| Current mood: |  infuriated |
errrrrrrrr
Well I really need to vent and so here it goes…
I don’t get. I don’t even know if I cant put it into words. Alright well this is how it went. I met this really fantastic guy. And im sure whoever reads this read about it. And just as I thought, maybe we could have something; I go around and brush him off. I don’t call him, I stop hanging out with him, just like that. Its like my emotions dramatically changed. I don’t understand what happened. It was the more I thought about commitment the more I parted myself from him. I mean I want a boyfriend. I want the security of knowing someone is there for me. I mean yes I have great, wonderful, super friends that will be there for me. I know my mafia girls would always be there, but I wanted to someone there for me in ways they cant be. Not just physically but emotionally. I wanted someone to “love”. To tell you the truth, I don’t even know what im scared of. I know its high school and it’s a time to date and just have fun. But I feel like I cant even do that. Its like now everyone that “goes out” with someone thinks about marrying them now. I mean they go out and then they stay together for ages. That’s scary. Maybe its just me. Or maybe its that I haven’t found anyone to replace what I truly want. Maybe I still want it. Id liked to think I don’t. I guess I really don’t know any other explanation. I think I may be looking for perfection that isn’t there. Or expecting to much of someone that isn’t perfect and never can be. What I really don’t get is why im like this? Ive never been like this before. I never was quick to judge and I always got the chance to know people. And now its like I try and rush things hoping the feelings are there, and in the end I hurt someone. [I never meant to hurt you, what I did was stupid and I guess you’re the one that had to pay for me being a bitch, but I really didn’t mean to hurt you] I guess saying sorry never does change things. I could be sorry for the rest of my life and it doesn’t change a lot of things ive done. I guess ive learned from this. Maybe it was at the expensive of a really great guy who probably thinks im a bitch and never wants to talk to me. Lifes a bitch, and at this point, so am I…….IM SORRY
Xo me
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