|Current mood:|| blank|
I hide my pain so well no one would ever guess that inside I want to just leave this .
The broken glass from your picture frame crashed over my skin like a thousand razor blades .....the pain was the relief I needed. I needed a reason to cry....to pretend you weren't the one causing this hurt. My eyes were filled with tears that stung, I felt like I was going blind. Everything so blurry and distorted . Like my feelings....blurry and distorted is how I feel. I feel so empty and deprived .....
She asked about you, asked why the necklace had been removed from around my neck. " Did you break it?" She asked me over and over. I couldn't answer, I couldn't speak. If I opened my mouth I knew that the explination of why it was missing would cause me to cry uncontrollably once again.....I just looked at her, and I knew that she saw how I was feeling. How much hurt was running through me....the pain flashing behind my eyes.
It took so much to take it off. I was so used to feeling the cool metal against my warm skin; everytime I missed you I'd hold the heart dangling from it in my hand, and I'd know you missed me too, that you were thinking about me....I didn't even want to touch the gold of the chain, I knew that all the memories would come rushing back....I didn't want to face that reality that it's over. I just wanted this to be a silly fight , I wanted the words we had thrown at each other to mean nothing. I got up the strength to touch it, and as quickly as I could I tried to get it off. Trying my hardest to work the clasp open, but it was tough. I couldn't get it, my fingers kept slipping. Maybe it was because I couldn't stop shaking, or maybe it was because I shouldn't be taking it off....I shouldn't have to put it away...I should always wear it...
I just want to be left alone....I want the questions to stop....Don't ask me how I'm doing....
" Why are you upset?"
" I want to understand. Tell me."
You can't understand how I'm feeling.....it's something you don't understand unless you feel it yourself.
I put your pictures, the note, the box, the broken glass....everything....I put them all away.....out of sight....but not out of mind.
I miss your voice, your words, your " I love you's"........I just want to hear you tell me one last time that you love me.....
I won't even wipe away these tears. I swore I'd be strong, that I would accept this.....but I can't. My strength is you. My love is you. My everything is you.
*U*N*B*R*E*A*K* my :H:E:A:R:T:
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