| Current mood: |  blah |
| Current music: | none |
Sittin here at my grandpa's. Nance, randy, Jordan, my Uncle Dave and my mom are here. We are watching Finding Nemo, lol. Yawn. Not a favorite. Had venisin and other good food for dinner. It was excellent. It feels good to spend time w/ my Grandpa. I really missed him. But even more i miss the old times. Now, it jus feels like my life is not in order. Im not where i wanna be. Nothing right now is right. But im going to fix it. It's just a matter of time. I miss my Gram alot too. I think about her every day and every night. Thats probably what i miss most about the old times. Jus coming up here to see her and my grandpa. I didn't need anything else, i was just happy. And i wish i could just be happy again. I would give anything for that. Maybe someday i'll have it again. I walk around here and it just feels empty w/o her here. It just seems like yesterday, i would walk in and give her a hug and kiss. And we would just talk, watch movies, spend time together, do w/e. It was always fun w/ her. She would make me corn muffins and french toast in the morning. She loved to do things for me. For anyone. She was would do anything to make sure everyone was happy. She was just a beautiful person. U see nothing like that today. No one gives a fuck anymore. And maybe why thats why i've turned into such a hateful person. Because i actually see the world for what it is. For what it is w/o people like my grandmother in it. Im bitter because i hate the way people are. It makes me sick to look at some peoples faces. It makes me sick to look at my own face sometimes. I hope that my grandmother can forgive me for the things i have done. I have let her down, and thats what hurts the most. My grandmother is the person i would never want to dissapoint and i know i have. Thats something i live knowing every day. Like a scar on my body it won't go away.
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