Chii (yoursinsintome) wrote, @ 2003-12-06 21:08:00

Current mood:	confused
Current music:	Mandy Moore - I Wanna Be With You

~*~*~* WTF ~*~*~*
Ok

Kevin told me he loved me

REALLy loved me

this is seriously fucked up

I don't know what to think anymore. Everytime I think one way I'm forced to think another way.

Truthfully I was just trying to get over Kevin and move on but then he said that
AND he told me that as soon as he got into college we would be ok


but honestly WTF?

He can't not love me one day
and then love me another day

Seriously
He broke up with me
and I said fine

because I love the kid to death. He is not only or was not only my boyfriend but he was also my best friend.
I seriously believe that he's the one for me because I've never felt like this ever

and I know he feels bad about liking the other girl

and he said the reason he liked her was because she reminded him of me
because I asked him if she reminded him of me

THEN I came to the conclusion that he loves me but I can't be there for him all the time and this girl IS there for him and he's reminded of me by her BUT at the same time she's not ENTIRELY me so it's not the same

and he agreed with that

but it's like where do we go from here?
He already told me that he can't stop liking her and I don't want to force him. Forcing him most likely wouldn't work anyway but I don't want to pressure him etc. I don't want to be overprotective. I don't want him to sit at home and not go hang out with his friends because my brain forces me to think bad feelings

I don't want to make a big deal about it because I feel if I do I may make him really mad and then he'll decide to go out with her.

I mean I seriously love his kid to death. I never want to see him sad or in the state that he is now so I try and forget about us going out and I try to act like a friend to him.
but then he has to go and say he loves me...

In a way it kinda reminds me of a bible story
and I'm not religious at all

but that story about the two mothers to take the kid to the king and then kig decides to cut the baby in half but the real mother cries out and say that the other women can have her.

THAT story came to my mind
and I was just boggled

and that poem:

If you love something set it free
If it comes back it's your comes to mind to
and that's exactly what I am trying to do

and it's killing me

I would do ANYTHING for this kid and that is why I'm doing this even though it makes me sad
even though it hurts me
I'm doing this because I love him so much


ugh this is the weirdest situation I've seriously EVER been in

@_____________________@

Man I suck at life.

Anyways
http://www.deadjournal.com/users/solitaryecho

There's more of an explanation in there
Some of the stuff I wrote over in here but there's a whole lot more of how i'm feeling etc


I guess the only thing I can do is hope for the best and pray
yet again

even though I'm not religious

Christmas is coming

There should be a miracle right?

x.x

babyalyssa 2003-12-06 21:44 (link)

Guys... x_x;; I've learnt my lesson >.>; Don't trust a fickle-minded guy too much. I trusted a guy so much ... I believed every honeyed word he told me. In the end, all I get back was a tight slap on my face and some words of abuse. Trust your instincts, Chii. Get Kevin to take a stand or something, whether or not he -really- loved you and -will- continue to love you ... :) (Reply to this) (Thread)