|Current mood:|| okay|
|Current music:||the tv lol and typing|
i wrote this last nite and today durring study!
im so miserable on the inside. dillon's moving to Concord. this time its REALLY gonna happen. his mom got the papers for the apartment. im falling apart inside. i really am. i can tell im not gonna take him moving that far away well...AT ALL
i love him i really do. i mean i HATE kids and i want to have his children. i want to spend the rest of my life with him.
i dont think i'd be able to handle losing him. it feels like im starting or will have an emotional breakdown. im not gonna be able to talk to him because its long distance. i doubt ill ever see him until i get my licence cuz my mom sure as hell wont want to drive to concord to pick him up then to merrimack then BACK to concord to drop him off and then back to merrimack. thats 1 hour each way too...its an hour too Concord..rite? theres NO way in hell dillons mom will drive AT ALL not even one way. cuz one she hates me FOR NO REASON btw!! and 2 shes lazy.
hes perfect for me in everyway!! no one even understands; how much we love eachother, how close we are, how vulnerable i feel cuz i know he knows EVERY SINGLE thing about me, our relationship, how much in love we are, etc. no one cares either...but EH! it happens
i only write wen i feel strongly about something and dillon always ends up making me have STRONG feelings so thats a reason why all i write about is him. if people dont like it they can just fuck off, lol. i cant talk to anyone about him cuz i feel bad cuz hes all i talk about. i just wish i had someone i'd be able to talk to about him and trust that they really dont mind and wouldnt get irritated or depressed.
EEEEEEE!!! i just realized that WOW dillon and i have been together for 8 and a half months on friday the 5th (tomorrow) and thats longer than my now 2nd longest relationship, which was with jon for a total of 6 months. YAY! i cant believe dillons put up with; me, my bitchy-ness, me testing him, my jealousy, me pissing him off cuz i think its funny, my crazy-ness, my emo-ality (lol MY NEW WORD!! :D), my problems emotional and social (lol ive been trying to work on having friends), me being a control freak lol, me threatening his friends that if they make a move or try to make a move on him ill punch them in the face, my kinky-ness, my obsession with him, my obsession with sex 'n etc. ;). i cant believe hes put up with EVERYTHING! WHO THINKS WE'RE IN LOVE?!?! *raises hand* lol! i cant wait till our one year! OoOoOoO!! i wanna do something special for him for that aniversary...any ideas? i wanna do something romantic and something else thats ;) sexual ;) heehee :) feel free to suggest ideas thats why i asked :D!! alrite im done!!!
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