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Heather (yellowflmngo15) wrote,
@ 2004-01-31 00:17:00
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    Current mood: confused
    Current music:The Starting Line-The Night Life

    Why me?
    Why does this always happen to me? I don't understand.....I wish fro once in my life that everything would be the way I want it, or something would go my way. I know I sound really selfish but I can't help it, I never get anything that I am truely interested in. Like I get the short end of the stick. I don't care how many guys say I am hott, good looking or anything I still wish I had everything like they say I do....I may not be totally rich but I also am not dirt poor. I don't want money, I just want happiness for once. To be satisfied in my life to be happy with the way things panned out or something. I just want something to go right. I've had plenty of blessings and I'm thankful for that but it seems like God never hears the ones I want the most, like they get pushed aside. I don't know if I'm trying to hard or what but I seriously wish it would change, just for a day. I mean in the past four months I've lost friends like crazy and only a few have managed to stick it out, they are my true friends and I love them to death for everything they do for me. I lost a girl who has been my "best" friend for almost two years, we got into a petty fight over something that I didn't even know we were fighting over, this is too stressful on me, I can't handle much more of this heartbreak or pain or whatever it is. I finally let it go and I have chosen not to speak to her just for the simple fact a best friend isn't there to hold your damn hand and make all your decisions for you, they are there for support and to help you through the desicions you made. I don't understand what is so hard for some people to grasp, including myself. The only thing going right in my life at the moment is sports, and that is because I worked my butt off for it.. I hope that goes good. Everyone is telling me to be patient, okay people, I don't know what the meaning of that word is!!! It's so hard for me to wait around for something good to happen to me, I want it to happen now!!! I know I worry too much about guys, and I'm trying to stop and I'm making an honest effort at trying to be friends with every guy I meet. They are all like attracted to me and I don't want to be rude or anything but I can't handle much more. I wish I was ugly or fat for a day so I could see what it's like. Like with my friend, I put her feelings all out there attempting to save them and when the tables turn she doesn't even bat an eyelid like oh I have what I wanted now, perfect guy woo hoo run off and leave your friend!!!! Yeah my mom told me about this kinda stuff when I was little but I had no idea it was going to be so rough for me. Thank gosh I have Ashley and Britain, I have no clue what I would do without them. I remember we stayed up until 5:30 in the morning watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and just talking. That impacted me so much I don't think they realize. I've became a completely different person since I met them, and everytime I leave thier house or after a long talk my day seems to brighten like they know what do to and I turn to them for advice. They are some of the truest friends in the world. I have no clue where or what I would be without their help. And what's worse is my grades are good but they are never good enough for me and this is really random but I have so many feelings bottled up inside I would like to scream. I was hoping tonight would have been better, seeing as I wanted Ash and Brit to come over and spend the night, that would have made it all so much better because I could be staying up late and watching Scooby Doo or something with them. They always make my life about 110% better. I am rambling on but I have no clue what to do with my life at this moment. They say high school is supposed to be enjoyable and a great experiance and so far all it is turning out to be is horrific, abusive and depressing I guess I will become immune to it one way or another. Well it's kinda late so I am going to sleep on everything I just said until tomarrow....G'nite all

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my dearest heather
2004-01-31 22:12 (link)
Heather .. . i will always be here 4 u .. and i know times get rough . .and trust me ive been there .. but just remember God is always listening to u .. and he hates when u hurt .. he may not solve problems as soon as u ask .. but he will solve them in his time . .u just have to trust in him. . and he is not the only one who loves u . .i love u a whole lot .. and i will never turn away from u .. thank u 4 all uve done . .ur an amazing girl!

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2004-02-07 14:40 (link)
sorry, but this was the most conceited journal entry i've read, in quite a long time. u know u dont want to be "fat"(you can be the judge on what fat is) and you enjoy it when any guy tells you you're hott. and who are these guys that seem to flock to you anyway?! my advice to you would be to stop pretending.

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Re: wow
2004-02-12 22:23 (link)
Hey Heath I luv u alotz!!This is Ash and I alwayz luv talkin to u cuz u seem to help me solve mah problems and when Im down sum of the things u say seem to bring a smile to my face.Dont me mad be glad.And like ur friend said god is always listening.I luv u thanks for being there for me when sumthing wuz wrong or I wuz having probs with Dane and Kyle whomever else I spoke to you about!!I LOVE YOU!!

Ash ~*~Happy Valeñtiñes day~*~ (I like the lil N's LMAO)

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