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Kate (ziletak) wrote,
@ 2005-02-11 00:35:00
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    Current mood: uncomfortable
    Current music:unoriginal

    but you can't blame the time because it's only in your mind.
    i have been so out of it today. it just felt so off. do you ever wake up and the air that you breath doesn't feel quite as clean as it did the day before? that's how i felt this morning. then all day, i felt as though i was just trying to catch up, like i was always one step behind. by the end of leadership, i knew i had to leave because i was unable to smile for one more minute. i cried on the way home. for no reason. i am just glad to finally have thursday february 10th behind me. i know there was something God was trying to teach me in the chaos, but i did not catch on. maybe tomorrow it will just click.

    i wish i could just be how i want to be. i know that i should have the control over my emotions and my behaviors, but there are some times where i hear what i say and can't pull the words back in time to save myself or the person they are directed to. i'm trying though. i really am. i just need to keep praying for control. it's funny though. until recently, i just felt like being sarcastic and cracking jokes at other's expenses was just part of who i am. now, i can't stand it. i really am just needing to control it until it is no longer a habit. i think that's what it is...a really bad habit.

    ahhh...i need to get to sleep. i am much happier though. even though the day was ehhh (i say ehhh because it wasn't bad, just strange), right now i feel alright. thanks for cheering me up, josh.

    till then...

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