I'm still here, I'm OKay. Thanks for everyone who supported me, your comments meant a lot. I just didn't have anything to write about. Well, I did, I just couldn't really write, you know.
I have this obsessive desire to dye my hair pink, like Gwen Stephanie, so yesterday I was looking for pictures online, checking out my options - I mean, maybe it's better to do pink highlights or something, so it will be easier to maintain when it grows out... Anyway, suddenly it starts to seem like people tend to dye their hair pink as an attempt to get out of depression. I don't mean to say these are directly related, but I could relate to that tendency, and that sort of threw me off. I've thought that it's the sort of thing that people do to appear original, but most of those people have something in common - like, they are creative and and somewhat rebellious and maybe feel misunderstood or out of place... Anyway, in my case, wouldn't that be an unoriginal thing to do?
It's like I'm tired of being human... So I want to look less, um... Less natural maybe...
Maybe creativity is a sign of a weak mind. You know, all those people that seem creative, they are extremely vulnerable... And the more vulnerable I become, the more creative I get.
I have a new problem: Dance classes are no longer enough. I love them to death, my dance classes, but with every class I get this growing feeling - I don't want to dance someone else's dances, I want to dance my own, I want to make the world dance, I wish everyone would dance... Or at least those who want to and they don't for some reason. I can't wait to get my teaching certificate and return to the island and start teaching, suddenly it's become so important! I mean it's always been my goal, but it's getting more and more clear every day.
My vacation starts in one week and two days... The office melts my brain. I can't wait to leave it! The more i dance, the more I undertand that offices are not for me. People ask what I'll be doing when I'm off work. I say: "I'll be dancing" and they ask: "What, like all day long?" I hope so!!
In September, my dance teacher moves to another studio. I planned to work at my job till the end of September, and I used to go to my studio because it's close to work. Now that I'm eager to lose my job, I might have to tell them - either you let me off early or you'll have to fire me. So of course there is a chance that right after my vacation I'll go straight into unemployment. (Not bad news at all!) So either I would leave Moscow at the end of September, or I might look for a temporary simple job... Maybe it's time to search for a dance job.
See, it's like I think that I own my life, I dislocate my brain, trying to make my decisions about it, and then it takes a new turn, and suddenly it's not leaving me much of a choice.
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