An update
I never forget blurty! I often think about it... I thought I might leave a quick update on where I got so far.
I AM a dance instructor. Finally! After all that I've gone through... My first entries here - I could barely believe I'd get there back then, but see: if you really really want something and work hard on it, you'll get it. And it's worth every bit of effort I've invested. I have students who love, a boss who appreciates me (she has just invested $1000 to make and run a special TV ad starring yours truly - to advertise my classes).
Moscow Boy - we never got in touch... I'm starting to really make peace with the fact that we never will. I'll get back to this bit later.
Dima - well, after all he was a big BIG HUGE fake. But we're still together. I feel too weak to leave him, besides I'm not ready for a real relationship, but Dima is here for me, so for now I've given up and just let this relationship continue... Don't ask why, I've made this decision after a lot of serious thinking. He's a cheater and a liar. I love him and I hate him at the same time. The biggest problem, and perhaps the thing that keeps me with him is that I'm scared to believe now. For over a year he played a perfect man, remember? He seemed unbelievably nice, I do trust that he was madly in love with me, but whatever, he appeared to be a very different person actually. Yet, I don't know if he's much different from me...
Like I have my Moscow Boy, a person I can never be indifferent to, he has this girl he dated at about the same time I dated MB, his first love, they had a crazy relationship for two years and then broke up... Then she left. When he met me, he thought he finally found a different love, but while I was in Moscow the girl returned to town, called him up, they've even gone out together, had sex, but then I wrote that I was coming back to the island, so he chose me... Maybe he shouldn't have... That was the REAL problem all along. Ever since I've returned, driving me crazy, yet I had no idea why. I tried to break up with him, but whenever we met, we couldn't resist getting back together. Finally he told me everything. And I was like "You have no idea, how much I understand you, I have a very similar story to tell". After that we had two months of perfect relationship, untill she started calling and texting him again.
When that happens, he starts to go crazy, and that's when he goes off cheating. Not with her, with other chicks. And I... I'm busy working my dream job. The strange thing is that I understand him. But I really really really wish to meet someone else, someone who wouldn't be as fake, who wouldn't feel the need to cheat, someone who doesn't yet have a history of hurting me... But how can I pick a man, if I've received undeniable proof that all the care, attention, love that man has for you can just be a mask to a real rotten person hidden deep inside. It's like he feels guilty for who he really is, so he behaves in a way that makes all the people around him think he's an unbelievably kind, loveable, caring, helping person.
Just don't try to tell me what to do. I make my own decisions.
Oh, and I've finally dyed my hair pink. It's cute. I look lovely with it.
My puppy turned 1 year old yesterday. She's beautiful. I'm happy to be back home after all the Moscow adventures, but I wonder how long I'll last till I feel an urge to take off for some new place again...
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