix who burns to emerge.
How vast was a human being's capacity for suffering. The only thing you could do was stand in awe of it. It wasn't a question of survival at all. It was the fullness of it, how much you could hold, how much could you care.
I imagined the lies they valedictorian was telling them right now. About the exciting future that lies ahead. I wish she'd tell them the truth: Half of you have gone as far in life as you're ever going to. Look around. It's all downhill from here. The rest of us will go a bit further, a steady job, a trip to Hawaii, or a move to Phoenix, Arizona, but out of fifteen hundred how many will do anything truly worthwhile, write a play, paint a painting that will hang in a gallery, find a cure for herpes? Two of us, maybe three? And how many will find true love? About the same. And enlightenment? Maybe one. The rest of us will make compromises, find excuses, someone or something to blame, and hold that over our hearts like a pendant on a chain.
We stood and mourned. I could imagine how Jesus felt, his pity for all humanity, how impossible it was, how admirable.
Compared to this eternal body, the individual was a smoke, a cloud. The body was the only reality. I hurt, therefore I am.
I hadn't understood at the time. If sinners were so unhappy, why would they prefer their suffering? But now I knew why. Without my wounds, who was I? My scars were my face, my past was my life. It wasn't like I didn't know where all this remembering got you, all that hunger for beauty and astonishing cruelty and ever-present loss.
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I won't give you the satisfaction of a discription. It'll mean nothing to me that you know me, and it'll mean nothing to me if you don't, so don't waste your time trying to buy into a life that has no need for more complication.
[ Credit: I've a habit of not catching the names of the people's icons that I take, so if it's really that big a deal to you, you can comment and I'll be more than happy to credit on whatever's yours and present in my journal.]
That is all |
| Interests: | 115: a perfect circle, aaron, alaska, alcohol, anger, anorexia, anthony hopkins, anxiety, art, ashley, axe bodyspray, beethoven, being held, being kissed, being mellow, bitching, black, black eyeliner, blankets, bulimia, candles, caressing, chinchillas, classical, coconut rum, comets, comfort, corners, cuddling, curling, cutting, darkness, daylilies, dependency, depression, down pillows, elegance, engagement, exercise, eyes, fennec foxes, freedom, fresh starts, fros, fucking, giving head, goths, graham, graveyards, hands, hannibal, hate, hiding, holding hands, horror movies, intelligence, kissing, koalas, luff, making love, making out, making people cry, manipulation, masks, massachusetts, meg, mozart, muppets, murder, neck kissing, night skies, nihilism, north carolina, obscurity, owls, painting, pengween, peonies, personification, phoenix, piercings, pirating music, poetry, pouting, psychology, rain, ralph fiennes, razors, refinement, rings, ryan, serial killers, shadows, silver rings, slow dancing, soft skin, solitude, spring, stars, stress balls, sugar gliders, teasing, tess, the internet, thermal shirts, thoughts, tool, torture, tory, twitching, vacations, vanilla coke, white oleander, woods, writing |
| Friends: | None listed. |
| Friend of: | 1: strokemesoft |
| Member of: | 3: disorders, fuckyou, gotohell |
| Account type: | Free User |
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